milly85 Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 I am a very liberal minded girl living a very traditional lifestyle. I am an Indian. I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type or just bipolar (the drs are working on the diagnosis). I have been feeling slightly manic lately. And I always sign myself onto dating apps but never actually follow through with meeting anyone. Until last Sunday when I did. I did not realise I might be manic. I met up and had a bite to eat. He was very friendly and kept calling me cultured. I thought that was a compliment and he said it was until a few days later. One day he messaged me in the morning saying he was late for work. He works all the way in x city. Next thing at 2 he tells me he is somewhere else in the other side of the city. His friends went there for a day trip from work and will be back to work soon. Made no sense so the next day I confronted him. Are you who you say you are. He said good I raised my doubts. He was not looking for a relationship but sex. So I wasn't thinking much and said I didn't mind that. And even went as far as to arrange to see him today (Saturday) but I backed out on Thursday when I finally realised I was a bit manic and not in a good frame of mind to go ahead. I told him I have bipolar and need to be 100% sure. He knows I've never had sex. I'm not sure if this is a problem but anyway.... I even went as far as to change my number so he could not contact me and I could not contact him. But eventually I contacted him saying this will happen if he wants it to and he needs to think before he replies. I said I need to get better before making any decisions though. He replied within 2 minutes said thats fine. So whats your opinion? did he say thats fine just for the sake of it or will he really not mind meeting up with me. I've said some crazy things that I regret and am embarrased about. Almost like I was pestering him for this to go ahead but at the same time I was in conflict with myself. I just need an outside perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 You need to have your Drs get you healthy before you start dating and having sex. To have sex for just to have sex is usually not a good idea. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 Are you a virgin by choice OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author milly85 Posted March 26, 2016 Author Share Posted March 26, 2016 Are you a virgin by choice OP? no I'm not. ibe always been shy and I didn't let anyone approach me. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2016 Share Posted March 26, 2016 Sounds like you need to get healthy and get your mental health under control a little better before you start dating, OP. To do something like change your number just to prevent yourself from contacting him and make it hard for him to contact you and then crack and message anyway, to accuse someone of lying because they're not where you think they should be in the city after meeting them so little, those things are huge overreactions and yes, sounds like they're a sign you could have been manic. You sound like you have quite a lot of introspection though OP, and a fair idea of when you're manic. There's a lot that can be done for bipolar these days with meds and talking therapy, maybe better focus on that before dating or you'll just keep running into these kinds of situations and could end up hurt, emotionally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author milly85 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 Sounds like you need to get healthy and get your mental health under control a little better before you start dating, OP. To do something like change your number just to prevent yourself from contacting him and make it hard for him to contact you and then crack and message anyway, to accuse someone of lying because they're not where you think they should be in the city after meeting them so little, those things are huge overreactions and yes, sounds like they're a sign you could have been manic. You sound like you have quite a lot of introspection though OP, and a fair idea of when you're manic. There's a lot that can be done for bipolar these days with meds and talking therapy, maybe better focus on that before dating or you'll just keep running into these kinds of situations and could end up hurt, emotionally. Thank you so much for putting things into perspective for me. I needed to hear it from outside. I went to see a psychiatrist today at Harley Street he's prescribed me medication hopefully things will level out soon. This guy is not worth it. I need to find someone who actually cares about me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 Thank you so much for putting things into perspective for me. I needed to hear it from outside. I went to see a psychiatrist today at Harley Street he's prescribed me medication hopefully things will level out soon. This guy is not worth it. I need to find someone who actually cares about me. You're welcome, thanks for the lovely reply. I'm glad that you got sorted with some medication, please don't write off the idea of some kind of psychotherapy though, you can learn a lot about how to manage your ups and downs using cognitive behavioural therapy. Maybe it'd be good to look into some local support groups too, you are not alone! Your local MIND can be a great resource. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author milly85 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 You're welcome, thanks for the lovely reply. I'm glad that you got sorted with some medication, please don't write off the idea of some kind of psychotherapy though, you can learn a lot about how to manage your ups and downs using cognitive behavioural therapy. Maybe it'd be good to look into some local support groups too, you are not alone! Your local MIND can be a great resource. Aww thanks @acrosstheuniverse, it's refreshing that someone understands. It's a very lonely illness and I don't know anyone who has it. I will definately look into therapy for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author milly85 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 I've never had a relationship and that also means I've never you know. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I look intimidating or hard to approach. I've got bipolar. My original diagnosis was actually schizophrenia and I allowed that to prevent me from having a relationship. So now at 30 and with no relationship experience I'd like tips from you all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author milly85 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 (edited) [] I'm working on getting better. I was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia. You can imagine the stigma in my community. Now They say it's bipolar. Doesn't make any difference it's still hard for ppl to understand. Edited April 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted quote of deleted post ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Definitely get healthy first and then wait to find a nice guy who cares about you more than just sex. Sex without feelings will make you feel empty inside. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I am a very liberal minded girl living a very traditional lifestyle. I am an Indian. I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type or just bipolar (the drs are working on the diagnosis). I have been feeling slightly manic lately. And I always sign myself onto dating apps but never actually follow through with meeting anyone. Until last Sunday when I did. I did not realise I might be manic. I met up and had a bite to eat. He was very friendly and kept calling me cultured. I thought that was a compliment and he said it was until a few days later. One day he messaged me in the morning saying he was late for work. He works all the way in x city. Next thing at 2 he tells me he is somewhere else in the other side of the city. His friends went there for a day trip from work and will be back to work soon. Made no sense so the next day I confronted him. Are you who you say you are. He said good I raised my doubts. He was not looking for a relationship but sex. So I wasn't thinking much and said I didn't mind that. And even went as far as to arrange to see him today (Saturday) but I backed out on Thursday when I finally realised I was a bit manic and not in a good frame of mind to go ahead. I told him I have bipolar and need to be 100% sure. He knows I've never had sex. I'm not sure if this is a problem but anyway.... I even went as far as to change my number so he could not contact me and I could not contact him. But eventually I contacted him saying this will happen if he wants it to and he needs to think before he replies. I said I need to get better before making any decisions though. He replied within 2 minutes said thats fine. So whats your opinion? did he say thats fine just for the sake of it or will he really not mind meeting up with me. I've said some crazy things that I regret and am embarrased about. Almost like I was pestering him for this to go ahead but at the same time I was in conflict with myself. I just need an outside perspective. What does the bolded mean? Serious question. You said you confronted this guy and asked him if he is who he says he is... but are YOU who you say you are? You told him you'd have sex with him and didn't want to. You blocked his number but called him anyway. You say you're traditional and liberal. I don't mean to be rude because you are bipolar, but when your actions and words aren't congruent with one another, that's the kind of thing which will attract the attention you don't want. If you want to get the most respect, you can you have to believe in the things you believe in, do the things you want to do, not do the things you don't want to do, etc. Your actions and words need to line up. That's not a men or a women thing. That's a people thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jcromp Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 I'm happy to hear that you've recently seen your doctor and are getting a handle on things. Let me just say this. Any guy that is willing to take a woman's virginity in a casual sex situation is a complete pig. Stay far, far away from any man that is willing to do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lericenciel Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I dated someone I met online with Bipolar disorder for about 4 months. She seemed quite fine, but she warned me that she might experience a sudden low, and try to kill herself at any time. Quite heavy news to take. She was gorgeous, smart and fun. She kept me as a sex partner because she didn't trust herself to commit to a more serious relationship. Eventually we spent more time together and we grew closer, whilst at the back of my mind I always had worries about her mental health. I saw mostly her periods of elation. Even when I was with her and she seemed happy, I knew that I wasn't good for her. Eventually I had to break it off when the water felt too hot. I think in your case, a mature young woman without much experience and a mental illness, I hope that you won't get too head over heels about any guy you meet until you really know them, for your own safety. I think that guy who just wants sex with you, is a distraction which is okay if you can handle it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author milly85 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 At 30 and never having had a relationship. Six years ago I got diagnosed with schizophrenia, I prevented myself from getting into a relationship after that. Who would want me. But now they say I in fact that might have been a wrong diagnosis. It is bipolar. Who knows. But I have been feeling so low about myself, about my looks, about my personality, etc that I know it's me. Something is definitely wrong with ME. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Men will always meet you for sex. You could put yourself in some danger doing what you're doing, and I agree you need to get a little more leveled out and not be manic when you do decide to date. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 Well hopefully the OP has better luck in the future Link to post Share on other sites
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