DreamP Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 My husband doesn't help with the kids much (an issue we are trying to work on within our marriage). The one things he does do consistently is get the kids ready in the morning on school days. Today was a snow day which leaves the kids home with me all day. I work from home. He left for work this morning. Didn't make the kids breakfast. Didn't even tell the kids to make themselves breakfast. Didn't ask me if I would be OK with the kids all day. Just went to work like any other day. He always does this whenever the kids schedule changes. I am really furious. Need a non-partial opinion on whether this is a big deal. We are trying to work through our marriage issues with one of them being him being more helpful with the kids and household. I am mad that he didn't even consider my situation. Didn't think not taking care of the kids just because they don't have school as an issue at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I'm a dude and a single father. I also work at home. So I feel your pain. I fear days like that. Here's the thing - has he ever had to stay home, take care of the kids and work at the same time? If not, he probably just doesn't understand and you really can't understand until you've done it. So ya, I think you should be irked. But furious? No. He probably just didn't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamP Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 Here's the thing - has he ever had to stay home, take care of the kids and work at the same time? If not, he probably just doesn't understand and you really can't understand until you've done it. Yes he has and always complains about how hard it is to take care of kids and work. There have been times similar where he even made himself cereal, but didn't bother giving any to the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Didn't ask me if I would be OK with the kids all day. Just went to work like any other day. He always does this whenever the kids schedule changes. Breakfast aside, what's your expectation of what he would do on a non-school day? Arrange alternate child care? Stay home himself? If you're in an area where snow days are fairly common, hard to understand how this hasn't been worked out beforehand. Unless you just looking to get your "sacrifice" recognized... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 First you need to recognize that it's not just about today. Division of labor has admittedly been an ongoing issue. You are allowed to feel what you feel but getting mad will not help. Many people who work from home face the same discrimination you are experiencing: other people don't view what you do as having "a real job." They think you can just drop everything as needed. Ways to change that include having a designated work space and showing your partner your productivity or your employers requirements so they see your job as more "real" just like theirs even though you don't have to commute. Going forward, there probably does need to be a snow day plan. If the kids can make their own breakfast, let that be part of the plan. They too have to understand when mommy is working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamP Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 Many people who work from home face the same discrimination you are experiencing: other people don't view what you do as having "a real job." They think you can just drop everything as needed. Ways to change that include having a designated work space and showing your partner your productivity or your employers requirements so they see your job as more "real" just like theirs even though you don't have to commute. I have all of these already. I am the primary breadwinner/benefits. I make 4X my husband and have the potential to make even more. So the more work I do, the more money I make. I always take care of the kids on snow days, but breakfast is his job. Why can't he just do that, especially knowing today is going to be a tough day for me with the kids at home all day. The reason I am soooo mad is just yesterday he said (again) that he is going to try to be more supportive and help me out. Our marriage is on the rocks and this is his idea of trying!!! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Do you make enough money to hire an au pair or nanny? that may take the pressure off. Link to post Share on other sites
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