Brother's Wedding

[Atticus9292012]

This is a really sucky situation, but my little brother met and fell in love with a girl from Mexico. They decided for whatever reason to get married in Tijuana. I really want to go, but there is no way for me to go without putting most of it on a credit card. Im also saving to buy a house and some major purchases for my son. To top it all, my grandmother just passed away and have to fly out of town to attend the funeral. My brother is planning on having a state side reception. Would I be an epically terrible sister if I sat out the wedding and just went to the reception? The idea breaks my heart, but it would really set me back financially and not to mention, Tijuana is not a safe area. Having a really hard time with the decision. Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Do tell your brother than is your reasoning so he doesn't mistakenly think you don't like his FI or something. If he or other family members want you there, they may offer to pay but you can't ask.

 

I'm sorry about your grandmother passing. Any chance she left you some money so you could go?

 

DH's brother didn't come to our wedding. His grandmother also passed two weeks before the wedding. Some family cancelled our wedding to come to the funeral. Others skipped the funeral because they already had their tickets for the wedding.

[kgcolonel]

One thought here and please do not read any disrespect into this suggestion:

 

A funeral is for the survivors not the deceased....one can pay respects from a distance as well as in person....missing your little brother's wedding could be felt for a long time to come....any consideration to shift the funds to the wedding from those that were to be spent on the funeral?

[CC12]

My brother is planning on having a state side reception. Would I be an epically terrible sister if I sat out the wedding and just went to the reception?

 

No, you wouldn't be a bad sister. Tell your brother that you're very sorry that you'll miss his wedding in Mexico, but that you're really looking forward to attending the reception. If you really need to give a reason, "I can't afford to go to both" is an acceptable answer.

 

I suspect he already knows that a lot of people won't be able to go to Mexico. That's why they're having a state-side reception.

[AlexDream]

This is a really sucky situation, but my little brother met and fell in love with a girl from Mexico. They decided for whatever reason to get married in Tijuana. I really want to go, but there is no way for me to go without putting most of it on a credit card. Im also saving to buy a house and some major purchases for my son. To top it all, my grandmother just passed away and have to fly out of town to attend the funeral. My brother is planning on having a state side reception. Would I be an epically terrible sister if I sat out the wedding and just went to the reception? The idea breaks my heart, but it would really set me back financially and not to mention, Tijuana is not a safe area. Having a really hard time with the decision. Thanks!

 

I am not sure how you are both close but the best way here is to discuss the issue with your brother. Don't judge yourself for disability to pay for this trip but try to find the decision together. I am not from the US so here may be some culture difference but I think he could pay for this trip for you (I would pay if I were him).

 

As for other points, they are more complicated because only you can decide what is more important for you. As an option, you could go to the funeral and then, in several days/weeks, celebrate the wedding with your brother and his wife in the close circle. Double celebrating would be a good decision, I guess.