jamal Posted April 10, 2001 Share Posted April 10, 2001 I'm currently 28, and when I met my girlfriend (currently 24) a little over four years ago, she was being treated for agoraphobia with an antidepressant. In late 1999, she and her psychiatrist made the decision to stop the medication due to the fact that she had no symptoms for a number of months. A few months later she slipped into a depressive episode, our relationship went downhill, and it wasn't until late 2000 that I convinced her to go back to see her doctor. He then put her on a new drug, which has really brought her out of it. She is much happier now, but our relationship has not recovered yet. I have been severely neglected physically by her since this all started over a year ago. I have done my best to understand that this has been a side effect of the depression, but it has left me depressed. For the past few months, the roles seem to have reversed. I have suggested that we see a relationship counselor, but she insisted that we take a break from each other to re-evalate our situation. That was a week ago. I miss her very much. We have always had plans to get married, and she's the only one I want to be with. Here's my real concern. Her girlfriends frequently break up with their long-term boyfriends to pursue flings, and I'm afraid that they are the ones who talked her into this in the first place, and that they will talk her into seeing other men. I'm already experiencing many physical effects of this time apart (not sleeping, breakdowns, etc.) and I want this to end. I spoke to her this morning for the first time in a week, and it appears that she still wants to be apart for now. Please help me decide what I should do! Link to post Share on other sites
ashesmum Posted April 10, 2001 Share Posted April 10, 2001 How about leaving her alone and seeing a shrink yourself? Not to be rude, but if you're having so many problems with her being a factor, you need to take care of yourself. Once you have gotten yourself better, I'm sure some time will be passed and she'll have time to think about if she wants to be together. Sounds like she lingering. Maybe with all she's been through she just needs time to herself before she can have you involved in her life. Or you could tell her to s*it or get off the pot?? Good luck. I'm currently 28, and when I met my girlfriend (currently 24) a little over four years ago, she was being treated for agoraphobia with an antidepressant. In late 1999, she and her psychiatrist made the decision to stop the medication due to the fact that she had no symptoms for a number of months. A few months later she slipped into a depressive episode, our relationship went downhill, and it wasn't until late 2000 that I convinced her to go back to see her doctor. He then put her on a new drug, which has really brought her out of it. She is much happier now, but our relationship has not recovered yet. I have been severely neglected physically by her since this all started over a year ago. I have done my best to understand that this has been a side effect of the depression, but it has left me depressed. For the past few months, the roles seem to have reversed. I have suggested that we see a relationship counselor, but she insisted that we take a break from each other to re-evalate our situation. That was a week ago. I miss her very much. We have always had plans to get married, and she's the only one I want to be with. Here's my real concern. Her girlfriends frequently break up with their long-term boyfriends to pursue flings, and I'm afraid that they are the ones who talked her into this in the first place, and that they will talk her into seeing other men. I'm already experiencing many physical effects of this time apart (not sleeping, breakdowns, etc.) and I want this to end. I spoke to her this morning for the first time in a week, and it appears that she still wants to be apart for now. Please help me decide what I should do! Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted April 10, 2001 Share Posted April 10, 2001 First off, I wouldn't worry one bit about her friends and what they tell her. Whether she's easily influenced or not, when it comes to the heart, no one listens to anyone but their heart (doesn't that stink). When my mother and best friends have told me, break up with that (pick a word) your dating...he's not good for you. I never listen. None of my friends ever listen to me either, when I tell them to date other people. We always end up getting mad at each other for giving great advice to each other, and never taking it. You can't make a person stop feeling something for somebody else. That's why they say love is the most powerful emotion. You can't control it and it can make feel like you're on top of the world when it's great, or make you feel like the world just blew up in your face,when it's bad. If your friends told you to start seeing other women, you wouldn't be able to do it, unless you wanted to -so relax about that. She's going to do what she wants. Personally, I think you two need a break. It doesn't mean it's over. You've been together for 4 years. You both need this. If you're going to get back together again, and one day get married, you'd better take your space, just to make sure so you have no regrets. Let her re-evaluate the relationship. It's a good thing and the outcome might actually be a positive one. I know plenty of people who have taken breaks from long-term relationship, only to get back together and married. Just give her the space she's asking for, if you don't, she'll resent you. You should take this time too. Don't call her for a while. I know it stinks, because you're going to want to talk to her every minute, but it really isn't a bad thing. Let her clear her head, and you clear yours. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
jamal Posted April 11, 2001 Share Posted April 11, 2001 Thanks Sally, I think that was the exact thing I needed to hear from someone. You have made me feel much better about this whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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