Savannah Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 As I said in my last posting, my boyfriend and I are having problems. He asked me to move out, but still wants a relationship with me. I bought him a promise ring about two years ago and he loved it. He said that was the only thing he ever wanted from me. Well a couple of weeks into us not living together, he stopped wearing it. (He has hardly taken it off since I bought it for him) It has now been a month since he has worn it and he won't tell me where it is. When I ask him why he doesn't wear it, he just says he feels more comfortable without it. WHAT'S GOING ON? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Savannah.. Your BF is only 21.. the 2 of you have been together for a few years.. and now he's asked you to move out, and has stopped wearing a ring you gave to him.. sorry to say but this isn't a sign(s) of anything good in the relationship. It sounds to me that your BF is wanting more freedom to be single and do his own thing.. and while he hasn't told you he wants to break up with you, he isn't moving forward in the relationship either, he's moving backwards.. When he says he's more comfortable not wearing the ring and more comfortable with you not living with him, that IMO would indicate he's looking around and doesn't want a ring or a girl living in his house to possibly interfere with him meeting other people.. I could be wrong.. but for real, this IMO isn't a good thing towards your relationship being solid. Link to post Share on other sites
RoxStar Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 He is the only one that can answer that. Are you both on the same page about where your relationship is currently? Are you seeing other people? Maybe that is why he took it off. Or maybe he is just not ready to wear a "promise" ring since you arent living together anymore? Maybe his hands are bloated and wearing a ring is uncomfortable. Many men hate wearing rings in general even if they are married. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Savannah As I said in my last posting, my boyfriend and I are having problems. He asked me to move out, but still wants a relationship with me. I bought him a promise ring about two years ago and he loved it. He said that was the only thing he ever wanted from me. Well a couple of weeks into us not living together, he stopped wearing it. (He has hardly taken it off since I bought it for him) It has now been a month since he has worn it and he won't tell me where it is. When I ask him why he doesn't wear it, he just says he feels more comfortable without it. WHAT'S GOING ON? Well he liked the ring two years ago, never took it off for two years, he asked you to move out, he took the ring off and won't tell you where it is. Reality check: he is letting you down slowly so as not to hurt you. When he asked you to move out he cited wanting a relationship with you still (this most likely means he did not want problems with you moving out, so he kept the relationship door open so as to make the move out easier). Now he does not wear the ring meaning he is telling the world that he is available while letting you know that he does not want to be with you. This would not be true if he just wore the ring every so often during your relationship, after all there are guys out there who just don't like to wear rings. However, you said he wore it every day since you gave it to him two years ago. Now he does not wear it. Bottom line, he is trying to let you down nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 So is there anything I can do to remedy the situation? I obviously still want this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
RoxStar Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Savannah So is there anything I can do to remedy the situation? I obviously still want this relationship. You need to talk to him. It doesnt sound good but if its salvageable he is the only one that can give you any insight to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 would it be completely wrong to give him an ultimatum to either wear the ring or i won't see him until he does? to me it would be a sign of effort to save the relationship if he decided to start wearing it again. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Ultimatums only work if the person you are using it against has something to lose. In this case, he probably wouldn't choose the option you would like for him to since he is clearly letting you go anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Savannah would it be completely wrong to give him an ultimatum to either wear the ring or i won't see him until he does? to me it would be a sign of effort to save the relationship if he decided to start wearing it again. Yes it is wrong. Don't do it unless you want to give him an easy out. You need to talk with this guy and either get closure or work on your problems and continue the relationship. Concentrating on whether or not he will wear the ring is covering other more important issues as to why you are having problems. Bring it in the open and ask him straight out what is needed to fix this relationship. If he has any sort of interest he will tell you. Hopefully he is man enough to communicate this to you, otherwise you might have to force it out of him by asking him more direct questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 During one arguement we had on this subject, he said that the only way to fix our relationship was to have a break, but then he kept calling me like usual and asking me to come over every day. It's like he doesn't know what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Savannah would it be completely wrong to give him an ultimatum to either wear the ring or i won't see him until he does? to me it would be a sign of effort to save the relationship if he decided to start wearing it again. No. Savannah, it seems to me you're living in denial of the facts. He's giving you every single sign that he wants to be free and independent of you. Asking you to move out. Stopped wearing the ring. Put up nudies in his room. Tells you to "deal with it" when you express your discontent for smoking and the photos. Hon, have some self-respect! You're letting him walk all over you, bust through your boundaries and you're taking it. And the more you cling to him and try and get him the change, the more he's going to push you away. Ladies, would you recommend "He's just not that into you" in this case to her? Seems like the female equivalent of "No More Mr. Nice Guy...." is in order. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Savannah During one arguement we had on this subject, he said that the only way to fix our relationship was to have a break, but then he kept calling me like usual and asking me to come over every day. It's like he doesn't know what he wants. Start implementing LIMITED CONTACT. Don't take all his calls. Don't answer all his emails or answer them right away. DO take several days to get back to him. He's testing you and you're failing. The natural tendency when someone is pushing you away is to cling to them tighter. But that just makes them push away even more. Push away right back at him. Show him that he can have his freedom and that you're independent enough that you don't need him. Of course you WANT him but you need to show that you don't NEED him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 do i need to just ignore him when he calls and send for the rest of my things. if he really loved me he'd come around right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 sorry, i didn't see that you already suggested that before i typed it. Link to post Share on other sites
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