obeezy Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 long story short, me and a very close friend of mine (who's about to get engaged soon) work in the same place (she's 19 i'm 22). we are very close that she always open up to me about everything, she is crazy for her bf, so I knew not to do anything. but we always playfully flirt and i tease her and she always reciprocate every time we are sitting on a couch (work) talking she would lie her head on my shoulder or my lap. one day my testosterone kicked and we started making out, (she's a virigin) so she wouldn't let me get close to her pants, her breasts and everything else is fine. two weeks later we were sitting in that same couch again. we started making out, this time we did almost everything except for sex. every time we done make out it I can see the guilt on her face. this all happens in the workplace btw, no body's in the building except for me and her. Third time we were flirting and touching, and we started making out, again no sex. afterwords I tried to avoid that couch two weeks ago on a friday we were good, come monday she went completely cold, she quit work and started avoiding me, at first she said she was sick. but now it's been a week we haven't talked, I texted her how's she's been 2 days ago and she completely ignored me. and she always use to initiate calling or texting me first. and now I heard from her sister she's about to be engaged next week and she hasn't told me anything and like I said she always use to tell me everything before anyone should I just ignore her and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 Yes, ignore her and move on. Why are you fooling around with her? Knowing full well she's got a boyfriend? Did you hope that she would one day have sex with you even though she's a virgin and is saving herself for her future husband? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 One: She is patently far too young to be considering marriage. Why? Because she still wants to play the field. There's nothing wrong with that - but her cheating - and no matter what you did or didn't do, she cheated - reveals that getting married is a bad idea. Two: if you knew she had a Bf, your integrity is sadly lacking and no matter how good a friend she is/was, you crossed the line and broke through boundaries. I would send her a letter of apology. But make it known you believe getting engaged to her Bf is a bad idea. She's obviously feeling deeply embarrassed and very guilty. And rightly so. But it takes 2 to tango, and I think writing her a letter stating that you know what happened was wrong, might at least provoke a discussion. Personally, I'd also be tempted to tell her that getting engaged knowing what she knows and knowing what she's done, is a bad move, but that's up to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author obeezy Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Yes, ignore her and move on. Why are you fooling around with her? Knowing full well she's got a boyfriend? Did you hope that she would one day have sex with you even though she's a virgin and is saving herself for her future husband? problem is I'm friends with her sisters too, so I go to their house often, but I haven't been there for two weeks, and now her whole family is wondering why I went missing.. It's hard to go to her house and pretend not like nothing happened, or should just avoid their house at all cost? what if she invited me to her engagement ceremony? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 The way things are going, is she likely to invite you....? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 She's avoiding you because she doesn't want to repeat her mistake. If invited, I would not go to the engagement if I were you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Do you care if she gets engaged? Do you care if she gets married? Do you love her? Or were you just fooling around with her? If you don't want her to get engaged and/or married because you love her and you are good for her, then tell her. If you don't love her, don't have your act together (and wouldn't make a good spouse or partner), or were just fooling around seeing what you could get, leave her the hell alone, and don't go over to her house. Your relationship has changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Out of interest, how old is her boy friend? She's way too young emotionally to be getting married. Ugh!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 problem is I'm friends with her sisters too, so I go to their house often, but I haven't been there for two weeks, and now her whole family is wondering why I went missing.. It's hard to go to her house and pretend not like nothing happened, or should just avoid their house at all cost? what if she invited me to her engagement ceremony? You two just made it all so much worse and complicated since you know her family and are friends with her sister. Day of her engagement ceremony, come down with 'the flu' and send your apologizes that you are unable to attend the party. You can't go, it'll be awkward and so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author obeezy Posted April 2, 2016 Author Share Posted April 2, 2016 Out of interest, how old is her boy friend? She's way too young emotionally to be getting married. Ugh!! her boyfriend like 31, they been on long distance for over 2 years Link to post Share on other sites
Author obeezy Posted April 2, 2016 Author Share Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) You two just made it all so much worse and complicated since you know her family and are friends with her sister. Day of her engagement ceremony, come down with 'the flu' and send your apologizes that you are unable to attend the party. You can't go, it'll be awkward and so wrong. I know i done effed up, but I have to go since she called today to invite me funny thing tho after the first time we hooked up, there was no awkwardness, I went to their house a couple of times, and we pretended like nothing's ever happened between us. Edited April 2, 2016 by obeezy Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Why do you have to go? Is somebody holding a gun to your head? Newsflash: this 19 year old who has cheated on her much older LDR BF is not going to have a long happy marriage. She has neither the maturity or the integrity to sustain a marriage. Stay away from this at all costs. Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 A lot of people think that if you have feelings for another person or if you're in love with them then it must mean that you should be with them. If you're both single, i guess that will sometimes apply. But if one or both of you is in relationship, loving someone can also mean 'I love you too much to do this to you. Having anything to do with you while i'm in a relationship or while you are in one, can and will only cause heatache, pain, damage and regret and i couldn't do that to you.' Love is not selfish...Letting someone go because being with them will cause more harm than good is true love. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Unfortunately you've got a messy situation on your hands here. Her avoidance is because she feels embarrassed and guilty about what happened. Is it possible for you to put the whole thing out of your mind? Not likely. The friendship has changed and she likely feels unable to trust herself around you. She's removing the temptation.. but probably feels safer in the company of others. If you have feelings beyond what happened .... then you should stay away or it will hurt you and people are likely to pick up something. I think she's too young for marriage .... but no doubt she has family and friends to tell her this. I don't see the marriage lasting ... but that's not your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author obeezy Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 (edited) I posted similar question on a different thread Edited April 6, 2016 by obeezy Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Leave her alone. She has made her decision to move forward with this engagement. If she regrets it, that's her business. BTW I wouldn't let things get too sexual at work...video cameras are always a possibility....you want that crap shared on the net? Link to post Share on other sites
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