Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. I feel like I'm way more into him than he is me. I'm starting to feel like he misses his ex FWB. It makes me feel weird to even say that because if it's a FWB doesn't that mean you don't have feelings for them?? Well anyway this FWB was his FWB for years. We were all at a party tonight with his friends and his FWB came with her friends. They made angry faces at eachother like playfully. I tried not to get too jealous. Bottom line is this I overheard 2 conversations that bothered me. The first one was with her friend. He asked her friend how's her bf and her friend said good how's your gf? He said "she's alright. We are having problems already so it's not good". The second conversation was actually with her. She was walking by and he said to her "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FIGHT WITH ME OVER STUPID THINGS!! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!! WHY COULDNT YOU LEAVE THINGS HOW THEY WERE". She didn't have much of a response she just said his name like in an exhausted way. You know how you say someone's name to let them know they're being ridiculous?? When we went home I told him I heard what he said. He apologized so many times and said he's sorry and that I took what I heard the wrong way. I thought we were doing fine but maybe he's not happy. If a man is truly happy they don't cheat right? Or attempt to?? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Never mind the apology from him. Never mind the ex-FWB. Get to the root of the problem. What problems does he see already? If you took things 'in the wrong way', what way were you SUPPOSED to take them? Find out what he feels the problems are. Then decide whether it's worth the effort and time for you BOTH to address them. Cheating isn't the problem. Cheating is the result of the problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 What matters is that you heard these conversations...that should be enough evidence to do what you need to and let him go back to his FWB. Unless you'd rather wait around until he cheats. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 Never mind the apology from him. Never mind the ex-FWB. Get to the root of the problem. What problems does he see already? If you took things 'in the wrong way', what way were you SUPPOSED to take them? Find out what he feels the problems are. Then decide whether it's worth the effort and time for you BOTH to address them. Cheating isn't the problem. Cheating is the result of the problem. That's why I am confused because as far as I know we were fine. So is the problem he's not happy?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 What matters is that you heard these conversations...that should be enough evidence to do what you need to and let him go back to his FWB. Unless you'd rather wait around until he cheats. I mean I feel like I'm being paranoid. Because FWB means there were no feelings there Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I mean I feel like I'm being paranoid. Because FWB means there were no feelings there That's not true. Obviously, particularly on his part, there were very obviously feelings there. Or else why would he have asked her friend about his FWB? And why would he have said what he did, to her? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FIGHT WITH ME OVER STUPID THINGS!! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!! WHY COULDNT YOU LEAVE THINGS HOW THEY WERE" There was obviously a depth of feeling there which touched a nerve. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I agree that you have to ignore the ex FWB and concentrate on the fact that he's not happy. You say that you weren't aware of any problems......do the two of you never disagree? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 That's why I am confused because as far as I know we were fine. So is the problem he's not happy?? No the problem is he is going around telling people he isn't while not talking to you about it... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 I agree that you have to ignore the ex FWB and concentrate on the fact that he's not happy. You say that you weren't aware of any problems......do the two of you never disagree? I can't really ignore her because I feel like he's not happy because I'm not her Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I can't really ignore her because I feel like he's not happy because I'm not her You need to start communicating with your boyfriend. What problems does he feel you're having? If you won't ask him that question, then he's right - the relationship is in trouble. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 You need to start communicating with your boyfriend. What problems does he feel you're having? If you won't ask him that question, then he's right - the relationship is in trouble. I asked him and he said "you're taking what I said the wrong way" and I told him why would he tell her she ruined everything and he said "you don't even know what I was referring to!!" But I'm concerned because she got upset and broke it off with him because of me so could he be referring to the fact that she broke it off Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 You know what you heard. He said you were already having problems ... I don't see how that can be misunderstood really. I'd ask him what he meant and if he comes up with the same response that makes no sense ... then you need to back off and stop investing your emotions. If you aren't going to end things .. then I suggest you ensure you still go out with friends and don't make him the centre of your world. That way you won't be so shattered when he messes up ... and he will The face that he asked about what her BF is like is evidence that there are feelings. He was fishing to see how things were with her..probably to know if she may still be up for the FWB thing... so he was seeing what the competition was like/how her R was going. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 You know what you heard. He said you were already having problems ... I don't see how that can be misunderstood really. I'd ask him what he meant and if he comes up with the same response that makes no sense ... then you need to back off and stop investing your emotions. If you aren't going to end things .. then I suggest you ensure you still go out with friends and don't make him the centre of your world. That way you won't be so shattered when he messes up ... and he will The face that he asked about what her BF is like is evidence that there are feelings. He was fishing to see how things were with her..probably to know if she may still be up for the FWB thing... so he was seeing what the competition was like/how her R was going. No he was asking about her friends boyfriend because they know eachother the Ex FWB doesn't have a bf. She told him she did but I believe he said she was making that up. When he asked about a boyfriend he was talking to her friend. But still it upsets me that he told her friend that he isn't happy because I'm positive she told the ex FWB. And he has told friends in the past that the ex FWB was the best he's ever had in bed. They've had a lot of drama so I feel like maybe they had passion in bed which to me is almost like equivalent to having feelings. Idk I'm just not comfortable with her not to mention she's beautiful like stunning!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 It irritates me more because she walked by and he's like "there's my little friend". Ugh this is so frustrating!! Then asking her about fighting like they're a couple!! Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I don't give a damn if she looks like Shrek or a Victoria Secret model, he's not being truthful to you and making you doubt yourself...that's the issue. What he's doing is keeping her in his space. Eventually when he breaks down the walls she barely has up, he'll dump you like hot sauce in a laxative. When he does guess what he'll say, "I wanted to tell you a while back"/"I haven't been happy for a while"/"I need to sort out my feelings"/"I'm not ready for a relationship right now"/"There's just a lot going on and a lot of pressure". If he said you don't know what he was referring to then your next statement should've been, "well please enlighten me and let's discuss it". Beware of people like him who say one thing to your face and tell other people a different story... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 I don't give a damn if she looks like Shrek or a Victoria Secret model, he's not being truthful to you and making you doubt yourself...that's the issue. What he's doing is keeping her in his space. Eventually when he breaks down the walls she barely has up, he'll dump you like hot sauce in a laxative. When he does guess what he'll say, "I wanted to tell you a while back"/"I haven't been happy for a while"/"I need to sort out my feelings"/"I'm not ready for a relationship right now"/"There's just a lot going on and a lot of pressure". If he said you don't know what he was referring to then your next statement should've been, "well please enlighten me and let's discuss it". Beware of people like him who say one thing to your face and tell other people a different story... We just had an argument about 2 minutes ago and he said "you're so fixated on her!!" And I said no im going by your words and actions. And he said what are his actions and I said why'd he tell her she ruined everything and he said "because she did!!" And I said what did she ruin and he said that she fought with him so hard that they couldn't even be cordial and I asked why is it so important to be cordial with her and he said "so you'd rather me never talk to her?" Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 We just had an argument about 2 minutes ago and he said "you're so fixated on her!!" And I said no im going by your words and actions. And he said what are his actions and I said why'd he tell her she ruined everything and he said "because she did!!" And I said what did she ruin and he said that she fought with him so hard that they couldn't even be cordial and I asked why is it so important to be cordial with her and he said "so you'd rather me never talk to her?" You: Yep! That'll work.. Regis: Is that your final answer?! You: Yep! Final answer... Congratulations!!, you've just won your sanity back!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 You: Yep! That'll work.. Regis: Is that your final answer?! You: Yep! Final answer... Congratulations!!, you've just won your sanity back!!! Yeah I just said "how about you never talk to her?? Wasn't your relationship with her only physical??" He said "yes it was" and I said so why do you need to talk to her and he said "why can't I? What's your deal??" And I asked him why does he like talking to her and he said "she's a cool person I've slept with her for 3 years!! You think we didn't form at least a friendship?!" Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Well, he's a piece of work. Maybe it's time you cut the cord. Doesn't sound like he is willing to give her up. If you want to accept it, go ahead, but you'll only have yourself to blame at that point. Would he like you being cozy and bff with a guy you slept with?! I'd venture to say no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 Well, he's a piece of work. Maybe it's time you cut the cord. Doesn't sound like he is willing to give her up. If you want to accept it, go ahead, but you'll only have yourself to blame at that point. Would he like you being cozy and bff with a guy you slept with?! I'd venture to say no. I told him that how would he like it if it were vice versa!! To me being bffs with your ex FWB is bad first of all you find her attractive because you had sex with her for years!! Obviously he never got bored with her because I feel like he wants it again!! Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 No he was asking about her friends boyfriend because they know eachother the Ex FWB doesn't have a bf. She told him she did but I believe he said she was making that up. When he asked about a boyfriend he was talking to her friend. But still it upsets me that he told her friend that he isn't happy because I'm positive she told the ex FWB. And he has told friends in the past that the ex FWB was the best he's ever had in bed. They've had a lot of drama so I feel like maybe they had passion in bed which to me is almost like equivalent to having feelings. Idk I'm just not comfortable with her not to mention she's beautiful like stunning!! I see. Thanks for clarifying. It still stands that he said you guys are having problems... and who is he calling his 'little friend'? You? There comes a time when you have to know your worth and cut loose .... plus a guy who talks about his partners in that kind of sexual way.. is quite simply IMMATURE. He's more of a little boy than a man. A stand up sensible man won't talk about that to the extent that it would be heard by you. It's one thing to just tell one friend ... who would never spread it around.. but this shows he's not the type of guy to invest your time on. Like I said ... just pull back if you don't have the courage to end it.. I bet you dollars to donuts he's gonna sleep with his FWB again. It's not done between them . Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 It always astounds me that women are so willing to put up with this kind of behavior from men. Where is your self-respect that you would allow this to continue? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 It always astounds me that women are so willing to put up with this kind of behavior from men. Where is your self-respect that you would allow this to continue? I'm not attempting to let this continue!! This is the first time we've had an incident Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 I see. Thanks for clarifying. It still stands that he said you guys are having problems... and who is he calling his 'little friend'? You? There comes a time when you have to know your worth and cut loose .... plus a guy who talks about his partners in that kind of sexual way.. is quite simply IMMATURE. He's more of a little boy than a man. A stand up sensible man won't talk about that to the extent that it would be heard by you. It's one thing to just tell one friend ... who would never spread it around.. but this shows he's not the type of guy to invest your time on. Like I said ... just pull back if you don't have the courage to end it.. I bet you dollars to donuts he's gonna sleep with his FWB again. It's not done between them . He was calling her his little friend when she walked by he said "there's my little friend" because shes really tiny Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 If you read any of the FWB posts on LS you'll notice a common theme...someone always developed feelings and someone always wanted more. No relationship whether it is friends, lovers, or family, is without an attachment of some kind. Now you guys are at an impasse. Either he chooses the woman who is his girlfriend or he chooses his FWB. You will be fine if he chooses the latter. There are still good guys out there (like myself...Shameless plug lol) that wouldn't have a second thought about another woman when in a relationship. But letting a guy make you look stupid and then tell you you're crazy rarely ends in happily ever after. I've dealt with women who cheated on me and I learned that when someone shows you their ugly side (and we all have them), it's up to you to make a conscious decision whether you can live with it or not. I don't condone cheating ever. So even though they would never come clean, common sense tells you that no one gets involved with someone new within a week or two unless they were already in the picture. But that's just my experience. You have the full picture, you just have to stand back and get a better look...which I think you're realizing now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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