Jaredmackenzie Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I've had the same FWB for awhile now. We have a close bond and connection because we've been through so much. Our sex is A-mazing. Like really the best. She text me a lot like maybe once a day or every other day. We were on and off because we don't always get along. I send her messages a lot too like silly pictures. We recently made an agreement that we'd try not to fight as much. She's gets upset if she doesn't get her way all the time. She said she'd stop throwing her little tantrums and also told me that maybe I should ignore her when she does. For some reason though I CANT ignore her when she acts like that. Idk why but I can't. After the last time we had sex she'd text me and ask if we could have sex in a "few days". She text me that a few times like maybe one day and the next. I didn't respond. I asked her for sex last week and she told me she doesn't want to continue what we have because it benefits me and not her because we only have sex when I want....not when she does. She told me I'm selfish and denied me. She doesn't text me anymore and ignores me when I talk to her. With her, I always act like I don't care but I always end up missing her a lot more than I expected. Our last hookup was a makeup as well And I was so overwhelmed when I first seen her that I gave her the biggest hug and told her I missed her. I couldn't help it because I didn't think I missed her as much until I seen her again. She made me promise to see her more and I agreed. I'm in the entertainment industry and I've been traveling a lot so I'm always really busy. I mean I know that's bs to her but it's true. I don't think she's going to speak to me anymore. She's changed since I met her and she has this attitude like she could take or leave me. Idk what to say to her ughhhh Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 You can't ignore her because you have feelings for her. You said whenever she ask for sex you didn't respond and you think she's supposed to always be there for you when YOU want it?? That is a little selfish. If you can't or are too busy you could simply text her back and say that you are busy. Why would you just ignore ?? She probably has changed because you said it's been long term?? She's probably tired and fed up. Maybe you could start communicating with her more!? She's right it's only benefiting you if you guys only have sex when YOU want. And at some point you need to acknowledge that you have deep feelings for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tillwemeetagain Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I think you really like her. but the point is you are being selfish not giving her what she wants aswell. I think you might want to call it FB because if you are FWB you will understand what she needs and what she wants. when she ask for it. and if you want to make it up to her again because you misses her. if you are friends you know what will she make her come back to you. and also try the give and take policy that will help alot. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Why don't you both just make it official, and become committed to each other. She's already acting like it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 2, 2016 Author Share Posted April 2, 2016 Why don't you both just make it official, and become committed to each other. She's already acting like it is. Because I'm not ready to commit Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Because I'm not ready to commit Why? It's just a word. Without realising or labelling it - you are virtually committed to one another. The 'C' word is exactly that. Just a word. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 It's quite possible she's met someone else and doesn't know how to be honest and tell you that. And yes, I speak from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Hence the danger of a fwb situation: someone catches feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 It's quite possible she's met someone else and doesn't know how to be honest and tell you that. This was my thought too. It definitely sounds like she met someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 3, 2016 Author Share Posted April 3, 2016 i asked her why is she being this way and she sent this message. I copied and pasted it. Because you're selfish. We never have sex when I want. We only do when YOU want to. I feel like the timing has to be perfect as well. There are times when I was unavailable and you just said "maybe some other time" or "I'm not waiting". When you are unavailable, you expect me to wait for you. There's never any effort coming from you. Whenever I try and stand up for myself or say how I feel, you say that I'm complaining or "throwing a tantrum". Everything has to be your way. You and I both know what we've been through and the amount of time we've been involved. You haven't changed. Everything is still about you. You won't even admit that you actually do care about me. If I'm going to be sleeping with someone, I at least want to feel respected. Everything we do is how you want to do it. You never consider how I feel. You don't even acknowledge the fact that every time I've ended things you came after me. This time you told me that you didn't want to fight anymore and that you just want "it". It's been 2 1/2 years. Of course I care about you. But.... You're still a selfish bastard Ughhhh she's soooo stubborn 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Stubborn? She seems wise to me. If she feels that way (and she does) she should not be having sex with you. She doesn't seem like she's being a drama queen because you are the one texting her, not the other way around. She just seems . . . done. People end relationships when they don't work for them. She is being honest--it isn't working for her. You need to change (not seeing that as likely) or move on. Best wishes to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mattelipstick Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 I don't see anything in her message that is unfair or untrue. You said yourself that when she texted you several times asking to meet up, you ignored her. But when you were ready to meet up, you expected her to jump. Sounds like a smart girl for realizing the one-sided nature of your arrangement, IMO. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Smart girl IMHO. Hope she finds a good dude, seems like she's a keeper who's got her head screwed on straight. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 3, 2016 Author Share Posted April 3, 2016 Obviously I want her in my life and I tried telling her that. You want me in your life when you feel like it. Whenever you do something that I don't like, you pull the "we're friends with benefits". You use that title when it suits you. You're more attached to me than you even notice. You call me "baby" constantly. That is a term of endearment. You say you miss me. you manipulate words and situations so that it works out for you. You LIE to me constantly about everything. When I leave you alone you constantly come after me. You're too proud to claim me as anything but you're not too proud to chase me when I'm gone. FWB don't do that. If you didn't care you would've been on to the next. I've punched you in the face and you came back!! You're not respectful at all. It's just about YOUR needs. We have sex the way YOU want. I do everything to please you. I ask for something done my way and I'm "complaining". You want things your way and you want me to stay silent. I'm not a doormat. I have a voice and I'll use it. She's being so ridiculous!! She never complained before about this stuff. And it's very petty to point out that I call her "baby" what's the big deal?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 3, 2016 Author Share Posted April 3, 2016 Stubborn? She seems wise to me. If she feels that way (and she does) she should not be having sex with you. She doesn't seem like she's being a drama queen because you are the one texting her, not the other way around. She just seems . . . done. People end relationships when they don't work for them. She is being honest--it isn't working for her. You need to change (not seeing that as likely) or move on. Best wishes to you. She stubborn because she's made it up in her mind that's she's mad and she's only sticking to that Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Because she IS mad. It's not an act. She's tired of your games and she's told you. Sounds like you need a more submissive partner for you sexual needs there Christian Grey. She's letting you know how she feels and you're using your obviously usual manipulation by telling her she's whining or being stubborn.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 She sounds like a smart girl who is tired of playing your games. I commend her, actually. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 She stubborn because she's made it up in her mind that's she's mad and she's only sticking to that No, she's not the one being stubborn......... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 Lol I told her she'll never change and this was her reply Ugh ? I'm not even going there with the I'll never change bull****. You always use that same **** against me. Like you're perfect. You've done your **** too. You use that psychological projection **** all the time and never own up to anything. Don't go there with me.... So ****ing selfish smh. Boy she is pissed at me!! And what is psychological projection?? Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 (edited) You're joking, right? Sounds like she has studied up and figured you out. And based on what she is saying about you and what you are saying yourself, I don't think you will ever be able to see your role in this. I think she is very done with your R. Edited April 4, 2016 by thecharade 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 You're joking, right? Sounds like she has studied up and figured you out. And based on what she is saying about you and what you are saying yourself, I don't think you will ever be able to see your role in this. I think she is very done with your R. So I responded and told her "just plain stfu" because I don't feel like arguing and all she said was "good one" Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 So I responded and told her "just plain stfu" because I don't feel like arguing and all she said was "good one" You are a jerk!! Why would you tell her to "stfu" ?? That's very disrespectful 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 JM, I find you very confusing. Do you care about her or not? Do you want a real R or not? Do you enjoy arguing with her or not? I honestly cannot tell because you are saying one thing and doing another, and you seem to have no insight into yourself. In other words, you keep talking about her being stubborn and difficult but you don't seem to see any problems with your own actions. If that is the case (and your girlfriend/fwb seems to be screaming at you that this is indeed the case) there is probably no way for any of us to help you. Is it true? Are you not able to see or think objectively about your own role in ruining this relationship? I am not trying to be unkind, just honest--we are seeing a woman who seems to have had some feelings for you, seems to feel she was taken advantage of by you for your own selfish needs, and got fed up. We all see it. Do you? The second problem is that you seem to want her back, and you are trying to accomplish that by bullying her and being rude? SAY WHAT? Why would you do that? If she is "wrong," then why don't you just leave her alone? If she is right and you have been a jerk, then why are you not apologizing and changing? I have only known one type of person to handle a difficult relationship with anger instead of exiting or apologizing, and that type is a narcissistic abuser. Is that who you are? I sure hope not. If it is, then this will be the first of many dysfunctional failed relationships for you. If you are not a narcissistic abuser, then you will do whatever she wants because you want her back, OR you will leave her alone because it is not the right relationship. Please, stop harassing her. Healthy people don't act that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 So I responded and told her "just plain stfu" because I don't feel like arguing and all she said was "good one" Seriously? Young man, after reading this thread it is quite obvious that you have an unrealistically high opinion of yourself in general. Attitudes like that are good I'm sure in the entertainment industry but they don't translate to much in real life other than people not wanting to be around you. I'm going to give you a valuable piece of advice that maybe you should think about. You cannot go around manipulating people and dismiss their feelings and expect them to stick around. People get real sick of that real fast. Being so dismissive of your FWB is going to lead you to wind up alone. If you don't get a handle on your self importance that self importance is going to turn out to allow you to do nothing but sleep alone the rest of your life. Again. maybe that attitude works backstage at the dinner theater when you want to get the chick. But she will figure it out and give you the hook and then you will be on to the next one, who will figure it out too. Then you'll get a rep and you won't have any FWBs at all other than your left hand. Please get a clue and start treating people with some modicum of respect or you will find yourself a pariah to women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Lol I told her she'll never change and this was her reply Ugh I'm not even going there with the I'll never change bull****. You always use that same **** against me. Like you're perfect. You've done your **** too. You use that psychological projection **** all the time and never own up to anything. Don't go there with me.... So ****ing selfish smh. Boy she is pissed at me!! And what is psychological projection?? Psychological projection is having a psychological problem and transmitting it onto someone else as if it's they who have the problem, not you. She's not stubborn, or being a jerk, but you are projecting those qualities onto her, because rather than stop, think and consider the foolishness and selfishness of your own actions, you prefer to mirror them back onto her, put them entirely on her shoulders, abdicate any responsibility for your actions, and blame her for this mess, when it quite clearly isn't her who is at fault. So I responded and told her "just plain stfu".... Your articulate and educated response is only marginally eclipsed by your common sense, sound reasoning and consideration. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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