, sick and broken tonight :( have i ruined everything?

[alexazee5757]

Sick, devastated after getting caught in drama of a breakup, please help!!

Hi there,

 

If anyone out there could give me an outsiders perspective I would be so grateful. Its a complicated situation (aren't they all?).

 

 

 

 

I met a guy online, we were texting and we met up. We instantly clicked, in a way I have never clicked with a person before and I felt more alive than I ever did in my life. But he tells me he has a girlfriend with whom he has been with for 8 years, he tells me that they are in an open relationship. Of course, I'm disappointed but I was so caught up I continue to talk/ text. We would meet up from time to time and I would feel whole. Silly me, I know. My thoughts about him were obsessive.

 

Fast forward a year and a half later and his girlfriend finds out, it turns out he was not in an 'open relationship'. I feel so sick and guilty so I message her to apologize. Me and him have a massive argument, spanning a few days and vow never to speak to him. He told me the same thing- it got very nasty. They broke up.

 

A few weeks later he messages me saying how depressed he is and idiot here, listens- becomes like a therapist. So shameful on my behalf.

 

So literally 4 weeks after coming out of his now almost 9 year relationship he starts seeing someone else- this is when I become obsessive and hurt and angry in a way I never have been before. We still meet up, though so much fighting went on. He tells me he will always have a thing for me, but I remind him too much of his past-which he is ashamed of. He tells me does not regret meeting me through it all and that he loves me. He said the girl he is seeing now is just a rebound and that its going nowhere.

 

But I got so obsessed and I have been shockingly rude, mean and clingy to him- he has always responded to me in good taste.

 

Then I hear him and the new girl are going away for the weekend and I feel so so ill, worthless, silly, devastated.

 

So I messaged her, I told her that he said it was going nowhere and that he called her fat and lazy...which he did!!! And told her I had screenshots to prove it. This was after some wine and I know it was wrong

 

He said I completely ruined the weekend, he wished me all the best for the future but never wants to hear from me again and not to be in touch.

 

I so desperately want to be in touch. He told me that he never really had a proper chance with me in between his long term relationship and seeing the rebound girl not so long ago and I just want so bad to have that chance. I feel so silly even asking, have I ruined everything? Part of me knows I need to wash my hands and be done but a sick part of me just wants him.

 

Hope I made sense

 

Thanks and good wishes to all here

[d0nnivain]

You need to wash your hands of this. He's a liar. He lied to you about his "open relationship". He lied to you about how he felt about you. If he was telling the truth he would have broken up with his GF & dated you. He didn't. His GF kicked him out for being a liar & a cheat. Then he took up with another woman. You don't mean anything to him.

 

I'm sorry to be harsh but you need to hear the truth so you understand that you are pining for the honorable man you want him to be, not the creep he actually is.

 

Your decision to reach out to his new GF was ill advised. In the future if a man takes advantage of you, just walk away from him. Don't go inserting yourself into his life. Doing so just makes you look like the bitter, crazy EX.

[SugarLips72]

You were the other woman and you knew it. What were you expecting? As soon as he told you he had a GF you should have ended it.

 

 

You are going through what everyone else goes through during a breakup. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. Be glad you are done with him he can move on to the next victim.

[ExpatInItaly]

You didn't exactly ruin it because there was nothing to ruin. He wasn't ever as invested as you were, unfortunately. If he was, you two would have dated.

 

Messaging his new girlfriend more or less ensures he'll stay out of your life for good, but that's actually the best thing for you. He's dishonest and didn't take you seriously anyway.

 

Don't waste more time on a guy like him. He's not worth your suffering.

[elaine567]

e tells me he has a girlfriend with whom he has been with for 8 years, he tells me that they are in an open relationship.

Fast forward a year and a half later and his girlfriend finds out, it turns out he was not in an 'open relationship'. I feel so sick and guilty so I message her to apologize. Me and him have a massive argument, spanning a few days and vow never to speak to him. He told me the same thing- it got very nasty. They broke up.

 

So literally 4 weeks after coming out of his now almost 9 year relationship he starts seeing someone else- this is when I become obsessive and hurt and angry in a way I never have been before. We still meet up, though so much fighting went on. He tells me he will always have a thing for me, but I remind him too much of his past-which he is ashamed of. He tells me does not regret meeting me through it all and that he loves me. He said the girl he is seeing now is just a rebound and that its going nowhere.

 

Men who truly love you and want to be in relationships with you, tend to want to tie you down so that other men cannot have you. They make you their gf, they move in with you, they are nice to you, they prioritise you, they ask you to marry them, they then have kids with you usually.

 

Men who just use you, tend to string you along, they make you their OW whilst they continue to see their real gf/wife/partner, they do not prioritise you, they lie and cheat on you, they tell you they love you but their actions say otherwise, they dump you when it doesn't suit them to see you and pick you up when it does...

Guess which camp this guy is in?

 

Dry your tears, you are worth far more that this guy.

Block him and forget him.

[Pat944]

The other posts have given you good perspectives. Life experience helps us develop better discernment. In the future you have a better foundation to look for concerning signals,such as "I am in an open relationship." How likely is his long term girlfriend in agreement with that? You deserve a relationship with a solid honest foundations. This one was not.