this just happened

[katielee]

 

Did Mr Katie have 2 ONS? Was it 'getting off' (kissing + touching) with women at events? Were they lengthy EA's before/after? Did he say the words? Future faking etc?

 

I know that both of you say that your Mr's wouldn't of strayed if you hadn't of had A's first. Both of your (Mrs) affairs were PAs, did they involve the 'words', soul mates etc? Promises & plans?

 

Was yours before you had children Katie?

 

My husband's were not ONS, but I think the affair with OW1 was emotional (as much as it can get in a month) and the second one was just anger or something, I don't know (he said he didn't even like her)... he started both affairs the day he met them. I don't think any words were spoken. I think he got close with OW 1.

 

I did not consider my AP my soul mate and never said it. I did tell him I loved him. no promises or plans. I broke it off hours after the first physical encounter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you all know what I mean & don't mind answering.

 

I don't mind answering if it helps you.

[katielee]

My husband's were not ONS, but I think the affair with OW1 was emotional (as much as it can get in a month) and the second one was just anger or something, I don't know (he said he didn't even like her)... he started both affairs the day he met them. I don't think any words were spoken. I think he got close to words with OW 1.

 

I did not consider my AP my soul mate and never said it. I did tell him I loved him. no promises or plans. I broke it off hours after the first physical encounter.

 

My kids were nearly grown.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't mind answering if it helps you.

[katielee]

 

I've read that for women it's the feelings & men it's the physical that hurts most.

 

for me it wasnt' the feelings or the physical interactions (he made out with both) but the TIME he gave to them.

He has said it was the physical thing for him.

[katielee]

...and he became my focus.

 

and this was me until he had a second one. Game changer.

[Mrs. John Adams]

and this was me until he had a second one. Game changer.

 

so the bottom line is you are speculating...and you have no idea what transpired between either ow and your husband.....but you know he did not screw them and there were no words of endearment passed between them.

 

Surely you see that your husband was not in his right state of mind and that he was merely acting out of hurt and anger and desperation?

 

Those women meant nothing to him...he did not exchange ANYTHING with them except for kisses...and you happened upon them in the park..and had to go to special therapy for ptsd. Can you imagine the MIND MOVIES he had knowing you screwed this man and even told him you love him?

 

and yet you are devastated and broken by his actions years after the fact....

 

i guess i am just feeling so sorry for your husband.....i see how john was mentally...and i think your husband had to be feeling those same things....

 

and he believes you had two affairs katielee.....you have never really explained this other than saying you were sexually assaulted....

 

how in the world can he believe you had an affair when it was an assault? have you addressed this with him? with a therapist? was this assault documented with the police? or did you call him immediately afterward and tell him you were assaulted? I don't understand. If i told john someone at work assaulted me...we would immediately go to the police.

 

and you have said that the SECOND woman was out of anger....so why was that a game changer?

[katielee]

Yes we called the police! For crying out loud. I have talked about that here many times... It was addressed adverse times with our MC and IC, detectives and a lawyer we hired. Also, a rape counselor.

I'm supposed to have compassion for a guy who knew I was raped and was so angry about it he had an affair?

Do ppl get to act out anger like this is acceptable?

 

We all speculate on here. You define my husband and you dont even know him.

 

So if I am hurt and angry and desperate (I'm sure you've seen that of me) I get to act out? Do you understand what it's like to be raped and have that used against you? As a "that other guy you slept with?" When he begged me to file a civil suit against the guy? Why would he want that if he didn't believe me? He knew the evidence and wanted to go through with it.

 

I'm sure he has terrible mind movies. I'm sure it was awful for him. I'm not denying that, but you want me to deny my own hurt because I did it first.

 

He knew what it felt like, he did it. Then he saw what THAT did to me and he did it again. Message received loud and clear.

But following some logic here, if someone is distraught and in pain they are ok acting out.

Edited May 3, 2016 by katielee

[Mrs. John Adams]

Yes we called the police! For crying out loud. I have talked about that here many times...

I'm supposed to have compassion for a guy who knew I was raped and was so angry about it he had an affair?

Do ppl get to act out anger like this is acceptable?

 

We all speculate on here. You define my husband and you dont even know him.

 

So if I am hurt and angry and desperate (I'm sure you've seen that of me) I get to act out? Do you understand what it's like to be raped and have that used against you? As a "that other guy you slept with?" When he begged me to file a civil suit against the guy? Why would he want that if he didn't believe me? He knew the evidence and wanted to go through with it.

 

I'm sure he has terrible mind movies. I'm sure it was awful for him. I'm not denying that, but you want me to deny my own hurt because I did it first.

 

He knew what it felt like, he did it. Then he saw what THAT did to me and he did it again. Message received loud and clear.

But following some logic here, if someone is distraught and in pain they are ok acting out.

 

I have never seen you post that you were raped...so I apologize...that is why i asked.

 

So please tell me...if you were raped...and you reported it as such...how in the WORLD can your husband say you had a damn affair?

and when he did why in the hell did you NOT get out then?

 

My god...if you were raped....where was your husbands support...and love...and compassion????

 

I do not understand

 

If i was raped my husband would kill the man who did this....he would treat me with such love and tenderness

 

I do not understand a husband who then TURNS on his wife and says she had an affair.....

 

I can barely breathe i am so angry

 

My answer is easy...get the hell out....

Edited May 3, 2016 by Mrs. John Adams

[xxoo]

katielee, has he apologized for calling your rape an affair? Is it something that he continues to say?

 

I'm not saying it was excusable even once, but I do think it matters if he's apologized and stopped saying that.

[katielee]

And for the record, I've tried to move beyond all this. Any issue were having now are trust or trigger related. Everything else has been discussed.

[Mrs. John Adams]

And for the record, I've tried to move beyond all this. Any issue were having now are trust or trigger related. Everything else has been discussed.

 

discussed and resolved are two different things. If he still calls your rape an affair...he still does not GET IT.

[xxoo]

And for the record, I've tried to move beyond all this. Any issue were having now are trust or trigger related. Everything else has been discussed.

 

This just seems like denial, because it (number of affairs on each side) comes up again with every new issue.

 

I'd love to see you envision the marriage you want. What does that intimacy look like in practical terms? It can't be more discussions about affair stuff, gah! What sort of behaviors and words and interactions would have made you feel loved up and close to him before the affairs?

[frogss29]

Katielee, of course you still trigger and have trust issues.

We all do

THAT is the problem.

We wouldn't be on this forum if we were healed.

BIG hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[ladydesigner]

Yes we called the police! For crying out loud. I have talked about that here many times... It was addressed adverse times with our MC and IC, detectives and a lawyer we hired. Also, a rape counselor.

I'm supposed to have compassion for a guy who knew I was raped and was so angry about it he had an affair?

Do ppl get to act out anger like this is acceptable?

 

We all speculate on here. You define my husband and you dont even know him.

 

So if I am hurt and angry and desperate (I'm sure you've seen that of me) I get to act out? Do you understand what it's like to be raped and have that used against you? As a "that other guy you slept with?" When he begged me to file a civil suit against the guy? Why would he want that if he didn't believe me? He knew the evidence and wanted to go through with it.

 

I'm sure he has terrible mind movies. I'm sure it was awful for him. I'm not denying that, but you want me to deny my own hurt because I did it first.

 

He knew what it felt like, he did it. Then he saw what THAT did to me and he did it again. Message received loud and clear.

But following some logic here, if someone is distraught and in pain they are ok acting out.

 

Has your husband always had a disconnect from empathy? After experiencing rape like infidelity is a trauma and when our partner does not give or show the empathy we need it is unsettling. I also think the fact that a second A happened is usually the killer, I know it has been for me.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Has your husband always had a disconnect from empathy? After experiencing rape like infidelity is a trauma and when our partner does not give or show the empathy we need it is unsettling. I also think the fact that a second A happened is usually the killer, I know it has been for me.

 

LD....

 

This really made me think....and you may have really hit the nail on the head.

If mr KL does not feel empathy about her rape....he is most probably...incapable of remorse.

 

You cannot have true remorse if you do not understand empathy. So even though he may be sorry about his affairs..(non emotional and only involved kissing)....he has no idea what true remorse looks like and therefore cannot possibly give KL all that she needs to move forward. She is stuck just like he is....and has been since 2010. This same issue has been dissected over and over.

 

I wish i had gone back and read her threads before now....I think I would have had a better understanding.

 

and she has lived in a traumatized world ....raped....a husband who does not have empathy....finding him making out with another woman....no wonder she has ptsd.....

[merrmeade]

If mr KL does not feel empathy about her rape....he is most probably...incapable of remorse.

 

You cannot have true remorse if you do not understand empathy. So even though he may be sorry about his affairs..(non emotional and only involved kissing)....he has no idea what true remorse looks like and therefore cannot possibly give KL all that she needs to move forward. She is stuck just like he is....and has been since 2010. This same issue has been dissected over and over.

 

I wish i had gone back and read her threads before now....I think I would have had a better understanding.

 

and she has lived in a traumatized world ....raped....a husband who does not have empathy....finding him making out with another woman....no wonder she has ptsd.....

Bingo, Mrs. A! And this made me go back and read about kl's one A and (shudder) rape that only an emotionally stunted and/or uninformed spouse could even think of as an affair for as long as this one did. "Uninformed" because these days hardly anyone, who keeps up with current topics in national media, can avoid hearing or reading about date or acquaintance rape. It's a thing that's out there a lot - a national crisis for colleges, law enforcement, families, young women. Schools talk to kids and parents about it, movies and TV shows have it as themes, documentaries, and so on. Where tf has he been?? Did he not get it or believe it? Why did it take MC to (supposedly) straighten him out?

 

omg I feel so angry at him. And I feel it in part because I KNOW what the loneliness and fierce determination to fix and heal everything is that keeps you constantly working and trying to understand HIM. It's so fking lonely, as you've said before, and you unfortunately get the prize for putting up with more than you should humanly be asked to endure for the sake of family and love.

 

This reminds me of a story in Hindu mythology I learned while we were living in India on fellowship. It's how I feel when I wish my mother could just take me back, away from all the bullsht and cruelty in life and marriage that I didn't sign up for. Here's the story: A virtuous, devoted queen, endures insupportable difficulties on her husband's behalf—exile, kidnapping, public censure (doubting her chastity during captivity) and finally banishment to the forest, where she rears their children. On being allowed back, she returns the children to their father and then prays to Mother Earth to end her life of pain and suffering and take her home. Hindu families won't even name their little girls after her.

 

You don't deserve what you've put up with, katielee. It's too much. Your husband should be horsewhipped.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Bingo, Mrs. A! And this made me go back and read about kl's one A and (shudder) rape that only an emotionally stunted and/or uninformed spouse could even think of as an affair for as long as this one did. "Uninformed" because these days hardly anyone, who keeps up with current topics in national media, can avoid hearing or reading about date or acquaintance rape. It's a thing that's out there a lot - a national crisis for colleges, law enforcement, families, young women. Schools talk to kids and parents about it, movies and TV shows have it as themes, documentaries, and so on. Where tf has he been?? Did he not get it or believe it? Why did it take MC to (supposedly) straighten him out?

 

omg I feel so angry at him. And I feel it in part because I KNOW what the loneliness and fierce determination to fix and heal everything is that keeps you constantly working and trying to understand HIM. It's so fking lonely, as you've said before, and you unfortunately get the prize for putting up with more than you should humanly be asked to endure for the sake of family and love.

 

This reminds me of a story in Hindu mythology I learned while we were living in India on fellowship. It's how I feel when I wish my mother could just take me back, away from all the bullsht and cruelty in life and marriage that I didn't sign up for. Here's the story: A virtuous, devoted queen, endures insupportable difficulties on her husband's behalf—exile, kidnapping, public censure (doubting her chastity during captivity) and finally banishment to the forest, where she rears their children. On being allowed back, she returns the children to their father and then prays to Mother Earth to end her life of pain and suffering and take her home. Hindu families won't even name their little girls after her.

 

You don't deserve what you've put up with, katielee. It's too much. Your husband should be horsewhipped.

 

I still do not know the details about Katielee's rape or sexual assault.....so I am left wondering what about it would cause her husband to interpret it as an affair....it truly boggles my mind. I cannot fathom how he comes to that conclusion. I don't know how the rape situation ended....if she won the case or who it was even against. I need to dig further I guess to find this information in her old postings. I am assuming this rape happened before her affair....and i wonder if because of her betrayal he then changed the rape in his mind as "voluntary".

 

Regardless....i think there are so many different issues in this relationship that nothing could save it. I totally understand katielees mindset...and i can tell you if i was raped and my husband doubted me and accused me of having an affair...I do not believe I could continue in the relationship. I think my heart would be so wounded I could never recover.

 

This new part of the story...for me...certainly explains some of Katielee's mindset and behaviors and reactions..

[OneLov]

I still do not know the details about Katielee's rape or sexual assault.....so I am left wondering what about it would cause her husband to interpret it as an affair....it truly boggles my mind. I cannot fathom how he comes to that conclusion. I don't know how the rape situation ended....if she won the case or who it was even against. I need to dig further I guess to find this information in her old postings. I am assuming this rape happened before her affair....and i wonder if because of her betrayal he then changed the rape in his mind as "voluntary".

 

Regardless....i think there are so many different issues in this relationship that nothing could save it. I totally understand katielees mindset...and i can tell you if i was raped and my husband doubted me and accused me of having an affair...I do not believe I could continue in the relationship. I think my heart would be so wounded I could never recover.

 

This new part of the story...for me...certainly explains some of Katielee's mindset and behaviors and reactions..

 

I feel the same. With all due respect to Mr. KL, there are some serious issues if your SO does not believe you were sexually assaulted or raped. I do not know how she is able to cohabitate with someone who does not believe something this personal and serious; I could not do it without feeling empty, alone, worthless, etc.. I am sorry KL, but I am afraid Mrs. JA is right.

[katielee]

A little more than a year after my affair I was at an educational conference that lasted 5 days and ended with me receiving my MA. There were mostly girls here but a couple of guys hanging around. They weren't part of the conference, in the hotel.

 

I had a couple drinks with all the girls to celebrate our finish. One guy went to the next door neighbor's room (they were my friends I met there) and I stopped on my way back to my room to say hi and I maybe had one more drink. (This was over the course of about 5 hours) When I went to my room someone knocked on the door and it was the guy with my friends behind them. I thought they were all coming in. But when I turned around the door was closed and only he was there. He held my arms down and I said no three times. I didn't scream but I said no. The next thing I knew I was on the bed with my pants off. I don't remember certain things. I was very confused the next day.

Every professional person I've talked to said I was drugged.

 

We called the police but they said it was a he said/she said kind of thing, I didn't report it until 3-5 days later, the same time I decided to either drive off a cliff or tell my husband... I've already put down here what we went through with the police. He called the guy and said he would kill him. We told his wife. We tried to file a criminal case twice. The DA wouldn't take it. We considered a civil suit. The lawyer I called said I didn't have much of a chance. Our MC advised that it would destroy us - we were now dealing with his affairs. We had to give up. Justice is important in my husband's life. Just imagine.

 

I suppose he sometimes doesn't believe me when he gets frustrated because I already had an affair. When he gets frustrated it's thrown in my face as another affair. The first thing he said when I found out about his second is that I had two, he got to have two. He has since apologized for that.

I have never changed my story and through a writing exercise in IC found out more that I shared with my husband - WHY I opened the door.

I've looked at my actions (certainly shouldn't have been at a conference by myself as a fWW) but I said no. And then I froze.

I truly feel in my soul that he believes me. It took our MC holding his feet to the fire for him to say how sorry he was it happened to me. That took about 4 years. I've been questioned about why didn't I scream, fight back, etc.. He could not bear to talk to the lawyer, read about what raped victims go through or go to the rape counselor with me. When I showed him how the guys held my arms down he said, "why did you show me that." I understand. It was excrutiatingly painful for him. When a wife is raped the husband is raped too.

But, don't make me a victim of it again. ya know? Rape victims feel so much guilt. So much. My thoughts couldn't even go to anger towards this guy. It went to sorrow and sadness of the fact that I could lose hubby. That has always been the case. Incredible guilt. Crying now.

 

I will speculate that he was angry I didn't protect myself, angry he couldn't protect me, and now his wife has had sex with two guys - that was thrown at me about 2 months ago. But there is a difference between having sex and being raped. And if that is said again I will leave.

 

We love each other a lot. We have had two good days. You can see what we have to recover from. It is not spoken of. It can't be.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Katielee,

 

Thank you for posting this. I know it was very hard....I am sending you hugs and prayers...

 

I want to read this a few times before I comment but I wanted to let you know how much I care.

[understand50]

Katielee,

 

There will always be doubt in your husband, about you, just as there will always be doubt in you about his actions. While regrettable, I think that I would also have doubts in the same circumstances. This does not to say that this was not hurtful to you, but I understand why your husband can doubt your rape, and in his anger, lash out at you. He regrets it. Feels bad, but there will always be some part, that wonders. You have your doubts too. You have your triggers, your rape must have been a large one for both of you. I can see that both of you are in pain, and wondering where did your marriage, love and relationship go.

 

I disagree with Abigail, as to your relationship just being past saving. I would remind her, that many have told John the same, and they both persevered. Your marriage is over, when one or the other gives up. I do not think you want to give up, and from what you have wrote, I do not think your husbands does. To give up now is to throw away the good times, and shared memories, and what was you both in the beginning, when you fell in love and decided to marry and make a life together. This will not be easily replaced.

 

You both need to communicate, reconnect, and find each other. Getting past what you both have done to each other. This will not be easy, but the first step is to want too. In past posts you asked how my wife and I have our talks, I think that would be a good first step, but everyone is different and if that is not what you want or need, I hope you keep trying until you find what works. Maybe the journey of reconnecting is what will bring you both peace.

 

For myself, if I was you, I would concentrate on his pain, and try and show remorse. As you can not control him and only yourself, it is all that is open to you. I hope in doing this, it will show him that path to give you remorse, and support for your pain. I know you have pain, and it is real, and it is there, but I would say to you, that you can not wallow in it. In the end it will do you no good.

 

I have a confession. My one and only thread (There are responsibilities for a BS in reconciliation) was aimed at you along with Merrmeade and Shattered Lady. I apologize to the 3 of you, but believe me it was done with the best intentions. I was hopping to help you all look beyond your husbands and come up with what you all could do to better your situations. I was hoping the discussion would bring fourth some ideas. I think it did, but the main one was that I took away was "one must be responsible for your own actions and take action to change the situation". What ever that is, is the rub. I hope that with all the advise give here, there is some morsel that will help you, and your husband. Every couple is different, but surely there must be a way to break the cycle of triggering and then fighting over the same damn things.

 

Katielee, all I wish for you is a better life, but I only think you will get what you want by doing the things, whatever they may be that work for you, to change form what you have now. You seem to be able to help others see what they should do, can you look and see what you should do? As long as you both love each other, and treat each other with respect, most of the time, you can persevere, and become stronger. I am a optimist, I see a better place always, but I know I have to work at it.

 

As always, and especially for today, I wish luck..........

[Mrs. John Adams]

understand50...I agree with you....but you and i both know...it takes two to reconcile....and reconciliation takes a whole lot more than just "wanting to".

 

Anything is certainly possible....but i fear in this relationship there may be way too much to overcome.

 

It is one thing to overcome an infidelity...add to the mix a rape , and two more infidelities. Add a husband who does not want to discuss it....add a wife who cannot look beyond her own pain.....

 

Can they overcome? yes....but at what cost to them both psychologically?

 

Katielee has to fight her own demons....he has to fight her demons as well...and unfortunately katielee is getting tired. She has since 2010 been spinning her wheels wrestling the same demons over and over and over.

 

I have spent many hours today...looking back at her posts. She fights the same things today she fought when she first came here. Yes she has made progress....but those damn demons still plague her.

 

Do I think she should throw in the towel? absolutely not. Only she knows when she has had enough. Do I think they can ever overcome all of this...yes...but it will take a lot of introspection on both of their parts....it will take a lot of compassion...it will take a ton of selflessness...putting the other first and working toward that persons healing. Are they both willing to put the other first? Are they both willing to do the work this is going to take?

I have no idea.

 

I fear that this relationship is one full of keeping score...making sure i get my fair share...instead of becoming fully committed to the healing of the other person. Can they change? yes... Do they want to? I don't know.But until they BOTH commit to doing WHATEVER it takes to heal each other...they will continue down this same road and in another 5 years still remain pitted against each other instead of working together as a team.

 

I believe with all of my heart that these two people love each other....and I believe that they want to stay married. But they have got to have one common goal and they both have to be committed to do whatever it takes to reach that goal. They have got to put the other one first....Can they do that?

[merrmeade]

katielee,

 

While I am touched, as always, by the extreme care and interest that some posters take in my situation - and yours - I am going to disagree with them this time. I identify with the imperfection of your situation, with the angst, the back-and-forth, the occasional dissatisfaction and the occasional (and I think in your case more and more frequent) contentment, even bliss. It's messy and it has lots of holes that won't be filled.

 

We come here with the problems. Some of the problems we've actually inurred ourselves to because they are ours and we live with them every day. It's not necessarily sweeping under the rug. It's an acceptance of sorts. Your rape, my WH's multiple affairs and flirtations with family members are utterly shocking to 99% of readers. I was horrified at your rape, too, and furious at your husband. But I also see that, as unsatisfactory as his reaction is, you are not going to divorce him over it.

 

Furthermore, I still mean wholeheartedly what I said a few pages back: You're moving forward within yourself, gaining an understanding and grace that allows a kind of forgiveness. By understanding our spouses, theirs and our needs and backgrounds as well as the changes we are all experiencing all the time, we are accepting the past, embracing the present and gaining hope for the future.

 

We've uncovered pretty much all there is to uncover about them and their deeds. We see their limitations and even realize they have not done the same work we have and do not have the same insights. Emphasis on "same." They have done work, however, and I sometimes feel that it's not fair to compare the work each of us has done.

 

I cannot compare the distance my husband had to travel from clueless, self-serving denial to painful remorse (in the form of shame) and accountability and then on into new and unfamiliar realms of unselfish, aware partnership and mature love. He had no preparation, no resources to help him process as he watched me rise ever so slowly out of the depths of trauma he'd caused and then grieve the polluted memories and life history he'd corrupted. But he did witness it, and that was my bottom line. He'd caused it, and he would be present and accountable for every second of agony until I was fully recovered. We're on the other side of that mountain now, still treading cautiously but it's easier than climbing it was.

 

I kind of think that's where you are, too, kl. Different stories, different issues, different unresolved areas of understanding that nevertheless are tolerated. I think you and 'hubby' are skilled at some aspects of loving each other and giving joy that helps you want to carry on.

 

I envy you for that and don't know that we'll have it, though I can say my moments of sweetness and quiet gratitude for my husband are more frequent as are his. What I do have, that I think you would like from yours, is the fierceness with which he defends and protects the progress we've made against any threat of an NC breakthrough. I see this when certain possibilities arise such as our children's and my brother's children's marriages when a decision must be made whether we'll be there with OW, my sister-in-law. His response is always vehement: No way. The wedding and the nephew, even the son, were less important than preventing even the idea of her in our present or future.

 

I do hope your hubby can get this for his own sake. I have no illusions that my husband is doing it for me only. He's doing it because he hates what he did and was when that was going on. He wants no reminders and no opportunity for the insult of pretending it can be ignored. Maybe he's a terrible communicator and a lot of other things, but this one he got down and it gives me absolute confidence in him. Unshakable. I think it's what you need.

Edited May 4, 2016 by merrmeade

[katielee]

Thanks everyone....

 

Understand - I re read that thread of yours - at least your first post and I think I answered that I agreed with you. Accept that it's so much harder than a spouse who isn't 100% remorseful.

That said, and I had been doing just fine, you and I talked about that, I don't know how I could have handled the last two incidents (going to the OW2 event and the text) any other way... Do you?

 

Thanks merrm and Mrs JA.

[understand50]

Thanks everyone....

 

Understand - I re read that thread of yours - at least your first post and I think I answered that I agreed with you. Accept that it's so much harder than a spouse who isn't 100% remorseful.

That said, and I had been doing just fine, you and I talked about that, I don't know how I could have handled the last two incidents (going to the OW2 event and the text) any other way... Do you?

 

Thanks merrm and Mrs JA.

 

Katielee,

 

I do not ether, I just wish that the cycle could stop. What now seems to be lacking is trust on both sides and that will be a hard thing to get back. I know that I still do not trust my wife in some things. I do not think I will ever completely trust her in all things. I do not think that is a bad thing. Katielee, you can trust in somethings, but not all things, and may be both you and He can come to a understanding on things that need to really open, and those that are more mundane.

 

Katielee, the best thing is to soldier on, and meet life head on. I believe that communication is the key for you, but it does take two. Does not mean that all will be bliss and roses, your husband may still keep to himself, but he will have the chance if he wants to go trough the door.

 

As always I wish you luck.......