Author Katiedaniels Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 If you read any of the FWB posts on LS you'll notice a common theme...someone always developed feelings and someone always wanted more. No relationship whether it is friends, lovers, or family, is without an attachment of some kind. Now you guys are at an impasse. Either he chooses the woman who is his girlfriend or he chooses his FWB. You will be fine if he chooses the latter. There are still good guys out there (like myself...Shameless plug lol) that wouldn't have a second thought about another woman when in a relationship. But letting a guy make you look stupid and then tell you you're crazy rarely ends in happily ever after. I've dealt with women who cheated on me and I learned that when someone shows you their ugly side (and we all have them), it's up to you to make a conscious decision whether you can live with it or not. I don't condone cheating ever. So even though they would never come clean, common sense tells you that no one gets involved with someone new within a week or two unless they were already in the picture. But that's just my experience. You have the full picture, you just have to stand back and get a better look...which I think you're realizing now. I honestly think he likes maybe even loves her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 Ok I'll be honest and open up more. I'm worried about them because they have a terrible history of fighting. One fight even became physical. In the past they always started sleeping together again. My thing is, if it's only sex wouldn't he just leave her after all that drama?? They've been through restraining orders and all that before. They fight so bad and always make up and I feel like they have a bond and that he actually does love her Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 That's why I am confused because as far as I know we were fine. So is the problem he's not happy?? The problem is if he's not happy - he didn't tell YOU - he told someone else instead. A big boy tells each person how he feels about that person, not others. His inadequate way of communicating would ruin any relationship. Add in that he is pining after his last gal and I can't see one reason to see him any longer. Try dating a man who respects and honors only you. This guy isn't decent to you. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I'm not attempting to let this continue!! This is the first time we've had an incident You haven't answered the question. I'm sorry, at the point that he maintained he wanted to keep a connection with her, I would have told him "Well, you're a piece of work and if she wants you she can have you, because I don't. Get out of my life, sucker!" You are letting this continue because, I suspect you are comparing yourself to her, finding fault with yourself, yet still harnessing this misplaced desire to stay with him. She is not better than you. You're not her, she's not you. And that's perfect. Frankly, actually, I would probably have dumped him at the party.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Ok I'll be honest and open up more. I'm worried about them because they have a terrible history of fighting. One fight even became physical. In the past they always started sleeping together again. My thing is, if it's only sex wouldn't he just leave her after all that drama?? They've been through restraining orders and all that before. They fight so bad and always make up and I feel like they have a bond and that he actually does love her You know that they will sleep together again. They fight... but he says the sex with her is the best he's ever had ... that's the pull to keep going out. There is a lot of passion between them ... stop wasting your time with him. Like I said ..you know what you heard. How old are you both ? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 katiedaniels looking at the thread title, turn it around: How happy are YOU? If this guy is not ticking your boxes, or is ticking fewer, or leaves you feeling un-easy, unloved, insecure, unappreciated, in the dark.... seriously, don't you think that it really isn't a question of where he stands? It's where YOU stand, that matters. It's not even an issue of what you can tolerate. The question is - do you deserve to....? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 You know that they will sleep together again. They fight... but he says the sex with her is the best he's ever had ... that's the pull to keep going out. There is a lot of passion between them ... stop wasting your time with him. Like I said ..you know what you heard. How old are you both ? Me 25 him 29 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted March 30, 2016 Author Share Posted March 30, 2016 katiedaniels looking at the thread title, turn it around: How happy are YOU? If this guy is not ticking your boxes, or is ticking fewer, or leaves you feeling un-easy, unloved, insecure, unappreciated, in the dark.... seriously, don't you think that it really isn't a question of where he stands? It's where YOU stand, that matters. It's not even an issue of what you can tolerate. The question is - do you deserve to....? Honestly I was completely happy and to hear he's not happy, hurt me. And to see how he interacts with her was weird. It's like, he caters to me more but with her it's like he kinda lights up when she's around. They're always smiling at eachother about something. I know it's friendly just to smile but ugh you'd just have to see it for yourself like it's like they light up. Like for instance a guy asked her friend what time she was leaving the party and my BF asked friends with benefits "did you he act YOU That?" And she shook her head no because he was intact talking to her friend. Just the way they interact bothers me. I was honest with him today and told him that and he said "Katie we are just comfortable with eachother that's all. I've known her for a long time" Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Honestly I was completely happy and to hear he's not happy, hurt me. And to see how he interacts with her was weird. It's like, he caters to me more but with her it's like he kinda lights up when she's around. They're always smiling at eachother about something. I know it's friendly just to smile but ugh you'd just have to see it for yourself like it's like they light up. Like for instance a guy asked her friend what time she was leaving the party and my BF asked friends with benefits "did you he act YOU That?" And she shook her head no because he was intact talking to her friend. Just the way they interact bothers me. I was honest with him today and told him that and he said "Katie we are just comfortable with eachother that's all. I've known her for a long time" So have you still not asked him why he's telling people he's not happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 He is in love with her. I can smell it. They had a very unhealthy dynamic if they always fought and had to get restraining orders but the passion and depth of FEELINGS sound like they were off the charts. Often times, the most intense feelings and infatuations we have are for those unsuitable for us or those who cause drama and friction. I know, I am living it! I mean, we are best friends but we both have mental health issues that cause friction at times and honestly, yes it is more passionate than the "safe" options we had that went off without a hitch and no arguing whatsoever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 I had a FWB once. He later confessed that the GF he eventually picked was down to societal pressure and the fact he has battled hard with mental illness and the inability to love properly for so many years that he just felt it was "time" to be "normal" and get a gf. He readily admitted to me that he wished they had the spark we once had together (you know, drinking wine in bed together, crazy sex, opposing personalities and friction and mystery) but that she was a safer bet, they met at the "right time" despite the lack of fireworks. This is a common theme; it is a known fact that most of us do not end up marrying/settling down with the people we had the best sex with. SHE sounds like the one that he felt the most passion for, but you are the safer option who is unstainable long term (but less exciting). I would end it - the way a guy lights up..... if I caught my partner looking that way at any other girl, I would want to vomit right there and then. I would know it was the beginning of the end. Our end I am so sorry you had to see your bf interact with her. After 6 months it should be all sunshine and roses and hot passion still - you should not even REGISTER other women on his radar! Heck, 7 ish months in and my BF even tells me when young skanks hit on him when he is at work ( he is a truck driver with tats) The fact he TOLD someone you were not happy without first telling YOU about it, is a sole reason to end things by the way - much less the fact he is not in love with you (after 6 months if he is not head over heels, he never will be). Look, my ex ex Andrew was the biggest jerk. But even HE cut contact with me once he met "the One". And he was a guy who is chilled and laid back and saw NOTHING WRONG with chatting to exes - except he respects his gf too much to have any contact with me or his prior flings. Because when a guy meets " the One", the centre of his universe shifts and he just looses touch with the reasons as to why he wishes to remain in contact with exes. Andrew and I were good friends (we were great as friends just not lovers). We were INSANELY attached and we SWORE we would remain in contact and cried at the thought of being apart forever with no friendship. If he was in love with you for real (so the passion and chemistry laced with the great compatibility too) then he would absolutely not remain in contact. A 23 yr old perhaps would still chat to FWBS. A 29 year old knows better and tends to act better than a young guy in a serious relationship. Something tells me that if your bf met "the One", he would ditch the FWB for good. Just my honest take on this. Sorry if it is not what you want to hear. I didn't want to hear that my ex ex Andrew was not that into me, yet everyone on here told me the truth and I chose to ignore it - and got heartbroken when the inevitable happened. People on here speak the truth - in most instances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katiedaniels Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) The worst most disgusting unbelievable thing has happened. My BF is away on business and I checked his emails....I found a disturbing conversation and also a recording of them having sex recently The conversation was this basically: Him: you know if you just have patience and hang on we could be really great friends and have sex all the time Her: How will we communicate you blocked me?? We are going to have to save each others numbers under false names Him: I'll unblock you now and why do we have to save it under another name?? Because you have a BF?? Her: No I don't have a boyfriend Him: a guy ? Her: look I can save your name as you but you have someone so you're the one who has to hide Him: Fine Her: All I ask is that when we fight and argue you don't call me names. Him: ok I won't Her: and also I don't want to hear about or see your gf. I don't want you talking to our friends about her and I don't want you posting on social media about her. Him: I never talk about her anyway or post about her Now onto the recording basically I could hear them having sex. He told her he missed her several times. And basically after they were finished having sex he said how amazing she was in bed his mind seemed to be blown. Afterwards they were talking and she said "we've got to start having sex more" and he said "I've been trying" and she said that he hasn't and that all they do is fight and he said basically that SHE fights with him. And she playfully said ok I'll stop. This recording was an email he sent her and it said "look we accidentally recorded us" I'm appalled by how he let this woman tell him he cannot speak of his gf and that he cannot post about me or talk to his friends about me. AND he agreed !! What kind of power does she hold over this man. I could've sworn I was the girlfriend here!! I haven't confronted him yet about this. I consider us broken up and I'll be letting him know when he returns home Edited April 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language ~T Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 this woman holds so much power over him. It's not even like a mistress. Mistresses know their role. She told him he cannot speak of you or post about you and he agreed....Without hesitation it seems. And he's agreeing to this and following her orders for sex?? Not buying it. You realize she has nothing over his head and he still agreed to her demands. Just to have her stay around. He repeatedly disregards you. You're probably convenient to him. They have a deep connection and bond and I feel like this guy could be married and he'd still want this girl around. Don't allow yourself to be disrespected Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 So at least now you know. It was there all along - as all the posters pointed out. I'm glad you have solid evidence otherwise you probably wouldn't have believed it. Now - on to making a new and happy life on your own! I wouldn't bother with ANY conversation with him! He will only deny it. Block him after telling him simply "it's over - don't ever contact me again you big jerk!" No need to argue or explain - he will only waste time and energy at that point. Did I say blocking is useful? Oh yes, indeed it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 I haven't confronted him yet about this. I consider us broken up and I'll be letting him know when he returns home Why Wait? Don't confront...Ya gotta end this Space Ritual Classy...LOL Young Lady, after reading this thread i think you have suffered about enough indignity at the hands of this guy. After treating you the way he did, I would suggest a Scorched Earth Policy form here on out. If he has any thing at your place, pack it up in garbage bags, Take a picture of it. and then post it on Social Media announcing that since the FWB does not want your BF posting anything about you, that you would simply like to let her know that she is more than welcome to come over and get his stuff for him before he returns. Or that if she prefers she can just wait and have him pick it up. Including a copy of the recording of them screwing on disc should she prefer or unless you want to make copies of that and have a Facebook Event of her new CD Release Party...lol. Even if he does not have anything there,put some garbage bags out and take a picture of them and post em...lol. Don't even bother confronting him. Just embarrass the crap out of him and her too. They have screwed around and had a laugh at your expense for some time. Pay them back in their own coin. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 And yes I am prepared to get some blowback saying what an awful idea my scorched Earth Policy would be. I fully accept that and its not recommended for just any breakup situation. Just consider that in some cases the best way to get through to someone the severity of their action is to serve them a big steaming plate of comeuppance. Not every time, but in extreme cases it is the only way. I consider this one of those extreme cases. lol Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 When does he return and what's your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
ad4m Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 If a man is truly happy they don't cheat right? Or attempt to?? If anybody is truly happy in a relationship, they don't cheat. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
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