Preparing for NC but unsure how...

[Satu]

Thank you ladies for the encouragement and kind words. I think, if I'm honest, is that I feel as though my bitch card made it easy on him. I want him to miss me, like I do him.

 

When you get to the point where you don't care what he thinks, your healing will be complete.

 

It takes some time to get there, but you will.

[Forceawakensme]

When you get to the point where you don't care what he thinks, your healing will be complete.

 

It takes some time to get there, but you will.

 

I agree with this but will add that its this point that we can truly begin to heal ourselves.

Unrelated to xmm.... i feel like for me, once i have complete indifference toward him i can see clearly the damage the affair has done on me, the fog is clear and i can begin to dig deep and heal.

[sandylee1]

[quote=daisy69;6858067

 

His wife thinks he is amazing. He got her flowers for valentines day, then stayed the night at my house next day so she hasn't a clue.

 

But I always thought it as strange that he was having affair yet his wife adored him. To me that, is more alarming than an affair itself.

 

.

 

What's strange about his wife adoring him when she has no idea he's cheating? I don't quite understand what you mean.

 

At least this is one case where he can't truly say she doesn't care or show affection and is the ice queen. Actually.. scrap that. He could say it.. it just wouldn't be true.

 

Why not simply let him know that you've moved on from this, not to contact you again and wish him all the best for the future. No fuss..no mess ... no drama.

[sandylee1]

I'm having a terrible time and regretting my final text before I blocked. I really think it was evil. Now I'm afraid he hates me. I was vile. ? I kinda wish I had gone out my sweet self but at the time, I thought if I was mean, he would be like wth? And stick to it. Now I'm doing a 180.

 

I didn't realise you'd already sent a text with my last post... so it's irrelevant now.

 

You saying all those things won't make any difference to him in relation to the next girl. The fact is that he has to get someone who is naive or able to fall for his charm. He's always gonna have his pick of girls throwing themselves at him as a musician anyway.

 

He doesn't actually care about what they feel ... he just wants to have sex with a variety of women and not have any emotional attachment. It's NSA sex only. He's really not different than the majority of MM having affairs and from what you've posted here ..... I don't see he's a narcissist either. He's just a guy cheating on his wife.

[Gloria25]

Ok, I can help...

 

Read all the stories about OW here, the majority get dissed cuz WS returns to wife.

 

Also the MM considers the time spent with the OW, a "fog", "mistake" - pretty much everything negative that can come to his mind.

 

You're a cancer, a witch, someone trying to destroy their marriage....

 

Need any more encouragement to step away from this?

 

Oh, and why are you stopping having sex with your bf? Is he stopping having sex with his wife? I think not.

[Doublegold]

Daisy, as you are finding out, NC can be very very hard.

 

Get in touch with your anger, not XMM.

 

That helps a lot.

[daisy69]

XMM left flower on my car today. I am stupid, I unblocked text and said thank you for flower which led to more drama bs. Mostly from him though. I just kept it short and sweet though. Now I feel as though I want to go home and cry. Back at reset.

[ladydesigner]

XMM left flower on my car today. I am stupid, I unblocked text and said thank you for flower which led to more drama bs. Mostly from him though. I just kept it short and sweet though. Now I feel as though I want to go home and cry. Back at reset.

 

It's okay it happens. I don't think there are many who didn't break NC. Just keep thinking about what it really is that is going to make you truly happy.

 

These MM just get to me because here you are trying to get over this guy, you tell him you are done and he is still trying to suck you back in.

[Girlfromcali]

What I've learned is there two types of NC... The first is the purpose of ending and healing. There is no plan to ever talk to that person, you block, you take the time to heal and grieve the relationship and person with no plans to ever break it. This is very very hard. You have to be so determined and really ready to end it forever. The second type is NC to give time apart from the relationship to see if the other person misses you, to show them life without you. You secretly hope they break it and you have hope that reconciliation will happen when they realize how terrible life is without you. I find this is way more common. That is what I did in my A. It wasn't true NC. You have to be honest with yourself and determine what type of NC do you want! Good luck!

 

Exactly! Because you don't want what happened in "notebook" or gazillion movies to happen, where both parties wanted each other, but wasted years because of miscommunication. You want to be sure that he doesn't want you enough to come and get you.

That is the reason, you leave the door open for your Prince Charming to come and get you. (Heck, it ain't gonna happen most likely but at least you've done EVERYTHING in your power).

[Bufo]

The less you say the better off you will be. Calling him out with your opinion of what a narcissist he is will only feed his ego as what he will hear is that you are spending your free time thinking about him and that you think enough of him to want to analyze him. Of course he won't hear your intended message.

 

And you aren't going to change him by telling him your analysis. So in that respect it's wasted effort.

 

I've posted this aphorism in other threads. Maybe you've seen it

 

The person in a relationship who cares the least has the most power

 

Right now that person is you. Don't let him have that power over you.

[Miss Clavel]

I waited to block him because I knew he would ask whats up, once he realized I blocked him on our regular communication routes. He rarely texted but I knew he may ask why because he wants to make sure I'm not psycho and gonna rat him out. So after I explained I was going no contact, I told him no need to reply because once I pressed send, the final means, which was text was blocked. So yeah, its blocked too now. No cracks of which I am aware. Hope that made sense.

 

 

who gives a damn!? if he asked me i'd sure as hell tell the ahole user which fing way is up. i just wish he'd ask me why i blocked him. i'd ask to meet him then slap the taste out of his lying **** filled mouth.

 

he's a married POS that wets his junk twice in one day.

 

 

grow a spine. people treat you the way you let them.

 

if he ever makes any attempt to see you again, you should call his wife and let her know she needs an STD panel.

[daisy69]

He doesn't want another go at it, besides, Im sure he has a new one already. He said he was sorry he got carried away with his emotions and he said if I ever needed anything, he would be there. Used the word friends 3 times so, yeah...he has his next one lined up already. I still have him blocked. told him thanks and I need to heal.

 

 

I am just numb. Its not all his fault. I knew the deal.

[jenkins95]

Daisy, just read your thread and wanted to send you a little hug (((daisy))).

 

I know you are in a horrible place, but you know as well as all the other posters that you are on the right path in NC now. Well done - that took strength and courage on your part. Ride out the awful first couple of months and come to us regularly...... eventually you will realise that you are feeling better - don't be in a rush, recovery is a lengthy process, but it's virtually guaranteed if you stay strong. Try your very best to stay NC - as you read around here, you will find that breaching NC is very common in the first month or so, but it is almost never a positive experience - it just causes new hurts, disappointments, confusion and puts recovery back sometimes to square one. Stay the course daisy - your personal path to freedom!

 

I wish you nothing but the best. Keep posting. J

[Onlywhenitrains]

Daisy, I'm sorry you're hurting. But, NC is the only way out. I read somewhere this thought, and I find it very useful and true as I'm in NC myself - when walking through hell, keep going. There is no turning back. If you do, you'll find yourself in a dark alley with a dead end in front of you. You deserve more.

 

I hope it gets easier as time passes. I haven't been NC for long, but I can tell you one thing - after initial week or so of being NC, I found myself in a somewhat more peaceful place. There was no more hiding, sneaking around, and emotional roller coaster the affair was for me was gone. Yes, I still have triggers and reminders of it, but knowing that it's no longer my life - helps.

 

Healing takes time and patience. Love yourself! And, don't loose hope it will get better!

[daisy69]

Thank you ladies for replying. Today is a week and I feel so hopeless and getting weak but I know I cant. Besides...just nothing to say that will make a difference anyway. I think if I could just see him for a couple hours but then I would only do more damage. I know this.

 

 

I will keep moving forward with NC.

[jenkins95]

Keep strong Daisy - you are doing amazingly well.

 

You can get through the first week on sheer adrenaline and determination alone. But when that subsides, the next few weeks are really, really difficult and the risk of breaking NC is very high.

 

Ride it out until about week 10 (I know that sounds really daunting) and it really will start to get easier.

 

It really does get easier although that's almost impossible for you to believe now!

 

Keep posting. J

[ladydesigner]

Thank you ladies for replying. Today is a week and I feel so hopeless and getting weak but I know I cant. Besides...just nothing to say that will make a difference anyway. I think if I could just see him for a couple hours but then I would only do more damage. I know this.

 

 

I will keep moving forward with NC.

 

You are right. It would feel good, but nothing would change and then you would have to start NC all over again.

 

Keep Strong! Keep posting, journaling, exercising, fun with friends and family! The world is yours!

[lemondrop21]

When you hit the bargaining stage (which you will, it's part of grief), here are some possible bargains to make with yourself:

 

1. If I have been on 4 dates with other men who are available and treat me with the respect I deserve, and I still feel overwhelmingly drawn towards the affair and all its bulls**t, then I can contact MM.
   
2. If it has been 40 days of complete NC on my end and I still feel overwhelmingly drawn towards the A, then I can contact MM.
   

In my case, I was dating other men and working through my grief during 5 weeks NC, and when NC was broken, it quickly became clear that things could never be the same. I had moved too far on.

[daisy69]

Daisy, I'm sorry you're hurting. But, NC is the only way out. I read somewhere this thought, and I find it very useful and true as I'm in NC myself - when walking through hell, keep going. There is no turning back. If you do, you'll find yourself in a dark alley with a dead end in front of you. You deserve more.

 

I hope it gets easier as time passes. I haven't been NC for long, but I can tell you one thing - after initial week or so of being NC, I found myself in a somewhat more peaceful place. There was no more hiding, sneaking around, and emotional roller coaster the affair was for me was gone. Yes, I still have triggers and reminders of it, but knowing that it's no longer my life - helps.

 

Healing takes time and patience. Love yourself! And, don't loose hope it will get better!

 

 

I am a fan of analogies. They seem to put things in better perspective for my mind. I cant tell you how many times I have thought of this one today at my weak moments. Ive had a lot actually! Thank you!