Dolfin80 Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 If you want to marry him, how about you propose to him. Take him to a romantic location and propose. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 If you want to marry him, how about you propose to him. Take him to a romantic location and propose. I wouldn't do this. She's made it clear what she wants and he needs to propose if he wants to marry her. When probkems arise ....I've heard enough men say they only got married because she proposed. Not wanting to hurt her feelings. From one end of this universe we live in.....if a man wants you to be his wife, he will propose and want to make you 'his' before another man does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 How this has panned out, i.e. the dating and now the living together is fine if the OP was not so set on marriage and hadn't made marriage/engagement a pre requisite of her man moving in. Many couples try out living together for a while, it is not necessary to rush into marriage and living together can expose the cracks in a relationship. Of course some just do not see marriage as a goal anyway and are happy cohabiting. However for the OP where marriage is uppermost in her mind and very important to her, then living together is actually a disaster. He can sit doing nothing for the next x number of years, whilst she quietly fumes. Too scared to lose him, too scared to give him an ultimatum, too scared to kick him out. Men often want to get married so that they get the girl and no-one else can get her. Here, he has got the girl, so what incentive is there to get married? Men rarely are interested in the ring, the dress, the wedding, the whole buzz around marriage, so just moving in is a great way to circumvent all of that. He has been married before so I guess he is in no rush to do it all again. I guess he may be agreeing to everything as that is what the OP wants and not really because it is what he wants. By moving in with the OP, he is now in a much better position, no rent to pay, a warm woman in his bed every night and no doubt an unpaid housekeeper/cook too... Personally I would be asking him to pay rent here. All very well "saving for a house" in the "future", but if it turns out there is no "future", he is simply using the OP to help pay off his debts and give himself a bigger disposable income. I wonder why his first marriage failed? It may give a clue to his thinking processes, is he just a lazy lump who needs kick started to propose? Or is he conflict-avoidant, simply saying yes to everything to avoid confrontation, but going his own merry way anyway? Or is he a manipulator getting all he can, with no intention of ever marrying? Or something in between... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 (edited) lifesabeach, Please don't make the mistake I made with husband No 1. I relocated to be with him and moved in with him after a LDR of 6 months. After 3 months there was no sign of marriage, so I gave him an ultimatum - either we made marriage plans or I was going back. So he said "OK" and we set a date. From then on I organised everything while he procrastinated. He was a shiftworker and was always "tired" and never "had any time". When we went to buy the rings he conveniently came without his wallet, so I paid for them. We got married and for 5 years I had an idle freeloader who was happy to be married as long as all he had to do was just go to work. Then I had an epiphany and woke up. I told him he had to start pulling his weigh because I was sick of picking up his lazy slack. And did he? - did he thump ! He started cheating with a girl at work telling her his wife was a cheater who would't do housework, and nagged him all the time! Fast forward I year, we are divorced and he's still with his AP but living apart. Fast forward 4 years - same situation, then she gets pregnant and they get married. Fast forward 15+ - years they now have 2 kids and she posts on Fakebook how fed up she is because she has to do everything, organise everything, push him into every decision, she's unappreciated etc etc etc. Leopards don't change their spots I was silly love-up girl, naiive, a pleaser, a doormat - yeah I know ..... That's why I post here - so hopefully folks won't make the mistakes I did.....so you need to think carefully OP if this is really want you want for the future. Edited April 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~T 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whatcanitellyou Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 I agree you made a mistake letting him move in. At this point I'd tell him that clearly guys aren't on the same page and that's ok, but you need him to move out so you can look elsewhere for a guy who wants what you want. My hb and I weren't living together but we were together for several years with no marriage talk, so I told him that if he didn't want to be married I understood but would need to find someone who did. We got married a few years later. Now hb says he doesn't know why he waited so long. Letting him know this isn't working for you isn't nagging, it's you looking out for yourself. He's looking out for him so why shouldn't you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 From one end of this universe we live in.....if a man wants you to be his wife, he will propose and want to make you 'his' before another man does. It's 2016, gender equality. 29th Feb. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 It's 2016, gender equality. 29th Feb. OK but too late now, next one is in 4 years time... Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 It's 2016, gender equality. 29th Feb. It's April now. ... that time has gone.☺ No matter how equal things are meant to be, some traditional ways will always be the case and marriage proposals are one of those. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 No matter how equal things are meant to be, some traditional ways will always be the case and marriage proposals are one of those. ^^^^ x 1,0000s I did learn from the almighty cock-up I made with my 1st husband. I learned to value myself more and stick out for what I wanted. When I was divorced and dating guys I always made it clear (not too soon though ) that I was in the market for marriage and there wasn't be be any "shacking up". Some guys got scared off, but the most important one didn't. My second husband went and bought the ring himself without telling me and then proposed - and it fitted ! He still won't tell me how he managed that ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 I refuse to be that woman that nags her boyfriend to propose. You sure? Because it sounds like this is exactly what you're doing, if somewhat passive aggressively. Personally, I'd never get married a 2nd time. WHy do you feel so compelled to "formalize" anything? And don't blame your kid or her expectations of normalcy. For kids, whatever is in front of them is what's normal. Can you just enjoy what is? For now? Link to post Share on other sites
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