and exactly what do I say ?

[blackpool-lad]

I'll be honest with you, I'm 29 and although I've had a few serious relationships, some lasting a few years, they've all been got almost by accident or by dating adds, and so far never by my own doing. What I mean to say, is bieng a little quiet and not having bags of confidence I've never approached a girl in a bar and started chatting. I also have never (honestly) had anyone approach me and show any interest in me. Up until recently I wore awful glasses, had a bad haircut and dressed less than ideal. Recenly I've cleaned up my act and now I'm smartly dressed, have modern glasses and some confidence.

 

Right,

So I'm planning to to go out, I know the bars where the sort of talent I'm interested in goes, and I've decided that tonight (for the first time ever) I'm going to make some kind of contact.

 

(Don't get me wrong, I can talk to girls, it's just strangers and talking to people in a place where they would expect you to try to pick them up is what bothers me)

 

 

-----

 

So, I've been to the same place a few weeks now, and on the same night each week, I'm aware of a few girls that I like that seem to visit every week. So lets say, this week I go in, and there she is, one of the girls I saw last week, chatting with her female mate, I'm stood about five paces away, and I keep looking in her direction inbetween drinking my drink and saying the odd word to my male mate. As he's shouting in my ear over the music, I'm still watching her, but she does not seem to notice me.

If she does spot me, I'll try and smile and guage her response, if the smile doesn't come, a slight nod of the head in an 'alright, how you doin' kind of guesture is the best I'll be able to manage.

Assuming all goes well, and I still think it's worth approaching her, what exactly am I going to say ? - advice given by parents and those who aren't from my generation always sounds like it wouldn' go well, things like :-

 

“What do you think of the music in here ?”

“Were you in here last week ?”

“I was wondering if you live locally ?”

“I really think you seem nice, can I buy you a drink ?”

 

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what would sound right. This sort of stuff must come natural to a lot of people or at least they have lines in mind that they re-use. I know that a lot is written about body language and to some degree your appearance matters, your confidence and your sence of humor obviously. When I’ve searched on the internet, all I’ve found is unusable rude, or tacky lines that in my view wouldn’t work and just aren’t ‘me’

 

Can anyone suggest some ‘real world’ openers to get a conversation going

 

Or do I just assume that by going about it the right way it doesn’t really matter too much what you say, it’s how you say it that matters

 

In which case the comments listed above, or something amusing might do the trick ?

 

 

If I were trying to be witty I might try –

 

“Did I see you in the (suggest another bar) last Friday ?”, she says “I don’t think so”, “Oh right, well can we go this Friday then instead ?”

 

“I really like your skirt……..can I try it on ?”

 

“Is that that new Vodka and Bannana drink (or whatever), can I have a taste ?” (not expect a result on this)

 

 

 

Any advice for an easy way into this for me, please post

 

Thanks for reading --- Paul

[UltimateZen]

Originally posted by blackpool-lad

I'll be honest with you, I'm 29 and although I've had a few serious relationships, some lasting a few years, they've all been got almost by accident or by dating adds, and so far never by my own doing. What I mean to say, is bieng a little quiet and not having bags of confidence I've never approached a girl in a bar and started chatting. I also have never (honestly) had anyone approach me and show any interest in me. Up until recently I wore awful glasses, had a bad haircut and dressed less than ideal. Recenly I've cleaned up my act and now I'm smartly dressed, have modern glasses and some confidence.

 

Right,

So I'm planning to to go out, I know the bars where the sort of talent I'm interested in goes, and I've decided that tonight (for the first time ever) I'm going to make some kind of contact.

 

(Don't get me wrong, I can talk to girls, it's just strangers and talking to people in a place where they would expect you to try to pick them up is what bothers me)

 

 

-----

 

So, I've been to the same place a few weeks now, and on the same night each week, I'm aware of a few girls that I like that seem to visit every week. So lets say, this week I go in, and there she is, one of the girls I saw last week, chatting with her female mate, I'm stood about five paces away, and I keep looking in her direction inbetween drinking my drink and saying the odd word to my male mate. As he's shouting in my ear over the music, I'm still watching her, but she does not seem to notice me.

If she does spot me, I'll try and smile and guage her response, if the smile doesn't come, a slight nod of the head in an 'alright, how you doin' kind of guesture is the best I'll be able to manage.

Assuming all goes well, and I still think it's worth approaching her, what exactly am I going to say ? - advice given by parents and those who aren't from my generation always sounds like it wouldn' go well, things like :-

 

“What do you think of the music in here ?”

“Were you in here last week ?”

“I was wondering if you live locally ?”

“I really think you seem nice, can I buy you a drink ?”

 

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what would sound right. This sort of stuff must come natural to a lot of people or at least they have lines in mind that they re-use. I know that a lot is written about body language and to some degree your appearance matters, your confidence and your sence of humor obviously. When I’ve searched on the internet, all I’ve found is unusable rude, or tacky lines that in my view wouldn’t work and just aren’t ‘me’

 

Can anyone suggest some ‘real world’ openers to get a conversation going

 

Or do I just assume that by going about it the right way it doesn’t really matter too much what you say, it’s how you say it that matters

 

In which case the comments listed above, or something amusing might do the trick ?

 

 

If I were trying to be witty I might try –

 

“Did I see you in the (suggest another bar) last Friday ?”, she says “I don’t think so”, “Oh right, well can we go this Friday then instead ?”

 

“I really like your skirt……..can I try it on ?”

 

“Is that that new Vodka and Bannana drink (or whatever), can I have a taste ?” (not expect a result on this)

 

 

 

Any advice for an easy way into this for me, please post

 

Thanks for reading --- Paul

 

From the sound of it, the bar is pretty loud, so whatever you do come up with make it short, but still catch her interest. You also need to keep in mind that you are not going to get too deep into a conversation in this sort of setting, so if you keep the conversation short and to get her digits, you ask her you would love to continue this conversation next (give a day) over dinner.

 

But the opening line is always the hardest. Here is one that might work.

 

"See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute."

Extremely original, this line will make you stand out from the pack. This line virtually guarantees that she will smile.

 

If you come accross charming and confident just about any line will do. Just introduce yourself and ask for her name.

[Merin]

What's the most amazing feature about this Girl?

(If it's her body like T & A.. Don't use these! ha!)

 

Maybe it's her eye's.. or her smile?

 

Walk over to her and say "You have the most amazing smile (or whatever) and I had to let you know.. My name is _____________ and your's?"

[blackpool-lad]

thanks for the reply, does this sort of compliment 'really' work, I'm sure if I went over and said "Does anyone ever tell you that you have beautifull eyes...my names Paul, whats yours ?"

 

I'm sure the reply would be :-

 

"No you're the first actually, what a load of s**t, my name Lisa, get lost !"

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I like the skirt comment, if she's wearing one that is. Then you could say something about how great her legs look.

 

If u can make her smile that's a great ice breaker.

 

There's nothing wrong with just telling her you've seen her there before, and can't forget a pretty face, or comment on her nice smile, etc etc. Nothing cheesy.

 

Ask her questions "how are you doing tonight?" simple questions just to get her talking....Do u like the music....do you like to dance etc etc....

 

I like what you have in your original post.

 

Oh, and if it's crowded, don't be afraid to move in a little wee close when someone walks by, as if u'r moving out of the way, and have to steady yourself with your hand on her shoulder just for a half a second. (ooops sorry)

[Merin]

Originally posted by blackpool-lad

thanks for the reply, does this sort of compliment 'really' work, I'm sure if I went over and said "Does anyone ever tell you that you have beautifull eyes...my names Paul, whats yours ?"

 

I'm sure the reply would be :-

 

"No you're the first actually, what a load of s**t, my name Lisa, get lost !"

 

I didn't say ASK her IF anyone else has told her.. I said tell her YOU think she has amazing eyes, smile..

IF you're sincere, she'll appreciate it.. if she isn't interested in you she'll still appreciate the SINCERE compliment but will let you know she isn't interested...

 

AND trust me when I say if she was going to tell you you're full of sh*t she isn't going to give you her name before telling you to pound sand

[blackpool-lad]

thankyou for the advice, It's a great help. You can tell I'm just not experienced in this type of thing, and it's unusual for someone that to everyone else would appear totally normal in any other way. 'chatting up' is just something that I've never had the bottle to do. So easy for someone who is natural, or to put it better 'practised'. Perhaps I'm assuming that I have to try 'too hard' and say 'exactly' the right thing, and I'm told time and time again that I don't.

I went out to my favourite bar just the other night, again I'm sorry to report that I had 0% female contact again, but I'm happy to build my confidence and get to know the place and the people first.

I was watching a young lad who was trying to hit on the two girls who were dancing in front of me, I was amazed to see all the things that he did wrong, but they were still polite and he still didn't lose face over it.

First off, he was drunk, immediately he was all over them. He started with one girl, said a few words, tried his arm around her, and then a kiss on her cheek. She obviously didn't know him, and I was amazed to see how little reaction there was from her. The lad decided he was having no luck so he continued to dance around them and moved to her friend where he repeated the exact same process with a similar result.

I'm not suggesting that this is a good way to act, certainly not, but I was amazed at the reaction, or lack of reaction from the girls, who really didn't mind. One of the girls made a break and moved about five paces away, and her friend shortly, and slowly went to join her. They never told the guy to get lost or warned him away, they just gave the message that they weren't interested

All the above only serves to suggest (as everyone else has said) that if you're nice, no ones likely to bite your head off !

 

P.S - just so you don't think I'm completely useless, I do converse fine with females whom I dont intend to hit on or chat up, in my job I converse perfectly with people of all ages, if I couldn't I'd be out of a job !

 

Cheers - Paul

[blue16]

I'm not a big fan of planned comedy lines and such. If something is there that I can point out (and I can be witty at the same time) then I'll say it but preconceived jokes don't work nearly as well. It has to come naturally otherwise it seems forced.

 

I like just regular conversation to get everything started, "How's it going?" "How's your night been?" "You having a good time?" then go from there. It's not really anything planned ahead of time, just casual conversation to get the ball rolling. Just say whatever you feel like saying. I don't believe in pickup lines or fancy openers.