"Reverse" daddy issues?

[redheaded-squirrel]

Hi all,

 

I've been thinking lately about my attraction to much older men. It's always guys at least 10 years older, always. If I was to go back and think about who did I find attractive or who did I date in the last 5 years, then it'd be men at the age of 43, then 33, then 37, 40 and 42...and only one guy my age (22), but he's very much like a 2016 version of Mr. Darcy, too.

 

So there's this pattern and as much as I enjoy the maturity, wisdom, stability and attractiveness of these men, it bothers me a little. Because such relationships always bring unique challenges with them. Eg. I'd like to wait to have kids but a 40-year old would probably be in a rush; I travel a lot (also for work), but some of these men are afraid of flying, etc.; I've lived in many different countries (by choice) and still want to do that, but for them it's problematic to move around so much, not least because they don't speak so many foreign languages...so I am trying to suppress this particular attraction and to understand its roots, because in the long-term, I'd like a more equal relationship. Even though I love the maturity and everything, it would also be nice to grow emotionally with someone more similar to myself.

 

And I think it's all because of wonderful dad. He is the sweetest, nicest person I know, very much my inspiration in work and in life. We are alike both physically and mentally - sometimes we understand each other without saying anything, or we agree on most things, we are both forgetful and a little absent-minded at times (and laugh about it all the time). I don't have a very warm relationship with my mother because we are both so different...so if you should love your parents 50/50, in my case it's 80/20 for dad. I look up to him so much, for inspiration/validation/advice/appreciation...and I am probably looking for its copy in the men I date, hoping they could provide me with the same things he does. Frankly, that scares me a little, because there aren't many young men like him. I am thinking that maybe that's why I am constantly drawn towards older men.

 

So my question is: do I have "reverse daddy issues"?

 

Not like when your dad is bad/absent - but is too good of an example? Or is there any other term to describe this? Any personal words of wisdom or any advice on where to look next in my search for understanding this?

[JustGettingBy]

Do then men you date physically resemble your father in some way? I mean as far has height, build, eye colour, hair colour/length, ethnicity, facial features?

[blackcat777]

I have a friend who ended up with a man 20 years older. She came from the most loving and supportive family, and her relationship with her dad is awesome. She's always loved older men and jokes it's because she has such a positive relationship with her dad, that she must unconsciously look for that in men.

 

Not all daddy issues are inherently destructive or mean you're damaged, IMHO.

 

We all have our Freudian quirks, but it's really about how we integrate, accept, and understand them.

[Ami1uwant]

I font call it daddy isdues.......

 

Generally if you are mid 30s or later you tend to be more "tied down " to a job snd so home where you live. You can't run off from country to country like you are able to do being younger snd not yet ready to settle down.

 

You are attracted to these older men because they are more stable ( opposite of you)

[redheaded-squirrel]

Do then men you date physically resemble your father in some way? I mean as far has height, build, eye colour, hair colour/length, ethnicity, facial features?

 

 

Some do, some don't...some are very different (physically) from my dad, but 2-3 of them look very much like him (incl. the one I am currently with) - similar eyes, hair, etc.