Preparing for NC but unsure how...

[Mayday2016]

Calling him out feeds the narcissism and ego. You're still supplying him with something. You need to disappear. Don't do anything publicly to drop hints like "look at how I'm moving on without you" because he sure as heck won't see it that way. He'll think it's you in desperation trying to show positively but still desiring him IF he checks on your online presence at all.

[daisy69]

Calling him out feeds the narcissism and ego. You're still supplying him with something. You need to disappear. Don't do anything publicly to drop hints like "look at how I'm moving on without you" because he sure as heck won't see it that way. He'll think it's you in desperation trying to show positively but still desiring him IF he checks on your online presence at all.

 

 

 

Good point. I will be blocking everything.

[BuddyX]

Put this quote on your phone or desktop.

 

"You get closure by closing the door not by opening it for one last look.."

[privategal]

I will have to decide how to create a new user name on this game because I can see when he is online. Im hoping once I unfriend and block, he will disappear. I don't wanna know what hes doing. Its healthier for me.

 

Please forgive me for sounding harsh but you are not 12 and if you are serious about ending and healing, forget this game. Its a trigger and you dont need to ne there.

Go out to fresh air, see people and life and have real connections.

In A's we become hostage and glued to phone and pc.

We need to get off of them to heal, to avoid triggers and checking email, stalking.

If I could Id burn my phone or throw it in the ocean I am so serious and commited to healing.

Are you?

Then dont analyze, say what you have to say in a letter. Save it and sleep on it and read it again in the morning to make sure its firm, clear, then block immediately. Decide that the cravings, the withdrawals, the crying, you will go through to get to a better place and back to reality and away from electronics that have overtaken your life.

You have a huge family of support and its GOING to hurt so turn to us and therapy or yoga or walking or church or friends/family...new job or move...just get serious. Just do it.

[lemondrop21]

My mother had to go NC from a narcissist once, and she ultimately did it by sending a very angry email where she called him out on something that he didn't know she knew about him. So in doing so, she shattered their illusionary world where he was God. And as a narcissist he hated that, and never contacted her again.

 

So I think, whatever works for you... If you think that something you write will have the power to truly burst that bubble and might actually make him dislike you, it's something to consider. Otherwise, as others have commented, I think you're stuck in the game, and with this particular narcissist you may have to sprinkle some gasoline and torch the whole thing so that there is truly no going back.

[Satu]

Good point. I will be blocking everything.

 

The ideal is him not having any effect on you, and you not having any effect on him.

 

No winner, no loser.

 

Last words usually lead to more last words.

 

 

Take care.

[daisy69]

My mother had to go NC from a narcissist once, and she ultimately did it by sending a very angry email where she called him out on something that he didn't know she knew about him. So in doing so, she shattered their illusionary world where he was God. And as a narcissist he hated that, and never contacted her again.

 

So I think, whatever works for you... If you think that something you write will have the power to truly burst that bubble and might actually make him dislike you, it's something to consider. Otherwise, as others have commented, I think you're stuck in the game, and with this particular narcissist you may have to sprinkle some gasoline and torch the whole thing so that there is truly no going back.

 

 

 

He has always said the nicest things and been very respectful. he was never mean. But yeah, I'm still struggling. I just don't want him doing this to some other poor clueless soul.

[ladydesigner]

The ideal is him not having any effect on you, and you not having any effect on him.

 

No winner, no loser.

 

Last words usually lead to more last words.

 

 

Take care.

 

So true! NC is the best way to get over someone and take control of your life back!

 

OP best of luck to you with NC, it will be the best decision you will make for yourself

[daisy69]

So true! NC is the best way to get over someone and take control of your life back!

 

OP best of luck to you with NC, it will be the best decision you will make for yourself

 

 

 

thank you. here's serious hopin!

[daisy69]

I blocked on three means off communication but left text open because I knew he would be baffled and felt I could let him know, briefly, why. I summarized with I could no longer be his sex buddy and that I was too good and deserved way better than that. I also told him to think long and hard (yeah, Freudian thing) before he beguiles some other vulnerable and naïve girl to fulfill his sexual void. I ended with, after I press send, you will be blocked so no response will be received and to at least give me that. Wished him the best.

 

 

I feel like a load has been lifted yet sad. But here is to being open to receive and not keep rejecting nice guys because of my awaiting crumbs from him!

 

 

I hope the withdrawal phase isn't long. But I gotta do this.

[whichwayisup]

I blocked on three means off communication but left text open because I knew he would be baffled and felt I could let him know, briefly, why. I summarized with I could no longer be his sex buddy and that I was too good and deserved way better than that. I also told him to think long and hard (yeah, Freudian thing) before he beguiles some other vulnerable and naïve girl to fulfill his sexual void. I ended with, after I press send, you will be blocked so no response will be received and to at least give me that. Wished him the best.

 

 

I feel like a load has been lifted yet sad. But here is to being open to receive and not keep rejecting nice guys because of my awaiting crumbs from him!

 

 

I hope the withdrawal phase isn't long. But I gotta do this.

 

You did tell him why so there's no reason to NOT to block him on text. You ended it, and really there's nothing he can say to woo you back so what's the point again in not blocking him on text?

[daisy69]

You did tell him why so there's no reason to NOT to block him on text. You ended it, and really there's nothing he can say to woo you back so what's the point again in not blocking him on text?

 

I waited to block him because I knew he would ask whats up, once he realized I blocked him on our regular communication routes. He rarely texted but I knew he may ask why because he wants to make sure I'm not psycho and gonna rat him out. So after I explained I was going no contact, I told him no need to reply because once I pressed send, the final means, which was text was blocked. So yeah, its blocked too now. No cracks of which I am aware. Hope that made sense.

[privategal]

I blocked on three means off communication but left text open because I knew he would be baffled and felt I could let him know, briefly, why. I summarized with I could no longer be his sex buddy and that I was too good and deserved way better than that. I also told him to think long and hard (yeah, Freudian thing) before he beguiles some other vulnerable and naïve girl to fulfill his sexual void. I ended with, after I press send, you will be blocked so no response will be received and to at least give me that. Wished him the best.

 

 

I feel like a load has been lifted yet sad. But here is to being open to receive and not keep rejecting nice guys because of my awaiting crumbs from him!

 

 

I hope the withdrawal phase isn't long. But I gotta do this.

So proud wow! It will be very hard.

There will be a rollercoaster sometimes.

My new found 'freedom' when I went nc felt really good and freeing like you ar first. Then I had some really hard days of anger, sadness, crying, some missing...so just be prepared and have a plan for getting through those days...other than that...smooth sailing.

Best wishes it is the right choice!! Cheers!

[Satu]

Well done.

 

You did the best thing for all concerned.

[ladydesigner]

I blocked on three means off communication but left text open because I knew he would be baffled and felt I could let him know, briefly, why. I summarized with I could no longer be his sex buddy and that I was too good and deserved way better than that. I also told him to think long and hard (yeah, Freudian thing) before he beguiles some other vulnerable and naïve girl to fulfill his sexual void. I ended with, after I press send, you will be blocked so no response will be received and to at least give me that. Wished him the best.

 

 

I feel like a load has been lifted yet sad. But here is to being open to receive and not keep rejecting nice guys because of my awaiting crumbs from him!

 

 

I hope the withdrawal phase isn't long. But I gotta do this.

 

Good for you! Keep a list handy of all Con's about your R with him, especially if he tries to slime his way back in.

[Babsinhealing]

Good for you! Keep a list handy of all Con's about your R with him, especially if he tries to slime his way back in.

They usually always come back! Just try to be prepared for it and set a plan in place. I thought I had one but once he broke NC, I was sucked back in. It's not easy but if you are determined, you can do it!

[Forceawakensme]

I blocked on three means off communication but left text open because I knew he would be baffled and felt I could let him know, briefly, why. I summarized with I could no longer be his sex buddy and that I was too good and deserved way better than that. I also told him to think long and hard (yeah, Freudian thing) before he beguiles some other vulnerable and naïve girl to fulfill his sexual void. I ended with, after I press send, you will be blocked so no response will be received and to at least give me that. Wished him the best.

 

 

I feel like a load has been lifted yet sad. But here is to being open to receive and not keep rejecting nice guys because of my awaiting crumbs from him!

 

 

I hope the withdrawal phase isn't long. But I gotta do this.

 

 

Good on you Daisy. I have read your threads and feel there are few MM more deserving than yours to be blocked. He was the quintessential narcissist --- Cheers to your new MM toxin-free life:)

[daisy69]

I'm having a terrible time and regretting my final text before I blocked. I really think it was evil. Now I'm afraid he hates me. I was vile. ? I kinda wish I had gone out my sweet self but at the time, I thought if I was mean, he would be like wth? And stick to it. Now I'm doing a 180.

[imperfectangel]

It's completely normal to feel that way. But if you've gone NC and really have no intention of seeing him again does it really matter how he feels? How do you feel? I think as OW we spend way too much time worrying about how MM feels. It's time to look after you.

[Satu]

This is best viewed as a craving that needs to be resisted.

 

Stay on target.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

[Mayday2016]

Don't. Don't do this. Don't question everything you do because you'll try to make amends or 'fix' it.. And you know what? The very last time I talked to my xMM he said "why are you being so mean" --- he has not contacted me since then which has made it so much easier for me to not contact him. Im glad I made him see another side of me, im glad he knows my seriousness. You need him to know you're serious and seriously ready to move on with your life. And you need to move on and move forward. Keep marching forward, do not look back, do not doubt, do not notpick, do not analyze. You're done, you're final. Accept that you need to accept that.

[ladydesigner]

It's completely normal to feel that way. But if you've gone NC and really have no intention of seeing him again does it really matter how he feels? How do you feel? I think as OW we spend way too much time worrying about how MM feels. It's time to look after you.[/QUOTE]

 

This^^^ is great advice!

[daisy69]

Thank you ladies for the encouragement and kind words. I think, if I'm honest, is that I feel as though my bitch card made it easy on him. I want him to miss me, like I do him.

[Babsinhealing]

It's completely normal to feel that way. But if you've gone NC and really have no intention of seeing him again does it really matter how he feels? How do you feel? I think as OW we spend way too much time worrying about how MM feels. It's time to look after you.[/QUOTE]

 

This^^^ is great advice!

What I've learned is there two types of NC... The first is the purpose of ending and healing. There is no plan to ever talk to that person, you block, you take the time to heal and grieve the relationship and person with no plans to ever break it. This is very very hard. You have to be so determined and really ready to end it forever. The second type is NC to give time apart from the relationship to see if the other person misses you, to show them life without you. You secretly hope they break it and you have hope that reconciliation will happen when they realize how terrible life is without you. I find this is way more common. That is what I did in my A. It wasn't true NC. You have to be honest with yourself and determine what type of NC do you want! Good luck!

[Mayday2016]

Thank you ladies for the encouragement and kind words. I think, if I'm honest, is that I feel as though my bitch card made it easy on him. I want him to miss me, like I do him.

 

 

Don't. Don't think about what he is and isn't thinking about. The truth? It's not you. And if he is its not for the reasons you'd want him too. I'm better off thinking negatively because lovingly/longingly is just going to prolong your recovery.