General online and other dating discussion

[Imajerk17]

I am glad to see there are a few other guys on here who like the cold approach!

 

I've met a lot of awesome people simply because I had the guts to say to myself "I am going to talk to her. Let's see what happens". It amazes me to think of that I never would have connected with these people if I hadn't made the decision right then and there in that moment to go over and open my mouth. But I DID make the decision to take action and so we did connect.

 

I just really like the feeling of making things happen. Of being bold enough to make things happen. There is something that feels really masculine about that.

 

(And, in light of other threads on here, I don't feel entitled for the woman to respond to me. If I go over and she rejects me, I consider it a successful approach. See I showed up and put myself out there. And I confirmed to myself that I am the type of person who shows up and puts himself out there. That is a great thing to be doing in this life.)

Edited May 1, 2016 by Imajerk17

[HillValley]

How much stock should someone put behind the age range listed on a profile?

 

Two different women I'm interested in have age ranges that exclude me but should I care?

One is 33 with a range of 34- 37. Since she older than me with such small age range listed I'm assuming she knows what dynamic she is looking for.

 

The other is 26 with 21- 28 as her age range. My gut says the younger one is more likely to respond simply based on the fact the larger age range means she is fishing in a larger pool and probably would entertain the message.

[Aniela]

How much stock should someone put behind the age range listed on a profile?

 

Two different women I'm interested in have age ranges that exclude me but should I care?

One is 33 with a range of 34- 37. Since she older than me with such small age range listed I'm assuming she knows what dynamic she is looking for.

 

The other is 26 with 21- 28 as her age range. My gut says the younger one is more likely to respond simply based on the fact the larger age range means she is fishing in a larger pool and probably would entertain the message.

 

It bugged me when men ignored my preferred age range. It happened too often. Given their ages, they probably experience that regularly.

 

You could always try, I guess. I knew what I was looking for, though, and I'm sure they have their reasons for being so specific.

[scorpiogirl]

How much stock should someone put behind the age range listed on a profile?

 

Two different women I'm interested in have age ranges that exclude me but should I care?

One is 33 with a range of 34- 37. Since she older than me with such small age range listed I'm assuming she knows what dynamic she is looking for.

 

The other is 26 with 21- 28 as her age range. My gut says the younger one is more likely to respond simply based on the fact the larger age range means she is fishing in a larger pool and probably would entertain the message.

 

I also don't like when men ignore my stated required age ranges. My range is quite broad, 36-50. I'm 38. I have men from 21~ sending me messages and they all say the same thing " I'm more mature than other guys my age. I've been through a lot." You're telling me that you know what I want, better than I know what's right for me. I don't respond because when I say no thanks, they start trying to convince me to change my mind.

No. Until you've been 35 or 45, you cannot tell me that you know what experiences people have been through to mould them.

 

I also don't want someone older than 50. My mother is 58 and I don't want someone who has more in common with her than me. I've actually had a 53 year old man tell me that my mother would be too old for him to date but I was exactly right for him.

[HillValley]

It bugged me when men ignored my preferred age range. It happened too often. Given their ages, they probably experience that regularly.

 

You could always try, I guess. I knew what I was looking for, though, and I'm sure they have their reasons for being so specific.

 

I also don't like when men ignore my stated required age ranges. My range is quite broad, 36-50. I'm 38. I have men from 21~ sending me messages and they all say the same thing " I'm more mature than other guys my age. I've been through a lot." You're telling me that you know what I want, better than I know what's right for me. I don't respond because when I say no thanks, they start trying to convince me to change my mind.

No. Until you've been 35 or 45, you cannot tell me that you know what experiences people have been through to mould them.

 

I also don't want someone older than 50. My mother is 58 and I don't want someone who has more in common with her than me. I've actually had a 53 year old man tell me that my mother would be too old for him to date but I was exactly right for him.

 

Thanks. I don't want to be one of those annoying OLD daters.

[LookAtThisPOst]

How much stock should someone put behind the age range listed on a profile?

 

Two different women I'm interested in have age ranges that exclude me but should I care?

One is 33 with a range of 34- 37. Since she older than me with such small age range listed I'm assuming she knows what dynamic she is looking for.

 

The other is 26 with 21- 28 as her age range. My gut says the younger one is more likely to respond simply based on the fact the larger age range means she is fishing in a larger pool and probably would entertain the message.

 

It's kind of interesting, as I come across different, older women that have age ranges that are quite large, including men probably 10 years younger than herself. Usually this coming from a woman that takes care of herself and looks as young as the men that's 10 years younger.

 

Like I would see a 51 year old woman that will date men as young as 40...like 40-60, but then...I would see an older woman age 48, but will barely date younger than 45..like 45-60.

 

I guess some women feel weird about the much younger age bracket than others, but I do find as women get older, then are kind of flexible on how much younger they'll date.

[HillValley]

It's kind of interesting, as I come across different, older women that have age ranges that are quite large, including men probably 10 years younger than herself. Usually this coming from a woman that takes care of herself and looks as young as the men that's 10 years younger.

 

Like I would see a 51 year old woman that will date men as young as 40...like 40-60, but then...I would see an older woman age 48, but will barely date younger than 45..like 45-60.

 

I guess some women feel weird about the much younger age bracket than others, but I do find as women get older, then are kind of flexible on how much younger they'll date.

 

Well the first woman 33 and I'm 31 so I didn't see it as an obstacle. She and I are in a similar boat but factor in she doesn't have kids(said might want) and changing careers I see why she might be looking older but not older than 38.

[Shanex]

I havent followed this thread closely... But I have a broad question regarding Online dating... Ive been doing it for a number of years and know some good tips gathered online. My pics are alright I think. Profile is filled without making it my whole biography. When I initiate I average 2-3 replies for 5 women (carerully picked and within my league) which is fairly good and I dont think my conversations are dull. Im never rude and dont come off as sleazy.

 

The problem is to get a date! Most people and that include men can be incredibly flakey or will just vanish for no reason whatsoever. I lost count of the endless discussions with women over the years for nothing. Time wasters? Found a bigger Fish the following evening?

 

My take and because I can look inward too is that Im not pursuing enough. Ive grown tired of it. Women like to be valued I get it, but men too! If I wouldnt initiate all the time Id never get a date nor a text. People get too quickly distracted and Ive read even women profile pointing this out: "lots of blabla, nothing substantial" so I can assume women as a gender cant only be blamed.

Edited May 12, 2016 by Shanex

[Buddhist]

LS's urban legends keep pissing me off.....off the top of my head.

 

- All women find it a doddle to get relationships while all men perpetually struggle. So who are all these chicks dating then?

 

- Women on OLD are deluged with hot guys just lining up to msg & bang them. Must get me on OLD then and begin the deluging....:roll eyes: Surely the standard advice for any single woman is then, do OLD, now!

 

- If he/she doesn't txt me 50 times a day they've lost interest. Yes they have, in texting probably, and the inane emoticon's and three word sentences you perpetually send.

 

- Life is so much easier when you have breasts. Guys offer you sex left, right and centre. Have you seen the guys that are offering it? Homeless people sometimes offer me hamburgers out of the bin, doesn't mean I want it.

 

- You can't succeed until you've tasted success. Really? So no-one in the history of mankind has ever overcome adversity? mmmkay...

 

*sigh*....end rant.

[preraph]

 

- All women find it a doddle to get relationships while all men perpetually struggle. So who are all these chicks dating then?

 

I know. I can't tell you how many droughts I've had. I once dated a gay guy for four years because I was in an emotional limbo. I've had times that yes, casual sex (in the 70s before disease) was a filler, but years that I didn't meet a guy I was seriously interested in. There's at least two types of people: those who want companionship bad enough to settle for someone they maybe don't find that attractive and those who don't. I'm in the latter. I don't need someone to feel complete, so I've reserved my love life for those I found a genuine fascination for -- and many years in limbo between them. What I find attractive isn't what most others do. It's about physical, yes, but also personality and creativity and unconventionality with style for me. I was talking to my best friend the other day and thinking how many years since I'd even SEEN a guy on the street that interested me, and that's just going by his swagger and style, and it's been years. Of course, being old, I'm not out in the subculture anymore or I'd see more I'm sure.

 

If someone craves companionship so much like you see on this forum all the time, are so lonely and feel incomplete without it, all you have to do is go to Walmart to see that there are couples in every range of attractiveness finding partners. Young, old, short, fat, flat, busty, acne, and bald ones. I've known gorgeous women who never married and I've known really unattractive ones by most people's standards who are never without a man or woman.

 

- Women on OLD are deluged with hot guys just lining up to msg & bang them. Must get me on OLD then and begin the deluging....:roll eyes: Surely the standard advice for any single woman is then, do OLD, now!

 

Women have just as much trouble on OLD and for the same reasons as men do: Guys posting younger photos and lying about their age and all the guys going after the same top tier of lookers. Plus it's even worse for women because on top of that they also have to try to be psychic and figure out which ones only want sex.

 

- If he/she doesn't txt me 50 times a day they've lost interest. Yes they have, in texting probably, and the inane emoticon's and three word sentences you perpetually send.

Amen. This is something I will simply never understand the logic of. If you spill everything you know via text, you will have nothing at all to talk about on a live date that isn't repetitious. It's just common sense.

Edited September 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Formatting

[William]

Moderation bump to reopen thread for further comments.

[confusedgirlfriend11]

Hi all,

 

 

I was wondering what peoples thoughts/experiences are from online dating?

 

 

I've used them in the past, even met my current OH on Tinder (of all places!!) but I think they've changed so much since the first time I used them about four years ago.

 

 

My sister uses POF and she has some real horror stories. She's older than me so I wonder whether that makes a difference.

 

 

I just thought it would be interesting to hear peoples experiences. It would be good to know why you use them, what type of person are you (like looks/age/location) and what are you looking for.

 

 

I'll share some of mine:

 

 

I used to receive messages from guys looking for hook ups and when you'd reply "No thanks" I've had loads of abuse saying I'm a stuck up cow or they didn't fancy me anyway! You can't win either way. If you don't reply, I think that's rude but if you politely decline then you get abuse.

 

 

I've also been on a date with a guy that was definitely not the person in his pictures...

 

 

I have also had some really nice guys that I've been on a date with but sadly they wasn't interested in meeting again.

 

 

It all varies...

[Gaeta]

I was online for almost 4 years and met close to 200 men. I have so many stories there isn't enough space on here for me to talk about it all. I was lied to, played, kidnapped, but I also made wonderful friends, learn about myself, fell in love, got broken hearts, built some strength and finally met my current BF.

 

I am a real though cookie with a self-esteem made of steel that's why I was able to cruise through this for so long. It's not for everyone.

 

I am 51, my daughter is 29. We did online dating together at the same time. She put up with the same type of crap I did. Makes no difference from what generation you are. We did POF, okcupid, badoo, eharmony, match, zousk, we did them all.

[Larryville]

Ok this thread comes up about every other week, so I’m gonna give my Happy Friday answer.

 

Most people WILL FAIL, OLD or otherwise because people just simply make bad decisions.

 

OLD offers choice with a vast array of potential date choices. Also many sign up to several sites at the same time to increase choice while this seems appealing, but in reality when faced with making decisions about which item to choose from a large number, we are more prone to screw up those decisions. Biggest reason being we only get a part impression.

 

In all the years I’ve done OLD and I’m in my 50’s I first did the OLD thing on the old Yahoo Personals I believe in late 90’s also (really ancient) Love@aol.

 

Met my second wife on it, on paper not hardly a match but we did well together. I still after reading so much material and matching my experiences I’m still MIXED on OLD.

 

I will say I have rarely been disappointed in who I met. I guess I put more “study” into it, but I’m OCD anyway.

 

Things have not worked out for me mostly due to “timing” if the people I met, jobs, kids, career, education, time of life issues or situations. Kinda like trains pulling into the station at the same time.

 

Anyone’s biggest obstacle is you first have to know and understand yourself. You also have to have a basic understanding of psychology 101. People are seriously screwed up and deceptive that is a societal issue not just an OLD issue. Pay attention, read between the lines in profiles, takes pictures with a grain of salt all of it is only a superficial presentation.

 

Maybe more important is what G just posted:

 

I am a real though cookie with a self-esteem made of steel that's why I was able to cruise through this for so long. It's not for everyone.

 

Yes, if you lack self-esteem, are poor at reading people or have basic poor people skills or you just lack basic common sense… I read so many tales here on OLD experiences and the circumstances are so crystal clear to everyone on the board but foggy as hell to the OP.

 

If you are someone who can’t or refuses to see the obvious NO OLD site will help you.

[JoeSmith357-1]

From a guy's perspective, I would send 50 messages, and get maybe 2 or 3 replies. Of those 3 replies, 2 would flake out or disappear. I might actually meet up with one person and find out she is a total trainwreck.

 

Would be a picture from like 10 years and 50 pounds ago, find out she has a kid, or kids.

 

I met quite a few good women, including 2 LTR's, but finding them is the challenging part. Especially if you are older.

 

Did OKC and POF. Never tinder because I was never just looking for a hookup, that's all tinder is for, don't let anyone fool you.

[confusedgirlfriend11]

Some interesting replies there.

 

 

I think this day and age people are more plugged into technology than actually active in the real world.

 

 

If they actually opened their eyes, make eye contact with someone or started a conversation then beautiful things could happen.

 

 

I hated Tinder - thought it was completely a waste of time and superficial... No idea how I ended up in a relationship with a guy from there lol

 

 

I always had in the back of my mind that I'm pretty 'normal' so surely there are other 'normal' people using OLD.

[sd9]

I like Bumble. It's an app similar to tinder but the women es to reply first. So a man can't communicate with a woman until she sends him a message first.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Met my ex online, and currently started OLD again but due to personal issue eating up my time I've not delved as deeply as i'd like to at this juncture. I get lots of guys reaching out making contact weekly but I'm super selective about screening guys and making it to the first date stage. Been a handful so far had fun dates, really decent guys looking for love, but just not the ideal match once we met.

 

No horror stories to report so far. Though I've had some pretty interesting propositions from women and from a guy asking me if I wanted to join him and another guy in a long term relationship, not even a hook up.

 

 

TONS of younger guys using every trick in the book to get me to give younger men a chance.

[TheTraveler]

It's a tool that gives you access to more people.

 

Many condoms have been used.

 

[DK_Casus]

I've met nearly all of my GFs through OLD.

 

I'm male.

 

I'm slightly above average in terms of looks - though some claim I look better still, though I really don't. That said, it's all but impossible to be objective about such things - unless it's 100% consistent, and I've been told I'm anything from 5 to a 10, so...

 

OLD is a time-consuming and frustrating process for me, because I'm extremely impatient - and I'm also exclusively looking for something serious.

 

My preference is to go reasonably in-depth before a meet - because I invest A LOT in the people I meet - and every let-down takes its toll on me. So, I try to avoid meeting people if I don't have a pretty good idea before the "chemistry test".

 

OLD works for me because I'm not a very outgoing person - and I don't find the prospect of going to a bar or club to meet people desirable.

 

But it's far, far from ideal.

 

I believe it's very true that it's easy for a small subsection of our population, namely average-to-hot women and hot guys willing to settle most of the time. But it's only easy for those in terms of getting sex.

 

In terms of LTR - it's hard and takes work no matter what, and there's a large degree of luck involved. Obviously, it's possible to "get lucky" - but that's true everywhere.

 

However, with dedication and a broad understanding of the medium - it's actually easier than RL for those of us who're not outgoing, and who don't have a large social circle.

[40 Fonzarelli]

OLD is an uphill battle for men. I think it's fine to use it as a supplement, but meeting in real life tends to result in better prospects for me and it reflects my true market value. Especially since I refuse to date down, and unless you are in the top 10% in terms of looks and money, it will take tons of effort and rejection to find someone online.

[Weezy1973]

I'm about as average a guy as you can get, and I had nothing but fun and success using online dating. But my expectations were reasonable, and I did not take rejection personally. In fact, except for at the very beginning, I realized that rejection was a good thing. It's just a numbers game so every rejection is just getting you closer to finding someone that is a good match.

 

And that's the key, you're looking for a good match which means they must want to date you just a much as you want to date them. People get so caught up in analyzing people that don't want to date them, especially on this forum. Just move on! They're not a good match (no matter how much you might want them to be).

 

Also, a lot of men's profiles and pics are terrible. Good pics are vital as is a well written profile. Also, knowing what you want and putting that in the profile is important. Too many people are wishy washy, which is just shooting themselves in the foot. If you want a serious relationship, state that. If you want casual sex / dating, state that. And then act in according to what you want. But too many people are all "well ultimately I want a relationship, but in the meantime, I'm happy with just casual..." And then they wonder why they never get anywhere and just spin their wheels..

[Josh899]

Is it worth it to spend money on online dating?

[smackie9]

Is it worth it to spend money on online dating?

It depends. If you have trouble getting dates in real life, have no confidence, and very little experience, you are wasting your money.

 

OLD is NOT a magic bullet to finding a relationship.

 

The selection is usually better quality, but it doesn't improve your chances.

[Shanex]

I would vehemently say no. POF and OKC have either serious and non serious people (actually more the latter) looking for relationship, marriage, ONS, FWB, FB. You just have to filter them but at least it's free.