A True story and I think I have made the right choice

[anyonecandoit]

Not sure whether I should post my story somewhere online, but I have suffered so long and have been under pressure for a long time. Finally, it has ended. And I need to move on with my life.

 

It happened in the office. One day I noticed a man in the office always staring at me. Then I noticed something different. He seemed to be so passionate about me and tried to let me know it. I was single and thought this man seems to be OK(but I haven't checked his background yet cuz literally we don't know each other before). Then I tried to make eye contact with me. After that it seems that day by day he got more and more interested in me and we made more and more eye contacts. But he didn't want to take any actions.

 

Then one day, I discovered that he has girlfriend. From then on, I stopped everything with him. He seemed to not want to give up and still try to get my attention. But after talking to my best friends, I know I need to get out of this messy situation.

 

Then one day I've heard he got engaged. Actually I was pretty devastated at that moment. The reason is that I have to face this man everyday in my life and I've had feelings. I cried to my best friend weekends after weekends(but not in the day in the office cuz I cannot do this any way). But I know for sure I need to leave. I stopped showing up in any places that we could possibly meet. But his interest seemed to be more and more intense(I'm not making up here. I trust my own feelings. He was trying to find every opportunity to get close to me). And I believe that he has told the people in his team about it(which I think is very very annoying). But the strange thing is that whatever he tried to do, he never took any actions. I talked to my best friend and she said he is so obvious that he waited for you to take any action first. Then one day I really cannot take it any more and I asked him, "do you want to talk about it"? Then the answer I got from him is "This is insignificant and if I want to talk about it, we can talk to HR about it". At that moment, I truly realized that he is just such a jerk!

 

It has been such a torturing experience for almost two years now. Right now I'm getting better out of my life. I made a few goals in my life and am on my way to achieve them and I feel my life is fulfilled and I don't have to feel being hurt everyday.

 

I left the mess completely without ever letting anything happen. I even didn't talk to this guy. I think I have done the right thing here. Even my best friend says, "I'm so proud of you for doing this. I know how much you have suffered and you don't even have anyone to talk to about it, but you made it!"

 

So actually, I have some doubts that I really want to ask. If I ever messed up with him, do you think he will ever leave his fiancee? All his friends, relatives and the coworkers in the office know his engagement. How do you guys look at this?

[TaraMaiden2]

......

So actually, I have some doubts that I really want to ask. If I ever messed up with him, do you think he will ever leave his fiancee?

Don't even think about it. "Mess" is the right word. You really don't want to go there. His comment about HR is ridiculous. Leave him alone.

 

All his friends, relatives and the coworkers in the office know his engagement. How do you guys look at this?

I look at it that he's engaged, he's an idiot, and you should just walk away.

 

That's it.

End of story.

Nothing else.

[anyonecandoit]

Right now I completely cut ties with everyone related to him, no matter what other people talk about me, whether they say I'm cold-blooded or whatever. I don't hang out with anyone in his friend's circle or anyone who even has any little bit relationship with him. F**K it! You guys just want to gossip, but have you ever tried to put yourself in other people's shoes?

[anyonecandoit]

Don't even think about it. "Mess" is the right word. You really don't want to go there. His comment about HR is ridiculous. Leave him alone.

 

I look at it that he's engaged, he's an idiot, and you should just walk away.

 

That's it.

End of story.

Nothing else.

 

Thanks. I feel so bad for a long time and it has really taken me down! My best friend told me that you were such a strong person that nothing could have ever taken you down previously. I really don't want to see you like that.

 

Actually, I'm still not fully recovered but I'm trying very hard to.

[anyonecandoit]

Actually, I'm thinking about how I can walk out of this completely. I know I'm trying so hard, but it still hurts. I want to get out of it as soon as possible. But I don't just want to date different guys everyday. I have my own bottom line and my own dignity.

[TaraMaiden2]

Where are you from?

Because either you are making a massive deal over nothing (it looks as if, from your first post, you actually had almost no verbal contact with the guy at all... and this fantasy of dating/messing with him is really more in your head than any possibility).

 

Why would he suggest going to HR to deal with this issue?

Is there something you are not admitting?

Have you chased him at all?

 

What happened between you two? Because if this is the whole story, then you are building a fantasy around him.

I think there may be more to this than meets the eye at the moment.

[Louisesarah]

I don't really understand.

Nothing happened,you didn't talk,you didn't Kiss,you didn't sleep together.

You made eye contact? I make eye contact with people everyday but i don't have romantic feelings for them.

Unless other things went on that you haven't said then I think your the one making a big deal over nothing..eye contact?

[anyonecandoit]

Where are you from?

Because either you are making a massive deal over nothing (it looks as if, from your first post, you actually had almost no verbal contact with the guy at all... and this fantasy of dating/messing with him is really more in your head than any possibility).

 

Why would he suggest going to HR to deal with this issue?

Is there something you are not admitting?

Have you chased him at all?

 

What happened between you two? Because if this is the whole story, then you are building a fantasy around him.

I think there may be more to this than meets the eye at the moment.

 

I want to say that it is definitely not me building the fantasy. I admit that I had feelings about him, before I know he has girlfriend. But there are some details that I don't want to go deeper because I don't want to reveal my identity.

 

The fact that he is pursuing me while in a relationship and while in engagement is well-known among the co-workers, not just me. A lot of people in the office know this. So I would definitely say that I'm not building a fantasy in my mind. It is just that it is hard to meet someone with such a strong feeling that I don't think I can get rid of easily.

 

Yes, I admit that he is a jerk. I think what he is really thinking about is that he just wants to play with me for a while before he settles down.

Edited March 30, 2016 by anyonecandoit
more details

[anyonecandoit]

I don't really understand.

Nothing happened,you didn't talk,you didn't Kiss,you didn't sleep together.

You made eye contact? I make eye contact with people everyday but i don't have romantic feelings for them.

Unless other things went on that you haven't said then I think your the one making a big deal over nothing..eye contact?

 

Have you seen people stare at you in whatever place when you're together and just look at you all the time? I am not making up things.

[TaraMaiden2]

I want to say that it is definitely not me building the fantasy. I admit that I had feelings about him, before I know he has girlfriend. But there are some details that I don't want to go deeper because I don't want to reveal my identity.

You think people you know are reading this?

It's extremely unlikely.

I'm not asking for specific details, just country or nationality.... but I guess it doesn't matter much really.... I can just tell English is not your first language, i think....

 

The fact that he is pursuing me while in a relationship and while in engagement is well-known among the co-workers, not just me. A lot of people in the office know this. So I would definitely say that I'm not building a fantasy in my mind. It is just that it is hard to meet someone with such a strong feeling that I don't think I can get rid of easily.

Yes you can.

He's engaged yet pursuing you? He's a fraud, a cheater and a jerk.

Think of it this way. If you were his fiancee, would you be happy or proud of what he's doing?

You'd be very angry, wouldn't you?

 

Well thank goodness you are not that woman.

You dodged a bullet, as we say.

You got off lucky.

He's a character, and think of it this way: If he would cheat WITH you - he would also cheat ON you.

 

He is not quality material.

I feel sorry for his fiancee.....

[anyonecandoit]

You think people you know are reading this?

It's extremely unlikely.

I'm not asking for specific details, just country or nationality.... but I guess it doesn't matter much really.... I can just tell English is not your first language, i think....

 

 

Yes you can.

He's engaged yet pursuing you? He's a fraud, a cheater and a jerk.

Think of it this way. If you were his fiancee, would you be happy or proud of what he's doing?

You'd be very angry, wouldn't you?

 

Well thank goodness you are not that woman.

You dodged a bullet, as we say.

You got off lucky.

He's a character, and think of it this way: If he would cheat WITH you - he would also cheat ON you.

 

He is not quality material.

I feel sorry for his fiancee.....

 

Actually I believe his fiancee and her family know about it now. But her family has chosen to let it go. This guy is much richer than her and her family, because she probably cannot find a descent job and afford a home if she leaves him.

[Louisesarah]

Have you seen people stare at you in whatever place when you're together and just look at you all the time? I am not making up things.

 

I just know how easy it is to take things the wrong way.

Maybe it was boredom and he didn't mean anything by it,maybe he was staring as he found you attractive.

[Louisesarah]

Actually I believe his fiancee and her family know about it now. But her family has chosen to let it go. This guy is much richer than her and her family, because she probably cannot find a descent job and afford a home if she leaves him.

 

His fiancé and family know about what?

[anyonecandoit]

His fiancé and family know about what?

 

 

Knows that he is trying to mess around.

[TaraMaiden2]

What difference does that make? It proves he's an idiot.

You want to have the reputation of a girl who messes with an attached guy, while his whole family knows about it?

 

Is this a cultural thing?

Jeesh......

[anyonecandoit]

I don't really understand.

Nothing happened,you didn't talk,you didn't Kiss,you didn't sleep together.

You made eye contact? I make eye contact with people everyday but i don't have romantic feelings for them.

Unless other things went on that you haven't said then I think your the one making a big deal over nothing..eye contact?

 

Or I can say it this way(and my best friend agrees with me as well), if you agree to sleep with him after work, he will definitely agree. But whether he will take the responsibility, nobody knows.

[TaraMaiden2]

You are making no sense now.

Have you had sex with him?

[anyonecandoit]

What difference does that make? It proves he's an idiot.

You want to have the reputation of a girl who messes with an attached guy, while his whole family knows about it?

 

Is this a cultural thing?

Jeesh......

 

That's why I walked away. That's why my friends told me to walk away. I just feel hurt.

[TaraMaiden2]

Why be hurt?

You got off lightly!

If nothing at all happened between you, then you're building this up to be greater than it is.

If he's an idiot, be glad you are out of it!

[anyonecandoit]

Why be hurt?

You got off lightly!

If nothing at all happened between you, then you're building this up to be greater than it is.

If he's an idiot, be glad you are out of it!

 

Because for a while, everyone in the office is talking about this. And I have to see this guy everyday. And suddenly I stopped having any kind of contact to anyone in the circle. I feel like I'm a loser that I cannot handle this well. I hate other people to look at me in a different way. I really hate it!!!

Edited March 30, 2016 by anyonecandoit
more details

[anyonecandoit]

There are some people in the office that really don't know about anything. And they believed it was probably me tried to seduce him. But actually I'm not and have never been and will never be.

Edited April 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[anyonecandoit]

If there are more details, yes, they're local and I'm a foreigner. A lot of people in the office have been around this area maybe from when they were born.

[Poppy47]

YOu aren't making any sense.

 

Nobody can support you if you don't tell the problem accurately.

 

Poppy.

[TaraMaiden2]

Basically, she's a foreigner but where, we don't know, and where she's originally from, we don't know.

I can only GUESS that actually, far form having very little contact with him, the OP began an emotional affair with this guy, and while it didn't get physical, it became obvious and intense enough for others to notice.

Then somehow, she discovered he has a fiancee.

It seems as if the impending marriage could be one of convenience, because he is rich, his fiancee isn't, and apparently she, as well as the whole family, knows about his behaviour.

Now the OP has distanced herself from this man, but is feeling upset about his behaviour.

People in the office are now gossiping and talking about the issue.

 

anyonecandoit: The moral of this story is:

ONE: Never date or become connected on a personal level with someone at work, whether they are a colleague or a superior.

Ever.

 

TWO: Find another job as soon as you can.

 

Finished.

[anyonecandoit]

Basically, she's a foreigner but where, we don't know, and where she's originally from, we don't know.

I can only GUESS that actually, far form having very little contact with him, the OP began an emotional affair with this guy, and while it didn't get physical, it became obvious and intense enough for others to notice.

Then somehow, she discovered he has a fiancee.

It seems as if the impending marriage could be one of convenience, because he is rich, his fiancee isn't, and apparently she, as well as the whole family, knows about his behaviour.

Now the OP has distanced herself from this man, but is feeling upset about his behaviour.

People in the office are now gossiping and talking about the issue.

 

anyonecandoit: The moral of this story is:

ONE: Never date or become connected on a personal level with someone at work, whether they are a colleague or a superior.

Ever.

 

TWO: Find another job as soon as you can.

 

Finished.

 

Basically what you have described is what has happened. But I cannot leave my job right now because of some visa issue. I have tried to find another job for a long time. I have even tried to leave this place as well. But I need this job right now to support my family. I just think I'm so humiliated by this. I really tried to stay as far as I can. I think I will have no hesitation to quit once the visa problem is solved.

 

Yes, this guy is a jerk. Even if today, he tried to approach if given opportunity. But I've put up a wall there that I don't think anyone could break it without any legit reason. This is a small place. I don't want everyone to talk about me some time in the future.