negative mentality

[Johnsmith1003]

Wife and I share a common trait; we complain. We complain because, until now, we have had a streak of bad luck, or so we thought. We revel in our shortcomings because growing up nothing was celebrated only chastised. Negative mentality. Well she has worked hard and landed a very high paying job in the county. I'm proud of her because she's worked hard and she's only 22. We're both shell shocked. I have noticed though that we don't give it the time of day as we do heartache. I don't know how to change this way of thinking where we congratulate ourselves where congrats is due instead of treating it like something trivial and anyone could have gotten it. If unchanged this will lead to a depressing life.

[TaraMaiden2]

"BE the change you want to see in the world."

 

Notice negativity as it arises, and transform it.

Transform yours and seek the plus side in hers.

 

You have your own mind.

Change it.

[Satu]

"BE the change you want to see in the world."

 

Notice negativity as it arises, and transform it.

Transform yours and seek the plus side in hers.

 

You have your own mind.

Change it.

 

Sometimes happiness is just one thought away

[basil67]

Wow - congrats to your wife. And I think it's terrific that you've been able to identify this issue of negative thinking. Armed with this insight, you can make your world a much more pleasant place.

 

If you want to start a new outlook, may I suggest that the two of you each make a point of being grateful or happy about one thing each day?

[Justanaverageguy]

Based on what you have said - you are already 50% of the way to resolving the issue. You understand the issue and even better you also understand that the negative mindset is essentially a pattern or habitual way of thinking you have conditioned yourself into. Its not because you want to think that way - its because you have made it your subconscious default. Now its easy for people to look at that and just say OK so just stop being negative and look on the bright side of life or just notice your being negative and stop, become more mindful etc etc. That works but only if married with one important ingredient. Repetition, repetition, repetition!

 

We now understand a lot about how the brain works. For humans studies show around 80-90% of all thoughts and actions arise in the subconscious or unconscious. Only 10% are conscious deliberate actions. Actions in the subconscious and unconscious essentially are those which we have performed with such regularity that strong neural pathways have been formed in the brain making it possible for us to perform that action without effort or having to consciously think about how to do it. If you want to establish a new more positive thought pattern the only way to do so is to consciously and deliberately create a new more positive thinking pattern through structured repetition of thinking positively on a consistent basis over and over and over again to replace the old "default" negative subconscious pattern.

 

Some basic ideas for how to do this. (they may seem lame but they work):

- Start an appreciation\gratitude journal which you write in at the start and end of EVERY day with the things your thankful for.

- The 15mins after you wake up and before you go to sleep your brain waves are in Alpha state making them most susceptible to subconscious reprogramming. Listen to positive inspirational speeches and motivational speakers during this time every day to program those thoughts into your mind.

- Add queues\triggers for thinking positive. eg: Put a stone in your pocket and force yourself to think positive every time you happen to put your hand in your pocket and touch it.

 

Aside from repetition - excercise, yoga, meditation, diet and healthy human connection\relationships. All these contribute to your state of mind.

Edited March 31, 2016 by Justanaverageguy