My boyfriend is a sociopath? My parents sociopaths?

[CharmingCharlie]

I've got a lot going on at the moment so I'm going to try and sum them all up as best I can. I'll even respond to other people's posts if you need elaboration so feel fee to leave advice ask questions etc. I'm not asking any certain question other than just writing down how I feel about everything and going from there.

 

I am in my early 20's I am still living at home. When I was born I had a rare heart condition. It's troubled me in the past (ex. I can't do intense sports or any high stress activity.) So you can imagine my friendships where very few or non existent (too many parents afraid of a law suit if anything happened.) Anyway I grew to appreciate my independent time more than time with other people I'm a little more introverted but I'm hungry for adventure and enjoy other people's energy but I can only hang out with people limited amounts of time. For instance I'm a Leo and not sure if that has to do with anything but I climb the walls if I stay cooped up in the house for four days but can find myself feeling like a dog dragged on a leash when I'm out with others for more than a few hours. I feel like It's difficult to find common ground with people because my type of fun is not there's.

 

For instance, my type of fun would incorporate walking into a tacky hat shop trying all of them on and reiterating cheesy movie lines in the best in character voice I can. other people.... they like to drink party get hammered and talk about nonsensical bs that doesn't really matter... to me anyway. I know I know "I'm not hanging out with the right people." well then, where ARE the right people? I can't seem to find anyone like me except for when I was on campus at college(up north in Mass) I found at least three girls that I enjoyed spending time with but now I'm back home in Florida and although we keep in contact I can't find anyone down here like me....

 

This loner DOES have a boyfriend however. The 9th we will be together for a year. we have a lot in common. My hobbies and likes compliments his and so do my values and everything else etc. This year has really taken a turn we have had some adventures and we really enjoy each other but we haven't had a full honeymoon either.

 

To give you some background I first saw my boyfriend when he started working at my favorite local coffee house. He was so cute when I was 17. I'd visit so often it was obvious I drooled over him... I'd nervously order my coffee and shake when giving him the cash and then finally last year at the end of March I slipped him my number and haven't regretted it since. My mom loved how happy and gitty I was she thought my crush was cute and I couldn't wait to bring him home when we started talking and he was exactly the way I hoped he'd be. But It wasn't long until my mom started picking holes in my happiness. She has been trying to get me paranoid about him for a long time and when I went up north last summer for an internship she didn't help anything either. I know I can't blame anybody except myself for everything that happened but other factors still spoiled the stew... When I was finished with my internship I called my mom to tell her what time to pick me up from the airport. She said she didn't want me to come home and live in her house if I was going to date a "scumbag". I told my boyfriend that going home wasn't an option and his folks took me in.... When I got there everything was weird I met the parents before but felt his mom was a little obnoxious and his dad was early quiet. His home feels cold and abnormal. I know a lot of family's these days don'e communicate but this was just not normal.... We both had jobs that required us to work long hours so when his mother used to come into his room and talk to him until 2am I found it irritating. I get that she wanted to speak to her son but blaming me for his long hours at work and making it sound like I was the one keeping him away from the house was overbearing. All the way from her constant looking me up on facebook her subliminal messages and aura of hatred and obnoxiously loud voice I couldn't take her but I knew I couldn't take Nick away whenever I wanted so I spent time at my own house with my parents I spent time at the coffee shop. Whatever I could do to stay away from her so I didn't explode. I may not have been welcome at my own home anymore but at least my parents still talked to me and picked me up when I needed a ride.

My mom was no better she constantly tried to plant the seed that he was a "bad boy" constantly trying to get me paranoid that he wasn't doing what he said he was doing. Hiding my own jewelry from me to make me think he stole it and turning around and calling him a "sociopath".

 

I did all the necessary homework on a socio just so I could rule him out. Nothing I said or did made a difference to my mom and his mother would have liked to say the same **** about me. To wrap this up we made a very dumb decision that got me kicked out of his house and caused us to break up only to run right back to each other two weeks later.

 

Fast forward to today. My parents act more pompous and act as if though I'm not doing anything right by myself. They act as if he's the culprit in my un-motivational attitude and that he's the one oppressing me. When for a fact it's my parents. My mom married my step dad thinking marriage was going to solve everything that he'd stop cheating clean up his act etc. It didn't stop his infidelity and as a child I loved him because he was the only father I knew but I for one was not blind to his bull****. I could see him lusting after other children "mommy's" on the playground I could see his wondering eye and nothing went unnoticed. My biological father was a bit crazy and I probably picked that up genetically. I've always felt there was something different about me but it felt like a bad different. I love stuff and animals far more than I like people. I knew this as a child, I could see that everyone else was different I wondered if it wasn't because of my heart condition but I could see that my mind was wired different too. I have a big heart I don't like to see people in pain but I also wont sit and allow someone to beat me mercilessly and stand down. I think that's also why it was easy for me to know what a cheating dad was. My mom likes to pretend that I was too young to understand but I did. I knew where he was when I was little and I fell down a flight of stairs and was in the hospital. It was a pretty bad fall and my little petite self and heart cant' take that kinda knocking around. My mom called him and asked if he could get out of his "meeting" because it was an emergency. I knew when he didn't want to show that there was something or someone else more important.

 

I didn't understand why I had to watch my mother suffer in this inner turmoil. She had no education she had no security.. She had to stay with him... As a child and young teen I grew a hatred toward men... I had crushes now and again but the thought of my cheating dad pissed me off.

 

Back to today I understand why my mom is so hard on me but now things are different they've been different since I was 19... I could see it happening my mother defending my step dad my step dad turning my mother against me just the same way I used to tern her against him. I didn't have to tho. My mom has wanted to get a divorce since I was 13 but is unable to due to our financial situation... we depend on him and now at the ripe old age of 70 something (my stepdad) and 58 (my mom) we all live in a pretty nice house and can only tolerate each other.

 

I can't take the mental/emotional abuse tho. My mom has called the cops on me last month they showed up and told her to grow up. (she slapped me the day prior and when I got up and screamed at her that she was out of line that's when she called the cops. my step dad yells pushes me and calls me an idiot... my boyfriend does everything he can to make thing easier but unfortunately this is how it's going to be until I get a job and we move out. my boyfriend and I, we are planning so strategically because we want to go up north and get away from everyone but we really need to be able to get there and be stable.

 

To be fair everyone has a point. My boyfriend is absolutely right about the dysfunction of my family and my family is right about Nick in some ways. He's no sociopath but he is so sensible at times that he has no reaction to anything.

 

For instance when we argue it's like a tornado that meats a volcano sometimes. Last week we where fighting about something stupid but mostly because sometimes I don't know how to communicate how I feel. When I get really upset and sob he looks sympathetic but he just doesn't say anything or respond I can see he looks a little emotionally frustrated and torn because usually I am wrong too but it's like he is made of stone sometimes and I don't know if he understands how I feel. However he ALWAYS makes everything better before taking me home. If my parents hurt my feeling I don't get an apology nothing. but I can't help but feel like I'm on a little boat that's going through a really bad storm. title waves are trying to take over my little rowe boat I lose my oars I'm yelling for the harbor but no one is there...

 

My parents seem angry his parent seem angry, Me and Nick are so intertwined it feels inseparable but at times he doesn't get me and I don't get him....

[SunnyWeather]

have you thought about going to college? maybe get some separation from everyone and focus on yourself?

 

you're so young, so much ahead of you. don't throw it away. learn how to become independent and then consider being in a serious relationship. you don't want to have to suffer for the rest of your life due to powerlessness and economic servitude.

 

be who you want to be on your terms.

 

good luck

 

eta: what you have described does not sound like sociopathology, but it's not healthy behavior either

[SunnyWeather]

hey there OP

 

re reading your post I see you did go to college. what came about with that?

 

are you M or F?

[CharmingCharlie]

Thanks for your reply. Yes I enjoyed college and am still enjoying it. It's really my only distraction right now. Being on campus was a great experience but unfortunately after being 19 and naive I quickly discovered you had to have major money to go to college so I packed up to live back at home. Besides the on campus life was a bit ridiculous and immature for me to be around all these young adults who pull the dumbest shenanigans. Anyway now I am studying online and looking for a job as a distraction.

[basil67]

I'm not seeing sociopath. I'm seeing parents who are so very disappointed that their daughter is in an extremely volatile relationship.

 

Your parents aren't dealing with it well. And despite the love you have for Nick, the explosive arguments and his lack of empathy for you show that your parents are right to be concerned.

[SunnyWeather]

Thanks for your reply. Yes I enjoyed college and am still enjoying it. It's really my only distraction right now. Being on campus was a great experience but unfortunately after being 19 and naive I quickly discovered you had to have major money to go to college so I packed up to live back at home. Besides the on campus life was a bit ridiculous and immature for me to be around all these young adults who pull the dumbest shenanigans. Anyway now I am studying online and looking for a job as a distraction.

 

In my opinion, what you call a 'distraction' should be your priority. That's the point of my earlier post. THis is the time to get your act together, not look for distractions from your dysfunctional relationships. You've got it turned around...

 

btw: it's great you are doing online courses, but if you REALLY wanted to stay at university you would have found a way. You should be questioning your choices right now, which I believe is what your parents are telling you...

[CharmingCharlie]

Well I believe after getting turned away by 40+ scholarships you would lose hope too.