Co-workers breaking up marriages??

[Mikep88]

I have been on ls for the past few months now.

Is it just me or have co-workers be the reason for a lot of breakups and divorces??

 

It flips my mind...how can someone pursue another party when they know that party is in an relationship or MARRIED??

[basil67]

A coworker can't damage a marriage without permission from the person they are pursuing.

[Emilia]

I've had married men hitting on me at work. Not unusual the slightest

[stillafool]

I have been on ls for the past few months now.

Is it just me or have co-workers be the reason for a lot of breakups and divorces??

 

It flips my mind...how can someone pursue another party when they know that party is in an relationship or MARRIED??

 

I've been hit on by MM all the time through work and if anything it always disgusted me that a married person could be this low. I would certainly never stoop to that level as I am a firm believer in karma. Plus it is an insult that a MM would think I would be that cheap.

[BatManuel]

It's just a target of opportunity. When two people spend lots of time together, have things in common (work, careers, training...), and have a nonthreatening place to interact they are going to form bonds. Much easier for the other guy or other woman to interfere with a relationship and set themselves up as a better partner when they have access to someone. Your ex may have had thier guard up at a party or the gym...but when Steve from accounting is talking to her about TPS reports he's got an opening and can turn things friendly.

 

My ex became friends with a guy she worked with and I actually encouraged it because she needed more friends and we were long distance. I wasn't threatened and I trusted her to the ends of the world, was going to propose next time I saw her, blah blah blah. Long story short, he gets in with her, suddenly they are best friends and I'm dumped. Oh wells.

Edited March 31, 2016 by BatManuel

[Sassy Girl]

I've had 3 close members of my family engage in workplace affairs. Stupid. Ruins reputations, careers, and can take your livelihood away. FOr what? Some random sex? Nope. I value my work and career. I'm not that hormone addled that I can't make good decisions in the workplace.

[elaine567]

Some people spend more time with their co-worker than their partner.

Co-workers often have lots in common, similar backgrounds, education, working history... etc.

They "understand" the pressures of the job, they are shoulder to cry on when things get tough, someone to rant to, someone who "gets" it.

Massive opportunities over coffee or whilst working for in depth conversations, so close relationships develop.

"Heat" is generated and before they know it is an affair.

[2.50 a gallon]

My Ex was extremely hot, fold out material, and had just turned 22, and I was a dozen years older. After college she was recruited by a Fortune 100 company to be the first woman in a all male department. Almost all of them were my age and older, and also married to woman who were closer to their age, had had several kids. My ex was super sexy, long legged, and there was no way to hide what nature had given her. They saw this sex goddess sleeping with a man their age,.

It was not long before I was facing an army of co-worker OM's

There was nothing I could do or say that one of them could not find away to turn it around and make me look bad

On our six month anniversary I caught her kissing a guard where she worked and the marriage was over.

[truth_seeker]

Some people spend more time with their co-worker than their partner.

Co-workers often have lots in common, similar backgrounds, education, working history... etc.

They "understand" the pressures of the job, they are shoulder to cry on when things get tough, someone to rant to, someone who "gets" it.

Massive opportunities over coffee or whilst working for in depth conversations, so close relationships develop.

"Heat" is generated and before they know it is an affair.

 

One of my relatives got a divorce after having an affair with a co-worker. The husband was working overnight shifts and my relative regular 9-5. They hardly saw each other and she became very close with one of her co-workers. That's all it takes. Spending more time with someone who is not your husband and wife can lead to an affair faster than you think.

[truth_seeker]

My Ex was extremely hot, fold out material, and had just turned 22, and I was a dozen years older. After college she was recruited by a Fortune 100 company to be the first woman in a all male department. Almost all of them were my age and older, and also married to woman who were closer to their age, had had several kids. My ex was super sexy, long legged, and there was no way to hide what nature had given her. They saw this sex goddess sleeping with a man their age,.

It was not long before I was facing an army of co-worker OM's

There was nothing I could do or say that one of them could not find away to turn it around and make me look bad

On our six month anniversary I caught her kissing a guard where she worked and the marriage was over.

 

Hot, sexy women are very dangerous. It amazes me how men will do anything for them. They'll cheat on their spouses at a drop of hat... spend money... backstab colleagues, their own friends... it's very sick.

[truth_seeker]

It's just a target of opportunity. When two people spend lots of time together, have things in common (work, careers, training...), and have a nonthreatening place to interact they are going to form bonds. Much easier for the other guy or other woman to interfere with a relationship and set themselves up as a better partner when they have access to someone. Your ex may have had thier guard up at a party or the gym...but when Steve from accounting is talking to her about TPS reports he's got an opening and can turn things friendly.

 

My ex became friends with a guy she worked with and I actually encouraged it because she needed more friends and we were long distance. I wasn't threatened and I trusted her to the ends of the world, was going to propose next time I saw her, blah blah blah. Long story short, he gets in with her, suddenly they are best friends and I'm dumped. Oh wells.

 

Sorry this happened to you, but if she will leave you for another guy like that, who's to say she won't do it to that guy, too?

 

I've never been one to mess with another guy's wife or girlfriend. I believe karma is real and it will get you. I've experienced multiple times at the gym married women, or women in relationships, hunting for guys when their SO wasn't around. It tells you a lot about their character.

[2.50 a gallon]

Prior to my marriage I had been a experienced player, and had had lots of bed partners, but married woman had always been taboo. Once my marriage was busted, I turned the tables on the OM's and succeeded in having sex with several of their wives. Up until that point, married woman had been totally taboo.

I was plagued by mind movies and when it came to having sex with a single woman, I was impotent. But not so with married women, I found that I had a kink for banging another man's wife. It was some of the most erotic sex that I had ever had

At that time I worked in large shop, almost totally owned and ran by women. Amongst the 100 who worked on the floor, other than a woman supervisor, I was the only one who knew how to set up and run their dozens of machines. And when it came to the supervisor, I knew some tricks that was beyond her. Hence in the managements eye I was a very valuable employee.

After the break up of my marriage, I began to suffer from the infidelity diet, not good as I was already skinny and underweight. There were a number of woman, who had gotten together and daily had lunch together. They had set it up so that each day one of them brought in something special for the group. Quite often something they could put in the crock pot. Not wanting to lose me as a worker they decided to start offering a me a serving of what ever was on the menu that day.

Which led to us having lunch together almost daily, which in turn led to us becoming very friendly. Which in turn led to them asking me "Why do men to this? Why do men like football?, etc.

We also had something in common in that most of them were not happy in their marriages.

They had met my wife several times, and at sometime during the Christmas party she had let it slip that I very much liked performing oral. Then one day, one of them boldly asked me if is was true. As it was something she had wanted to try, but could not get her husbands interested in.

And that was my opening. Woman talk and within a month, I had had sex with half a dozen of them.

[truth_seeker]

I have been on ls for the past few months now.

Is it just me or have co-workers be the reason for a lot of breakups and divorces??

 

It flips my mind...how can someone pursue another party when they know that party is in an relationship or MARRIED??

 

It flips my mind that the one in the relationship pursues another party! I had a girl recently pursuing me only to find out she was involved with another man. I was attracted to her but I balked at making any direct moves. I kept it simple: you break it of with him, then come talk to me. I felt that was the correct way to handle it. It was tough as I was very attracted to her but I learned a long time ago, you throw out the window your morals and values for sex, it can come back to bite you in an ugly way.

 

I think there are people out there who treat relationships like jobs. They need to have a new one lined up before quitting the current gig they not in love with.

 

Ever come across a co-worker who gives their notice and it shocks the workplace they're suddenly leaving? Then it comes out they weren't really happy at the job and had been looking for a new job, got it then announce they're leaving. That's the way it is with some people and relationships. Privately they're not happy, they find someone new they like a lot better, or who makes them feel happy, they test it out on the down low, they feel secure, it will last, so they drop their partner, reveal they weren't happy, their were "problems", everyone is shocked, didn't see it coming, and now they're in a relationship with a new person.

 

I don't trust people who operate like this. Scheming, secretive, play it off like nothing is going on until they're ready to come out and tell the world they were justified in what they did. Now I'm sick.

[2.50 a gallon]

truth seeker

 

 

She did not leave me as much as I kicked her out. There was a chain link fence between us topped by razor wire, or I might still be locked up. Amongst that nasty things I called her and embarrassed her in front of her other co-worker I told her it was unsafe for her to come home, so she moved in with the guard.

A month later after she had moved her things and I had cooled off she came by to see out cats. As she was getting ready to leave she figured out that I had not slept alone the previous night and did a total 180, on her knees begging for a second chance.

That was even harder than catching her cheating, as I still loved as a man loves his wife, but knew that the trust was gone forever and had to tell her it was over between us.

 

 

Getting back to co-worker affairs. My BIL had an affair with a co-worker, that broke up my sisters marriage. They have now been married for about 25 years.

My sister remarried, but that lasted less than a decade, especially when she found out that his Ex-W was due to inherit half of his railroad pension.

She then quickly married one of her co-workers

Her eldest daughter's marriage was in turn destroyed when her husband got caught with one of his married co-workers.

[truth_seeker]

truth seeker

 

 

She did not leave me as much as I kicked her out. There was a chain link fence between us topped by razor wire, or I might still be locked up. Amongst that nasty things I called her and embarrassed her in front of her other co-worker I told her it was unsafe for her to come home, so she moved in with the guard.

A month later after she had moved her things and I had cooled off she came by to see out cats. As she was getting ready to leave she figured out that I had not slept alone the previous night and did a total 180, on her knees begging for a second chance.

That was even harder than catching her cheating, as I still loved as a man loves his wife, but knew that the trust was gone forever and had to tell her it was over between us.

 

Getting back to co-worker affairs. My BIL had an affair with a co-worker, that broke up my sisters marriage. They have now been married for about 25 years.

My sister remarried, but that lasted less than a decade, especially when she found out that his Ex-W was due to inherit half of his railroad pension.

She then quickly married one of her co-workers

Her eldest daughter's marriage was in turn destroyed when her husband got caught with one of his married co-workers.

 

1) You did the right thing letting her go. Once the trust is gone, so is the relationship forever.

 

2) What the hell is wrong with people? Can anyone keep it in their pants?

[Emilia]

Convenience + alcohol.

[Cooper04]

I've twiced gotten involved with co-workers who were already in committed relationships. Not something I'm particularly proud of, but they pursued me.

 

In both cases, I got the sense I was dealing with a girl who was in a relationship she didn't want to be in. But they lacked the guts to just end it, I guess the fear of being alone can be too daunting.

So they wanted a new guy all ready and lined up before they broke up with their boyfriends.

 

Both are still with their boyfriends today, after I ended it.

[truth_seeker]

I've twiced gotten involved with co-workers who were already in committed relationships. Not something I'm particularly proud of, but they pursued me.

 

In both cases, I got the sense I was dealing with a girl who was in a relationship she didn't want to be in. But they lacked the guts to just end it, I guess the fear of being alone can be too daunting.

So they wanted a new guy all ready and lined up before they broke up with their boyfriends.

 

Both are still with their boyfriends today, after I ended it.

 

This is what I mentioned before. There are women who need to have a new guy lined up just like a job. They won't leave the guy or the job until they feel the new one is secured. If not, they stay where they are...

 

They did you a favor by not ending it. Women who behave this way will not change. If you took them on as girlfriends, only a matter of time before they tried ditching you for another guy. I mean how could you trust dating a person who is a cheater?

 

Those boyfriends are suckers and probably don't even know it.

[thecharade]

I have been at the same place of employment for many years and I have been hit on by married men many, many times. They are not one-liners, more giving me lots of compliments and saying super inappropriate things like, "You know, I dream about you all the time." We are all good friends and close, and I always say things back like, "Well stop." Then they tell me they were kidding around. I must admit that I have an A in my past, but it was with an ex and it was an exit A and it was stupid and I ended it due to massive amounts of guilt (and I got into IC to work on myself), BUT I cannot imagine engaging in affairs with coworkers and not . . . getting some help! I mean, if you find yourself with some married guy at your job, where your career is on the line, run--don't walk--to a therapist!

 

Ok, so here is my question. What responsibility do I have for what goes on all around me?

 

My boss has been seeing some messed up 27 year-old for five years. I don't even know his wife, but should I find a way to anonymously tell her? One of my fairly close friends is a screwed up dude who has one-nighters every time he is out, often with other employees. He does not care about these women who he sees as conquests, and he gets angry and says it is none of my business if I bring it up. There is an older, unhappily single woman who throws herself at men, taking any and all attention that she can get. Do I contact their wives when I see someone in a corner with her or a car in the parking lot?

 

My feeling is that my workplace makes it extremely easy and acceptable to both chat about sex (is THAT appropriate?) and flirt, cheat, and pursue extramarital activity. I have one guy friend who is actually HOPING to find someone for an A. ("My wife doesn't want me, and I wish someone did. Even just once." Ugh!) I DO object at times, but I do it gently with reminders that this is not who they are or who they want to be. I try to redirect their thinking, but there are many other people who want the attention and phony adoration and encourage stuff the minute I walk away, calling me names behind my back.

 

What is my responsibility in any of it? Is it my business if people want to ruin their lives?

[BatManuel]

Sorry this happened to you, but if she will leave you for another guy like that, who's to say she won't do it to that guy, too?

 

I've never been one to mess with another guy's wife or girlfriend. I believe karma is real and it will get you. I've experienced multiple times at the gym married women, or women in relationships, hunting for guys when their SO wasn't around. It tells you a lot about their character.

 

Appreciate the kind words.

 

I've never been one to mess with another guy's girl. Not karma or anything like that, I just want to be able to live with myself at the end of the day.

 

Yeah, I really don't really blame her anymore or think it was a character flaw. It was what it was. I got stationed overseas and was told she couldn't come, we lasted a year long distance but it's hard to wait when you have a guy locally who is able to be everything you thought you wanted. I'm hoping she'll be happy with her choices in the long run, there is lots about the situation I see being objectively wrong for her, but then again I never saw her leaving me so I guess I really don't know her.

[sandylee1]

Workplace affairs were quite a thing when I worked for the police. In fact one of my coworker/friends only seemed to go for the MM. She succeeded in getting one and he left his wife for her. Although she's an okay person ... I keep my distance because I loathe what she did.

 

So many of the police officers It has A's with fellow officers or the support staff, but people just labelled the women as slappers. .....

 

I used to party with the guys but I was single back then.

 

It comes down to having appropriate boundaries at the end of the day. I hear a lot of 'he/she pursued me'. They pursued you.. because you wanted to be pursued.

 

After the first time they hit on you... if you simply said I'm married and I'm not interested OR your married and I'm not interested..it would end there.

 

If they continued you could tell them you'd report it to their manager or HR.... if you really didn't want it ... as that's harassment.

 

So I don't really buy the stories of being pursued and acting like you have no choice in the matter. The truth is you liked the attention...felt flattered .... enjoyed the ego strokes and wanted more. It's as simple as that.

[ProdigalMe]

I have been at the same place of employment for many years and I have been hit on by married men many, many times. They are not one-liners, more giving me lots of compliments and saying super inappropriate things like, "You know, I dream about you all the time." We are all good friends and close, and I always say things back like, "Well stop." Then they tell me they were kidding around. I must admit that I have an A in my past, but it was with an ex and it was an exit A and it was stupid and I ended it due to massive amounts of guilt (and I got into IC to work on myself), BUT I cannot imagine engaging in affairs with coworkers and not . . . getting some help! I mean, if you find yourself with some married guy at your job, where your career is on the line, run--don't walk--to a therapist!

 

Ok, so here is my question. What responsibility do I have for what goes on all around me?

 

My boss has been seeing some messed up 27 year-old for five years. I don't even know his wife, but should I find a way to anonymously tell her? One of my fairly close friends is a screwed up dude who has one-nighters every time he is out, often with other employees. He does not care about these women who he sees as conquests, and he gets angry and says it is none of my business if I bring it up. There is an older, unhappily single woman who throws herself at men, taking any and all attention that she can get. Do I contact their wives when I see someone in a corner with her or a car in the parking lot?

 

My feeling is that my workplace makes it extremely easy and acceptable to both chat about sex (is THAT appropriate?) and flirt, cheat, and pursue extramarital activity. I have one guy friend who is actually HOPING to find someone for an A. ("My wife doesn't want me, and I wish someone did. Even just once." Ugh!) I DO object at times, but I do it gently with reminders that this is not who they are or who they want to be. I try to redirect their thinking, but there are many other people who want the attention and phony adoration and encourage stuff the minute I walk away, calling me names behind my back.

 

What is my responsibility in any of it? Is it my business if people want to ruin their lives?

 

Good for you for not wanting to sh*t where you eat (engage in affairs or otherwise become romantically involved in the workplace). That shows a healthy, sensible boundary.

 

Stop calling them friends. Work friend, work buddy, work pal. They aren't friends if they do stupid stuff of which you don't approve. You just make yourself uncomfortable by calling them friends (but, shouldn't I stick up for them, they're my friends? no, you don't have to stick up for them, if you stop calling them your friends; because they aren't your friends; friends don't persist in giving you unwanted sexual attention when you've already told them to stop). Instead, just call them what they really are: co-workers/acquaintances that you leave behind at five o'clock.

 

What is your responsibility in the workplace? Good question. Here is the easy answer: it's not your job to change a workplace that is permeated with laissez faire attitudes regarding sexual harassment. That's what it is. Sexual harassment. It is the Human Resources Director's job (to monitor the workplace so that men and women (mostly it's women) are not targeted for harassment). You have other sh*t to do. Like, your job. It is not your job to teach people morals (unless they're your minor-age children). If grown adults want to continue swimming in a cesspool of affairs and cheap sex, let 'em. You aren't their mom.

 

You already understand the consequences, though, of not putting up with their bullsh*t. You get stupid labels and phrases slapped on you. Rigid. Uptight. Lacks a sense of humor. Frigid. Not a team player. Think of it this way: if your "friends" turn on you in this manner, are they really your friends? Or are they vipers disguised as friends?

 

Get some new "friends" outside of work. The real kind.

 

Also, don't share private, intimate information with your "friends" at work (for example, don't tell them you have an affair in your past). Because they will use that information to take advantage of you ("oh, she's had an affair; she must like cheap sex; let me hit on her; she'll love it"). A real friend is someone who, when you share that private, intimate information with them, would never think to take advantage of you.

 

Have a nice, healthy 2016.

[Miss Peach]

I've had married men hitting on me at work. Not unusual the slightest

 

I've had the same. Luckily most of them didn't make a move until I quit so I could avoid them.

 

I've been hit on by MM all the time through work and if anything it always disgusted me that a married person could be this low.

 

Same here. I also feel my respect go down for the guy - even if he had been good at his job.

 

I've had 3 close members of my family engage in workplace affairs. Stupid. Ruins reputations, careers, and can take your livelihood away. FOr what? Some random sex? Nope. I value my work and career. I'm not that hormone addled that I can't make good decisions in the workplace.

 

This is why I stay away from workplace romances.