William Posted November 28, 2017 Share Posted November 28, 2017 Moderation bump to re-open thread to comments Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Those of you who are 30 something...... For the men: What has been your most successful approach in moving from matching online to sending messsages and eventually going on a date? More specifically, what do you say? How do you make sure that things are moving along and that you have the other person’s cooperation? For women: How fast is too fast to ask for your phone number? Is there a point in talking on the phone first or should the two of you set up a date and just meet? How do you see your role as both a female and a partner to this online dating process? Are you more of a follower or a leader? How would you like the conversation to progress? Do you prefer more humor than idle chit chat or do you prefer questions aimed at getting to know you? Do you usually try to do the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Only two things you need to do to succeed with OLD. 1. Be attractive 2. Don't be unattractive If you follow these rules, everything else is inconsequential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emzara Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 For women: How fast is too fast to ask for your phone number? Is there a point in talking on the phone first or should the two of you set up a date and just meet? There are some bad apples online, so I never even give out my name until I meet in person. If a man doesn't understand this, oh well, his loss. I think men and people need to understand that we need to be careful. Talking on the phone is optional. I don't like to get into really deep getting-to-know-you conversations until I meet in person, so after a few messages if we've both determined there's potential, I like to meet in person. How do you see your role as both a female and a partner to this online dating process? Are you more of a follower or a leader? How would you like the conversation to progress? Do you prefer more humor than idle chit chat or do you prefer questions aimed at getting to know you? Do you usually try to do the same? Men tend to lead online. Rather, men tend to chase. Maybe this is unique to my city where I'm told there are few female prospects. I dunno. I like conversations where he reveals a little and asks a little. Here's an answer to your question and now here's my question. It keeps things flowing. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) must admit, pleasantly surprised. No expert , a short stint after divorce, another last mth, very light heartedly , broke up with gf awhile back and l just felt like talking to some women really, nothing serious. . But, really surprised , met some nice women both times.This times 3 or 4 lovelies, first few wks then the one l'm with atm came along. not sure how that will go buttt, she knocked my socks off. l don;t bother with any of the bs all over the net load of horseshyt l don;t even have a picture up, if they like me back then they see my pics private. lf they don;t tough. But l just say hi, liked your page, it'd be nice to talk if your interested - or somem like that . That's it. l;m not bs'g on doin monkey tricks for some women l don't even know likes me back yet, or is she even worth talking to herself yet anyway, eff that. Besides, all this crap pick something out of their profile , show interest , crack a joke blah bla bla , yawn. l mean what they think any women with half a brain isn't gona see through that garbage or reading all the same crap all over the internet ? bullshyt. Just be yourself. Works fine for me. Edited January 7, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Personally though , l'd say the odds of meeting the love of your life on one is about a million to one but, it does happen, read a few that have married and that. Most however , girls and guys, just seem to get burn out or runs of bs short relationships that just break up later anyway like it's a pretty unnatural way to meet don't you think, it's all totally in reverse to RL. Worth a look around though if there's nothin else goin on. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Only two things you need to do to succeed with OLD. 1. Be attractive 2. Don't be unattractive You forgot #3 If you are female, be under 30 yrs of age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 The reason why OLD is difficult for the majority is because people have high expectations. So those who are really attractive fit those expectations....but even without OLD, this still applies irl. Life in general is easier for attractive people. It is what it is. As for sh*&^^% people, they are everywhere, online, off line, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
GuitarGuy7 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) Iv'e been on dates with two different girls and both times, I met them online. Other than that, I have hardly any success online. I have no idea how attractive others perceive me to be (sorry mom, you're not a reliable source) but based on my Tinder matches, it ain't good lol. I'm probably a 4 lol. My body type brings my attractiveness down, i'm only 5 ft 3 and 105 pounds. My height alone is probably a deal breaker to 75% of women. Oh well, nothing you can do about it... I actually used to be 95-97 pounds but then I hit the gym 4 days a week and started eating better now i'm up to 105 so this is actually a good weight for me, lol. I'm just naturally skinny. Edited January 7, 2018 by GuitarGuy7 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Members, I moved some general questions not relevant to a personal dating milieu to our pinned thread on online dating for further response and review of thread content. Please, since this thread is pinned and always visible, locate questions or comments about online dating not related to a specific personal experience in this thread. Definitely do start threads on your personal dating experiences to seek insight and advice. Be descriptive so other members have the best information possible to assist. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 (edited) Back on the horse. I hate it and everyone on it already Edited January 8, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 (edited) The honest to goodness only reason I’m on here is because I hope to run into the qt I couldn’t date last yr. and sadly, I probably won’t because I’m trying to. :[ Edited January 8, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 I guess this is just going to be my rant thread. I'm not sure if that's allowed. Please warn me if not. I am really struggling deciding who to talk to so I am just not going to talk to anyone. I feel very overwhelmed and questioning if I even want this Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) I hope the guy I like will swipe me despite how I acted. He knows I can see everyone who swipes me because I told him this. I worry he won't. The search is on... Edited January 9, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 I hope the guy I like will swipe me despite how I acted. He knows I can see everyone who swipes me because I told him this. I worry he won't. The search is on... Does that mean you have a paid subscription? Also, did you lose his number? Why not see how he is via direct communication. I think, if he still likes you, he'd be sad to see you back on Tinder (appearing like you want to date, but didn't you tell him you would like to revisit dating him in the new year?) Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Does that mean you have a paid subscription? Also, did you lose his number? Why not see how he is via direct communication. I think, if he still likes you, he'd be sad to see you back on Tinder (appearing like you want to date, but didn't you tell him you would like to revisit dating him in the new year?) Yes I got a subscription so I didn't have to swipe endlessly through people to find guys who looked like my ex back in the day when I was obsessed with him. Ugh. I could just go through a list and I this guy about it. I did say that I would contact him next year sometime when things "align" better and I think he took it as "it's not you, it's me", but in this case, that was 100% true. However, I think you are right that if he is interested that won't deter him from an opportunity to reach out again. I just think he might not think it's worth it at this point or maybe he's no longer on the market. Sucks, but what can you do! Thanks, Mkn1010. Hope it works out with your guy also Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Yes I got a subscription so I didn't have to swipe endlessly through people to find guys who looked like my ex back in the day when I was obsessed with him. Ugh. I could just go through a list and I this guy about it. I did say that I would contact him next year sometime when things "align" better and I think he took it as "it's not you, it's me", but in this case, that was 100% true. However, I think you are right that if he is interested that won't deter him from an opportunity to reach out again. I just think he might not think it's worth it at this point or maybe he's no longer on the market. Sucks, but what can you do! Thanks, Mkn1010. Hope it works out with your guy also I should clarify, I think the ball is most certainly in YOUR court to reach out again with this guy, and not via Tinder. I meant that I would shoot him a message and be the one to initiate since you said that you would. Also, if he sees you on Tinder, he'll definitely think that you were spinning sh*t (to put it bluntly) about the "it's not you, it's me" thing. So if you like this guy, you're gonna have to take the risk and reach out! life is too short, plus it sounds you're otherwise not having fun on the app. Just my two cents! And thank you, dating is mighty hard!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 It is. I’m so nervous. I can’t ask him out it’s too late and I’m too scared . Your post made me realize you’re absolutely right that it looks like I was lying. I’ve given up on him, but I don’t think my romantic life is going to improve because I have general anxiety. Blah Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 It is. I’m so nervous. I can’t ask him out it’s too late and I’m too scared . Your post made me realize you’re absolutely right that it looks like I was lying. I’ve given up on him, but I don’t think my romantic life is going to improve because I have general anxiety. Blah Scared to send him a text? I know women are terrified of rejection, but is it really not worth one text? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Scared to send him a text? I know women are terrified of rejection, but is it really not worth one text? Terrified. It’s the circumstances I think.. It would be one thing if I randomly asked a guy out and he said no, but it feels so strange/creepy to contact someone you went on 2 dates with out of nowhere, months later. Plus he’s no longer attracted or interested anyway even if he doesn’t have a gf now Edited January 10, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Why have you jumped to 'he's no longer attracted or interested'? Do you know this somehow? Have you gathered this by the fact that HE hasn't reached out to you? It would 100% be creepy and desperate if he did considering YOU were the one to tell him you can't date him at that that time and he most likely thinks he was an excuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Why have you jumped to 'he's no longer attracted or interested'? Do you know this somehow? Have you gathered this by the fact that HE hasn't reached out to you? It would 100% be creepy and desperate if he did considering YOU were the one to tell him you can't date him at that that time and he most likely thinks he was an excuse. That's true. There's no way I can expect him to reach out. I know I got myself in a jam. I should have just have forgotten about this but now I can't seem to get my mind off of it. He's the only man I'm interested in. All I do is check my list of matches on this forsaken app to see if he's on there but it's fool's hope. If I see one more pulled shirt gym mirror selfie I'm going to need therapy. I havent swiped had a conversation with anyone. I feel like he would have at least swiped me if he saw me and was still interested because that has happened before. Instead, he just ditches a chance for us to reconnect. Oh my goodness I sound nuts. He might have a gf now, who knows. On another note, do you think it's okay to go a week without swiping or messaging? I mean just doing it weekly?or every two weeks? Edited January 10, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) It’s not happening...he’s gone :[ and I remembered I’m not interested in online dating. It’s so forced and awkward. I guess I might as well stay a week or two maybe but just to be clear, I hate it Edited January 10, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Yes I got a subscription so I didn't have to swipe endlessly through people to find guys who looked like my ex back in the day when I was obsessed with him. Ugh. I could just go through a list and I this guy about it. I did say that I would contact him next year sometime when things "align" better and I think he took it as "it's not you, it's me", but in this case, that was 100% true. However, I think you are right that if he is interested that won't deter him from an opportunity to reach out again. I just think he might not think it's worth it at this point or maybe he's no longer on the market. Sucks, but what can you do! Thanks, Mkn1010. Hope it works out with your guy also Which guy from last year is this may I ask. Wait I think I remember the guy you are talking about. The one you told about maybe dating after the New Year. No, instead, the ball is in your court. You were the one to break it off, if you want to see him again, you need to put on your Big Girl Pants and reach out. I say this with no malice, but it sounds to me that you are starting 2018 resorting to your old patterns. Your extreme self-protective tendencies are getting in your way again. You will not reach out to this guy and try to put your actions right because of them (OR maybe instead you feel that you shouldn't have to, because you think being a female means Fate or someone else is supposed to do all the work for you?? Not sure probably a bit of both) If your anxiety is this crippling, then maybe you still shouldn't be dating in the first place. Part of being a good partner is being aware enough to know when you screwed up and strong enough to own up to it, and you don't seem to be there right now. Edited January 10, 2018 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I hope the guy I like will swipe me despite how I acted. He knows I can see everyone who swipes me because I told him this. I worry he won't. The search is on... Ahh yessaa. this is the biggie isn't it. lt seems pretty easy to meet people on them but if there's someone you really wanna meet, do they like ya back ? l used some tricks on mine to get her attention, l wasn't sure if she even saw me. But it worked and after about 3 days of trying to get her attention , she found me or something, not sure , but she liked me back in the end and we've been talking and and met a few times since. Tbh ,l don't think it's gonna get anywhere, but at least l got to meet her and find out. lf he doesn't see ya , or seem to notice , try a few subtle tricks. On mine there's a few little things you can do to boost the odds. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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