Ending or just tough times

[samax]

First I'm new here and this also my first post on a forum ever. Also I want to go ahead and apologize for how long this might become.

 

Background:

 

I began dating my boyfriend 2 years ago, first month or so not exclusive, next couple of months exclusive, and then up to present long distance. We knew from the beginning that he would be moving away in 4 months. So we kept it light and fun initially until deeper feelings started to develop and realized being together was worth the distance. I didn't know but when we first got together he still wasn't over an ex as they had just split. She got married and that ended their affair. I had been out of an extremely toxic relationship for over a year and was living up single life. Last summer after one of our visits he left and then met up with the ex for closure. He told me after the meet up which hurt but we worked through it with lots of intense discussions. He said he got closure and it made him see how much he cares for me, is thankful of what we have and wants to continue with it. So anyway things were great and we felt like we were kicking long distance's butt, until now.

 

He says he doesn't want to do it anymore and needs to be single since he has never really been single for long in his adult life. He also says that our relationship is great and there isn't anything wrong that either one of us have done. The distance will be increasing by next January as he hopes to join the peace corps and he doesn't want to feel like he's leaving me behind. Until then he says he needs to just be by himself so he doesn't have as many responsibilities. I feel like January is far away and dealing with splitting or staying together during peace corps should be done then based on how we feel. I understand he has a lot of stress now with grad. school and trying to build his resume for the peace corps so he definitely gets in, he was rejected for this summer deployment. But I don't understand why the split has to happen now if he says nothing is wrong with us. He says it doesn't make since either and might be making a big dumb mistake but won't know unless he does it. I just don't know what to do I have always supported his decisions and actions, but I don't want to support this.

 

Any advice would be great because I just don't know what to do or how to feel. Thanks in advance.

[ExpatInItaly]

It hurts, but he more or less told you him leaving isn't the only reason.

 

He said he wants to be single. That means now, not just when he leaves. Unfortunately he doesn't want to wait until January to be single. This doesn't mean you've done something wrong, necessarily. But he's ending it because he already knows his heart's not in it. Sometimes the distance really is too much and can't meet the needs of one or both parties. In his case, it's not working anymore.

 

The frustrating and hurtful part of a break-up is that he doesn't need your support to end it. It takes two people to make a relationship work, but only one to end it, really. It sounds to me that he has already made up his mind.

 

And wtf to him secretly meeting his ex for closure? That should have been your big red flag that his heart wasn't totally with you. He shouldn't have felt the need to do so, and certainly not behind your back.