Taking my ex to court regarding custody of my daughter.

[Gloria25]

I'm sorry for what you are going through...

 

Sorry, but IMO, the courts don't care. That's one reason why it's hard for me to decide to have a child because people are so fickle and I couldn't imagine the pain of dealing with a difficult parent.

 

Let me suggest some things...

 

What's your ex's motivation here?

 

Does she want primary custody and/or to take you out of the picture so that she can get monetary support? I mean, cuz if you two are "sharing" does that mean no money for her? If that's the case, maybe fighting with a lawyer is not the solution, cuz IMO, unless the mother is from heck the courts are gonna favor the woman and some women are great manipulators, they will play with you, the child etc and drive everyone batty until you're worn down. Then give her more money so she'll stop using the kid as a pawn to get full custody and child support.

 

If she isn't after money, then again, what's her deal? I mean, if we can get to the root of why she's doing this, maybe we can find a way to appease the dragon (your ex)?

 

My fav podcaster advocates not divorcing for reasons like this. It's better to be in an unhappy marriage until the kids are 18 than endless battles (well unless there's addictions, abuse, affairs) - especially when you have a toxic parent. Cuz, with divorce you lose power. That person has your kid for some/a lot of time. They're gonna manipulate the situation and/or expose your kids to endless people they're dating, etc.

 

So, is there a way you can kiss up to her? Find out why she's doing this and meet her half way? Cuz, at the end of the day your child's best interest is important and that may require you bitting hard down on a hard bullet to get through this.

 

If you can't find out and/or meet her motivations - then I guess you gotta be tough and play dirty. It's hard to lower yourself to the level of some pigs, cuz they don't care about wallowing in the mud, have no conscious, and/or will do what it takes to win.

 

I'm so sorry, I am. I hope you can get though this - especially for your child.

Edited April 1, 2016 by Gloria25

[Keenly]

There will be no playing dirty. I'm doing this right and honestly.

 

Her motivations are the 8th greatest mystery of the universe. She's not after money, she has too much pride for that.

 

There is no halfway because she doesn't respect boundaries, scheduling, my parenting time, my opinions about things related to the child, etc.

 

There was an incident where ex thought my daughter had accidentally poisoned herself. She called poison control. She took her to the ER. I didn't find out until 2 weeks later... Once again on Facebook.

 

She was believed to have been poisoned, and no one told me. No text. No call. Nothing. I can not allow that to be the status quo of her life.

 

I have petitioned for joint legal custody, she keeps sole physical custody but I would have visitation that is the exact same schedule that we have had for 1.5 years. The EXACT same. To be placed on the birth certificate where I rightfully belong as her father. And for the change of last name, which isn't necessarily the most important to me, but it's something that within the last 6 months she brought up, she suggested, I said "hell yeah" to that, and it never happened.

 

 

It seems because I've escalated my efforts to be a good and involved father, she is attempting to pull away so she maintains control.

 

I've taken the legal route because I feel we've reached an impasse, and with her withholding my little one from me on a completely arbitrary basis, I was left with no other alternatives.

Edited April 1, 2016 by Keenly

[lbjanieb]

It sounds like you're doing all you can...and your daughter will pick up on all that's going on eventually. Just stick with it no matter how hard it gets. May I suggest a book called Boundaries? It teaches how to relate to people that try and suck you into unhealthy, go nowhere tactics.

[Keenly]

It sounds like you're doing all you can...and your daughter will pick up on all that's going on eventually. Just stick with it no matter how hard it gets. May I suggest a book called Boundaries? It teaches how to relate to people that try and suck you into unhealthy, go nowhere tactics.

 

Too much religion. I bought codependent no more instead.

[MidwestUSA]

Keenly, another suggestion. The picture in your avatar is absolutely adorable, but I really don't think it's a good idea to have it on a public message board. Especially not given that you've posted details about the case. I think it would be an idea to take it down.

 

Seconded. TMI.

[lbjanieb]

Too much religion. I bought codependent no more instead.

 

I read that one too many years ago - can't recall it too much now. Either way, hang in there and make sure you have support around you and wise counsel to keep your head up and in the game. I truly wish you well. It's nice to see a dad who is so committed to his daughter.