Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Hi everyone, I have been "dating" a girl for about 6 yrs now. We live about an hour apart and I know this woman has the looks and core values to be an excellent partner, having said that here's where I need opinions. This lovely woman has been living with her childs father the whole time and hasn't been exactly faithful and honest. I really wanted to give here the benefit of the doubt and make it work. But I don't see it happening. :-/ I know I've been a fool please give me lots of advice and input on this situation. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Hi everyone, I have been "dating" a girl for about 6 yrs now. We live about an hour apart and I know this woman has the looks and core values to be an excellent partner, having said that here's where I need opinions. This lovely woman has been living with her childs father the whole time and hasn't been exactly faithful and honest. I really wanted to give here the benefit of the doubt and make it work. But I don't see it happening. :-/ I know I've been a fool please give me lots of advice and input on this situation. Thanks Can you explain two things... 1. What do looks have to do with the ability to be an excellent partner? 2. What "core values" does she have that would make her an excellent partner, considering that she's essentially cheating on the father of her child with you? Truthfully, I don't see this woman being an "excellent partner" - to the man she's currently living with, to you, or to anyone. My advice is to walk away and re-evaluate your own core values. 16 Link to post Share on other sites
jcromp Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 I totally agree with the other poster here. While looks play a part sometimes in the initial attraction to another person if you don't already know them through friends, etc. This should not be a key criteria in an excellent partner unless you're in high school. Core values?!? She's a cheater. This is ridiculous. Why would you carry on a relationship for so long with a woman that is living with another man? I'm sorry, but this whole situation is a disaster. Break it off and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Does your core value actually not include honesty, faithful or decency? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Please keep opinions coming. Good or bad I want to hear everything. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Please keep opinions coming. Good or bad I want to hear everything. Are you actually looking to engage with the advice given, or just want to sit and read what everyone on the site has to say about your situation? Is there a set number of responders you wish to chip in before you're willing to respond to what's been said? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Are you actually looking to engage with the advice given, or just want to sit and read what everyone on the site has to say about your situation? Is there a set number of responders you wish to chip in before you're willing to respond to what's been said? I just want to be sure I'm not being hasty and I respect everones input. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) I'mAre you actually looking to engage with the advice given, or just want to sit and read what everyone on the site has to say about your situation? Is there a set number of responders you wish to chip in before you're willing to respond to what's been said? Amen... There have been several questions asked that the OP has failed to answer. Post nos 2, 3, 4 and 6. Yet he wants to hear more opinions (and questions)? OP, if you want more opinions, then at least have the courtesy of addressing the qustions already asked, especially those asked in post 2. Edited April 1, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 So far i agree with everyone. But there is always a chance she's being faithful, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Does your core value actually not include honesty, faithful or decency? Yes of course and I guess I'm wishing her values were the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 I totally agree with the other poster here. While looks play a part sometimes in the initial attraction to another person if you don't already know them through friends, etc. This should not be a key criteria in an excellent partner unless you're in high school. Core values?!? She's a cheater. This is ridiculous. Why would you carry on a relationship for so long with a woman that is living with another man? I'm sorry, but this whole situation is a disaster. Break it off and move on. Sharp and straight to the point, I appreciate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 1. I enjoy having a beautiful woman as my partner. 2. She's very compassionate to peoples feelings (obviously not mine). 3. I never said she was married to the childs father, just house sharing. 4. I'm an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 1. I enjoy having a beautiful woman as my partner. 2. She's very compassionate to peoples feelings (obviously not mine). 3. I never said she was married to the childs father, just house sharing. 4. I'm an idiot. 1. Who doesn't 2. Even criminals are compassionate to people they love. 3. Same thing 4. Yes you are 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Well said. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Long time ago I had this friend, that was pretty, very intelligent, and seemed like a great person. As time went on I realized what she truly was, she was a great manipulator. Guys threw themselves at her, she cheated, was mean, abusive, lied, gaslighted and yet they were blind to it, they just wanted to be with her. She knew how to make people believe what she wanted them to believe.....it was astounding. OP I believe your GF is a great manipulator and you are cast under her spell. It's time to get out from under it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 But there is always a chance she's being faithful, right? Faithful & honest to whom? You or him? I think neither. There is a better chance you will win the lottery. She is not the quality partner you have made her out to be. Move on. If you have not met the kid or the father, I would bet you are the OM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Faithful & honest to whom? You or him? I think neither. There is a better chance you will win the lottery. She is not the quality partner you have made her out to be. Move on. If you have not met the kid or the father, I would bet you are the OM. I have met the little girl and she is a doll. Her parents live 3 hrs away and in the time we have been together, she goes there several weekends per month and of course every holiday you can imagine and never once have been asked to come along, ****ed up right?! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 So you mean after 6 years of this you are just starting to question your girlfriend? Come on man... When you said "Looks: and "Core Values" in your initial post, followed by the situation we all collectively rolled our eyes. Her core values are to play you for a sucker. The same way she is doing with the guy she is living with. She gets the best of both worlds. She gets he stability of having her man around with the kid and the added bonus of having you on the side. No reason for her to have to choose, you have been putting up with it for 6 years, you'll put up with it for 6 more because of her looks for all intents and purposes.. And that's probably what is the saddest part of all. You are accepting this treatment because you don't think you can get anyone as good looking as her and all she is doing is feeding you crumbs. You are better than this. Come on man...send her packing. She'll never be with just you..ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 I have met the little girl and she is a doll. Her parents live 3 hrs away and in the time we have been together, she goes there several weekends per month and of course every holiday you can imagine and never once have been asked to come along, ****ed up right?! lol So it is official. You are the other man. Your girlfriend lives with (and sleeps with) her significant other ("SO"), while dating you in secret from her SO and her family. Your girl friend does "think different than most", because she thinks like a cheater. You knowingly dating a cheater, means that you think like her. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Her core values are to play you for a sucker. The same way she is doing with the guy she is living with. She gets the best of both worlds. She gets he stability of having her man around with the kid and the added bonus of having you on the side. I disagree. The OP is not being played for a sucker. She and the OP are playing her significant other ("SO") that she lives with and had a child with for a sucker. Sometime during the last 6 years that they have been dating, it had to have occurred to the OP that there was a reason that he has not been regularly going over to her home and sleeping over while the SO was home. That there was a reason the she never takes him to meet her family. That reason was because the OP knew that the OP was the other man in this situation. The OP gets the fun of dating and sex, while the SO gets to pay the bills and babysit while she is on her dates with the OP. As long as the OP does not mind dating and being a cheater, it is a great gig. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 2, 2016 Author Share Posted April 2, 2016 I am really feeling like an idiot. Idk what to say everyone. I can assure you that I am not playing these games for another 6years no way. I'm a trucker so it's really hard to know what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 I may have missed it, but you said they were living together and not married. What you have not said is whether or not her partner knows about you and if they are in an open marriage. It seems very difficult for a woman involved in a live in relationship with a man to have a boyfriend frequency type relationship with another man with the partner having no clue for 6 years unless he does not give a ****. Now, if you want to have her to tap her every so often, no problem. If you think she is truly relationship material, I am not going to use the word "idiot", but I think you need to be enlightened in some way to the real world. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Have you known she's been living with him this whole time? What has she said about their relationship? How do you know she's not being faithful and honest? Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 The problem is you, not her. The problem is always in us. 1. You are obviously insecure since you value her beauty (what the world sees) and tolerate a hurtful situation (what they don't see). 2. You so strongly value beauty (a superficial quality) that you settle for a superficial (not deep) relationship. 3. You allowed this superficial nothingness for six long years. 4. You are not content and feel stupid. Hmm. Maybe you should stop trying to impress the world and find someone who really makes you happy. Problem solved. Who cares what she does; she is not your problem or your solution. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Normthunder Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 It would take 17 pages to entirely and accurately explain our situation. I have accepted defeat and whatever comes next Im excited to see. I guess Ill just do unto others a they do to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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