Zahara Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Damn...this is exactly how I feel.I literally gained NOTHING by visiting her profile.Now my heart feels broken again and my mind gets all these crazy thoughts about her and her apparently new relationship.A terrible feeling especially after making progress towards moving on 2 weeks ago.I guess the good news is I didn't directly contact her and making a fool of myself. Why haven't you blocked her? It's hard because you're still hopeful and you're afraid to sever that tie. But wouldn't it be bad if you got past this and started feeling better again and somewhere down the line you see something again that hurls you back down the hole? Self- preservation, Jim. Link to post Share on other sites
mariababy Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I'm sorry but I know how tempting it is to check up on ex's facebook. My suggestion is to block her so you won't be tempted to check on her. I blocked my ex on facebook the day we broke up and everytime I type in his name, there is 0 search results and I get my reminder on why I am in NC - For me to heal. She might also be deliberately flirting and putting photos with other men because she knows you will see it. I know how horrible it is to see your ex with another men and that "sinking horrible feeling". I hope you get through this but do block her definitely for now. Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 When I was going through the toughest part of my most recent break up, I got my computer savvy friend to set up some kind of redirect I guess, so if I was to click on her FB profile, it would redirect me to another page. This was great because it meant I couldn't look at her page on my computer even if I wanted to, and I also got a great laugh out of it when I tried to (I had it redirected to a youtube clip of Lord of the Rings where Gandalf is about to be pulled off the bridge by the Balrog and he tells the others to run or something, so I guess the Balrog was like my ex and Gandalf was telling me to run away from her LOL) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 I wanted to be discreet so I blocked her newsfeed and chat only.Apparently not enough...the irony is I knew from day one of NC that visiting her profile would do me no good,yet still today I was a weak person.Lesson learned,the hard way sadly.Well,not going to happen again for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 When I was going through the toughest part of my most recent break up, I got my computer savvy friend to set up some kind of redirect I guess, so if I was to click on her FB profile, it would redirect me to another page. This was great because it meant I couldn't look at her page on my computer even if I wanted to, and I also got a great laugh out of it when I tried to (I had it redirected to a youtube clip of Lord of the Rings where Gandalf is about to be pulled off the bridge by the Balrog and he tells the others to run or something, so I guess the Balrog was like my ex and Gandalf was telling me to run away from her LOL) Hahahah I also have a friend who is kind of an expert with computers.Maybe I'll tell him to make me something similar Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I wanted to be discreet so I blocked her newsfeed and chat only.Apparently not enough...the irony is I knew from day one of NC that visiting her profile would do me no good,yet still today I was a weak person.Lesson learned,the hard way sadly.Well,not going to happen again for sure. Don't be so hard on yourself. We've all slipped. Sometimes it's a good thing. Like touching a hot pot. You get burned and you know not to touch it again. This now forces you to take the necessary steps to finally do the right thing -- for you. You know what you need to do. I hope you prioritize your healing and do whatever it takes to get you to the other side. Good luck to you. Keep posting and seeking support. You'll get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 Thank you,posting here has been a great help in moving on from this.I am having a really hard time getting over my ex girlfriend.I did everything I could to show her that the reasons I wanted us to get back together were genuine,went out of my way way too many times to show her how much I love her,but to no avail.I came to a point where I realized there is nothing more I can do so I decided to cut off ties and go NC to help myself move on.I guess that's a start! But damn do I miss her.I try to occupy myself to stop thinking about her.Going out with friends and working seems to help most of the time,but when I have these alone moments I can't get her out of my head.I really wanted us to be together and work things out but it seems like I was the only one putting any effort to it while she was seeking greener pastures... Link to post Share on other sites
JDam Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Im sorry. It just happened to me too. a university group (I like its page on facebook) posted pictures from a university prom. So it showed up in my newsfeed. And I saw him posing for a pic with another girl. Not sure if they are a couple but they were there together. It made me upset. Not because he has a girl.. But because I think that karma is probably not working. If it was he would be alone for the rest of his life for the ******* that he is. And I would be in a happy relationship which Im not. So no, karma is not working. Link to post Share on other sites
mariababy Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I wanted to be discreet so I blocked her newsfeed and chat only.Apparently not enough...the irony is I knew from day one of NC that visiting her profile would do me no good,yet still today I was a weak person.Lesson learned,the hard way sadly.Well,not going to happen again for sure. Don't say that. You are not weak. Keeping NC is not easy especially in the initial month or so (depending how long your relationship lasted). I have broken NC in the inital days too. But each time you do, you get stronger because you are more motivated to keep NC and continue to heal. Like you said this was a hard lesson, but it will keep reminding you never to try to find out anything about her anymore because it just hurts you further. Link to post Share on other sites
kasop Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Heres a tip that helped me with nc. Dont count days. Nc isnt a triall run its a new chapter for yourself. One day you will wake up and not even know how lng its been because frankly you dont care. And that was my goal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 Im sorry. It just happened to me too. a university group (I like its page on facebook) posted pictures from a university prom. So it showed up in my newsfeed. And I saw him posing for a pic with another girl. Not sure if they are a couple but they were there together. It made me upset. Not because he has a girl.. But because I think that karma is probably not working. If it was he would be alone for the rest of his life for the ******* that he is. And I would be in a happy relationship which Im not. So no, karma is not working. Well,I don't believe in karma either but I believe that eventually everyone gets what they work for.It seems the only thing we can do now is work on ourselves so when the right person comes along we will be ready to create a great relationship.What makes us sad is that we believe the person who was right for us was our ex... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 Don't say that. You are not weak. Keeping NC is not easy especially in the initial month or so (depending how long your relationship lasted). I have broken NC in the inital days too. But each time you do, you get stronger because you are more motivated to keep NC and continue to heal. Like you said this was a hard lesson, but it will keep reminding you never to try to find out anything about her anymore because it just hurts you further. Maybe I was too hard on myself when I said I feel like a complete idiot.Maybe seeing my ex with someone else while I still love her made my stomach twist and turn.Whatever the case I know that I won't cause this pain to myself again. What I am sure of is that I can't believe how a person with whom I shared each and every day of my life for years went from my life partner to an adversary to someone I have to keep away from and eventually I hope a distant memory of the past.It is really heartbreaking! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 Heres a tip that helped me with nc. Dont count days. Nc isnt a triall run its a new chapter for yourself. One day you will wake up and not even know how lng its been because frankly you dont care. And that was my goal. When I started NC I had adopted the same mindset.I started counting days a couple of days ago..guess what? right when I did I visited her profile...you are totally right,the whole point of this is to get to the point where you don't care Link to post Share on other sites
JDam Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Well,I don't believe in karma either but I believe that eventually everyone gets what they work for.It seems the only thing we can do now is work on ourselves so when the right person comes along we will be ready to create a great relationship.What makes us sad is that we believe the person who was right for us was our ex... I dont think he was right for me at all. I think the reason why it hurts so bad is not because I love him (I dont), I think my reasons are the following: - he was my first relationship (and also first sex partner. I waited for so long because I really wanted my first to be the last as well. Well this all fell apart and I feel like I failed my "principles") - the relationship lasted for 2 years, he was my first in simply everything, first guy to introduce my parents to etc. I wasnt his first in anything at all... which makes it easier for him and super difficult for me. - we did not have a long term crisis, I felt something was off about 2 weeks before we broke up. The BU was really abrupt and also really harsh and unexpected. Therefore a lot harder to cope with. - Im 27 and female. I feel like it is getting extremely difficult to find a guy at my age and as a woman. Because at my age every guy simply questions my motives for being in a relationship, they think I want to get married and have babies etc. Also, my ex was 4 years younger. I no longer want a younger guy. EVER. Too immature. BUT the problem is that guys my age or older are all taken... What I am sure of is that I can't believe how a person with whom I shared each and every day of my life for years went from my life partner to an adversary to someone I have to keep away from and eventually I hope a distant memory of the past.It is really heartbreaking! My feelings as well. We became enemies. It is really strange. He tried reaching out and be friends, but only on his own terms without ever apologizing. I feel like talking to him without ever getting a voluntary apology would validate his behavior, so it is unacceptable. He got pissed when I told him not to ever contact me ever again, he deleted the very last photos of us on his facebook, even took time to delete my old comments... So yeah, I totally understand what you are saying. It is really odd to be on such unfriendly terms with someone you were once really close with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 7, 2016 Author Share Posted March 7, 2016 I try to think rationally,I know logic is my best chance of healing and moving on,so I decided to make a post about telling myself and you the truth of the situation I am in. There is no chance of ever getting back together with her,it is over.She has clearly completely moved on from me and our 3,5 years relationship,probably in love with someone new now.Before going NC,I did everything I possibly could to show her my feelings are genuine and that I could give her everything I had in a relationship.I went out of my way multiple times to help her,boost her confidence,make her feel good about herself and show her that I truly and genuinely love her,to no avail.She rejected me all the same,twice!!!I shouldn't beat myself up for it since I know that at least I will never have any regrets for now showing her my feelings.But it doesn't matter anymore.It is over and the only thing I can do is move on with my life.She is never coming back and there is nothing I can do to change that. Sometimes though I feel so sad about this.I clearly love this girl and I miss her like crazy.After being rejected I denied her "friendship" proposal telling her I can't pretend felling something less than I feel.I miss talking with her throughout the day,making jokes about anything,hanging out,making out,being intimate.Sometimes I miss everything about her.I know I should not but I always was honest about my feelings.Nowdays,just the thought of her being in love with someone new while I still am in love with her makes my stomach twist and turn.I feel like a ghost,pinning for an old relationship that ended months ago.Thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
louxor Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 I try to think rationally,I know logic is my best chance of healing and moving on,so I decided to make a post about telling myself and you the truth of the situation I am in. There is no chance of ever getting back together with her,it is over.She has clearly completely moved on from me and our 3,5 years relationship,probably in love with someone new now.Before going NC,I did everything I possibly could to show her my feelings are genuine and that I could give her everything I had in a relationship.I went out of my way multiple times to help her,boost her confidence,make her feel good about herself and show her that I truly and genuinely love her,to no avail.She rejected me all the same,twice!!!I shouldn't beat myself up for it since I know that at least I will never have any regrets for now showing her my feelings.But it doesn't matter anymore.It is over and the only thing I can do is move on with my life.She is never coming back and there is nothing I can do to change that. Sometimes though I feel so sad about this.I clearly love this girl and I miss her like crazy.After being rejected I denied her "friendship" proposal telling her I can't pretend felling something less than I feel.I miss talking with her throughout the day,making jokes about anything,hanging out,making out,being intimate.Sometimes I miss everything about her.I know I should not but I always was honest about my feelings.Nowdays,just the thought of her being in love with someone new while I still am in love with her makes my stomach twist and turn.I feel like a ghost,pinning for an old relationship that ended months ago.Thoughts? Acceptance is a big part in moving forward from a break up! It hurts like crazy but accepting that there is nothing you can do to change someones mind is a very big step forward, so well done to you for that! When you feel down at the thoughts of her being in love with someone new, try and rest with the fact that your gave it all you could, you did your best, and you can't do anything more than that. If your ex couldn't see that for what it was worth, that's not on you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Venn Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Im just like you T.T only mine is worse... there could have been a chance for us to get back... but its too late... I looked for a rebound relationship while we were still in cool off mode... now she is gone for good... i still fight for her though... even if there is no chance for me to get her back T.T 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 7, 2016 Author Share Posted March 7, 2016 Acceptance is a big part in moving forward from a break up! It hurts like crazy but accepting that there is nothing you can do to change someones mind is a very big step forward, so well done to you for that! When you feel down at the thoughts of her being in love with someone new, try and rest with the fact that your gave it all you could, you did your best, and you can't do anything more than that. If your ex couldn't see that for what it was worth, that's not on you! Thank you.That's the only thing I can do,it's not my fault it has come to this and while it hurts I should not beat myself over it.I know these things but it still hurts though 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 7, 2016 Author Share Posted March 7, 2016 Im just like you T.T only mine is worse... there could have been a chance for us to get back... but its too late... I looked for a rebound relationship while we were still in cool off mode... now she is gone for good... i still fight for her though... even if there is no chance for me to get her back T.T I read in an article a couple of days ago that the only thing which makes us hurt is that we suffer because we want reality to be different than it is.Would I want us to be together and in love like we were so many years? Yes I most definitely would.But is that reality or what will happen realistically? Definitely not,she is over me,moved on and I can't linger on a past relationship all my life.It sucks,it really does because that's not what I want but I can't deny the truth from myself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jasejasejase Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 God I feel for you. In exactly the same position ... Just can't get over an ex I still love who has also moved on. Can't even stomach the idea of moving on myself as no one will be her. And the thought of her with someone else ... Makes me feel sick. I know ... No advice here ... Just know that you're not alone mate 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Venn Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 How do we even move on? They were the only relationships that we ever wanted... right? Why did we ever make mistakes like the last ones? A single big mistake that we did, made us lose the ones we love so much. ;'( 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 You need to stop 'being in love' with her. Its pointless, useless, and it goes nowhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 8, 2016 Author Share Posted March 8, 2016 God I feel for you. In exactly the same position ... Just can't get over an ex I still love who has also moved on. Can't even stomach the idea of moving on myself as no one will be her. And the thought of her with someone else ... Makes me feel sick. I know ... No advice here ... Just know that you're not alone mate How do we even move on? They were the only relationships that we ever wanted... right? Why did we ever make mistakes like the last ones? A single big mistake that we did, made us lose the ones we love so much. ;'( Well,at least knowing you are not the only one is something I guess...I am going through the exact same emotions as you guys.However when a relationship ends never is someone the only one to blame.Both partners are always at fault so we should not beat ourselves up over it.If the people we love can't see and accept our honest feelings for them there is nothing we can do other than move on..sad I know,I hoped it would turn out for the best,but it is what it is I guess...c'est la vie!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim nine three Posted March 8, 2016 Author Share Posted March 8, 2016 You need to stop 'being in love' with her. Its pointless, useless, and it goes nowhere. I am totally aware of this,believe me I have realized this for some time now and hope to move on with my life.Question is how does on stop "being in love" with someone else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emaize3 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Jim nine three, that's the big question. We can't shut off love like it didn't exist. I know my ex loved me. He told me all the time. How can he just end it so easily? Im pained and I'm sure he is definitely getting on better than me. I just don't get it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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