Sharing stories of emotional abuse, what made you feel better?

[Lovehel]

They are in band together.

 

He used to tease me about her before I found out other stuff, saying " what if I come home with lipstick on me etc.."

 

She sent him msgs with crying emoticons saying she misses him.

 

She says she falls in love with music every time she hears him. She feels cosy with him. That she has grown so much since she has met him.

 

He offered to cook for her when she was sick, they have been hanging out in his car alone.He has gone to doctors to get sick notes for her, saying "look how I take care of you". He said happy valentines day to her. I told him how weird it was, he said he is a good person and wanted to help her, and that I am just jealous. I found msgs he sent to his friend saying he wants to f*ck her, he has mixed feelings for her, he hasn't seen a signal yet, he passed it off as a dirty joke, and made me out to be over reacting, saying I don't get how men joke. He keeps seeing her behind my back for months now. He recently tried to get me to feel sorry for her saying she lives with a drug addict and has very little money.

 

whenever I bring up how betrayed I feel he says this is why I don't invite you, says I am immature. He makes me out to be crazy saying he doesn't get me, saying I don't make sense. Makes out he is lucky he puts up with my nonsense.

 

He is with her right now. I feel like he is just with me cause he can't be with her at this point. I have spent so much energy on this, at this point I don't want to meet her, or see him. I feel disrespected, unimportant, and excluded.

 

what would you do? I am thinking of throwing away a 6 year relationship for this?? Please give me your opinions and advice, thank you

[Satu]

Wash your hands of him.

 

He doesn't love you.

 

 

Take care.

[SpiralOut]

Yes, throw away the relationship. Don't waste any more time on him.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I would dump him.

 

Not only does he disrespect you and your feelings, but it actually sounds like he enjoys it. All these games with this girl sound very immature. Worse still, he has broken your trust, but doesn't value the relationship enough to try and fix it.

 

Six years is a long time to be with someone so I can see why you are hesitant to throw it away, but if you are going to commit yourself to someone they have to be willing to meet you half way and at a minimum treat you with kindness and respect.

 

There is no point giving your love and energy to someone who doesn't value it. Better to get out then waste another day on someone so unworthy.

 

You don't have to put up with this.

[Zahara]

whenever I bring up how betrayed I feel he says this is why I don't invite you, says I am immature. He makes me out to be crazy saying he doesn't get me, saying I don't make sense. Makes out he is lucky he puts up with my nonsense.

 

It's called gaslighting.

 

what would you do? I am thinking of throwing away a 6 year relationship for this?? Please give me your opinions and advice, thank you

 

Please leave. He does not love or respect you.

[mrldii]

OP, NO ONE can repeatedly disrespect you, without your permission. Stop giving him permission - and access - TO do it.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I can't add any better advice then the ones given. This man does not love or respect you...and YOU, my dear, are enabling this behavior by staying with him.

 

NO MAN, who loves and respects his partner would ever make her feel the way your bf makes you feel.

 

LEAVE HIM NOW. He is already 100% having an emotional affair and it wouldn't be a surprise if it's already gotten physical.

 

DUMP HIM NOW.

[d0nnivain]

Why don't you want to throw away this 6 year relationship? You know he doesn't respect you & he thinks you are immature. (You aren't; he's being a jerk). So why do you want to stay with a guy who doesn't even really like you? What's in this for you except more heartache?

[seekingpeaceinlove]

What a man does for a woman:

 

- Offers to cook for her when sick

- Does favors for her (ie: doctor's note)

- Plays music for her

- Sit in the car alone together to chat, etc

- Remembers her on Valentine's day and sends her a message

- Text each other affectionate messages

 

Read this list...again and again. Doesn't it sound like a man who has feelings for a woman? This man, your bf, is doing all the above for this woman. Right.in.front.of.your.face.

 

Can you imagine what goes on privately when you're not around?

 

Love yourself enough to walk away from someone who cannot even pretend to respect and care for you. He can't even fake that he cares about your concerns. No, he makes you feel like you're the problem.

 

OPEN YOUR EYES!!

[sandylee1]

Stop letting him disrespect you like this... it's crazy.

 

As it's already been said, he doesn't love you. No man would treat a woman he loved like this.

 

End this relationship. ..... and the abuse ends.

[candie13]

at best, he has been emotionally cheating on you with her. At worse, he already f*cked her.

 

if he prefers to see her knowing he hurts you... seems like he already picked sides.

 

I'd leave him. if you cannot, I would confront her. I'd stirr the **** so high that he'll either leave me for her or stop seeing her because of me.

 

if you want for things to change, you need to change something. Doing nothing is what got you so far. Think and act differently

[preraph]

For many men, juggling two women is more their dream than meeting one and living happily ever after. He's going to juggle as long as he can. Dump him!

[lychee]

Well theres a reason why he does all of that.

He knows you will let him.

He knows he can get away with everything.

cause you will let him.

You'll stay like you are now...

 

First things first tell him he has no respect for you for entertaining this girl and you will not stand up for that. He needs to stop ..otherwise you're gone. What he does next will show you how much he cares for you.

 

Good luck OP.

[Lovehel]

We broke up a few days ago after going out 6 years, cause he kept excluding me from a relationship he was having with a girl for a year, he teased me sexually about her saying she was wearing "pink panties" asked me to take part in a threes*me with her etc...yet refused to introduce me.

 

In texts I found she sent him msgs with crying emoticons saying she misses him.

 

She said she falls in love with music every time she hears him. She feels cosy with him. That she has grown so much since she has met him.

 

He offered to cook for her when she was sick, they have been hanging out in his car alone.He has gone to doctors to get sick notes for her, saying "look how I take care of you". He said happy valentines day to her. I told him how weird it was, he said he is a good person and wanted to help her, and that I was just jealous.He said to his friend he was waiting for a moment and signal to f*ck her, which he passed off as joke and me over reacting, since I love drama apparently. He would hide all her texts from me.

 

He knew I had a problem but made it out to be my own fault. I gave him an ultimatum and said if you meet her behind my back once more, were done. He did, and at 1 am he came to my house after jamming with her, they are in a band also and demanded to see me, saying all his friends think I am [horrible] and have no idea why he was with me. He warned me to come out or else he would be gone forever. I said go then.

 

He will not take any responsibility, he keeps texting me saying I am bipolar, I have trust issues, delusional, fixated on things that don't exist when she is just a friend, he is sorry I live in an imaginary world, I make life difficult for everyone that is why I have no friends etc...

 

it is really hard to hear these things, when I put up with his disrespect for so long, hoping it would change. Why won't he either apologize, admit he was wrong or leave me alone?

 

Is he a narcissist?

 

I am so confused and hurt, thank you.

Edited March 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Lovehel]

We broke up a few days ago after going out 6 years, cause he kept excluding me from a relationship he was having with a girl for a year, he teased me sexually about her saying she was wearing "pink panties" asked me to take part in a threes*me with her etc...yet refused to introduce me.

 

In texts I found she sent him msgs with crying emoticons saying she misses him.

 

She said she falls in love with music every time she hears him. She feels cosy with him. That she has grown so much since she has met him.

 

He offered to cook for her when she was sick, they have been hanging out in his car alone.He has gone to doctors to get sick notes for her, saying "look how I take care of you". He said happy valentines day to her. I told him how weird it was, he said he is a good person and wanted to help her, and that I was just jealous.He said to his friend he was waiting for a moment and signal to f*ck her, which he passed off as joke and me over reacting, since I love drama apparently. He would hide all her texts from me.

 

He knew I had a problem but made it out to be my own fault. I gave him an ultimatum and said if you meet her behind my back once more, were done. He did, and at 1 am he came to my house after jamming with her, they are in a band also and demanded to see me, saying all his friends think I am [horrible] and have no idea why he was with me. He warned me to come out or else he would be gone forever. I said go then.

 

He will not take any responsibility, he keeps texting me saying I am bipolar, I have trust issues, delusional, fixated on things that don't exist when she is just a friend, he is sorry I live in an imaginary world, I make life difficult for everyone that is why I have no friends etc...

 

it is really hard to hear these things, when I put up with his disrespect for so long, hoping it would change. Why won't he either apologize, admit he was wrong or leave me alone?

 

Is he a narcissist?

 

I am so confused and hurt, and there is part of me that feels ashamed I miss him somehow. Thank you.

Edited March 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[jen1447]

He's just an a-hole. The best thing you can do is cut him off completely. This is actually a great outcome right now as it stands, assuming he gives up trying to contact you after a while.

 

psst - there are ppl out there who won't treat you like that.

[Poppyolive]

Sorry you're going through this. This guy is mad because you gave taken control and left him. It's eating him up, hense the mean, bullying texts. He wants to break you down. You will never get an apology from this guy. Hurt people hurt.

 

I'm glad you left him. This guy completely disrespected you and does not care about you. He will keep going as long as you allow it. Please, block his number. Don't talk to him anymore. The quicker you do this the quicker you can heal. This is not good for you. Please, take care if yourself. Someone that loves and cares about you would never treat you like this.

[Firefly91]

I really hope you let him go as well. No one deserves that. Would you do that to him? Girllll I'm telling you as someone who was in an abusive relationship in the past....you will feel so much better if you rip the bandaid. I would cry daily over it but I wouldn't take him back and that's the best decision I ever made. Someone will love you and appreciate you and not do that to you. Even if that someone is just yourself for getting out of it. He won't say he's sorry because he's not and likes the control he has over your emotions.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm glad you guys are broken up.

 

Make sure it stays that way.

 

A LOT of cheaters try to shift blame and call you crazy etc. It's total abuse.

 

Google "gaslighting."

 

And oh yeah. Block him on everything.

 

And sure, sure "all of his friends say blah blah blah" yeah. Right. Because he presented you well and they all gave accurate accounts. Uh-huh.

 

Well, we all think he's a jerk.

Edited March 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote

[bathtub-row]

This guy is horrible. Please don't ever let anyone treat you in this way again. And please don't listen to his insane accusations. He's saying those things so that you'll doubt yourself. In case you need to hear it, yes he's verbally abusive. He's abusive emotionally also. Any guy that says and does these things is sadistic and cruel. Please don't speak to him anymore. He will do everything in his power to get you back, only to abuse you even more. And don't waste your time trying to make sense of it. Abusers are simply cruel and they enjoy being that way. There is no fix for this except to make them exit your life. I'm very proud of you for ending this relationship. I hope it'll stay that way.

[Lovehel]

We broke up a few days ago after going out 6 years, cause he kept excluding me from a relationship he was having with a girl for a year, he teased me sexually about her saying she was wearing pink underwear, he saw her thong, asked me to take part in a threes*me with her etc...yet refused to introduce me.

 

In texts I found she sent him msgs with crying emoticons saying she misses him.

 

She said she falls in love with music every time she hears him. She feels cosy with him. That she has grown so much since she has met him.

 

He offered to cook for her when she was sick, they have been hanging out in his car alone.He has gone to doctors to get sick notes for her, saying "look how I take care of you". He said happy valentines day to her. I told him how weird it was, he said he is a good person and wanted to help her, and that I was just jealous.He said to his friend he was waiting for a moment and signal to f*ck her, which he passed off as joke and me over reacting, since I love drama apparently. He would hide all her texts from me.

 

He knew I had a problem but made it out to be my own fault. I gave him an ultimatum and said if you meet her behind my back once more, were done. He did, and at 1 am he came to my house after jamming with her, they are in a band also and demanded to see me, saying all his friends think I am a b*tch and have no idea why he was with me. He warned me to come out or else he would be gone forever. I said go then.

 

He will not take any responsibility, he keeps texting me saying I am bipolar, I have trust issues, delusional, fixated on things that don't exist when she is just a friend, he is sorry I live in an imaginary world, I make life difficult for everyone that is why I have no friends etc...

 

it is really hard to hear these things, when I put up with his disrespect for so long, hoping it would change. He refuses to acknowledge my feelings, I feel so used, I just want to cry.

 

My grandmother passed away a month ago, I don't have her to call anymore which also makes me cry, she was my best friend. My father just got admitted to a psychiatric hospital for psychosis, again. My mother and sisters are so distant, I can't be in the same room as them the tension is so bad. I keep to myself in my room as everyone says they are walking on eggshells around me.

 

I just feel doomed, and so depressed. My whole life with my boyfriend was to escape my family, now I am stuck with them uncomfortably.

 

I live in an expensive city and cannot afford moving out, I was planning to do that with my ex.

 

I feel hopeless, what can I do?

[turnera]

Find a therapist and start going.

 

And thank your lucky stars that you're now free of this emotional [abuser].

 

Once you're away from him for awhile, you'll start to believe in yourself again.

Edited March 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lovehel]

We broke up a few days ago after going out for six years,

 

He used to sometimes pretend to play fight, which was actually about humiliating me, he would be walking behind and shove my shoulders with his hands, almost tripping me. Everyone would stare. I got upset, he said you could have done it back, it was a joke.

 

I would try and have a conversation in a restaurant about a problem, he would talk about womens bodies really loudly, use the word c*ck, t*ts, put his fist up to my face as the waiter was there. When I looked shocked, he thought it was funny and said grow up, you're so reserved.

 

He kept excluding me from a relationship he was having with a girl for a year, he teased me sexually about her saying she was wearing pink underwear, he saw her thong, asked me to take part in a threes*me with her etc...yet refused to introduce me.

 

He would hide all her texts from me, so I ended up looking, she said how much she missed him when she didn't see him for a week with crying emoticons.

 

She said how cosy she felt with him. How she fell in love with his music. How much she has grown since she met him.

 

He offered to cook for her when she was sick, they have been hanging out in his car alone.He has gone to doctors to get sick notes for her, saying "look how I take care of you". He said happy valentines day to her. He said I was just jealous.He said to his friend he was waiting for a moment and signal to f*ck her, which he passed off as joke and me over reacting, since I loved drama apparently.

 

I gave him an ultimatum that if he sees her again behind my back, were are done. He did and at 1 am he came to my house after jamming with her as they are in band and demanded to see me, saying all his friends have no idea why he was with me, they all think I am a crazy b*tch. He warned me to come out or else he would be gone forever. I said go then.

 

He texted me a few days later saying I am a monster. I replied saying stop deflecting, I have made my decision and to leave me alone. He went on to say I am bipolar, I have trust issues, delusional, fixated on issues that don't exist when she is just a friend, he is sorry I live in an imaginary world, I make life difficult for everyone that is why I have no friends etc...

 

I put up with his disrespect for so long, hoping it would change. Him and everyone in his life believe I am crazy, I feel so used and stupid for putting up with it for so long.

 

My self esteem is at an all time low. I would really appreciate hearing you're stories so I know I am not alone, and maybe what helped you feel better?

 

Thank you!

[turnera]

Read the book Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men by Bancroft. It will explain a lot.

[William]

Folks, it appears there's been some cross-posting going on and another moderator merged a number of threads. I cleaned up some language and you might find responses delayed. Please continue discussion of this topic in this thread. Thanks!