what's with this guy?

[h]

i'm engaged and confused about my fiance's behavior. he hasn't told any of his friends that we're engaged, even though we've pretty much completed our wedding plans. he doesn't speak to his friends by phone or email from home since we've become engaged - only from work. he also seems to be avoiding social situations with his friends where i'd be present lately - weddings, get togethers, etc.

 

we decided jointly to get married - he didn't propose, give me flowers or a ring or anything. we've been engaged for almost 8 months now and won't be married for another year. i'm getting really suspicious of his behavior and don't understand why he's acting like this. he was the one who talked about marriage, kids, etc. from the time i met him. now he doesn't seem to want anyone to know that he is actually going to be married. he has told a couple family members about our plans, but told one of them that it's "not official". i don't know how much more official it can get! he told me he didn't want to buy me a ring, that he would never propose to a woman, and that he felt that our descisions should be made jointly. he has never referred to me as a fiance, that i know of - only as his girlfriend. is he being honest with me? i don't get it and am totally confused. has anyone heard of this type of situation before? sorry this is so long!

[eric]

i'm engaged and confused about my fiance's behavior. he hasn't told any of his friends that we're engaged, even though we've pretty much completed our wedding plans. he doesn't speak to his friends by phone or email from home since we've become engaged - only from work. he also seems to be avoiding social situations with his friends where i'd be present lately - weddings, get togethers, etc. we decided jointly to get married - he didn't propose, give me flowers or a ring or anything. we've been engaged for almost 8 months now and won't be married for another year. i'm getting really suspicious of his behavior and don't understand why he's acting like this. he was the one who talked about marriage, kids, etc. from the time i met him. now he doesn't seem to want anyone to know that he is actually going to be married. he has told a couple family members about our plans, but told one of them that it's "not official". i don't know how much more official it can get! he told me he didn't want to buy me a ring, that he would never propose to a woman, and that he felt that our descisions should be made jointly. he has never referred to me as a fiance, that i know of - only as his girlfriend. is he being honest with me? i don't get it and am totally confused. has anyone heard of this type of situation before? sorry this is so long!

Maybe he just wants to keep it as a surprise with his friends. If you think he is having doubts, maybe you should confront him about it. If he is you as a couple should consider taking one of those pre-marital classes to see if you are ready to get married and are right for each other.

 

eric

[ashesmum]

You need to put it all out there for him to see. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be romantic anyways? He needs to know that women like to be swept off their feet, especially when proposing is in the works! And if he doesn't want to buy you a ring, tell him you want one. To show all the world how proud you are. As for his friends, I'm not sure, do they like you? How about telling him you're getting invitations out soon so that everyone will know you're both getting married. See what he says. Sounds like he's not into this ordeal for anything. Maybe asking him if he really wants to get married to you. And if so, then tell him how you want it to be. Weddings are suppose to be a special thing (mostly for women), so make sure he understands that. If he really loves you and wants to marry you, he should go with some of your plans. Good luck.

i'm engaged and confused about my fiance's behavior. he hasn't told any of his friends that we're engaged, even though we've pretty much completed our wedding plans. he doesn't speak to his friends by phone or email from home since we've become engaged - only from work. he also seems to be avoiding social situations with his friends where i'd be present lately - weddings, get togethers, etc. we decided jointly to get married - he didn't propose, give me flowers or a ring or anything. we've been engaged for almost 8 months now and won't be married for another year. i'm getting really suspicious of his behavior and don't understand why he's acting like this. he was the one who talked about marriage, kids, etc. from the time i met him. now he doesn't seem to want anyone to know that he is actually going to be married. he has told a couple family members about our plans, but told one of them that it's "not official". i don't know how much more official it can get! he told me he didn't want to buy me a ring, that he would never propose to a woman, and that he felt that our descisions should be made jointly. he has never referred to me as a fiance, that i know of - only as his girlfriend. is he being honest with me? i don't get it and am totally confused. has anyone heard of this type of situation before? sorry this is so long!

[sparkle]

First of all, before we talk about "what's with this guy", I want to know "what's with you"?????

 

?:

 

How could you even agree to marry a guy that you can't even communicate with?

 

You've been "engaged" for 8 months? How many times have you discussed this with him?

 

Have you asked him why he hasn't told his friends?

 

Have you asked him why he told some family members that it's "NOT OFFICIAL"???

 

Have you asked him why he doesn't refer to you as his fiancee?

 

I really want to know the answers he gave you to all of the above questions. And if you didn't ask him these questions, WHY NOT??? If you don't feel comfortable enough to talk to your future husband about things like this, how can you even let yourself marry him?

 

I see a gazillion big red flags all over the place. I don't even know this guy, and I'm getting work

 

...

 

Now on the other hand...maybe he has told his friends (which I really doubt) and you're just not aware of it. And maybe you misheard when you thought he told a family member that it's not official (although I doubt this also).

 

Casually bring this subject up.

 

Tell him you want to throw an engagement party, inviting his family and his friends as well. If he really wants to marry you, he'll agree to this. This should be a time of celebration, and he'll want to let everyone know.

 

If he says he doesn't want to do this...or makes any excuses for it, I would really think twice about marrying this guy. When he objects to throwing a party, this is the PERFECT time to ask him all of the questions above.

 

I'll be waiting to hear his answers...