Am I damaged forever?

[TimmyC]

Hi everyone, I hope your having a good day so far.

 

I feel like I haven't made ANY progress. :(

 

Before I mention the rest here is the background story:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/574797-i-lost-one-my-life

 

I thought that initially the worst part of the breakup would be the first couple of days but things are going TERRIBLE for me. Infact it honestly seems like things are going backwards. I have gotten to the point I have dreams about her saying she still loves me. And I broke the NC last Saturday and messaged her over Facebook. It said she read it but never responded. I felt so depressed I stayed in bed the entire weekend. 2 years of us going through so much together and then suddenly I mean nothing to her.

 

After these dreams of her stopped I began dreaming about myself as a child again.cabt strange part is that they were good memories not bad ones. I feel like when she told me I didn't have enough nourishing as a child it must of damaged me.

I don't know what's happening to me. All of my friends tell me she wasn't any good and that it was an abusive relationship...but I still want her what's wrong with me?

 

I constantly think about her with someone else and I wish I could stop loving her. I wish I could be happy without her. Everyone says I will find someone better but I'm not attractive, infact I'm ugly. It took me years to find her and I fear being alone forever. These thoughts constantly plague me to the point I've reconsidered suicide.

 

I don't know what to do anymore, why did this happen. Am I that pathetic and ugly that I'm not worthy of anyone's love?

[Satu]

I remember your earlier thread.

 

Honestly speaking, I think you really need to get some therapy.

 

Your view of yourself is so negative that its painful to even read about it.

 

Pick up the phone and find a therapist.

 

You can move forward in your life, but I don't think you do it alone, because your issues overwhelm you.

 

Find a therapist.

 

 

Take care.

[TimmyC]

I remember your earlier thread.

 

Honestly speaking, I think you really need to get some therapy.

 

Your view of yourself is so negative that its painful to even read about it.

 

Pick up the phone and find a therapist.

 

You can move forward in your life, but I don't think you do it alone, because your issues overwhelm you.

 

Find a therapist.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you very much for your input. I am sorry that my post came off as such. I'm in the process of getting a therapist I just wanted to share how I felt with others that may have been in or are in the same situation.

[Marco Valerio]

Are you more afraid of what you've lost or not finding it again?

I get the impression of the second one.

Why are you not going to be able to find someone new? Because you are ugly? If that so, not everyone who's single is ugly, and not everyone who's married is good looking. That's a bit nonsense.

Try your best to move forward, and if you are lucky enough, you will find a much better partner for you.

[brothers343]

I agree with some of the posters that you need some therapy. Your very down on yourself and your self esteem is non existent. It will be hard for any woman to really appreciate who you are...even if your ugly,beautiful,male model or whatever becouse right now your weak and helpless. You also have to remember that the way you look at yourself is not the way other people look at you. What I might find ugly some people might find beautiful....if you get my drift. Get some help and stop putting yourself down. She will not be the last woman that loved you, there will be more but you have to work on your self..... (YOURSELF)!!! And in time the man that you think you are will be the old and the new man will take over. Good luck buddy.

[d0nnivain]

Couple of very important points:

 

1. Suicide is NOT the answer. If you feel at risk call a hot line or go to an emergency room immediately.

 

2. Grief has no time table nor does it have a standardized path. You are going to be upset for a while. It's a process you have to go through in order to heal. Like a scab on a skin wound, your body has to heal itself & that takes time. There are no quick fixes.

 

I agree with your friends. She wasn't "the One". She really wasn't even that nice to you. Although little girls often dream of the diamond engagement ring, for someone to be mean to you over something as trivial as the type of stone which accompanied the engagement indicates that she is not a quality person. For a girl who let you pay for her lodging less than a year ago she has a lot of nerve.

 

Go back to NC. It will help you heal. Every time you reach out for her, you simply pick the scab & delay healing.

 

Do get some therapy because you have to improve your self esteem to improve your overall lot in life. You need to figure out why you think you are ugly. You have to learn to love yourself. That seems to be a skill you are sorely lacking. I don't know if you weren't hugged enough as a child; that may be the cause of the problem but only you are the solution.

 

good luck.

[Lovestinks12]

Hey man, I'm going through something similar.

I'm 10-11 months post break up and emotional I'm better, but yet I still think of her time to time and dream about her(which I can't help). its very aggravating and I don't want to, but I believe it has to do with the fact that I haven't found someone else. Its very discouraging to want to move on, but not having much luck in the dating scene. I questioned my looks and everything about myself. I believe you fear what I fear and thats not finding someone else.

My advice is you should focus on yourself and just improve yourself as much as you can. Life keeps moving on and our ex's moved on and what I have come to realize is that I'm not comfortable being alone. Once you over come that and realize you don't need another person to question your worth then things will start to get better.

[Rachel39]

Please don't be hard on yourself. I have come out of a 2yr relationship and it's been 3 months for me and it has got worse. I guess we start to realise it's over and than when the depression kicks in.

 

Iv struggled with no contact Iv managed 2 weeks so far but had to contact him to collect my things I have a bike and furniture at his. He too has never once reached out to me and I know how painful that is. It feels like you never ment anything to them. Ps I am quiet attractive and he doesn't want me so looks have nothing to do with it.... So do not think its about you.... Someone will adore you if you work on your issues.

 

I guess people have different ways of dealing with things and find someways either than other, like you need contact, she copes better without it. How you handle a break up had nothing to do with how much it ment to you. What it does show is how emotionally strong some people are that's all.

 

I am not emotionally strong hence the need to keep reaching out and having such negative thoughts. Some people never experience this, yes they are sad and can miss you but they can handle it that's all.

 

If I could do one thing for myself it would be to find some strength and find away of becoming emotionally strong. I have bought a cbt workbook that I'm working through.

 

As much as you don't want to meet anyone else or move on you will do eventually and you need to be in a good place to have an enjoyable relationship and have something to bring to it.

 

I believe I did bring fun, laughter and love but what I also brought was insecurities and neediness and self doubt which is probably what made the relationship fail in the end for me .... Just something to think about !

Edited April 8, 2016 by Rachel39
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