the Ex vs. the date...how do i not feel guilty?

[Padmaja]

Alright, i'm having some issues. I know some of you have been through similar so i need some advice or at least words of encouragement.

 

I have a date for thursday some guy that i know through friends who's pretty cool. I'm not totally into him but i've got to get out there and i've got to give him a chance anyway, we get along really great.

 

Problem is I'm still seeing/ hanging out with my ex casually. I know I know it's such a bad thing to do. But i've given up on hoping he's capable of being a good boyfriend to me, at the same time we still have feelings for each other, he just cannot give me what i need. SO...since we are hanging out still, we have the same freinds, HOW DO I NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING A DATE?? I mean i KNOW i shouldn't, i just know he's the type of guy to turn it around and make it seem like he and I are "going" somewhere, when i know that's not the case. I'm afraid he'll get all self-righteious on me and act all hurt. But the thing is, we're NOT dating, we've hooked up a few times lately, but he's NOT acting like a boyfirend to me at all, SO why do i feel guilty??

 

Can anyone explain this? I know i have every right to date and meet someone who IS capable fo giving me the attention i need, but how can i give myself this freedom?

 

Any advice? I see the ex all the time, so i can't just stop seeing him

[JustAGirl]

This is not a help response, sorry, just wondering how did u manage to basically leave yr bf and yet still hang out with him? is he aware u two have broken up?

 

Thanks...

[Sally]

First off, you are really going to have a hard time moving on, until you cut the ex off completely. If your friends are really your friends, they'll understand and try to make plans with you, without him. If they don't understand, then they're not your friends. If the thought of saying goodbye to your ex completely, makes you uneasy or completely miserable, then you are not ready for a new relationship with anyone and you'll end up hurting this new guy. You still have baggage that you need to sort through. You want to go into a new relationship with a clear, healthy and open mind. A whole person deserves a whole person, and until you're over this ex, you'll only be able to invest 1/2 of yourself into a new one and that's not fair to the new guy. You definitely have the makings to start a healthy relationship one day, because you now know what you are looking for and you know what you don't want. The fact that you realize this ex is unhealthy is a positive step on your part, but the worst thing you can do is to forget about someone, by replacing those feelings for someone else.

 

It's ok to go out with this new guy (just don't use him to make the ex jealous)as long as you are honest with this guy from the start and you tell him about your ex. You don't want any secrets and you don't want to be responsible for hurting an innocent person in the end (then you'll really have guilt). If you aren't honest and this new guy gets hurt, then you'd be no better than your ex.

 

As for feeling guilty about dating a new guy - that's just too bad for your ex. If he tries to make you feel guilty, it's because of his pride and it's like an ownership thing. He doesn't fully want you, but no one else can have you. He's just going to have to get over it. It's your life, you do what you want with it. I'd be angry with him, not guilty. He treated you so poorly you had to start moving on. He should be the one feeling guilty and regretting - not you.

 

Anyway, have fun on your date, relax, be honest with the new guy. Who knows, you might like this new guy more than you realize or you might get a good friend out of it. Either way, you can't lose.

[ashesmum]

you still have feelings for him. Until you get yourself away from him totally for a while, you will never stop feeling for him. You need closure to the whole thing. After a while, if you feel you've given it plenty of time, then hang out with him be friends and that's it. Maybe he knows staying this close will keep you his to a point. Have you thought of that? So get out with this other guy, have fun, don't worry about what he'll think or say. Then get on with your own life. Make yourself happy first!

Alright, i'm having some issues. I know some of you have been through similar so i need some advice or at least words of encouragement. I have a date for thursday some guy that i know through friends who's pretty cool. I'm not totally into him but i've got to get out there and i've got to give him a chance anyway, we get along really great. Problem is I'm still seeing/ hanging out with my ex casually. I know I know it's such a bad thing to do. But i've given up on hoping he's capable of being a good boyfriend to me, at the same time we still have feelings for each other, he just cannot give me what i need. SO...since we are hanging out still, we have the same freinds, HOW DO I NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING A DATE?? I mean i KNOW i shouldn't, i just know he's the type of guy to turn it around and make it seem like he and I are "going" somewhere, when i know that's not the case. I'm afraid he'll get all self-righteious on me and act all hurt. But the thing is, we're NOT dating, we've hooked up a few times lately, but he's NOT acting like a boyfirend to me at all, SO why do i feel guilty??

 

Can anyone explain this? I know i have every right to date and meet someone who IS capable fo giving me the attention i need, but how can i give myself this freedom? Any advice? I see the ex all the time, so i can't just stop seeing him