two weeks since breakup...still living together...words of wisdom

[melon252]

 

I have been with my now ex fiance for 3 years. He lost his brother in a freak accident 6 months ago and they had said some bad things to each other the last time they spoke. He has had a really tough 6 months and I have been the one constant thing supporting him through it.

 

To add on to this, his father is now critically ill and probably wont make it through the year.

 

On Sunday he came back from visiting his father out of state and announced that he wants to be single and is moving out and handed his notice in on the lease. His official moving date is 22nd April, although he doesn't know where he is going yet. This is so upsetting to me because just a week ago he was telling me how much he loved me and talking about booking a holiday etc etc.

 

Guys, I am devastated. I love him so, so very much. He is citing the reason for breaking up that I make him unhappy, but I feel like he is treating me like i have caused the grief and turmoil he is in rather than actually deal with those feelings properly.

 

I can't lie, there have been moments of frustration with him -I know he's suffering but he's been very hard to live with these past 6 months and has said some really hurtful things, nagging me when i woke up, nagging me when i got home from work, and silly things like that. I have had moments where I've snapped at him. But ultimately I love him.

 

Now he is acting very cold and distant and talking like he is going to walk out of here on 22nd April and never look back.

 

What can I do now? Will he come back to me in the future? I need some advice guys, I feel like Im losing my mind.:(:(

[ExpatInItaly]

He has experienced a horrible trauma and is likely about to experience another with the illness of father. I am nearly certain his desire to end the relationship is connected to his grief and looking desperately for an escape from his sadness. I too lost someone close to me very suddenly a long time ago, and I can't begin to describe how awful I left for a long time. The last words we shared were also angry words, and the guilt took a horrible toll on me. I know that in the months following this person's death I was also not pleasant to be around. I looked for any escape I could find too. It was a dark period for me. Looking back, I don't recognize the person I was.

 

Ultimately, he needs help. If your relationship was otherwise a good one, I really don't think this is about you. He is suffering and doesn't seem to know how to deal with his anger and trauma. So he dumps it on you and wants to run away from his life. Having said that, you cannot force him to stay either. But know that the version of him you're seeing is an incredibly hurt one. It doesn't give him a pass to be nasty to you; but it indeed can explain what is going on with him.

 

Has he looked into counseling of any kind? He isn't able to recognize your love and support right now, but you can help him find the third-party support he very much needs.

[Buddhist]

Let it be for the moment. I know it's hard, but the more you try and talk to him the further you will push him away. If he's projecting all his hardship onto you then he will come to realise that in time. No-one can know whether he is going for good. Only time will tell.

[melon252]

He has experienced a horrible trauma and is likely about to experience another with the illness of father. I am nearly certain his desire to end the relationship is connected to his grief and looking desperately for an escape from his sadness. I too lost someone close to me very suddenly a long time ago, and I can't begin to describe how awful I left for a long time. The last words we shared were also angry words, and the guilt took a horrible toll on me. I know that in the months following this person's death I was also not pleasant to be around. I looked for any escape I could find too. It was a dark period for me. Looking back, I don't recognize the person I was.

 

Ultimately, he needs help. If your relationship was otherwise a good one, I really don't think this is about you. He is suffering and doesn't seem to know how to deal with his anger and trauma. So he dumps it on you and wants to run away from his life. Having said that, you cannot force him to stay either. But know that the version of him you're seeing is an incredibly hurt one. It doesn't give him a pass to be nasty to you; but it indeed can explain what is going on with him.

 

Has he looked into counseling of any kind? He isn't able to recognize your love and support right now, but you can help him find the third-party support he very much needs.

 

Thanks for your point of view. May i ask, how long did it take you to start to feel yourself again? Did it ever happen? I have to admit, and I've said this to him as well, I honestly do not recognise the person he has become.

 

Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but all in a trivial argument kind of sense, nothing serious happened between us.

 

How am I supposed to act to him now? The advice I read says no contact, but he still seems reasonably keen to talk to me in an every day sense. I dont want to turn my back on him, but at the same time I am struggling so much with the thought that I may never see him again that I cant stay composed around him, and just end up crying all the time which wont help.

 

I have tried so hard to encourage him to get help. I am 100 per cent sure he is depressed and not coping with his grief, but he flat out refuses to speak to anyone or see a doctor or go to counselling. The last time I tried he told me that it was me that made him feel suicidal and nothing else. I dont believe that for one second but he is so shrouded in denial I dont know what else I can do.

 

What would have helped you in this situation? Do you think after some space he might come back?

[melon252]

Let it be for the moment. I know it's hard, but the more you try and talk to him the further you will push him away. If he's projecting all his hardship onto you then he will come to realise that in time. No-one can know whether he is going for good. Only time will tell.

 

Thanks for your reply. So in the sense that we still live together, what should i do? ignore him and avoid him? Talk to him like nothings wrong? (which hes been trying to do in a very composed manner but I just keep on crying and trying to convince him hes making the wrong decision).

 

He also has a birthday coming up, should i celebrate with him? get him a card? a present? anything? my birthday was a few months ago and he bought me the most beautiful hand made cake, it was so thoughtful and special. It seems harsh of me to just act like it means nothing. The trouble is, his birthday is also the anniversary of the day we met :(:( i honestly dont know how to act

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for your point of view. May i ask, how long did it take you to start to feel yourself again? Did it ever happen? I have to admit, and I've said this to him as well, I honestly do not recognise the person he has become.

 

Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but all in a trivial argument kind of sense, nothing serious happened between us.

 

How am I supposed to act to him now? The advice I read says no contact, but he still seems reasonably keen to talk to me in an every day sense. I dont want to turn my back on him, but at the same time I am struggling so much with the thought that I may never see him again that I cant stay composed around him, and just end up crying all the time which wont help.

 

I have tried so hard to encourage him to get help. I am 100 per cent sure he is depressed and not coping with his grief, but he flat out refuses to speak to anyone or see a doctor or go to counselling. The last time I tried he told me that it was me that made him feel suicidal and nothing else. I dont believe that for one second but he is so shrouded in denial I dont know what else I can do.

 

What would have helped you in this situation? Do you think after some space he might come back?

 

It took me a good year or more, plus counselling, to start feeling like myself again. My parents finally persuaded me to get help, after seeing how badly I was coping.

 

I can't really say what you should do in this situation, as I was not in a relationship at the time of the death - in fact, it was my then-boyfriend who died. I was also very young. But my friends stuck by me and could see when I needed to just be alone. Pushing him to do something he's not ready to do won't help and will probably cause him to lash out.

 

I wouldn't go completely No Contact on him. The circumstances here are not a typical break-up. I would continue to encourage him to get help; seek out support services in your area and offer him the information. I would also advise you to speak to a grief counselor and get some professional input as to what role you have been and are currently taking. But only he can choose whether or not he's ready for that. I would not necessarily speak to him every day. If he wants to talk, I would be there as a friendly ear but don't have any expectations otherwise. He might be doing what's best for both of you for a little while. He can't be fully present in your relationship right now. it's impossible to say if he'll come back, especially given the added stress of his dad's situation. But I can virtually guarantee this is not a relfection of his feelings for you.

 

You need to practice some self-care now. There are plenty of support groups out there for partners (and former partners) of bereaved people. That is where I would turn.

[melon252]

It took me a good year or more, plus counselling, to start feeling like myself again. My parents finally persuaded me to get help, after seeing how badly I was coping.

 

I can't really say what you should do in this situation, as I was not in a relationship at the time of the death - in fact, it was my then-boyfriend who died. I was also very young. But my friends stuck by me and could see when I needed to just be alone. Pushing him to do something he's not ready to do won't help and will probably cause him to lash out.

 

I wouldn't go completely No Contact on him. The circumstances here are not a typical break-up. I would continue to encourage him to get help; seek out support services in your area and offer him the information. I would also advise you to speak to a grief counselor and get some professional input as to what role you have been and are currently taking. But only he can choose whether or not he's ready for that. I would not necessarily speak to him every day. If he wants to talk, I would be there as a friendly ear but don't have any expectations otherwise. He might be doing what's best for both of you for a little while. He can't be fully present in your relationship right now. it's impossible to say if he'll come back, especially given the added stress of his dad's situation. But I can virtually guarantee this is not a relfection of his feelings for you.

 

You need to practice some self-care now. There are plenty of support groups out there for partners (and former partners) of bereaved people. That is where I would turn.

 

Thank you. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[sandylee1]

He has said that you are making him unhappy.. hence he wants to end the relationship - in your situation I personally would only discuss essential matters with him.. I. E. Regarding any joint bills etc.

 

He wants to be without you in his life ... so let him feel what that really would look like. I don't mean that you should be mean or anything.. but as you're no longer in a relationship... you can come and go as you please .... you don't need to tell him where you're going.

 

Get used to the single life again and as hard as it may be.. start trying to get out with friends again. Go for long walks where you can find peace ... or if you're a gym person... do that. Don't be around the apartment looking sad. Look bright and show that you are able to get through this.

 

Has he had any bereavement counselling? If not you can suggest it to him. You could look online for bereavement support groups/ online forums for those with terminally ill loved ones/relevant articles about bereavement online and send him the links.... with a short message along the lines of 'I thought you could benefit from support with everything that's happened recently and have included some links below on xyz.

 

It shows you care about him and his wellbeing and even if he doesn't see that now, hopefully he will in time.... but if not.. you've done what you felt was helpful.

[melon252]

He has said that you are making him unhappy.. hence he wants to end the relationship - in your situation I personally would only discuss essential matters with him.. I. E. Regarding any joint bills etc.

 

He wants to be without you in his life ... so let him feel what that really would look like. I don't mean that you should be mean or anything.. but as you're no longer in a relationship... you can come and go as you please .... you don't need to tell him where you're going.

 

Get used to the single life again and as hard as it may be.. start trying to get out with friends again. Go for long walks where you can find peace ... or if you're a gym person... do that. Don't be around the apartment looking sad. Look bright and show that you are able to get through this.

 

Has he had any bereavement counselling? If not you can suggest it to him. You could look online for bereavement support groups/ online forums for those with terminally ill loved ones/relevant articles about bereavement online and send him the links.... with a short message along the lines of 'I thought you could benefit from support with everything that's happened recently and have included some links below on xyz.

 

It shows you care about him and his wellbeing and even if he doesn't see that now, hopefully he will in time.... but if not.. you've done what you felt was helpful.

 

I am trying to do this, and act like its not bothering me. I didnt cry in front of him today (although i visited my mom and cried to her for two hours). Its so hard though.

 

I wrote him a small letter yesterday just listing all my happiest memories with him (because all ive heard from him when ive tried to talk him round is that he has no happy memories). he read it today and told me it was sweet and made him cry. And on the next breath tried to sell items to me that he doesnt want to take with him. It crushed me inside but i didnt show it.

 

After that I noticed him looking at me from the corner of my eye this evening while we were in the same room, for about two hours, but he didnt say anything. Im not sure what he's thinking anymore

 

This is so hard, and so sad. All i want is for things to go back to how they were.

[melon252]

He's still living here and in less than a month he will be gone, never to be seen again or so thats what hes told me.

 

However, he isnt hostile in the slightest. In fact, at moments he looks regretful, before quickly reminding me about bills and belongings he needs to sort out before he leaves. He offers to make me dinner, asks to spend time together watching a movie, things like that. Hes asked about my career plans (as Ive been unhappy at work and considering finding a new job).

 

Not much as happened between us, or nothing big enough to cause a breakup. He's dealing with a ton of personal issues relating to death in the family including remorse and guilt.

 

My approach has been to completely back off, stop crying and pleading with him. I know I need to let him go, but I dont think it will bring him the happiness he thinks it will, because I didnt cause his problems. Could I have been more patient with his moods? Yeah sure. But I didnt cause his issues and I cant fix them for the same reason.

 

Can someone please offer some kind of idea as to why he is on one breath pushing me away and on the next talking to me like nothing has happened? Will he regret leaving when his emotions have calmed down? Does he just need space to deal with things on his own?

[Steven1]

I think he may feel that he can't offer you what he wants to give you for what he is going through. Often when this happens with family problems it can offer be a relationship that suffers because of it, and it's through no fault of either side it just one of those things that sadly happens as a consequence to the family problems.

 

He may feel that he needs to try and get away from it all and has detaching himself from everything, he may feel that this is the best course of action. If you two have no problems etc then it may be worth trying to get through to him and for him to maybe open up about it if he can, explain how you feel about it to him about the relationship and how you want to help, you can do nothing more or nothing less at this point.

[melon252]

I think he may feel that he can't offer you what he wants to give you for what he is going through. Often when this happens with family problems it can offer be a relationship that suffers because of it, and it's through no fault of either side it just one of those things that sadly happens as a consequence to the family problems.

 

He may feel that he needs to try and get away from it all and has detaching himself from everything, he may feel that this is the best course of action. If you two have no problems etc then it may be worth trying to get through to him and for him to maybe open up about it if he can, explain how you feel about it to him about the relationship and how you want to help, you can do nothing more or nothing less at this point.

 

Ive tried. I really have, to explain how I feel. But its like talking to a stranger this past week, he seems devoid of any emotion at all.

[Steven1]

I've been there myself. When I was with my now ex girlfriend a few years ago, I went through a phase of random depression as I had a load of stuff go through my head that was unwarranted at the time, that me and her would break up for I wouldn't be able to see her or be able to get a house with her etc, and it just random stupid stuff but I started to detach myself from her and everything around me as I felt that I wasn't making her happy and that she deserved someone better. It's a very weird thing and I imagine that is how he feels. Likewise with my ex she went through something very similar but I continued to persist and stand by her...my advice for you would be a bit of the general guide line, don't suffocate him with overly asking how he is etc,,,just be there. I think if anything he may come around as he sounds like he doesn't really mean what he's saying and is just emotionally all over the place at the minute and just needs to find some time to get things together. As I said if the two of you are otherwise fine, I think this might just be a bump in the road that can be overcome.

[melon252]

I've been there myself. When I was with my now ex girlfriend a few years ago, I went through a phase of random depression as I had a load of stuff go through my head that was unwarranted at the time, that me and her would break up for I wouldn't be able to see her or be able to get a house with her etc, and it just random stupid stuff but I started to detach myself from her and everything around me as I felt that I wasn't making her happy and that she deserved someone better. It's a very weird thing and I imagine that is how he feels. Likewise with my ex she went through something very similar but I continued to persist and stand by her...my advice for you would be a bit of the general guide line, don't suffocate him with overly asking how he is etc,,,just be there. I think if anything he may come around as he sounds like he doesn't really mean what he's saying and is just emotionally all over the place at the minute and just needs to find some time to get things together. As I said if the two of you are otherwise fine, I think this might just be a bump in the road that can be overcome.

 

 

Thanks for your advice. I honestly dont know who he is becoming. I dont recognise his actions as being the person that I love and saw a future with. Its starting to feel like he is trying to hurt me on purpose, by one minute being normal and then at the same time telling me he will never see me again.

 

I just cant believe it. I want to follow your advice and just be here for him, but in truth the constant emotional rollercoaster with him is becoming very frustrating and depressing.

[melon252]

So many people have read this and not tried to help?

[Survivor12]

He's still living here and in less than a month he will be gone, never to be seen again or so thats what hes told me.

 

However, he isnt hostile in the slightest. In fact, at moments he looks regretful, before quickly reminding me about bills and belongings he needs to sort out before he leaves. He offers to make me dinner, asks to spend time together watching a movie, things like that. Hes asked about my career plans (as Ive been unhappy at work and considering finding a new job).

 

Not much as happened between us, or nothing big enough to cause a breakup. He's dealing with a ton of personal issues relating to death in the family including remorse and guilt.

 

My approach has been to completely back off, stop crying and pleading with him. I know I need to let him go, but I dont think it will bring him the happiness he thinks it will, because I didnt cause his problems. Could I have been more patient with his moods? Yeah sure. But I didnt cause his issues and I cant fix them for the same reason.

 

Can someone please offer some kind of idea as to why he is on one breath pushing me away and on the next talking to me like nothing has happened? Will he regret leaving when his emotions have calmed down? Does he just need space to deal with things on his own?

 

Why do you think he should be hostile? When my exH and I were preparing to separate, no one who wasn't already aware would have suspected what was going on. We were still living in the same house with our son. Neither of us wanted our home to be a tension-filled battlefield so we agreed to be cordial and make the best of things until we were able to make the final move.

 

In fact, once we had reached our decision to end the marriage, much of the tension that had existed was gone. There was no more need to tiptoe around each other, place blame or pretend that everything was okay. We didn't hate each other. We just didn't agree on how we wanted to live our lives and what we each needed to be happy.

 

So your ex has decided that he is no longer committed to your relationship. It doesn't mean that he hates you or that he has any reason to treat you badly. He has been open about what he wants and what he plans to do. Treating you kindly does not mean that he has changed his mind. If he was able to tell you that it was over, he would have no reason not to tell you he has decided to stay.

 

Of course you are hurting. He may be as well. It seems to me that treating each other with kindness instead of hostility is good for both of you right now as you are each dealing with your own pain and disappointment.

 

My advice is to use this time to change your mindset. Learn to accept that it is over and prepare yourself for when he is gone instead of trying to find reasons to believe that it isn't.

[melon252]

Why do you think he should be hostile? When my exH and I were preparing to separate, no one who wasn't already aware would have suspected what was going on. We were still living in the same house with our son. Neither of us wanted our home to be a tension-filled battlefield so we agreed to be cordial and make the best of things until we were able to make the final move.

 

In fact, once we had reached our decision to end the marriage, much of the tension that had existed was gone. There was no more need to tiptoe around each other, place blame or pretend that everything was okay. We didn't hate each other. We just didn't agree on how we wanted to live our lives and what we each needed to be happy.

 

So your ex has decided that he is no longer committed to your relationship. It doesn't mean that he hates you or that he has any reason to treat you badly. He has been open about what he wants and what he plans to do. Treating you kindly does not mean that he has changed his mind. If he was able to tell you that it was over, he would have no reason not to tell you he has decided to stay.

 

Of course you are hurting. He may be as well. It seems to me that treating each other with kindness instead of hostility is good for both of you right now as you are each dealing with your own pain and disappointment.

 

My advice is to use this time to change your mindset. Learn to accept that it is over and prepare yourself for when he is gone instead of trying to find reasons to believe that it isn't.

 

 

But the way you make it sound, you and your ex husband came to this decision together. But for me, he told me he loved me last week, he told me to book time off work in september so we could go somewhere together, and now, hes broken up with me on a moments notice, and doesnt seem upset at all! Hes walking around, singing, whistling, acting like we are friends!

 

Were his feelings for me false??? Is he JOKING me right now??? We dont have any children, if he was so unhappy with me and indifferent to me, he could have done the right thing and LEFT but instead he is here reminding me every day that he has moved on as if i meant nothing to him while i cant eat sleep or stop crying!!!!!

 

And maybe im wrong, but if we had children together maybe this wouldnt seem so final. We would still be connected in some way. But as far as I can tell his intention is to act like nothing is wrong here, then walk out and never look back.

 

I do not know how I am supposed to come to terms with this. Unlike him, i cant just turn my back on my feelings and i cant just act like he means nothing to me/

 

:(:(:(

[Zahara]

But for me, he told me he loved me last week, he told me to book time off work in september so we could go somewhere together, and now, hes broken up with me on a moments notice, and doesnt seem upset at all! Hes walking around, singing, whistling, acting like we are friends!

 

That's common on LS. One moment they're making plans and telling you how much they love you, only to dump you soon after. Dumpers contemplate ending it with you way before it happens. They're detaching way before the ending. They go back and forth in their head until it's decision time. Telling you all those things was probably a day when he felt he could do it and continue the relationship with you or just him keeping up appearances -- but unfortunately, he's resigned to ending it and has finally reached a decision.

 

He's emotionally detached and he can talk to you like nothing has ever happened. It's because he is in a different mindset as you are -- I would suggest you create boundaries and start to distance yourself from him. Communicate only when there is a need to -- bills, lease, etc.

[ExpatInItaly]

But the way you make it sound, you and your ex husband came to this decision together. But for me, he told me he loved me last week, he told me to book time off work in september so we could go somewhere together, and now, hes broken up with me on a moments notice, and doesnt seem upset at all! Hes walking around, singing, whistling, acting like we are friends!

 

Were his feelings for me false??? Is he JOKING me right now??? We dont have any children, if he was so unhappy with me and indifferent to me, he could have done the right thing and LEFT but instead he is here reminding me every day that he has moved on as if i meant nothing to him while i cant eat sleep or stop crying!!!!!

 

And maybe im wrong, but if we had children together maybe this wouldnt seem so final. We would still be connected in some way. But as far as I can tell his intention is to act like nothing is wrong here, then walk out and never look back.

 

I do not know how I am supposed to come to terms with this. Unlike him, i cant just turn my back on my feelings and i cant just act like he means nothing to me/

 

:(:(:(

 

OP, if I remember the backstory correctly, this is a man in mourning after the death of his brother. As I explained in your last thread, grief and despair can do funny things to people. He is also facing the looming death of his father. Simply put, one's perspective and thought process can change dramatically after experiencing trauma. I speak from experience. Following the death of my ex, my emotions were all over the map. Some days I felt okay, some days I did everything I could to suppress the pain I was feeling, and some days I crumbled in grief. Some people were surprised that I appeared to be "normal", but the truth was that hiding and ignoring my pain was a coping mechanism. The resulting depression made me lose my ability to feel much of anything, really. I withdrew into myself and isolated myself a lot.

 

Did you follow up on my suggestion of seeking counseling for yourself? As I recall, he is refusing to seek help of his own. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't. I don't think you fully grasp bereavement, which makes sense if you haven't lived through it personally. This isn't your fault. A counselor can help you to better understand what's happening to him, and the huge impact the death has very likely had on him.

 

That's not to say he didn't genuinely love you. It's also not to say he hadn't already been thinking about ending the relationship. But I suspect his loss plays a significant role in his current behaviour, which he probably doesn't even realize right now. I understand you are very hurt, and you have every right to be. But I think gaining some professional insight on grief and bereavement will at least help you see what's affecting him right now.

 

The circumstances surrounding this breakup aren't your typical ones. For your own sanity, please remember that.

Edited March 27, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[Firefly91]

Melon I feel I may be going through something similar however your situation sounds more positive. I don't really get why they feel the need to protect us from themselves as if we can't make the decision on our own. But I agree just be there for him and give him his space he needs to figure out what he wants. I think he may come back around because it doesn't sound as if there is any damage done to the heart of the relationship. It's just a battle within himself.

[melon252]

so i posted a few devastated posts a few weeks ago about how the "love of my life" broke up with me and told me id ruined his life. i was bereft, thinking of all the happy times, all the good memories, thinking id never find anyone else, what i could have done better for him. Im on antidepressants and had a few suicidal thoughts pass through my mind in the first few days. ive begged with him, pleaded with him, and totally lost my self respect in the process. i was crying to my friends, my family, and crying at random intervals at work.

 

im still living with my ex until he moves his stuff out in 3 weeks time, which i thought id also be devastated about, but you know what, the rose tinted glasses came off this week and i feel FINE. and what did it was actually anger. and i finally told him ALL the things hes done to hurt me. That guy has wronged me for the last time, and he knows it.

 

I just want to tell anyone who is feeling devastated you can and you WILL feel better. Here are the things that helped me the most

 

* changing all my normal routines - even going on my lunch break from work was upsetting me. so i changed it. i started listening to music through headphones at work. i started adjusting my working hours. ive started visiting my parents and family alot more in the past few weeks.

 

* leaning on my family for support, and getting advice from my nan who was in the same position 40 years ago. and guess what? she is one of the happiest most chilled out people i know.

 

* antidepressants - theyve really helped me sleep better and i have got my appetite back slightly as my anxiety starts to wear off. and this in turn has made me feel better.

 

* making myself laugh. ive taken to playing vienna by ultravox every time my now ex irritates me purely for the line "this means nothing to me". i smile every time i hear it.

 

*someone on here or on reddit posted advice about the happy memories. i was really struggling with remembering all the good times, and someone posted to simply visualise the memories as ballooons and watching yourself let them go into the sky.

 

* be realistic. you will survive without your ex. you will find happiness again. and also, remember them for who they are now and not who they were at the very beginning of your relationship.

 

* NO or LIMITED contact. my now ex has tried to be nice (probably too nice) every time he has seen that i am not crying over him, and guess what? hugs and kisses and pretending everything is ok might be good for THEM to feel less guilty but it is not good for YOU. Put a stop to it and keep your distance, or you will end up emotionally back at square one.

 

* Forget about the future with them. Ive struggled with this, Wondering whether he will change his mind, or come back to me in the future. it still hurts, but ultimately THIS trail of thinking is NOT helpful for you feeling better.

 

* Hope for the future. A good friend said to me, a person better for you is out there somewhere right now, doing every day boring things, waiting to meet you one day. I thought this was nice and it really lifted my spirits.

 

* Try to make some positive steps. I was praised at work today when throughout my relationship the stress my ex brought to me with his personal problems zapped my motivation. Now, I am free, and people are already noticing my work improving. One of my oldest friends is visiting me in the summer who i havent seen in 3 years aswell, and i am beyond excited. i wasnt allowed to see him while i was with my ex as my ex was jealous.

 

Never in a million years thought id be writing a post like this, just remember you will be JUST FINE :) <3 dont waste your tears on someone who isnt crying over you!!! when you're going through hell, keep going. Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

Good for you. I'd make plans to be out of the house as much as possible until he's gone. The distance will help you.

[basil67]

Awesome post Melon. Thanks for sharing

[melon252]

Good for you. I'd make plans to be out of the house as much as possible until he's gone. The distance will help you.

 

THIS all day long. You are so right. I tried to spend more time with him straight after the breakup to try to get him to change his mind. It just totally drove me into the ground, i felt so heartbroken i couldnt breathe right. He has, once again, just came and talked to me (hes drunk) feigning some kind of fake interest in how i am doing. I AM ACTUALLY FINE, you attention seeker

 

time to get off the ego train and leave me alone! what a load of crap, dumping someone in such a nasty way and then trying to be friends!!! I could give two f's about being civil, and if he thinks ill be speaking to him after hes moved out HES IN FOR THE SHOCK OF HIS LIFE. although im thankful hes playing these games because its making me so angry, and its the anger thats getting me through it. :lmao:

 

i fully advocate being pissed off with your ex, it really helps your recovery :lmao: