Dumpees who initiated contact after NC, how was your experience?

[Lasko]

Its been a month now since no contact. I thought it would get better and it has for some time. I'm not in that much pain but I find myself still missing her a lot. I'm the dumpee. I want to contact her so bad, maybe shoot her a text and say hello hope youre doing good. I just want to get a reply and know how she is doing and if shes even thinking about me at all or if she even misses me. maybe reconcile, work things out since things have calm down now for a month.

 

But when I think back on it, she had thoughts about dumping me and was confused to what she wanted but wouldnt tell me at the time. I get angry and feel used. I've kept my pride cause ive never begged, I walked away since the BU.

 

Those who were the dumpee and initiated contact,

 

how did it go?

how long was it after you initiated contact?

did it make you feel better or worst or did you guys get back to together?

did you regret making contact?

 

whats your experience. thank you so much.

[spadeajp]

I was dumped for someone else, through and through. I was pretty angry, it took me months to get over it. I initiated NC a couple weeks after, and didn't message him until a year later. It was just a simple happy birthday message and wishing him well. He sent me a long, long message about how he couldn't get over what he did and how he regretted his decision the whole year. It kind of shocked me, he was very cold and emotionless when he dumped me, I thought I'd never hear from him again. But his message made me feel good about myself, so we decided to try again and started dating. It lasted about a month, when I realized I couldn't let go of what he did to me and it was affecting my mental health, constantly thinking "is he going to do it again?! Is today the day he'll break my heart again?!" I went out of my mind about it, so I broke it off. He was pretty upset at me, and he initiated Nc with me right away, as did I.

[Lasko]

I was dumped for someone else, through and through. I was pretty angry, it took me months to get over it. I initiated NC a couple weeks after, and didn't message him until a year later. It was just a simple happy birthday message and wishing him well. He sent me a long, long message about how he couldn't get over what he did and how he regretted his decision the whole year. It kind of shocked me, he was very cold and emotionless when he dumped me, I thought I'd never hear from him again. But his message made me feel good about myself, so we decided to try again and started dating. It lasted about a month, when I realized I couldn't let go of what he did to me and it was affecting my mental health, constantly thinking "is he going to do it again?! Is today the day he'll break my heart again?!" I went out of my mind about it, so I broke it off. He was pretty upset at me, and he initiated Nc with me right away, as did I.

 

Im so sorry to hear that.

So I guess sometimes they are missing us and regretting what they did to hurt us. But at the time, they are selfish and they planned to get rid of us knowing that they only wanted whats best in their mind and not ours. But you reached out after a year when you were fully healed. so it didnt bother you much. I dont think im fully healed yet. I will try in 2 months.

[Blanco]

Don't do it. She broke up with you and you haven't heard anything. You already know all of the pertinent information. Anything else is just irrelevant at this time.

[Blanco]

Im so sorry to hear that.

So I guess sometimes they are missing us and regretting what they did to hurt us. But at the time, they are selfish and they planned to get rid of us knowing that they only wanted whats best in their mind and not ours. But you reached out after a year when you were fully healed. so it didnt bother you much. I dont think im fully healed yet. I will try in 2 months.

 

No. Don't put a time frame on when you'll reach out. You can tell yourself you want to get through X amount of time without contacting her, but it's pointless if you're planning the whole time to contact her after that period of time has elapsed. That's not the way to do this.

 

Doing it like that puts the emphasis on her. It needs to be on you. NC is for you to distance yourself from her and detach. It's not to make her miss you or be a mental countdown clock on when you'll talk to her again.

[gimlynick]

If it's only a month offcourse the other person will still think about you a lot.

 

But you should wait and let the dumper do the work...

If dumper doesn't do it, then initiate contact yourself ( if you really want to ) when you are over the big emotional stress.

 

Good luck, you don't know if you don't try!

[The_Dork_Lard]

My brief backstory.

 

6 1/2 year relationship.

 

She dumped me 8 1/2 months ago with a barrage of unexpected and very cruel texts.

 

I was so shocked that I immediately initiated no contact from right after those texts, but she kept contacting me for 5 months, and I ignored it all.

 

For me it wasn't too painful. I just carried on with my life.

 

However, I had a severe weak moment after 6 1/2 months, caved, and out of the blue I asked to "see her in person about something". Bear in mind she'd been contacting me until only 5 or 6 weeks prior to this point, I thought it was a sure bet she'd agree.

 

 

how did it go?

I initially tried to ring her, she didn't pick up, but she responded very quickly with a text. Though she didn't decline my request outright, she simply said "it's not a good idea". So I left it at that.

 

how long was it after you initiated contact?

I'm not sure what you mean. How long after what? If you mean since the breakup, I initiated contact after 6 1/2 months.

 

did it make you feel better or worst or did you guys get back to together?

This was the event that kick-started all my raw pain. It made me feel VERY bad. I began obsessing about what "it's not a good idea" could mean. I felt silly, as if I'd given all my power back to her so she could reject me again (which is how I perceived her response). This brought my upper ground to a crashing halt (I'd stuck 100% to no contact for 6 1/2 months, remember). I felt resentful because though she was the cruel one, she got what she wanted in the end, and probably got over me right at that moment.

 

did you regret making contact?

Mate, you've got no idea..........

[kztar]

I would not break NC. Unless you're doing it for a "good reason" which is most likely not a really good reason.

 

My ex cornered me to break up with him and said he didn't see a future with me and so on. Things were not going good for a while but I tried my best to figure out the issues and make it work. In the end it was a waste of time because while I was trying to figure it out, he was trying to break it off with me, yet not saying anything. Turns out I broke NC and he has a new GF and it's official. Once I saw this I immediately had to call him and sort things out because this person was clearly in the picture when I was still around. I HAVE A BIG issue with that.

 

That is unfinished business. He didn't respond my calls but I immediately, sent him a text telling him the deal and then blocked him. Im now staying NC for good. If I were to EVER bump into him in person, which I doubt, then I guarantee you, that I will approach him and things will not go well. I am the kind of person who needs FULL closure if possible. I doubt that will ever happen though and I hope it doesn't. Anyways, I suggest NC.

[treezy]

It felt awful. We broke up after a year and it took me another year to finally stop contacting him. Prior to that I was contacting him almost every month. I came up with all sorts of reasons to want to meet, to want to talk. It made me feel more humiliated each time I did that.

 

No, we never got back together. If anything it made him drift further away from me. I haven't spoken to him in 2 years now. A very good thing I'd say.

 

Regret? Of course I regretted making contact. I say regretted in a past tense sort of manner because I don't regret it anymore now. I mean, I don't even care I think I'm supposedly at a good place to contact him now like all those "get ex back" books would say, but really, why would I?

[Ellie35]

I was dumped by phone call. I dropped over his stuff when he was out and I collected mine. I never seen him again and that was nine months ago. I have seen his car parked once as I was working near his job. I did go through periods of looking for reasons to contact him like his mams anniversary but I never did. By late October , I had moved on significantly and joined the gym. By Christmas, I had no desire to contact him ever. I never heard a word from him. I still had residual feelings and then one weekend when I was at home sick he popped up on my Facebook suggested friends. We had no mutual friends and I had never been his friend on Facebook. I had not looked at his page in over seven months as I was paranoid about this. I got a fright and realised that I would feel that he was intruding in my life if I seen him again. I wanted to send him a birthday card for a significant birthday in two days but I realised I was just doing it as some form of closure or forgiveness or god knows what;) I feel very indifferent right now about the whole thing yet I would be raging if I bumped into him if I was looking scruffy!!

[Steven1]

My girlfriend ended things with me about 3 months ago now (we were together 7 years). We went through quite a rough night of texting (yes, after 7 years, couldn't even give me a phone call at the least). That night was pretty bad taking it all in (this was early February). The night we broke up she didn't want to speak for a while, said about a month or so.., that month turned into about 8/9 weeks. During that time I contacted her infrequently just to say hope she was doing ok etc, then I stopped. At the end of the 8 weeks she got back in touch saying she hoped I was ok etc.

 

We texted for a few days and went through the real reasons as to why she ended it on her side, she told me she was speaking to someone else etc and that something would happen. Great right? lol. Anyway, I'm glad she texted me and told me what she did, we texted I think two/three times after that? Haven't contacted her for about 8 days now I think so the cycle is beginning again.

[d0nnivain]

Most times when you were the one dumped, if you reach out your EX won't take your call or respond to your text (if they even get it; you may be blocked). The dumper feels relief that you are out of their life. They don't want to know about your pain.

 

Do not contact your EX. It won't go well for you.

 

However, when you don't listen to us & contact her anyway I sincerely hope that whatever treatment she gives you -- completely ignores or cold aloof, politeness -- is the impetus you need to get over her.