Need Women's advice & Tony

[Muchacho]

After six months of losing a woman I so deeply love, I was given an opportunity of spending time with her again. This was yesterday and for a couple of hours. We sat by our river and talked like old times. You see, I lost her because of another woman. I did it once and I know that's enough. I never denied it when confronted and I hated myself for what I did to her. It stemmed from my emotional insecurities in our relationship and not because I didn't love her. If that's hard to believe, it's because I can't tell you on why I felt like that. Too personal...

 

...when I dropped her off, my emotions got the better of me and I started to cry on her. Telling her how much she means to me and how sorry I am. She forgave me a long time ago, but hasn't said much in regards to me. I have given her the space she needed and the respect as well. I haven't inconveniened her life whatsoever and she appreciated that.

 

She told me that she had a great time with me yesterday. She gave me a lot of kisses with a five minute hug. Well, she called me this morning to ask me how I was because

 

of her concern for me (the crying). I didn't know how to take that. I hope she doesn't think I'm losing it or something. What does that mean? Anyway, she said she wants to talk to me tonight. I need advice on what to say to her...after yesterday...what can I say to her to not only make her realize that I'm in love with her, but at the same time not make her feel pressured or cornered. What kind of conversation should I give her??

[Tony T]

Remember, this lady wants a man, not a wimp. You can't get too mushy with her right now. You made your point yesterday and that's enough for now.

 

Professing so much love for her at this point will come across more as guilt rather than love. When a guy cheats on a girl, they really don't see that as a whole lot of love.

 

It does sound like this girl cares about you. I'm afraid you're going to have to start out from scratch here. She's not about to dive back into a relationship with you. You hurt her and you hurt her real bad. She has forgiven you but I promise she won't forget until the year 12,497.

 

Let her know how special your time was with her yesterday. It would be much better if you just sort of moved back slowly into her life rather than just asking her if you can come back in. Asking her allows her to come back with a big "NO." But just seeing her now and then...and making the visits more frequent as time moves forward is the better the way to go.

 

When you see her tonight, let her say what she wants to say. You may not want to hear what she has to say...but don't let it bother you one way or the other. Don't interupt her at all. Make sure she is finished each time before you say something. And don't try to make any excuses for anything. Just let her know you understand what she is saying. Maybe she'll surprise you. Either way, don't exagerate a response to what she says.

 

This whole thing is going to have to start from square one and will have to be gradual. Don't worry if she is seeing someone else, or tells you she's not interested. All that is totally irrelevant. Just respect wherever she is in life and move back into it very slowly and cautiously.

 

If you are still inclined to see other women on the side because of insecurities or whatever, please don't hurt this lady again.

[Sally]

The same situation has happened to me, where a man I love cheated on me with another woman. He's still trying to fight for me back and it's been 6 months. I love him so much, but he's really hurt me. He has so much regret and swears the other woman wasn't worth losing me over and he wished he could take it back, but it's too late. The damage was done. He crushed me. I've told him I need some space/time to decide how I feel, but actually what I need is time for him to prove himself to me. I'm hoping that one day I'll be able to trust him again, because what we had was so special. People cheat for different reasons, but the fact remains the same...you cheated and betrayed someone for whatever your reason were. All I can say is keep trying, because if you stop, she'll go away forever. Tell her how you feel with your actions and not with your words, because your words will be useless and meaningless, without action to back it up. She's not going to feel cornered or pressured. She probably wants to see that you're deeply sorry for what you've done. She NEEDS to see it and she wouldn't have spent any time with you last night OR call you in the morning if she didn't still love you. Trust can be gained back, but it will take a very long time. You're not perfect, but if you've learned and grown from it, she will too. I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes it can actually end up bringing two people closer together in the end. You both end up realizing how much the other means to them.

[ashesmum]

You only need to post once, not every day. If someone isn't helping you by saying the right thing, then figure it out yourself.

After six months of losing a woman I so deeply love, I was given an opportunity of spending time with her again. This was yesterday and for a couple of hours. We sat by our river and talked like old times. You see, I lost her because of another woman. I did it once and I know that's enough. I never denied it when confronted and I hated myself for what I did to her. It stemmed from my emotional insecurities in our relationship and not because I didn't love her. If that's hard to believe, it's because I can't tell you on why I felt like that. Too personal... ...when I dropped her off, my emotions got the better of me and I started to cry on her. Telling her how much she means to me and how sorry I am. She forgave me a long time ago, but hasn't said much in regards to me. I have given her the space she needed and the respect as well. I haven't inconveniened her life whatsoever and she appreciated that. She told me that she had a great time with me yesterday. She gave me a lot of kisses with a five minute hug. Well, she called me this morning to ask me how I was because of her concern for me (the crying). I didn't know how to take that. I hope she doesn't think I'm losing it or something. What does that mean? Anyway, she said she wants to talk to me tonight. I need advice on what to say to her...after yesterday...what can I say to her to not only make her realize that I'm in love with her, but at the same time not make her feel pressured or cornered. What kind of conversation should I give her??