Recent breakup of long term relationship and having second thoughts

[FeelingIrrational]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. A little context, I've always had doubts about our relationship but I tend to overthink things and never in a good way. It's certainly possible that we're a great match and my commitment issues paired with my overthinking has lead me to be more unsatisfied than I should have been. We recently had a little break where we agreed we could see other people (she was very hesitant) and during the break I thought we had sorted out what all of our underlying issues were.

 

We came to the conclusion that the biggest issue is a lack of trust between each other and the way alcohol affects her. We got back together after a very emotional very transparent discussion. Not three days later we went out separately with friends then met up after a night of drinking. She was clearly wasted and even our uber driver (who came off as very passive) said he bets $10 she's gonna fall flat on her face when running into kroger to get a frozen pizza. I was also drunk admittedly and became very angry at her because this was an issue she said she was going to fix not only for me but for herself and was adamant about.

 

So when we got back to her house I went straight to bed because I didn't want to deal with it and honestly to protest her actions. I hadn't fallen asleep yet but opened my eyes and saw her going through my phone. (During our transparent conversation I had mentioned that I had received a naked picture). She claimed to only be checking my social media because hers was boring but she was actually reading my texts to friends after our fight to see how I felt about her and to see who sent me the picture. I grabbed my phone (non-violently) and was going to get an uber home because I was pretty upset at this point.

 

She proceeded to block the door and wouldn't let me leave and then shoved me and I don't react well to violence especially when drunk so I shoved her back. (I am very against violence and never ever pictured me being violent to another women.) She got increasingly more physical with me and ever 15 feet or so would start hitting me more and I finally had enough and I picked her up and threw her on the couch and she bounced off and hit the table (I don't think there was any physical damage just lots of emotional damage) she began to cry and I felt like a monster at that point and yelled at her "In what world do you see us working? Then she followed me out back and started punching and kicking me and I was extremely sarcastic with her and she wouldn't let me go.

 

My uber arrived and she ran and got in the back and wouldn't let me leave. After much awkwardness she said she'd pay for my uber if she gave me 5 minutes of her time. I set a timer on my phone and listened to her and it was all pretty much incoherent and then I left and the uber driver told me a story about his ex wife and how she was crazy and things to expect from my girlfriend if she was the same way. One of those was showing up at my house unexpected and uninvited. So I went to bed and woke up around 10 and just laid there because of sadness and the like until around 1 when there was a knock at my door.

 

I answered because sometimes it's just my roommate making sure I'm alive and it was her and she had apparently been there since 10 and came in because my roommate saw her and she didn't want to seem creepy so she came and sat outside of my room the whole time and wrote out a few pages of what she had to say to me. I know she absolutely loves me, I don't know if I love her.

 

I never thought I'd be in a relationship like this. But today is a few days after the fact and my heart keeps telling me that I need to take her back. I keep imagining our future together and having two dogs and living out a great life. I don't know if it's just the idea of her I love or if it's actually her. It just came to a point where she became the antithesis of my philosophy and that night I hated who I became.

 

I don't know if it's normal for that to be a one time instance or what. We have tons of great memories and some part of me hates her and another loves her. I just don't know how to feel and would like a more objective viewpoint on this.

 

Thanks so much.

Edited April 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Downtown]

Feeling, welcome to LoveShack. I'm sorry to hear that you experienced such a nasty ending to your 3-year R/S. It would be helpful if you would tell us how your exGF's behavior was throughout your R/S. Did she exhibit instability earlier or only at the end? Did she throw temper tantrums periodically over nothing at all? Was she physically and verbally abusive earlier or only at the end? Finally, did she exhibit irrational jealousy when seeing you around other women or friends?

[carhill]

Welcome to LS.

 

How old are you and your GF?

 

Some of this sounds like young impassioned love fueled by alcohol. Stuff happens. They make movies about it.

 

Nothing wrong with breaks, or breakups. Part of life. Considering what transpired, the physical stuff, perhaps now would be a good time, before either of you do something you can't easily take back. Food for thought.