General online and other dating discussion

[oberkeat]

 

FYI, Romeo and Juliet were *all about* Instant Chemistry. They didn't go on two (or more) dates before they sparked, it was as soon as they laid eyes upon each other. Then when they discovered they couldn't be together they committed suicide.

 

ETA: I just saw that Rejected Rosebud already said this. Great minds think alike!

 

The point is, Juliet would have logged right back on the dating the night she met Romeo, and then gone out with 2 or 3 other guys that same week because of GIGS. And then she'd next all of them as well after the first date. That's how dating works for most women who do online dating these days.

[MidwestUSA]

The point is, Juliet would have logged right back on the dating the night she met Romeo, and then gone out with 2 or 3 other guys that same week because of GIGS. And then she'd next all of them as well after the first date. That's how dating works for most women who do online dating these days.

 

 

I'm just trying to figure out how that would have screwed up Taylor Swift's song and video.

[losangelena]

OK, honest question:

 

Let's say a woman goes out with you on a second date and then decides she doesn't want to pursue anything further, would you be satisfied? Like really satisfied? Or would you complain that she still didn't give you enough time, or on the flip side, that she was just using you for free drinks/meals/museum trips and continuing to date you even after she knew she wasn't interested was just an ego stroke for her?

 

You keep harping on instant chemistry, blah blah, OK we get it. Please lay out for us a scenario where a woman rejects you the *right* way.

[Imajerk17]

OK, honest question:

 

Let's say a woman goes out with you on a second date and then decides she doesn't want to pursue anything further, would you be satisfied? Like really satisfied? Or would you complain that she still didn't give you enough time, or on the flip side, that she was just using you for free drinks/meals/museum trips and continuing to date you even after she knew she wasn't interested was just an ego stroke for her?

 

You keep harping on instant chemistry, blah blah, OK we get it. Please lay out for us a scenario where a woman rejects you the *right* way.

 

In all seriousness, that the woman (according to oberkeat) kept trying to extend the meeting probably means that she wanted to give things a fair chance. I mean, there are first and second dates TOGETHER that don't take 3 hours.

 

Meanwhile, I am wondering, as much as a whiner as oberkeat comes across on here (real talk, everyone is thinking this I'm just saying this outright), if that came across on his first date. I mean, I get he was on his best behaviour during the date but you can't hide that sort of thing 100 percent. Anyway, she goes home and goes over how the date went and has a strange feeling on oberkeat. She may not even be able to consciously figure out why but she may have felt it still.

 

My point is, oberkeat got his "fair hearing" (I hate that expression when it comes to dating but it's probably the only way to get through) any way you put it.

Edited April 12, 2016 by Imajerk17

[losangelena]

Oh, I don't disagree with you! I just want to hear it from him.

[Shanex]

If she actually has the honesty to be upfront and tell me at the end of the date that we won't be seeing each other again, I'd thank her for the honesty and wish her better luck, ie, someone with whom she'll have a spark, on a good day.

 

But guess what ? This has NEVER happened to me, I was all the time either ghosted on, or told through text that it was over. Probably men are no better, but people and honesty doesn't mix too well in this century.

[Blanco]

Oh, I don't disagree with you! I just want to hear it from him.

 

Don't think it's going to happen. I understand the frustrations of someone who has found little luck in the dating scene, but also know that when the failures mount up, it doesn't hurt to do some honest self-evaluation and determine if maybe there's anything coming from your end that's contributing to this.

 

Problem is, it's hard to be honest with ourselves, even if it might lead to more positive outcomes and scenarios in the long run.

[xxoo]

If she actually has the honesty to be upfront and tell me at the end of the date that we won't be seeing each other again, I'd thank her for the honesty and wish her better luck, ie, someone with whom she'll have a spark, on a good day.

 

But guess what ? This has NEVER happened to me, I was all the time either ghosted on, or told through text that it was over. Probably men are no better, but people and honesty doesn't mix too well in this century.

 

That's pretty direct, saying it right at the end. On the flip side, I'd probably prefer the text when not face-to-face over that direct rejection.

 

Basically, she's applying the Golden Rule: doing what she'd prefer others do to her. Preferences vary; that doesn't make actions unkind or dishonest.

[oberkeat]

OK, honest question:

 

Let's say a woman goes out with you on a second date and then decides she doesn't want to pursue anything further, would you be satisfied? Like really satisfied? Or would you complain that she still didn't give you enough time, or on the flip side, that she was just using you for free drinks/meals/museum trips and continuing to date you even after she knew she wasn't interested was just an ego stroke for her?

 

You keep harping on instant chemistry, blah blah, OK we get it. Please lay out for us a scenario where a woman rejects you the *right* way.

 

It's true, I would've been satisfied with a second date, if you want to put a number on it. If she had chosen to call it quits after then I'd have been good with it. I would've said to myself that she wasn't like most women out there doing online dating. Second dates are not common enough. I don't think second dates should be as rare as they are. Someone on one of these boards said they went on 70 first dates and only got 10 second dates out of those. Women are making snap judgments.

 

In all seriousness, that the woman (according to oberkeat) kept trying to extend the meeting probably means that she wanted to give things a fair chance. I mean, there are first and second dates TOGETHER that don't take 3 hours.

 

Meanwhile, I am wondering, as much as a whiner as oberkeat comes across on here (real talk, everyone is thinking this I'm just saying this outright), if that came across on his first date. I mean, I get he was on his best behaviour during the date but you can't hide that sort of thing 100 percent. Anyway, she goes home and goes over how the date went and has a strange feeling on oberkeat. She may not even be able to consciously figure out why but she may have felt it still.

 

My point is, oberkeat got his "fair hearing" (I hate that expression when it comes to dating but it's probably the only way to get through) any way you put it.

 

If oberkeat had a serious personality flaw, I doubt this gal would have been able to tolerate me for two hours.

 

But let's get to the real issue here: what usually happens is that the woman and I go on one date. The next day or a few days later, I suggest going on a second. At that point, the girl says, "No thanks. I didn't feel a spark." It has happened countless times, not just for me, but a ton of guys out there. Google "no second date." I'm not the only one with this issue.

 

I find this behavior hard to understand because I never expect spark on a first date. A first date offers only the slightest glimpse of who a person is. A first date is not the way people usually are most of the time. Sometimes one or both parties are nervous. Usually both are on their best behavior. Women in the online dating world are making snap judgments on dates and prematurely nexting guys who might have potential.

Edited April 12, 2016 by oberkeat

[xxoo]

 

I find this behavior hard to understand because I never expect spark on a first date. A first date offers only the slightest glimpse of who a person is. A first date is not the way people usually are most of the time. Sometimes one or both parties are nervous. Usually both are on their best behavior. Women in the online dating world are making snap judgments on dates and prematurely nexting guys who might have potential.

 

 

What do you mean by spark? Do you mean that you rarely feel attraction on a first date? Rarely feel desire for a second date?

[losangelena]

If she actually has the honesty to be upfront and tell me at the end of the date that we won't be seeing each other again, I'd thank her for the honesty and wish her better luck, ie, someone with whom she'll have a spark, on a good day.

 

But guess what ? This has NEVER happened to me, I was all the time either ghosted on, or told through text that it was over. Probably men are no better, but people and honesty doesn't mix too well in this century.

 

Have you ever told a woman at the end of a date that you didn't want to see her again?

 

I'm wondering, because in my experience, this is not a gendered thing. Everyone does this. Only one guy who I casually dated (versus having a relationship with) bothered to even TELL me he wasn't interested, and that was after three dates and two weeks where he was being very elusive.

 

Every other guy I went on one or two dates with either said "I'll call you," and never called/texted, or they ignored my follow-up messages (ghosted). I even had one guy adamantly tell me that HE would contact ME for another date (saying, basically, leave me alone), and never did.

 

Telling someone, "I don't want to see you again" is a DIFFICULT thing to do for any person who has a shred of empathy. Getting rejected is hard, and doing it to someone's face as potential consequences. It's generally better to do it so the other person can absorb it in private. I've been broken up with in public, and it sucks. Crying is awkward, yelling is inappropriate.

 

It's true, I would've been satisfied with a second date, if you want to put a number on it. If she had chosen to call it quits after then I'd have been good with it. I would've said to myself that she wasn't like most women out there doing online dating. Second dates are not common enough. I don't think second dates should be as rare as they are. Someone on one of these boards said they went on 70 first dates and only got 10 second dates out of those. Women are making snap judgments.

 

I actually don't disagree about second dates, they are rare. The only thing I take umbrage with is your continued persistence to make this a gendered problem. MEN DO THIS, TOO. Men make snap judgements all the time! Tell me, how quickly can you surmise whether or not you want to have sex with a woman? Has there ever been a woman who's gone from the NO column to the YES column?

 

But let's get to the real issue here: what usually happens is that the woman and I go on one date. The next day or a few days later, I suggest going on a second. At that point, the girl says, "No thanks. I didn't feel a spark." It has happened countless times, not just for me, but a ton of guys out there. Google "no second date." I'm not the only one with this issue.

 

Apologies if anyone's already tried to bring this up, but I think you're getting stuck on the nomenclature. I think a lot of times women will say "I don't feel a spark," because it's a vague notion to pin it on. She doesn't have to say, "I wasn't attracted to you," or "you make me uncomfortable," or "I don't like you personality," or "we don't have enough in common," or "we don't share the same values," or any other thing. "I didn't feel a spark" spares a man's ego and doesn't invite debate. You can't argue with it because it's so meaningless.

 

I don't actually think that the majority of grown women base a man's relationship potential on "spark." They actually aren't Cinderella waiting for their Prince Charming.

[WaitingForBardot]

I actually don't disagree about second dates, they are rare. The only thing I take umbrage with is your continued persistence to make this a gendered problem. MEN DO THIS, TOO. Men make snap judgements all the time! Tell me, how quickly can you surmise whether or not you want to have sex with a woman? Has there ever been a woman who's gone from the NO column to the YES column?

I'm a man. I have made snap judgements about women my entire life. I know within a few minutes whether I'm interested in more and no woman has ever gone from the NO to YES column EVER! If I'm not interested in those first couple of minutes I don't waste either of our times pretending anything will change.

 

 

Apologies if anyone's already tried to bring this up, but I think you're getting stuck on the nomenclature. I think a lot of times women will say "I don't feel a spark," because it's a vague notion to pin it on. She doesn't have to say, "I wasn't attracted to you," or "you make me uncomfortable," or "I don't like you personality," or "we don't have enough in common," or "we don't share the same values," or any other thing. "I didn't feel a spark" spares a man's ego and doesn't invite debate. You can't argue with it because it's so meaningless.

 

I don't actually think that the majority of grown women base a man's relationship potential on "spark." They actually aren't Cinderella waiting for their Prince Charming.

I agree that no spark can sometimes be used as a simple way to express disinterest. However, a spark is a necessary condition for a relationship to develop. Although insufficient by itself, it is nonetheless a fundamental requirement of any relationship.

[normal person]

It's true, I would've been satisfied with a second date, if you want to put a number on it. If she had chosen to call it quits after then I'd have been good with it. I would've said to myself that she wasn't like most women out there doing online dating.

 

Why would she care? Women aren't going out with guys with the intention of dispelling myths about how available they are -- they're going out with guys to find the right guy. You only think about yourself.

 

Second dates are not common enough. I don't think second dates should be as rare as they are. Someone on one of these boards said they went on 70 first dates and only got 10 second dates out of those. Women are making snap judgments.

 

Agreeing to hang out with someone for an hour and then deciding you don't want to see them again is not a "snap" judgement. It's a normal judgment. People don't owe you anything. If she didn't like you enough the first time to see you again, it's because of her tastes and your shortcomings.

 

But let's get to the real issue here: what usually happens is that the woman and I go on one date. The next day or a few days later, I suggest going on a second. At that point, the girl says, "No thanks. I didn't feel a spark." It has happened countless times, not just for me, but a ton of guys out there. Google "no second date." I'm not the only one with this issue.

 

You act like this is a crime that isn't allowed to happen. People are entitled to their own opinions and don't have to spend their time doing things they don't want to do. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's illegal, immoral, or wrong. It's just the reality. You're not owed damages.

 

I find this behavior hard to understand because I never expect spark on a first date.

 

Other people aren't you. Just because you don't expect something doesn't mean other people don't either. You don't speak for everyone. You're entitled to your own expectations, but not to others'.

 

A first date offers only the slightest glimpse of who a person is. A first date is not the way people usually are most of the time. Sometimes one or both parties are nervous. Usually both are on their best behavior. Women in the online dating world are making snap judgments on dates and prematurely nexting guys who might have potential.

 

Enough of this. It provides enough of a glimpse. If it's not "who you are most of the time," that's your fault, not anyone else's. You don't get to say "I wasn't being myself, we need to schedule a do-over." That's childish. You had your chance, you chose to spend it "not being yourself," so you live with the consequences.

 

Here's another thing: everyone is getting a similar opportunity, more or less. Let's say everyone gets an initial date of about an hour. Everyone is going to get assessed in relatively the same amount of time. The people who go out again were mutually liked within that hour, they didn't get extra time. It's a one hour game clock for everyone. The people who advance are the ones who who succeeded in that hour. They didn't get extra time or a do over, they did it right the first time. There's nothing "unfair" about that. If you make a good impression in that window of time, good for you. If you don't, that's your own problem, not everyone else's. Stop complaining.

[Shanex]

Losangelena and xxoo: at the end of the day I still appreciate a text to tell me we end the dates at that and we aren't a catch, regardless of the reason. I much prefer this to being ghosted on.

 

I'm not making this a gender related issue at all and added that men are no better for sure in the above post.

 

However I see the trend increasing that people (people, not only women) would ghost on their partners after the dating phase, and I'm not only talking about what I read on LS, but real life stories heard here and there.

 

Dating is dating, and I rarely get my feeling hurt for being ghosted on anymore. Having someone vanish because he or she got tired of you and doesn't provide more explanation is a different thing. And easy to do since every modern technology allow us to block someone and dispose of them

 

And yes it's never easy to tell someone we won't ever date again, but it's still easier than breaking up after years together eyes in the eyes.

Edited April 12, 2016 by Shanex

[losangelena]

Uhh, in your previous post you said you'd rather a woman tell you at the end of the date that she didn't want to see you anymore.

 

So now texting is OK?

[Shanex]

It's still better than being ghosted on. That's where I'm getting at.

[losangelena]

But guess what ? This has NEVER happened to me, I was all the time either ghosted on, or told through text that it was over. Probably men are no better, but people and honesty doesn't mix too well in this century.

 

Just making sure, 'cause that's actually not what you said at first, but OK.

[Shanex]

Just making sure, 'cause that's actually not what you said at first, but OK.

 

Fine for me too. Head wasn't as clear as today yesterday.

 

However I clearly added in this post it's not gendered issue at all. Being flaked and ghosted on is a topic that we're having so much these days I've grown tired of it. Sometimes people are a bit impatient too.

[oberkeat]

Why would she care? Women aren't going out with guys with the intention of dispelling myths about how available they are -- they're going out with guys to find the right guy. You only think about yourself.

 

LA asked what I viewed as the appropriate, more reasonable, more realistic way to date, and I answered. I sense a great deal of hostility on your part.

 

Agreeing to hang out with someone for an hour and then deciding you don't want to see them again is not a "snap" judgement. It's a normal judgment. People don't owe you anything. If she didn't like you enough the first time to see you again, it's because of her tastes and your shortcomings.

 

Normal in the eyes of serial daters. The fact that nexting guys after spending five minutes with them because you didn't feel butterflies has become normalized is a sign of how deeply dysfunctional dating has become. Online dating seems to attract gals who have become so impatient, their attention spans so short, that a decent date isn't justification to explore things further. One date is all they can spare before moving on to the next prospect. Wash and repeat. It's basically speed dating for a lot of folks.

 

You act like this is a crime that isn't allowed to happen. People are entitled to their own opinions and don't have to spend their time doing things they don't want to do. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's illegal, immoral, or wrong. It's just the reality. You're not owed damages.

 

This is a straw man. Where did I say nexting was criminal activity? Find me that quote. It's misguided and self destructive, but I'm not pressing charges.

 

Other people aren't you. Just because you don't expect something doesn't mean other people don't either. You don't speak for everyone. You're entitled to your own expectations, but not to others'.

 

I may not speak for everyone on this issue, but all perspectives are not valid perspectives. If a woman is never going out on second dates by her own choice, she obviously needs to rethink her dating strategy and whether her expectations are realistic.

 

Enough of this. It provides enough of a glimpse. If it's not "who you are most of the time," that's your fault, not anyone else's. You don't get to say "I wasn't being myself, we need to schedule a do-over." That's childish. You had your chance, you chose to spend it "not being yourself," so you live with the consequences.

 

Here's another thing: everyone is getting a similar opportunity, more or less. Let's say everyone gets an initial date of about an hour. Everyone is going to get assessed in relatively the same amount of time. The people who go out again were mutually liked within that hour, they didn't get extra time. It's a one hour game clock for everyone. The people who advance are the ones who who succeeded in that hour. They didn't get extra time or a do over, they did it right the first time. There's nothing "unfair" about that. If you make a good impression in that window of time, good for you. If you don't, that's your own problem, not everyone else's. Stop complaining.

 

Another example of your extremely negative and simplistic view of dating and of human beings in general. It divides the world into winners and losers; supermen and sissies; passing and failing. No one running for public office would get elected on that platform, and few of them will find healthy satisfying relationships, in my opinion. Maybe our value systems are different: I for one don't think the speed dating model of online dating works for most people. It is inherently flawed for the reasons I've mentioned. That's why the vast majority folks who have partners did not meet them online. This is about what works and what doesn't. What makes sense and what doesn't.

[normal person]

Normal in the eyes of serial daters. The fact that nexting guys after spending five minutes with them because you didn't feel butterflies has become normalized is a sign of how deeply dysfunctional dating has become.

 

No one's "nexting" after five minutes. I said "an hour." No one goes on a date for 5 minutes and leaves if they don't like the person. If you have a less than flattering initial impression of somebody, they have roughly an hour to change your mind. That's your window. That's not unreasonable.

 

Online dating seems to attract gals who have become so impatient, their attention spans so short, that a decent date isn't justification to explore things further.

 

This makes no sense. If it's "decent," then of course they will. The problem is probably that you have myopic view of "decent." "Decent" to most people implies that both parties had a nice time and might want to do it again depending on the circumstances. "Decent" to you seems to mean that you had a good time and want to do it again regardless of what she thinks.

 

 

One date is all they can spare before moving on to the next prospect. Wash and repeat. It's basically speed dating for a lot of folks.

 

Speed dating is 3 minutes. Normal dating is an hour or more. Literally 20x that.

 

This is a straw man. Where did I say nexting was criminal activity? Find me that quote. It's misguided and self destructive, but I'm not pressing charges.

 

You made it sound like a woman isn't allowed not to like you, or that it's implausible for some reason. Statistically speaking, most people you meet won't be attracted to you and thus won't want to go out with you again. You can't comprehend that. The fact that people don't want to go out with you again is par for the course. Take it with a grain of salt.

 

I may not speak for everyone on this issue, but all perspectives are not valid perspectives. If a woman is never going out on second dates by her own choice, she obviously needs to rethink her dating strategy and whether her expectations are realistic.

 

Showing your true colors here. If she's happier not going on second dates with guys, let her be happier. If she wasn't happy, she could easily change her strategy -- or do you think she's just too stupid to realize that herself? You seem to think the point of this is to partner up, because you think partnering up with anyone is just inherently "better" than being single. People will do what makes them happiest. If that's staying single because they don't like anyone in particular, then let that be it. Stop trying to tell people how to be happy, it's insane.

 

That's where you and I (and most people, it seems) differ: People have a grasp as to what makes them happy as individuals, you seem to think you know that some sort of relationship and/or multiple dates will make them happy. It's like telling someone at a restaurant "You want to get the steak, you'll enjoy it" even after they told you four times that they're a vegetarian.

 

 

Another example of your extremely negative and simplistic view of dating and of human beings in general. It divides the world into winners and losers; supermen and sissies; passing and failing.

 

I don't assign judgment to reality. Calling it cruel or bemoaning how unfair it is and expecting it to change is a fool's game. I accept the circumstances of the world and learn to thrive in them rather than expecting them to change because I wrote a thread complaining about them on a message board. I don't like it or dislike it, I just do what I think will work, and that has brought me a lot of second, third, fourth dates, etc and a lot of success. I don't argue with results or numbers. Successful people are successful for certain reasons. Unsuccessful people are unsuccessful for certain reasons. All I do is look at the world without any BS lenses.

 

The thing is, I can sympathize with a lot of what you say -- outside the context of reality. In a perfect world, it's not "unreasonable" to see someone a second time. The problem is that the world isn't perfect, and our opinions about it are totally inconsequential. What's unreasonable is expecting otherwise given all the endless mitigating factors of reality. It's not a fantasy world. Lots of things aren't unreasonable in theory, they're unreasonable in practice.

 

No one running for public office would get elected on that platform, and few of them will find healthy satisfying relationships, in my opinion.

 

Sadly, you're right. I don't think anyone will get elected on a campaign of practicality and realistic expectations.

[Imajerk17]

This is another question for oberkeat:

 

Other men ARE getting second, third, fourth, ect dates, and relationships, though, from women they met online too. How do you explain that in light of your "women never give anyone a chance" rant?

[normal person]

This is another question for oberkeat:

 

Other men ARE getting second, third, fourth, ect dates, and relationships, though, from women they met online too. How do you explain that in light of your "women never give anyone a chance" rant?

 

I've been trying to not to be too presumptuous throughout this thread, but I've got a sneaking suspicion that when he says "women don't give men second chances" he really just means "women don't give me second chances." He conveniently ignores the fact that plenty of men have done just fine.

Edited April 13, 2016 by normal person

[WaitingForBardot]

This is another question for oberkeat:

 

Other men ARE getting second, third, fourth, ect dates, and relationships, though, from women they met online too. How do you explain that in light of your "women never give anyone a chance" rant?

 

I've been trying to not to be too presumptuous throughout this thread, but I've got a sneaking suspicion that when he says "women don't give men second chances" he really just means "women don't give me second chances." He conveniently ignores the fact that plenty of men have done just fine.

Oh I'd be willing to bet some women are giving him second chances, it's just not the ones he likes. Not that he should go out with someone he doesn't like. Of course neither should the women that are nexting him...

[No_Go]

So true!

 

in 99% of the cases I think 'no spark' = 'I don't like you but I don't want to hurt you or look bad in your eyes by telling you the truth'.

 

Honestly, who wants to know the EXACT reason? And more important - why?? It's the same with job interviews - it is VERY rare someone to say they don't want you because you're a bad candidate... but it is a common understanding.

 

I always shivered in fear when I had to reject good men after a date, two or three. The 'no spark', 'got together with an ex', or 'too busy' were alternated I'm almost ashamed to admit it but it's true.

 

Have you ever told a woman at the end of a date that you didn't want to see her again?

 

I'm wondering, because in my experience, this is not a gendered thing. Everyone does this. Only one guy who I casually dated (versus having a relationship with) bothered to even TELL me he wasn't interested, and that was after three dates and two weeks where he was being very elusive.

 

Every other guy I went on one or two dates with either said "I'll call you," and never called/texted, or they ignored my follow-up messages (ghosted). I even had one guy adamantly tell me that HE would contact ME for another date (saying, basically, leave me alone), and never did.

 

Telling someone, "I don't want to see you again" is a DIFFICULT thing to do for any person who has a shred of empathy. Getting rejected is hard, and doing it to someone's face as potential consequences. It's generally better to do it so the other person can absorb it in private. I've been broken up with in public, and it sucks. Crying is awkward, yelling is inappropriate.

 

 

 

I actually don't disagree about second dates, they are rare. The only thing I take umbrage with is your continued persistence to make this a gendered problem. MEN DO THIS, TOO. Men make snap judgements all the time! Tell me, how quickly can you surmise whether or not you want to have sex with a woman? Has there ever been a woman who's gone from the NO column to the YES column?

 

 

 

Apologies if anyone's already tried to bring this up, but I think you're getting stuck on the nomenclature. I think a lot of times women will say "I don't feel a spark," because it's a vague notion to pin it on. She doesn't have to say, "I wasn't attracted to you," or "you make me uncomfortable," or "I don't like you personality," or "we don't have enough in common," or "we don't share the same values," or any other thing. "I didn't feel a spark" spares a man's ego and doesn't invite debate. You can't argue with it because it's so meaningless.

 

I don't actually think that the majority of grown women base a man's relationship potential on "spark." They actually aren't Cinderella waiting for their Prince Charming.

[Charles Brown]

Hello,Its really good question,Here i give you short and simple answer for your question.

First of all i think about all the aspects of first date and according to my view and experience,on a first date generally people feeling more attractive and spark towards each other because its their first date and they like to spend time with each other,also they worried and caring about each other where on the second date they know each other else or in some cases their partner change.so that girls/boys have not feel spark same as on their second date compare to their first date .