Need to change something...!

[Beatles4]

There has to be a way to be successful and confident with girls but at the moment am just the opposite, constant rejections, still not getting time of day, don't seem to meet girls that often, getting really frustrated, feeling like a loser..

 

Where can I meet girls to ask out, and why is it so hard??

Why aren't girls willing? Even to just talk?

 

Need to change something cause sick of being the lonely one, surely someone on here can help? Yes? No??

 

Been told countless times it is my confidence, but when you hardly meet girls in the first place then how can I get confidence, like a catch 22...

[preraph]

You don't get real confidence or self-esteem from a girl saying yes. If that happens and that's the only way you have it, that is you using her as a prop or crutch to make you feel you have value, and if she leaves you, then you will be devastated and desperate and probably fight it, because she's taking your facade of confidence with her when she goes.

 

So for starters, I'd try to find some books on self-esteem just so you understand yourself a little better. Self-esteem can often grow from your own accomplishments, like being successful at a job or a hobby, because you do that all on your own. So maybe expanding your universe and trying new things and pursuing everything that sounds fun to you would make you happier and make you feel better about yourself, and then other people can see that in you. It will make you more interesting too. Instead of looking for "the magic phrase" to use to pull in a girl, you will have your own active interests to talk about, something authentic.

 

Sounds like you are at least trying to talk to girls. So try this instead or in addition to for awhile. The girls you should be paying attention to are the ones who have been friendly at all with you, smiling or saying hi, or watch for any who keep seeming to turn up right in front or behind or to your side, because that girl may be putting herself near you hoping you'd notice, but you didn't notice because the whole time you've picked out the one girl in the room you find attractive and been focused on her (just like all the other guys - so what do you think your chances are with her?).

 

So stop hunting for a little while, or at least pause it long enough to take a look around you and notice any girls that maybe you have overlooked who have a friendly smile or nod for you. That's who you should be dating that's going to say yes.

[ZA Dater]

You don't get real confidence or self-esteem from a girl saying yes. If that happens and that's the only way you have it, that is you using her as a prop or crutch to make you feel you have value, and if she leaves you, then you will be devastated and desperate and probably fight it, because she's taking your facade of confidence with her when she goes.

 

So for starters, I'd try to find some books on self-esteem just so you understand yourself a little better. Self-esteem can often grow from your own accomplishments, like being successful at a job or a hobby, because you do that all on your own. So maybe expanding your universe and trying new things and pursuing everything that sounds fun to you would make you happier and make you feel better about yourself, and then other people can see that in you. It will make you more interesting too. Instead of looking for "the magic phrase" to use to pull in a girl, you will have your own active interests to talk about, something authentic.

 

Sounds like you are at least trying to talk to girls. So try this instead or in addition to for awhile. The girls you should be paying attention to are the ones who have been friendly at all with you, smiling or saying hi, or watch for any who keep seeming to turn up right in front or behind or to your side, because that girl may be putting herself near you hoping you'd notice, but you didn't notice because the whole time you've picked out the one girl in the room you find attractive and been focused on her (just like all the other guys - so what do you think your chances are with her?).

 

So stop hunting for a little while, or at least pause it long enough to take a look around you and notice any girls that maybe you have overlooked who have a friendly smile or nod for you. That's who you should be dating that's going to say yes.

 

We have our differences but I think the above is great advice for the OP.

 

To the OP, I am 10 years older than you and in the same space you are, I can sympathise.

[Beatles4]

You don't get real confidence or self-esteem from a girl saying yes. If that happens and that's the only way you have it, that is you using her as a prop or crutch to make you feel you have value, and if she leaves you, then you will be devastated and desperate and probably fight it, because she's taking your facade of confidence with her when she goes.

 

So for starters, I'd try to find some books on self-esteem just so you understand yourself a little better. Self-esteem can often grow from your own accomplishments, like being successful at a job or a hobby, because you do that all on your own. So maybe expanding your universe and trying new things and pursuing everything that sounds fun to you would make you happier and make you feel better about yourself, and then other people can see that in you. It will make you more interesting too. Instead of looking for "the magic phrase" to use to pull in a girl, you will have your own active interests to talk about, something authentic.

 

Sounds like you are at least trying to talk to girls. So try this instead or in addition to for awhile. The girls you should be paying attention to are the ones who have been friendly at all with you, smiling or saying hi, or watch for any who keep seeming to turn up right in front or behind or to your side, because that girl may be putting herself near you hoping you'd notice, but you didn't notice because the whole time you've picked out the one girl in the room you find attractive and been focused on her (just like all the other guys - so what do you think your chances are with her?).

 

So stop hunting for a little while, or at least pause it long enough to take a look around you and notice any girls that maybe you have overlooked who have a friendly smile or nod for you. That's who you should be dating that's going to say yes.

 

Reading this makes me feel better and I think you are right!

You dont know me in real life do you? lol, It is so true!

 

Advice much apreciated!

[preraph]

Reading this makes me feel better and I think you are right!

You dont know me in real life do you? lol, It is so true!

 

Advice much apreciated!

 

You're very welcome. Well, I think a lot of us feel like we know you and others like you because honestly, most of us have been through this phase at one point or another, a LOT of us when we were young and awkward, but then most of us hit low spots in our life too that take the wind out of us and take courage and strategy to spring back from. You're not alone.

[Limitless159]

Being in a big social circle and having a network of friends is very important. Meeting girls off the street is harder and then you are getting too know complete strangers. But in a big social circle you have more people you somewhat know too choose from. I don't bother with dating but I have a couple single friends in my group who have many girls too choose from because of how many people they know. These guys would have a harder time meeting girls off the street but because they know so many people its easier too take out a friend of a friend who you have met a few times previously ect. Having a big network of friends and social groups makes a big difference.

[ZA Dater]

Being in a big social circle and having a network of friends is very important. Meeting girls off the street is harder and then you are getting too know complete strangers. But in a big social circle you have more people you somewhat know too choose from. I don't bother with dating but I have a couple single friends in my group who have many girls too choose from because of how many people they know. These guys would have a harder time meeting girls off the street but because they know so many people its easier too take out a friend of a friend who you have met a few times previously ect. Having a big network of friends and social groups makes a big difference.

 

 

Agree with you, a circle of friends can make a huge difference. I myself have very few friends and like you say it makes things incredibly difficult.

[preraph]

I agree. Having a social circle makes everything easier. I only had a small one where I grew up, but when I moved and started working doing what I loved, I got a huge circle, which amazed me because I had never been like that before. I attribute it to working in retail, so getting to know those people, plus customers, and then us all having a common interest, music. It just blossomed. So never neglect to do what you enjoy and find a public way to do it. Sitting at home just listening to music wouldn't have netted me a social circle.

[ZA Dater]

Another suggestion, do some reading on body language. I am told that it is fairly important to project a positive body language. Its something I have never been able to though.

 

 

If I were you I would look at the massive positive, you are 22 and there is plenty of time, one step at a time and keep a positive focus and I am sure you will be fine in long term.

[Beatles4]

good idea!

 

Am 28 btw lol

[thecrucible]

I would start by building your confidence in other ways such as joining common interest groups. Interactions in friend situations actually teach you a lot more than you think and meeting all kinds of people broadens your horizons and makes you more interesting. Also "fake it till you make it" but don't force yourself to do big things at once - just keep setting challenges for yourself no matter how small and then feeling good about yourself when you do it.