lesbian dating a straight girl

[RIley131]

I have been dating my bff for almost 6 years now. We have known each other for about 10 years and got really close when we started working together. She was straight before me with the exception of a couple drunken experiences. Always been with guys. Always only attracted to them. She had never felt an emotional connection with a woman until we got together. For the first few months of our relationship she would go back and forth with her being straight and not liking woman but would always come back to me after her mental battles. For a little over a year, she didn’t want anyone to know because she wasn’t sure and she was scared of what people would think. Slowly but surely we began telling our friends, most of which were accepting. We have mutual friends and for some reason it was a hard pill to swallow for a couple of them (selfish reasons). However we were happy.

 

We come from a small town and she has a judgmental family so telling them was not an option at this point, even though she hardly spent the night at home. Time went on and we got closer. We eventually moved cities together after 2 years to pursue our academic careers and lived together for the next 3-4 years. During this time there was conversations here and there about her doubts but I never really paid much attention to them. Somewhere during this time, she finally got the courage to tell her parents about us, which resulted in them upset and walking out on her. She received a letter from her father shortly after stating that they love her and they want grandchildren to be of their own blood. Basically they wouldn’t accept a grandchild from adoption or w.o a partnership between her and a man. Her parents never talked about it again and would never come to our house when they would visit the city. She still has a very difficult relationship with them after that.

 

About a year ago her bff surprised her with a trip to Italy with her, where the two would spend a week. I felt very uneasy with her going, but she went. She came back and I felt her like I hadn’t in a long time. We were close. We connected. The sex was great. I still felt uneasy about the trip even though she promised me nothing happened. One day after snooping through her things because of my doubts, I found out she cheated on me with a guy when she was there. I found pictures of them kissing and when i confronted her about it she admitted to sleeping with him. My heart sank. I was completely torn apart. The only person I trusted in this world and was my true bff had lied to me. The next couple of weeks were a mess and crazy. I decided to forgive her and try to get back to where we once were. We were really intimate and felt extremely close for a couple of months after. I always had these insecurities and doubts in my head but I tried to move past them.

 

Occasionally I would ask her about him or if she continued to speak with him and I never found anything. I felt like I was going crazy. But after everything we went through we decided when the lease was up we would move into our own places to try and take a break from living with each other since we were still figuring things out and were uncertain. So we moved out about 2 months ago. We were still trying and would spend a lot of time with each other.

 

One drunken night she fell asleep and I was still awake. For some reason I picked up her phone and started looking through it – only to find messages back and forth with the same guy dating back months. My heart sank again - My heart was broken again exactly one year after. I woke her up and confronted her she told me it had only been recent. I left and she followed me awhile after apologizing and crying. She told me she loved me and I was the best thing that ever happened to her. Days after I continued finding messages that proved she never stopped talkin to him. Most messages had no depth, it was all sexting. Pictures and videos sent back and forth. Again I confronted her and she finally admitted everything. She told me she could never tell me the truth because she was scared of my temper. She told me she made herself believe that it wasn’t real and thought she liked him. She told me that she stopped feeling anything for him for some time but continued it because she was on a trip that made it seem like a fairytale.

 

She has begged me back. She told me she battled a lot with being with a woman. She has promised me that it is over and she never wants to hurt me again. She has allowed me to look through all her things. Offered to switch phones with me (she has an Iphone and I have an android) to be certain there would be no imessaging. She has told me she would give me the time I need, no matter what I need. She has guaranteed me 100% of her and finally agreed to marry me one day (something I have wanted for a long time that she never agreed to). She told me she would do all it takes to gain my trust back. She said she wasn’t sure what she was doing and knows that she wants to be with me.

 

Im lost. I feel insecure and betrayed. I feel inadequate. I feel like if I hadn’t found out on my own, she would never have stopped or told me these things. I feel like she wants to give me 100% because she thinks she owes me something for being an ******* to me when ive been nothing but good to her. I have never cheated, never lied, and have waited for her to deal with what shes need to deal with and been there for her. But its different now. This wasn’t just a one night stand. This was an affair for a year. This was the ultimate betrayal and I’m not sure if I can forgive her or let alone continue to have her in my life. I could not go back to being her friend if we did not work out.

Edited April 5, 2016 by RIley131

[jen1447]

Sorry this happened to you hon.

 

I don't think it's a lesbian-straight-bi issue (tho she clearly seems bi), just regular relationship stuff. Bottom line is - and I think you already know this - 2 strikes and you're out. Time to focus on you for a while.

[smackie9]

Sounds like there is too much betrayal to have any kind of relationship/friendship. I say what is done is done, leave her behind. She can't figure out what she is doing, and it's not your problem to fix.

[RIley131]

Yea I kinda of already know this. It's just hard bc I really care for her. I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. I suppose it isn't a sexual orientation issue - though I've made myself believe that. She's just an as*****.

[PegNosePete]

Unfortunately it seems as though she doesn't share your feelings. She has been cheating on you for a long time.

 

All this confusion stuff is a smokescreen. You have been together for 6 YEARS! Not 6 months. She should know what she wants by now. If she still doesn't, then she never will.

 

You have to cut her loose. Tell her you never want to hear from her again. Go full NC.

[justa_guy]

Really sorry that you're going through this, best thing is to end this and go NC, going to be a hard road after 6 years, but will be worth it and you deserve someone who won't lie and cheat.

 

This is typical behaviour of someone untrustworthy, only telling you what you want to hear when they're caught out, these are empty promises to put you at ease so she can fly under the radar till the next opportunity comes along.

 

Again, this sucks, but be strong and move forward into the arms of someone who treats you right.

[RIley131]

Unfortunately it seems as though she doesn't share your feelings. She has been cheating on you for a long time.

 

All this confusion stuff is a smokescreen. You have been together for 6 YEARS! Not 6 months. She should know what she wants by now. If she still doesn't, then she never will.

 

You have to cut her loose. Tell her you never want to hear from her again. Go full NC.

She told me last night she doesn't want to know a life w.o me. I told her I need a break, indefinitely.

[RIley131]

Really sorry that you're going through this, best thing is to end this and go NC, going to be a hard road after 6 years, but will be worth it and you deserve someone who won't lie and cheat.

 

This is typical behaviour of someone untrustworthy, only telling you what you want to hear when they're caught out, these are empty promises to put you at ease so she can fly under the radar till the next opportunity comes along.

 

Again, this sucks, but be strong and move forward into the arms of someone who treats you right.

I know now that is what I need to do and it will not be easy. It makes it more difficult that we have finances together and I pay for her phone..

[PegNosePete]

She told me last night she doesn't want to know a life w.o me.

Her actions don't match her words. Someone who doesn't want to know a life without another person, doesn't cheat on them. Everyone knows that cheating is the quickest and surest way to get dumped.

[justa_guy]

I know now that is what I need to do and it will not be easy. It makes it more difficult that we have finances together and I pay for her phone..

 

I understand, don't let little excuses like that keep you from moving forward, I've done it too to try justify being in an unhealthy relationship.

 

You've got this forum to help you move forward though, I'm much stronger and was able to cope much better with heartache because of the support from this community. You can too.

[Darren Steez]

I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Plain and simple she's a liar and cheat and a user, and this will continue because every time she does this you keep taking her back.

 

She's no good. So close that bank account, set up your own and stop paying for her phone.