Today is one month...

[Emaize3]

Aren't you mad at him for how he broke up? How can these guys, especially in their 40's do such a thing? I can't believe mine broke up by phone!

[Zahara]

Just posting here because I'm feeling blah & weak tonight. I'm usually at his house Tuesday nights for dinner & to watch tv. Plus, I went for my phone to text him some good news about my daughter.... Ugh this sucks! Don't worry, I put the phone down.

 

Phew! I was about to go, "Noooooo!"

 

Text a friend or family members about your daughter. Start creating new habits to erase the old ones. The hardest part for me was not receiving his text messages during the day. When we ended it was a huge void. I understand how you feel not having that to look forward to anymore -- someone to share thoughts with.

 

But another day of NC. Good job!.

[andie1969]

Yes, that's it, a void! Good or bad, it was part of my routine...

 

Hell yeah I'm mad at him! It was extremely cowardly of him. That's why I feel like I miss "us" more than actually missing him. It leaves a void and it's hard to break the routine after some time together. So thankful for my friends right now for keeping me sane and occupied! And thankful for all of you here on LS too!

[andie1969]

Ugh so while tidying up my room I found a book he loaned me a while ago. I remember him saying he wanted it back, it relates to his job so it's not just a random book. No I'm not going to take it to him, but should I mail it to him or just stick it away and only return it if he asks? It's a paperback so shipping cost isn't a big deal, I'm just trying to avoid making any kind of statement, good or bad.

Edited March 9, 2016 by andie1969

[Zahara]

Ugh so while tidying up my room I found a book he loaned me a while ago. I remember him saying he wanted it back, it relates to his job so it's not just a random book. No I'm not going to take it to him, but should I mail it to him or just stick it away and only return it if he asks? It's a paperback so shipping cost isn't a big deal, I'm just trying to avoid making any kind of statement, good or bad.

 

I'm sure if it's that important to him, he'll go out and just buy one. It's just a book. If it was an heirloom or something of significant value, I would return it. But not a paperback book -- doing your best to avoid any type of contact or encourage any type of engaging -- I would suggest to just get rid of it. Or like you said, tuck it away, out of sight and if he asks at some point, just dump it in an envelope and send.

[andie1969]

I may have had too much wine last night and might have texted him, except that I had immediately deleted his info from my phone after he dumped me. I deleted all our text/email/photo/call history too so I wouldn't sit and scroll through and feel sad. Also, it keeps me from accidentally hitting his name when I want to call someone else.

 

Just do it! DELETE DELETE DELETE!

[andie1969]

Well tomorrow morning marks a week since I got the heave ho. I have had no contact since then other than one text shortly after the phone call & the pathetic email I sent Monday morning. I didn't say I wanted back in the email at least, just kinda explained how I was feeling since I was so dumb founded on the phone. He didn't reply to the email, but I wasn't expecting him to.

 

Anyway, just having a rough evening. Went shopping & to lunch with a friend today, then took my daughter to a coffee shop. Now I'm home...his son had a soccer game this evening I was going to go to with him. Of course I'm wondering did they win? But I won't break down, I won't reach out. I've made it almost a week, I can do this!

 

Hugs to all of you who are struggling this weekend too.

[Emaize3]

I'm here with you girl! Your story is so similar to mine as I mentioned in an earlier thread. I never got closure either after being dumbfounded on phone. I also went to coffee shop today and other places with my kids to the point that I'm drained now. If I stay home I'll just think about him. I hate weekends! Urg. You're doing much better than me after a week. It's been about 6 for me. Stay strong!

[andie1969]

I'm here with you girl! Your story is so similar to mine as I mentioned in an earlier thread. I never got closure either after being dumbfounded on phone. I also went to coffee shop today and other places with my kids to the point that I'm drained now. If I stay home I'll just think about him. I hate weekends! Urg. You're doing much better than me after a week. It's been about 6 for me. Stay strong!

 

Thanks, I'm really not doing that great. Staying busy helps until I'm alone again, plus I've spent a ton of money this week staying busy, can't keep doing that. One thing that helps is making lists of all the things he did that annoyed me, concentrate on that stuff, not the good times.

[Emaize3]

Im spending too much money too! I'm buying clothes and spending too much because buying things for myself makes me happy. I need to stop too. I've been doing better but everyday I think of him. The only bad thing I can think of is the break up. I wish it was a bad relationship because this would be so much easier. Our relationship was wonderful and I feel it will be tough to beat that with someone new. He had great qualities.. Until the end. Just sucks so bad.

[andie1969]

Our relationship wasn't bad either, but there were little things. Like he was cheap, very rigid about things, very ocd about his house & car. I just think, wow, no one is telling me to put my glass away the minute I finish a drink, I can leave it on the coffee table all night lol.

 

This is the second break up we've had, he did the same thing about 6 weeks after we met, he just "wasn't sure". About 6 more weeks later he texted me out of the blue, he missed me & had acted too rashly. We got back together last May & everything was great, our kids became friends & everything. Then bam, out of nowhere he calls me last Sunday to tell me we should just be friends because he just doesn't feel it when thinking about taking it to the next level whatever that means. It was a 6 min phone call, I sent one text and one email after that but that's it. I can't believe he hurt me like this TWICE. He's 42 freaking years old!

[sunshine2]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I just broke up with my BF on Wednesday and feel bad. Even though I was the one who did it, it still does not feel great. The void is the worst. We texted every day, not one day went by in a year that we didn't connect with each other. I put a lot into him, he put nothing into me. Sad, but it was a very odd relationship where there was little affection, and no talk of feelings in a whole year. No I miss you, love you, nothing like that. I decided to end it because I want more, you know someone who loves me and is engaged and wants to be part of my family. He got that from me, but I didn't from him.

 

Im only 3 days NC, and Im happy that I have no desire to reach out at all. I do wonder if he is just happy to be free of me since he didn't love me anyway, and going through his daily routine without any thoughts of anything. 1 year wasted, man that sucks.

[andie1969]

Yeah Sunshine, the void is the worst. Another poster said something like you went from knowing what they had for lunch every day to not know if they're dead or alive. Certain times of day when he always texted are the worst.

 

Also, last night I tried to watch 2 different tv shows and they both had a character with his name. Really?? Ugh, just give me a break already!

[Emaize3]

That's right, andie1969 your story is identical to mine. So, I can totally relate to what you're feeling. And the name thing!! Urg. I hear or see his name and I cringe. I think I really need to focus on some bad qualities too. Nobody's perfect, right? He used to talk for so long and when I tried to get a word in edgewise he would get mad! Well, maybe if he wasn't speaking for a full 15 minutes, I wouldn't interrupt: also , he was too cocky and thought his way was always right. Bad qualities, right?

[andie1969]

Anyone else feel this way? I'm just so exhausted & drained no matter how much sleep I get. I'm only one week past break up so I know it will take a while, but my house is a wreck...finally did some laundry today though. I did the bare minimum at work all week & am so far behind. I hate that he has that kind of power over me but I don't know how to shake it. I feel so lonely & it sucks right now!

[benB]

Same here, I cant sleep or eat. My mind is consumed and I haven't been productive at all in personal or professionally. Its been two weeks for me but I need to snap out of it. A broken heart is the worst pain to deal with.

[andie1969]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way too I'm lucky my coworkers have been understanding but I think they're getting tired of me being all mopey. For every other pain there is something you can take to at least give some temporary relief, but not so with this. I'm trying to hold it together and not be totally pathetic because I have a 13 year old daughter. Were it not for her I'd likely have stayed in bed all weekend with a box of wine.

[Satu]

Anyone else feel this way? I'm just so exhausted & drained no matter how much sleep I get. I'm only one week past break up so I know it will take a while, but my house is a wreck...finally did some laundry today though. I did the bare minimum at work all week & am so far behind. I hate that he has that kind of power over me but I don't know how to shake it. I feel so lonely & it sucks right now!

 

You are still in the crisis phase.

 

It will get much easier as time passes.

 

 

Here is something I wrote for myself, but some of it might be useful for you:

 

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres for a female.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically or mentally unwell, go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to.

 

 

Take care.

[sorano]

satu basically summed it up. I was like that the for a while. Venting, posting on here, letting out my emotions, really did help. close to 2 months for me. Im doing way better. I had to change my thinking around and really turn all that hate, sadness, feeling of betrayal into something positive. I revamped myself. I had to make a change bc I will no longer let a person hurt me this way again.

 

I posted a thread on how great I was doing. energy level bounced up again. But today, it got to me. Not sadness. I am over being sad. she doesn't deserve me. she deserves an animal like her. anyway, the feeling of anger struck me today. I tried pushing it away but, it beat me. I should have went to the gym but was a little busy.

 

what triggered the anger was, I walked in my garage and saw a receipt that I left on my work bench. It was when I bought her this crazy expensive bag she wanted from frye for christmas. I left the gift there. Amazing how the brain works. little piece of paper got me upset.

 

Even though I am very patient, my temper is still vry short. Rush of rage traveled in my blood stream literally filling my muscles with this wild energy and I was ready to go off. But I stayed calm. I said to myself, whoa, you were doing so good these past two weeks. Relax and keep calm.

 

You will get better, and expect to have little episodes like this even months later.

[Emaize3]

It happens Sorano. You can be doing so well and then "boom" a reminder! I hate it. It seems these reminders are everywhere for me, although I am doing better overall like you.

[sunshine2]

Same here, low low energy. I want to stay in bed longer and not get up. I don't feel like cooking for my kids when they are here either. Everything seems so hard.

 

Im actually looking for a job and its all so stressful, I lost my job and my BF this year. Even though I broke it off with him, I am so sad and feeling so alone. So far it sucks pretty bad.

[drewbee30]

A month and a 1/2 out of a 10 year relationship (things started breaking down year 8!) Anyways it def sucks getting out of bed realizing you have to deal with all those emotions for another day. Once out of bed though, you just need to get the momentum going and face all the pain head on. I'm slowly getting back to cooking healthy meals and doing some other things that I enjoy. I've been heartbroken once before, so it's not as bad, but still hurts. Hang in there! Cheers

[Enweth]

i'm feeling this too, i wake up in the morning feeling a stab in my heart everyday for the last 28 days. if i didn't need to work i would just lie in bed and not want to get up or do anything. I dont' want to talk to anyone nor see my friends. even if i do talk, i can't the strength to project my voice. i wish i could just cease to exist, it's too hard.

[andie1969]

It's only been 2 weeks since the break up, and I'm still struggling to cope, but I thought I'd share a few things I did this week that have made me feel less horrible if not better.

 

Exercise - I know it's been beaten to death, but it does help. Even if you get out and walk for 20 minutes, it will help.

 

Journaling - I've written letters to the EX in it (which I won't send of course) but I tell him exactly how I feel and also point out all the things about him that bugged me. A $hit list so to speak, every time I feel nostalgic I read that list and it deepens my resolve for NC.

 

Be kind - to yourself first and then to others. I've made an effort to do one nice thing for someone else every day this week, no matter how small. For example, my coworker was called out of town yesterday so I offered to meet with a client for her today, the client then gave me a jug of his own maple syrup, made my day! You'll never know what an impact a small gesture of kindness can make on someone and in return help you heal as well.

 

I have a LONG way to go, I know...but I realize that focusing my time and energy on him and on a relationship that no longer exists is not helping me either. Hugs to all of you who are hurting and I hope you're able to have a good weekend.

 

*title should be "some things that have helped me" but I can't edit it.

[Emaize3]

That's great. I should try the journaling- haven't done that yet without actually sending something. Lol. 7 weeks in and better but still wondering what and why.