This is crazy

[NewMe]

It's been over 7 months since we broke up. The pain was excruciating at first, then life went on, there was a nicely distracting rebound fling, and now I realize that I'm still not over it.

 

I think I know we can't be together. We live in different countries now. We both walked away.

 

But I still want him, and my life seems empty and meaningless without him.

 

I might be crazy. I think someone else has moved in, and I am convinced he still loves me, that he still thinks about me and misses me. Well he almost said so in the card, that he thinks of me often and that there is still love. Which of course doesn't mean that he wants us back. But I believe part of him must, and that he still has never loved anyone so much.

 

I can't believe that I still can't believe it's over. It's so over. But somehow somedays I'm still refusing to accept it. How can it be over? Love can't just evaporate, and it feels like yesterday we were together and there for each other.

 

I am waking up again having dreamt of him and of shared moments of joy and tenderness.

 

God, I am such a fool.

[pioneer]

Iv been broke up with my ex the same amount of time, and shes with someone else, and i feel the same. Trouble is, she only live half a mile away. Seeing someone else just dont seem right. I was with her for 5 1/2 years. Hard, but there must be a time when you eventually get over it

[outdated]

the only way you get over it is to allow yourself to get over it. You have to flip the switch so to speak. You have to wake up one morning and say to yourself I've given this all the time I want to. I can't do this anymore. Then live it. You'll be surprised what's waiting around the next corner, I promise.

[NewMe]

Originally posted by outdated

You'll be surprised what's waiting around the next corner, I promise.

I found this very cheering and encouraging and I thank you.

 

 

Well I broke NC after 7 months. Well actually he did first, I got that birthday card. But then I made the mistake of calling him. We had a pleasant enough chat, but he got off the phone saying he had to work, and that he would call back. That was over a couple of weeks ago. So I don't think he was talking about this lifetime.

 

This set me back for the past couple of weeks. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was. Then today I was thinking about some guy I had had a few dates with, years ago... I didn't want to see him anymore and the more I expressed a lack of interest in a relationship, the more he called, until I turned into a monster and said some really harsh things to get him off my back. I thought about that, and why I had turned into such a b*tch, and I started to get my ex. Not that he got mean.

 

He totally loved me, and I think some part of him still does. I don't think I am making up that the phone conversation was quite pregnant with emotion. *But he still wants to move on.* And how can I blame him, I do too. Just sometimes I am scared... about not meeting someone else or someone as wonderful, about being alone, about taking charge of my life and responsibility for my own happiness. But I think I can move on now that I think I understand where he was/is coming from. I get him again, which makes me feel less crazy.

 

more stuff about where I think a dumper's head is

 

Anyway, I don't know how many times I've convinced myself that I am over this relationship only to wake up and find I am still preoccupied with the ex. But it is certainly promising that I have never felt this at peace with the resolution of this past relationship.