Thinking about ex randomly after 3 years no contact?

[loveplease123]

Sorry... apologies if this is under the wrong section, this is my first time posting!

 

I love my current bf, we've been together for over a year. I haven't spoken with my ex in 3 years but after a drunken night, he told me he'll always love me and I just can't stop thinking about it and what could've been.

 

I just want to hear him say that we will never be able to work out or something along those lines, so I can go back to being my normal self and continue on with my relationship. The only reason why I met up with him after 3 years was because I was going through a rought patch with my current bf.

 

Do you agree with the hearing him say we won't ever work out thing? I think that'll give me full closure and let me peacefully move on completely, what do you think?

 

Please don't tell me to break up with my current bf! I love him a lot and don't want to break up with him. I just don't know what's going on with my life right now, this is so random and I've been so happy for years

[Emilia]

You should never ever talk to an ex when you are going through a rough patch. This is not real, what the hell are you doing?

[privategal]

Well I think your emotions got stirred by talking to him, a little nostalgia.

I wouldnt count on him to give you the closure you've already had by being ok a few years and happy.

Its somewhat normal to wonder what if but bring yourself back to reality...he isnt with you, he's your ex, he's in the past.

Sure he will always love you...I think its more of a sweet sentimental thing people say easily, it rolls off the tounge, sounds sweet and kind but its more like closure in and of itself.

My ex husband said it recently after 19 years apart. I guess I feel the same but he knows, I KNOW, we will never, can never, should never be back together.

Ive heard it from another ex when I hadnt truly let go yet too...I pursued what it might mean...It was confusing and I mistook it for a door still open...in that case too...the door was still closed, it was a semi apology, a sort of closure, an "I wish you the best" but it was NOT an I love you and want you back AT ALL.

It was an "even if it didnt work out, I want you happy"

[13Hearts]

I love my current bf, we've been together for over a year. I haven't spoken with my ex in 3 years but after a drunken night, he told me he'll always love me and I just can't stop thinking about it and what could've been.

 

I just want to hear him say that we will never be able to work out or something along those lines, so I can go back to being my normal self and continue on with my relationship. The only reason why I met up with him after 3 years was because I was going through a rought patch with my current bf.

 

Do you agree with the hearing him say we won't ever work out thing? I think that'll give me full closure and let me peacefully move on completely, what do you think?

 

Please don't tell me to break up with my current bf! I love him a lot and don't want to break up with him. I just don't know what's going on with my life right now, this is so random and I've been so happy for years

 

Why do you need the ex to tell you whether or not the two of you will work out? The true question is, do you want him to be in your life?

 

What do you want out of life? Is the ex capable of giving that to you? Is he what you want to be with? You're the one in the driver's seat here and you're asking someone who is standing outside of the car to steer for you while running alongside your car. How much sense does that make? HE doesn't care where you go or how you get there, does he?

 

PS Don't pay attention when a man tells you he loves you and gets all romantic and sappy. They will say anything.

[Girlfromcali]

It's not his job to bring you closure.

 

I wanted so much closure that I begged him to say he doesn't love me anymore.

 

He responded that then he'd be lying.

 

Also, recently I learned something, I thought he had done something "horrible" and I was devastated yet in a way excited because I knew it would bring me closure.

 

Unfortunately it turned out to be something that made me have even deeper feelings for him.

[preraph]

Whatever made you break up before, nothing has changed. You can still love someone and not be able to live with them or be committed to them. Happens all the time. You don't need him to cut you loose. You cut yourself loose. Remind yourself why you're not still together and how much better this man is treating you (and if he's not, well keep looking)

[loveplease123]

I don't think I would have feelings for him anymore, I mean it's been so long and I don't know what kind of person he is now. But I just can't stop thinking about the night and what he said and I don't know how to get it out of my head. It's been like 4 days and I keep dreaming out it too and it scares me

[whichwayisup]

Leave the past in the past. Make yourself stop thinking of him and what he said.

 

You say you love your current boyfriend and don't want to end with him so really there's no point (except for feeding ego) to know about your ex and if you two would have lasted. That kind of defeats the purpose of who is in your life now, your boyfriend.

 

You're allowing your ex to have power over your life right now.

 

What is it your truly desire? Opening that door again will only bring trouble and more confusion into your life and it'll affect your R with your bf.

[Mr. Lucky]

Please don't tell me to break up with my current bf! I love him a lot and don't want to break up with him. I just don't know what's going on with my life right now, this is so random and I've been so happy for years

 

If this is true, why would you be affected by a few drunken words from a distant ex?

 

And you trust and respect this new BF so much that you didn't tell him anything about meeting - and drinking - with an old flame?

 

Hmmmmmmmmm...

 

Mr. Lucky

[loveplease123]

Well he was sober, I was drunk. We didn't drink together, I came to find him after a party when a mutual friend mentioned he was there, but I didn't see him there. We ended up making out but I refused to do anything else and pushed him off once I realized what was happening and i do feel so guilty about it but I really don't know, I just want him out of my head it's annoying me

[justa_guy]

Ok ok, so you went looking for your ex and cheated on your boyfriend, now you want advice on how you can stop thinking about ex... Firstly, you need to come clean with current bf about cheating then take it from there.

 

You're behaving selfishly, and you're deceiving the current man you claim to love.

[Poutrew]

Please don't tell me to break up with my current bf! I love him a lot and don't want to break up with him. I just don't know what's going on with my life right now, this is so random and I've been so happy for years

 

Break up with your current bf. There I've said it... lets see, you went to your old bf for advice, as if he is going to help you there... he tells you he still loves you. You make out with him, but it's OK because you are drunk. Sounds as though you will leave your current bf if old bf says the right thing.... You know this is easier than it sounds. Other party goers probably saw you making out with old bf and word will eventually get back to current bf anyway.Tell your current bf the horrible things you have done with your old bf whilst drunk at the party. Leave out no details. Let you current bf send you to the curb. If I were your current bf, you would be sitting on the curb and waiting for the old bf to come and get you.

[SaveYourHeart]

The people giving advice here sound like they've never had a moment of weakness or nostalgia. Personally, something very similar happened with me. I started dating my man while I was still interested in someone else, I never cheated, but I've never had closure and always asked myself, "what if"? Closure is a powerful thing. If you still love both of these men, you need to figure out which one you can see yourself spending your life with. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

 

The making out thing though, you have to decide if you can live with yourself and your little secret. It was totally wrong, drunkenness doesn't excuse it. Figure out if you're going to tell your man now, or let it eat you alive.

[LoveRefreshed]

Your poor boyfriend. Just break up with your boyfriend...

[Space Ritual]

Well he was sober, I was drunk. We didn't drink together, I came to find him after a party when a mutual friend mentioned he was there, but I didn't see him there. We ended up making out but I refused to do anything else and pushed him off once I realized what was happening and i do feel so guilty about it but I really don't know, I just want him out of my head it's annoying me

 

 

Uh....

 

So you made out with him?

 

 

You realize you cheated on your boyfriend right? Do the right thing, tell your boyfriend what you did and let him decide whether he wants to be with you anymore. If you had any feelings for your Boyfriend, you'll do that. To do anything else is just selfish and immature.

 

But you won't do that. We all know it. People usually don't write out stories like this if they have any intention of doing what's right. And I doubt you are an exception

[Clockwork]

heck, you can have a little nostalgia regardless of how bad the relationship was if you talk to him again. I had a horrible relationship before I met my wife. Just bad. Now that I have been out of it for so long it is easy to see that and easy to see that I finally met the right one. But, you always had SOME good times and there is always a moment you can think of that takes you back to that time in your life. It couldn't have been all miserable.

 

 

However, this is always your mind playing tricks on you. When you are apart from this person it is natural you will look at things with rose-colored glasses and gloss over the bad things and the reasons you split. So never forget that.