Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 JM, I find you very confusing. Do you care about her or not? Do you want a real R or not? Do you enjoy arguing with her or not? I honestly cannot tell because you are saying one thing and doing another, and you seem to have no insight into yourself. In other words, you keep talking about her being stubborn and difficult but you don't seem to see any problems with your own actions. If that is the case (and your girlfriend/fwb seems to be screaming at you that this is indeed the case) there is probably no way for any of us to help you. Is it true? Are you not able to see or think objectively about your own role in ruining this relationship? I am not trying to be unkind, just honest--we are seeing a woman who seems to have had some feelings for you, seems to feel she was taken advantage of by you for your own selfish needs, and got fed up. We all see it. Do you? The second problem is that you seem to want her back, and you are trying to accomplish that by bullying her and being rude? SAY WHAT? Why would you do that? If she is "wrong," then why don't you just leave her alone? If she is right and you have been a jerk, then why are you not apologizing and changing? I have only known one type of person to handle a difficult relationship with anger instead of exiting or apologizing, and that type is a narcissistic abuser. Is that who you are? I sure hope not. If it is, then this will be the first of many dysfunctional failed relationships for you. If you are not a narcissistic abuser, then you will do whatever she wants because you want her back, OR you will leave her alone because it is not the right relationship. Please, stop harassing her. Healthy people don't act that way. So she curses at me a billion times and I curse at her ONCE and I'm wrong?? Every thing I said to her previously she cursed at me!! Then the passive and sarcastic "good one" is ok too?? Are you joking? Of course I want to fix it but I won't take all the blame Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 Psychological projection is having a psychological problem and transmitting it onto someone else as if it's they who have the problem, not you. She's not stubborn, or being a jerk, but you are projecting those qualities onto her, because rather than stop, think and consider the foolishness and selfishness of your own actions, you prefer to mirror them back onto her, put them entirely on her shoulders, abdicate any responsibility for your actions, and blame her for this mess, when it quite clearly isn't her who is at fault. Your articulate and educated response is only marginally eclipsed by your common sense, sound reasoning and consideration. She likes to argue and point out all the bad things I've done instead of moving forward. That's not positive Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Has it ever occurred to you to stop, listen and consider she is right? She may point out your flaws, but I don't see you listening, paying attention and addressing her comments in any constructive or remedial way..... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 She likes to argue and point out all the bad things I've done instead of moving forward. That's not positive So why are you still interested? The bottom line is that she doesn't wish to continue seeing you. What's the point of arguing about who's right or wrong? It's done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 So why are you still interested? The bottom line is that she doesn't wish to continue seeing you. What's the point of arguing about who's right or wrong? It's done. Because I love her ok? I mean.... I guess I do ...... I can't ignore her when she yells at me because I don't want to stop talking to her. Shes been around me for years and we've been through so much. Obviously I care. I just don't show her that I do Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Because I love her ok? I mean.... I guess I do ...... I can't ignore her when she yells at me because I don't want to stop talking to her. Shes been around me for years and we've been through so much. Obviously I care. I just don't show her that I do I think that ship sailed, Jared. You had multiple opportunities to take the hint that unwilling to compromise was unacceptable to her. Now she sees by your actions that her assumption that you took her for granted was correct. I am afraid if we see this as too little too late she will see that magnified. Why don't you leave her be for a bit? If you harangue her at this point you will be certain to lose her forever. I know it seems counterproductive to you, but you being Kinda /Sorta in love with her is not enough right now. Best to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open up your mouth to her and remove all doubt. You will be putting a nail in the coffin if you try talking to her right now. To her, everything you would say would sound like BS and she is having none of it. Just the way it is at is moment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Because I love her ok? I mean.... I guess I do ...... I can't ignore her when she yells at me because I don't want to stop talking to her. Shes been around me for years and we've been through so much. Obviously I care. I just don't show her that I do OK so why don't you show her some of that love, why are you not listening to her. She thinks you are a selfish [insert expletive of choice] and nothing you have said on here actually refutes that assertion. Why are you being so hard and cruel to her? Why have you done bad things to her? "stfu" is NOT a term of endearment. She is on the brink of staying out of your life for good, so think about it, if that is what you want, keep going the way you are, if you truly love her then you will have to be a whole lot nicer to her and even then it may be too late... Sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Of course I want to fix it but I won't take all the blame She is very upset about the way you have treated her in your R, and I have yet to hear you take any blame. At all. What exactly do you take the blame for in your R? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 7, 2016 Author Share Posted April 7, 2016 So I didn't talk to her for a day or attemp to. I texted her last night. Me: ok (in response to her telling me the night before never to talk to her) Her:excuse me?? Her: oh you're still on yesterday??....oh (how rude) Me:nah Her: oh ok she's being so dry and rude on purpose !! How do you fix it with someone behaving like that Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 So I didn't talk to her for a day or attemp to. I texted her last night. Me: ok (in response to her telling me the night before never to talk to her) Her:excuse me?? Her: oh you're still on yesterday??....oh (how rude) Me:nah Her: oh ok she's being so dry and rude on purpose !! How do you fix it with someone behaving like that "OK" was seriously the best you could do here???? I thought you loved her and wanted her back? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 So I didn't talk to her for a day or attemp to. I texted her last night. Me: ok (in response to her telling me the night before never to talk to her) Her:excuse me?? Her: oh you're still on yesterday??....oh (how rude) Me:nah Her: oh ok she's being so dry and rude on purpose !! How do you fix it with someone behaving like that She doesn't want to fix it. I'm not sure why you're not grasping that. Just leave her alone now. Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 "OK" was seriously the best you could do here???? I thought you loved her and wanted her back? He has an ego problem and just wanted something to say to her and it unfortunately didn't work lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 OK so time to swallow your pride and just tell her what she wants to hear....apologize for being selfish, and that you understand that she deserves to be treated better and admit that you have been a *&^% head. Offer an olive branch and say you would like to make some changes with her because seeing her like this is upsetting, and that you have been through so much together, blah blah blah. Pour it on a little thick and you will have her in bed with you soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Katiedaniels Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 He has an ego problem and just wanted something to say to her and it unfortunately didn't work lol ???? lol. Guys with huge egos always do this. They don't realize in their own head that they're not winning anyway by these actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jaredmackenzie Posted April 7, 2016 Author Share Posted April 7, 2016 Are you guys not grasping how rude she was to me here ? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 i asked her why is she being this way and she sent this message. I copied and pasted it. Because you're selfish. We never have sex when I want. We only do when YOU want to. I feel like the timing has to be perfect as well. There are times when I was unavailable and you just said "maybe some other time" or "I'm not waiting". When you are unavailable, you expect me to wait for you. There's never any effort coming from you. Whenever I try and stand up for myself or say how I feel, you say that I'm complaining or "throwing a tantrum". Everything has to be your way. You and I both know what we've been through and the amount of time we've been involved. You haven't changed. Everything is still about you. You won't even admit that you actually do care about me. If I'm going to be sleeping with someone, I at least want to feel respected. Everything we do is how you want to do it. You never consider how I feel. You don't even acknowledge the fact that every time I've ended things you came after me. This time you told me that you didn't want to fight anymore and that you just want "it". It's been 2 1/2 years. Of course I care about you. But.... You're still a selfish bastard Ughhhh she's soooo stubborn She's not stubborn. She's leveling the playing field for you since you won't do it. It's just that you like the playing field uneven and to your advantage. Looks like those days are over. She sounds like she's not going to beg you for either your friendship or some sex. If you want her in your life, you're going to have to start acting like it or go buy sex from a pro if you don't want attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 Are you guys not grasping how rude she was to me here ? As Will Smith said "(dude) you brought this on yourself". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 She likes to argue and point out all the bad things I've done instead of moving forward. That's not positive Boy... you're going to be lonely for a long, long time. I hope you like your own company. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 Because I love her ok? I mean.... I guess I do ...... I can't ignore her when she yells at me because I don't want to stop talking to her. Shes been around me for years and we've been through so much. Obviously I care. I just don't show her that I do There is such a thing as too little too late. It's important to know when the precipice is right in front of you. It's too late once you've gone over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 (edited) So I didn't talk to her for a day or attemp to. I texted her last night. Me: ok (in response to her telling me the night before never to talk to her) Her:excuse me?? Her: oh you're still on yesterday??....oh (how rude) Me:nah Her: oh ok she's being so dry and rude on purpose !! How do you fix it with someone behaving like that If this is how you go about resolving issues, I gotta say, you just need to let her go. You fix it by saying the following: "I'm sorry you're right about me being selfish and that's not fair to you. I know I'm not the only one here who has needs and I should not be punishing you to turning you away or ignoring you to suit my convenience". If your puffed up bluster is more important to you and it keeps you warm at night, then keep on as you were and let her go find someone else who is willing to reciprocate. If she is as important as you're claiming she is, then you need to open up a can of "act right". It's really as simple as that. Edited April 7, 2016 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 Do you keep calling her stubborn just because she won't do what YOU want? Just wow. When you talk about her, you make her sound like a piece of property or a child or a dog. Speechless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 (edited) Why don't you both just make it official, and become committed to each other. She's already acting like it is. I was thinking the same thing. I mean the fact that the OP is talking about "make up sex" in a FWB arrangement says it all IMO. Sounds like the OP is in major denial. i asked her why is she being this way and she sent this message. I copied and pasted it. Because you're selfish. We never have sex when I want. We only do when YOU want to. I feel like the timing has to be perfect as well. There are times when I was unavailable and you just said "maybe some other time" or "I'm not waiting". When you are unavailable, you expect me to wait for you. There's never any effort coming from you. Whenever I try and stand up for myself or say how I feel, you say that I'm complaining or "throwing a tantrum". Everything has to be your way. You and I both know what we've been through and the amount of time we've been involved. You haven't changed. Everything is still about you. You won't even admit that you actually do care about me. If I'm going to be sleeping with someone, I at least want to feel respected. Everything we do is how you want to do it. You never consider how I feel. You don't even acknowledge the fact that every time I've ended things you came after me. This time you told me that you didn't want to fight anymore and that you just want "it". It's been 2 1/2 years. Of course I care about you. But.... You're still a selfish bastard She actually sounds really wise and self aware to me. Just because she is voicing her concerns in a mature/concise manner, doesn't mean she's stubborn or throwing a tantrum. She's simply not a push over that is willing to accept such a one sided arrangement. Edited April 7, 2016 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
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