Please help me!

[eric]

Hey, my name is eric. My girlfriend of almost 21 months, all of the sudden told me the other night that she thinks that if we get married, i'm going to be a burden. But we don't plan on getting married until i'm out of college. She is 1 year and 3 months older than i am. She also said that sometimes she feels trapped in our relationship. I told her that i won't be a burden, i'm going to college and i'm going to get a good job when i get out. About being trapped, i told her and she knows that she can do anything with any of her friends anytime she wants. If she wants time off from me, all she has to do is let me know. I don't understand whats going on? We were doing so fabulous before this. Now, she's not emailing me back or calling me back. I talked to her on the phone this morning and i asked her whats going on. She said "i don't know" and when i asked her if she still wanted to be my girl. She replyed "i don't know". I love her more than anything and i want to make this relationship work out. I just don't know what to do! Help me please!

 

love,

 

eric

[ashesmum]

Do you guys see each other frequently? Sounds like to me while you're getting your future together, she's flaking off. You sound like a great guy, I don't know why she'd use those lame excuses on you. Maybe she's looking to make it your fault why she doesn't want to see you anymore. Or maybe she's just a real messed up chick. Do you really want to be with someone that can't make up her mind and use lame excuses not to be with you. Have you asked her if maybe she has something on the side? Go find yourself something better. someone that is looking for the same things in life as you are. Good luck.

Hey, my name is eric. My girlfriend of almost 21 months, all of the sudden told me the other night that she thinks that if we get married, i'm going to be a burden. But we don't plan on getting married until i'm out of college. She is 1 year and 3 months older than i am. She also said that sometimes she feels trapped in our relationship. I told her that i won't be a burden, i'm going to college and i'm going to get a good job when i get out. About being trapped, i told her and she knows that she can do anything with any of her friends anytime she wants. If she wants time off from me, all she has to do is let me know. I don't understand whats going on? We were doing so fabulous before this. Now, she's not emailing me back or calling me back. I talked to her on the phone this morning and i asked her whats going on. She said "i don't know" and when i asked her if she still wanted to be my girl. She replyed "i don't know". I love her more than anything and i want to make this relationship work out. I just don't know what to do! Help me please! love, eric

[sparkle]

Hi Eric,

so fabulous before this. Now, she's not emailing me back or calling me back. I talked to her on the phone this morning and i asked her whats going on.

Well if she's not making an effort to get in touch with you, don't waste your time and energy chasing after her. That will only drive her away.

She said "i don't know" and when i asked her if she still wanted to be my girl. She replyed "i don't know".

She's TELLING YOU she doesn't know if she wants to be your girl. And if you keep telling her how much you love her and want to be with her, she's just going to think you're pathetic and won't want to talk to you. Don't chase after her. Let her go.

 

You called her back this morning to ask what was going on.

 

Now don't call again. Let HER call YOU. Trust me, if you call her again, it's not going to make anything better. On the other hand, if you act like this isn't really affecting you that much, if you don't call her, leave her alone for a few days, she will call you back.

 

So ignore her. Don't call her. Wait until she calls you. Act like you don't want to waste your time chasing after her if she doesn't even know whether she wants to be with you or not. Be patient and force yourself to have tremendous self-control. She may not call today, she may not call tomorrow. But soon, she's going to drive herself crazy wondering WHY you haven't called. Because I'm sure she knows that you're pressed for her and you want her back.

 

And she will call you. When she does, don't let the conversation drag on. Right away, ask her what she wants. Tell her something along the lines of:

 

"I don't have the time to sit around waiting for you to figure out what you want. You either want to be with me or you don't. If you want to break up, then tell me now. Maybe after a little while, you decide that you do want to be with me, then call me up. But there's no guarantee that I'll still be here or available for you."

 

Don't tell her how much you love her etc...I'm sure you've already told her that. She knows that.

 

After you talk to her, come back here and let us know what she said and how things went.

love, eric

Love you too!

 

[Sally]

I know you really like this girl and you're confused, but honestly it's most likely because she's met someone else. It doesn't necessarily mean she's dating another guy or is actually going to get this guy, but she's at least met someone that she's infatuated with and she's comparing you to him. What tells me this is that she's acting like this all of a sudden just out of the blue. If over a period of time she had been pulling away from you, that would be different. What tells me that she's not with and is just infatuated with someone else, is that she's basically cutting you off and being cold. If she actually was dating someone else, she'd be struggling and going back and forth with confusion. Therefore, she'd be telling you she loved you one day and distancing herself the next.

 

Now the best thing you could do is to let her have her little whatever and whatever you do, don't beg...it's so unattractive. If she's cutting you off, cut her off. And DO NOT call. What makes her think or gives her the right to call you a burden, when you are perfectly willing to give her space. I bet your mother doesn't think you're a burden. Giving birth to you was probably the most happy day in her life. I'm sure there are many people (and women you haven't even met yet) that will think you're a pleasure to be around. If you're a burden (What a terrible thing to tell someone you love) then unburden her. Give her what she wants. Believe me, she'll wonder where you are and why you're not chasing her. It's human nature to want what you can't have. Boy will she regret calling you that, and then she'll be begging for you to burden her again. But by that point, you'll have met someone else - I hope.

[eric]

I know you really like this girl and you're confused, but honestly it's most likely because she's met someone else. It doesn't necessarily mean she's dating another guy or is actually going to get this guy, but she's at least met someone that she's infatuated with and she's comparing you to him. What tells me this is that she's acting like this all of a sudden just out of the blue. If over a period of time she had been pulling away from you, that would be different. What tells me that she's not with and is just infatuated with someone else, is that she's basically cutting you off and being cold. If she actually was dating someone else, she'd be struggling and going back and forth with confusion. Therefore, she'd be telling you she loved you one day and distancing herself the next. Now the best thing you could do is to let her have her little whatever and whatever you do, don't beg...it's so unattractive. If she's cutting you off, cut her off. And DO NOT call. What makes her think or gives her the right to call you a burden, when you are perfectly willing to give her space. I bet your mother doesn't think you're a burden. Giving birth to you was probably the most happy day in her life. I'm sure there are many people (and women you haven't even met yet) that will think you're a pleasure to be around. If you're a burden (What a terrible thing to tell someone you love) then unburden her. Give her what she wants. Believe me, she'll wonder where you are and why you're not chasing her. It's human nature to want what you can't have. Boy will she regret calling you that, and then she'll be begging for you to burden her again. But by that point, you'll have met someone else - I hope.

When she said about me being a burden, i have this gut feeling that it was her parents talking in her head. She respects her parents a whole lot and listen to everything they say and take it into consideration. I'm afraid that her parents are saying this stuff to her. I asked her if that was it and she said it wasn't. I believe her, but i think they said the burden thing a while ago and she has just been thinking about it.

 

thanx. eric.

[Sally]

No. I don't think it's just what her parents are saying, I think she's describing how she may feel (keep in mind her parents probably know what's going on in her head, because she's telling them)and her parents may be summarizing it for her in one word. Something like "Honey, do you mean to say that you think he's a burden." Her parents only know what she tells them. They could only tell her how she's feeling, if she's vocalized it herself.

 

Another thing, parents can have an influence on their children, but when it comes to the heart - NO ONE listens to anyone. This girl is going to do what she wants no matter what her parents say. So really, it doesn't matter if they're trying to influence her or not. I respect my mother and father with all my heart. I love them to death, and I never listen to them, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. It's called being an adult and making your own decisions. They could tell me somebody was burdening me until I was blue in the face, and unless I genuinely felt it, I would ignore them. When you are in love with someone, all reality goes out the window along with other peoples input. Believe me when I tell you the parents aren't even and issue. It's the girl. I'd just try to do what I suggested - give her the space she wants. You won't have to burden her anymore. That's when she'll call you.