FWB wants to be friends without Benifits!

[kairigirl35]

This is my first time here because I am kind of heartbroken so idk if im posting this in the right forum. Long story short. My 1 year and a few months FWB just sent me a text message today saying "Im going to be straight up with you I dont want to have sex with you anymore, but I still want to be your friend if you are good with that". I did the one thing I was always warned not to do ... I have strong feelings for him. Always did. We known each other since we were in middle school and his best friend is a very close friend of mine. What went wrong? Everytime we had sex it was escallated and more intense as the last time especially the last time we had sex. Its hard to explain. I came home singing and dancing cuz it had been so different you know? He went cold after that ... and this morning I look down at my phone and I have this mesage. I just want to know what went wrong? Am I just not that attractive to him? Please help me!

[privategal]

Ask him what changed, point blank, just one simple question.

Regarding these strong feelings that unfortunately should disqualify any FWB scenario because the one without the feelings is being mislead thinking sex with no promises, feeling, or attachment is ok and was the agreement.

Unfortunately you cannot be regular friends, you will be caught up in this for years, it will hurt your self esteem and semf worth and you will sabatoge many relationships because you will continue to pine for and compare everyone to your fwb and you likely wont even date because the rejection only makes the longing for your partner stronger, you will do anything now to win back the love, the sex, the addiction of it.

I fear you are about to get very caught up.

Better advice would be to say nothing and stone cold dissappear.

No text, block, no email, block...no calls, showing up at bars or hanging with his circle or stalking his fb..unfriend.

Please believe if he reciprocated your feelings he would not have done that.

He does not want you as a partner, it hurts but its true.

I feel bad for you but Id say leave him be, be mature, classy, and to heal you need to go dark, get busy, hang with unassociated friends and end this.

You will get strung along and hurt WAY more now if you dont run far and fast.

Dont obsess, analyze, or continue asking why. Hes just not that into you.

Dont try to spin it otherwise or make him feel guilty.

He was honest, take it like a classy gal and immediately go hardcore NC.

Thats it.

Yes, again, it hurts but life will go on, I promise.

[central]

He - for whatever reason, not that it matters - doesn't see you as permanent relationship material, sorry to say.

 

 

I've had FWB where one of us ended the benefits when we found someone else we wanted to pursue for a possible relationship. We remained friends regardless, because it really was about more than sex. Occasionally, we'd resume the sexual side of things if the relationship we were pursuing didn't pan out. But, we didn't develop romantic feelings for each other, or were able to keep them in check because we knew we weren't suited to each other for a relationship.

 

 

Once you do develop strong feelings, it's best to either see if the other person reciprocates, and if not, end it and go no contact if you can't handle being just friends. By not handling it, I mean difficulty moving on and finding new dates and relationships.

[elaine567]

I am sorry that you are hurt but the FWB relationship is NOT very often a prelude to a full relationship, people set up FWB arrangements as they DO NOT want to get involved, it is just a way to get regular sex.

They often choose people deliberately for FWB that they consider are NOT relationship material.

I am guessing he saw the rapture in your eyes, went "OMG she loves me, I need to put a stop to this NOW."

[stillafool]

He may have found a woman he wants to be in a relationship with and that's why he ended the FWB with you. This unfortunately happens often. I would suggest to not enter a FWB relationship with a man you know you have strong romantic feelings for because it seems the woman always ends up falling in love.

[MachineGunFunk]

He just used you.

This is very common. I noticed that girls grow more attached to guys as they get in their beds and guys that don't love girls but only want sex: will grow cold of your attention because they simply don't love you. This is why he was FWB with you in the first place probably.

[Methodical]

FWB imply no romantic feelings. IMO, it's rarely that easy. When a true friendship exists, there is a degree of emotional investment, whereas FB arrangements exist to fill a sexual need w/o any attachment...other than sex.

 

Obviously you are in limbo, which sucks, but at least he was straight with you rather than fading. Given that he is interested in maintaining the friendship, and this FWB arrangement lasted well over a year, you should certainly feel comfortable asking him why for curiosity sake. I think you should keep it neutral tho. Otherwise, you run the risk of drama fallout and that wouldn't be cool since you were onboard with the FWB concept.

[preraph]

Sex is just sex to a whole lot of guys. You were feeling elated, and it just didn't mean that much to him. He knows you're emotionally involved and isn't comfortable with it because he likes you as a friend and knows you shouldn't be trying to make something out of him wanting to have sex that isn't going to happen. You need to just start dating other people and find someone who wants to be your boyfriend. And not sure you can be friends with him until you do.

[elaine567]

Moral of the story - never get involved in a FWB arrangement with anyone who you consider relationship material and you wouldn't mind dating given the chance.

So stay away from the ex, that you hope will date you again, or that girl/guy you have had a crush on from high school or that guy/girl who melts your heart just by looking at him/her.

FWB is for sex, anyone looking for anything else usually gets badly burned.