I knew it was bad but I did it anyway and now I don't know what to think

[giggledidoo]

I know it's bad, and I know I shouldn't have done it but it's too late now...I've snooped at my boyfriends computer and messages.

 

He is a really lovely guy and cares about me a lot and says he wants to move in with me and be with me for a long time. The problem? He is so secretive! He has always refused to talk to me about his past (he has only mentioned 1 ex girlfriend who was serious but never elaborated) and he won't let me on his computer. Naturally I got suspicious.

 

After telling me his netflix password I tried it out on his other accounts...

 

Granted, since he's been with me there is nothing to suggest he is speaking to other girls. However on facebook I have seen several conversations with many very pretty girls in the last year, up to and overlapping when he got with me. One of these inclues a girl he works with now. I see the same compliments (and I mean the exact same), the flirtations he used with me, and quite explicit sexual chat that he never did with me. I have also seen suggestive and naked pictures of these girls on his computer (they have not been deleted).

 

I know I've done this to myself bit what am I to think?? Am I overreacting? Should I just fess up to him? I was hoping this would settle the thoughts in my head but they've been made so much worse

[LoveRefreshed]

The way you've laid it out, it seems a little confusing.

 

He never gave an indication of cheating.

He is secretive.

You snooped and found:

Recently he talks about how much he loves you and he wants to move in with you

Before you started dating he flirted with other women and had naken pics of them

After you started dating the flirting convos dwindled and stopped?

 

What is the problem? Are there naked photos or anything excessively flirting AFTER the time you guys had a conversation about becoming exclusive?

 

I don't really see what he has done wrong... only that you've snooped his stuff and are mistrusting since 'he never gave you any indication to think he's cheating'. So you are naturally mistrusting and cynical. Have you been cheating on?

[smackie9]

This stuff had happened before you were officially serious, so that's OK BUT I would be disappointed at his treasure trove of naked photos of these other women and the fact he never bothered to delete this stuff. I'm a true believer that there is no need to keep old messages and crap from the past, you know....to clean the slate when someone new enters your life. Him being secretive, well that would make anyone feel nervous....how someone behaves is key.

 

I myself would never date someone who is "secretive". I don't agree with snooping or sharing PWs and all that crap, but if there is shady behavior that is encouraging one to investigate, this would be a dealbreaker before anything gets off the ground.

 

It's one thing to look at porn, but it's another to look at nude photos of women he knows and interacted with......I guess you could confront him, but be prepared for big changes in your relationship. How you play this will dictate the outcome. Good luck my dear.

[66Charger]

I have my "collection" in a email folder labeled "old". If my future SO were to peep in this folder, she might not like it, however everything is dated. Would I delete this folder for anyone? No. It is my history. I guess I save them for when I am old and unable.

 

Either way, it is the past and thats where it belongs.