LTR Crumbled.. GF is compulsive liar.

[BatDude]

Let me just start by saying i've read many of these threads but I don't think they relate much to this one. I could really use some advice and appreciate ALL who read this..

 

Me and my Girlfriend (Now-Ex) had been dating for about 9 months. We had met working on cruise ships together over a year ago but didn't official start dating until Late May 2015. I guess you could say I had the hots for her for a few months but I was slow to make a move (we were colleagues for crying out loud). But also I stayed clear from her also bc she supposedly told everyone she had a boyfriend at the time back home. I'm not that type of guy to interfere with that. One night while a bunch of us friends were hanging out I had a few drinks and had some liquid courage. I blatantly asked if she had boyfriend, and from what my hazy self can remember.. She answered with a firm YES I DO, The same man for 6 years mind you...

 

I need to get into a bit of detail so it makes more sense... (Bare with me)

 

After a week went by and being kind of embarrassed about my drunken self from that night I noticed a change in her behavior. She was definitley sending me signals and vibes. I thought hmmm. Kinda weird after what she told me. Another night of hanging out and it was clear that something was going to happen between us. We had a bottle of wine I took her out to the open deck and we chatted. All of the sudden her story changed, she didn't have a bf and she claimed to had made it up so guys wouldn't hit on her. Talking to this cute little brit girl I was convinced with her story, lets just say from there that was all I needed to hear.

 

I was leaving in June and she was scheduled to leave a few months later. Not to mention i'm from USA and she is from UK. Toward my last few weeks we got very intimate, had great sex, kissed, cuddled, and went out together frequently. It was a romantic fling in the sunny beautiful Caribbean, something out of a movie almost. The week I was leaving she told me she loved me. Oh ****?!? Is this really happening I thought? I had a real hard time saying it back. She cried to me all night about me leaving and a couple days later I finally left to go back home I vowed to stay in contact with her. We chatted all summer and I ended up going to Italy for my next contract.

 

I wasn't sure what to do at that point.. were we dating? Was it just a fling? So I decided to write her one night and tell her my feelings and said we should think about if we want to take this further. I got a response the next day and she was not happy with what I said. It was along the lines of "I can't believe you would think that, I loved you and you don't seem to care, all I do is think about you, I'm hurt you would even suggest that not be together" Whoa! Whoa! I responded. I was respectfully asking if we should pursue things further. But than I thought damn this girl really does love me. I liked her back, So I did take it further with her, I called her atleast every other day (phone cards and internet are not a hot commodity on ships) We chatted. And we even planned for her to visit. That November she came to Venice, Italy where I was working out of at the time. We sailed around the Mediterranean and it was like a honeymoon vacation. We both were so in-love and happy to be reuinited. We were planning things for our next reunion and we even got documents signed together so our company would recognize us as a couple and put us on the same ship assignment in the future. She flew back to London to finish her vacation. In December she was to return to the Caribbean for work on a ship, The plan was for us to sync back up there to work and be together but it was a couple months until it happened.

 

Now here we were apart again and it sucked. Opposite parts of the world. I was in Dubai while she was in the Caribbean. We vowed to try and call each other atleast 3-4 times per week. I sent her gifts for Christmas we talked all day. I called her On New Years eve. The sparks were very much alive. I did everything I could and told her I loved her all of the time. I was truly in-love with this amazing girl at the time. She was smart, loving, caring, andwe talked about our future on a number of occasions. We both knew we didn't want to work on ships forever. I even talked about going to the U.K. if I had too. We had many great conversations. She told me I was the best thing that happened to her in 2015 and all she wanted was to be with me.

 

Now heres where this fairy tale love story takes a twist...

 

It's hard to get internet on a ship bc it's slow and cost a fortune. And phone cards add up and get expensive as well. I would atleast try and send her a sweet text on the days we couldn't talk on the phone. But than I began to get a bit irritated. Bc the phone started to become less and less. It would go 3-4- sometimes 5 days without getting a FB MSG reply or a returned phone call. I tried my best not to get angry and just think she was busy. But when your in a LTR, You all know, the key is COMMUNICATION! It works both ways. January she calls me one day and tells me that there is this guy who harasses her and hits on her all of the time. She then told me something that really bothered me. Apparently, this guy was trying to prevent me from taking an assignment to come work on that ship. (We had the same position, so I would have placed him) So he was trying to do this by staying longer. This really pissed me off when she told me this. And I was very bothered. I went to company reps and HR just to make sure this didn't happen. My GF seemed very irritated by this guy and I wanted to kick his ass. But I kept cool.

 

I was just over a month now from visiting her. I had booked my tickets to go to Fort Lauderdale and we had a date now to be reunited. This was mid-january. The end of January I had a bad day. A lot of stress at work and stuff going on at home, I just needed to vent to my gf. I called told her about it and than she asked me something unusual that she never asked or would even mention... "Do you have doubts about us" Absolutely not I said. What the hell? I just need you to listen and be a good GF and she was completely Naive about anything I was saying. This was unusual I thought. I tell her I'll call her tomorrow and hopefully my day will get better. I text her that morning, 3-days go by and no reply (FB said she seen my messages by the way) I get a random text 5am my time, her saying some off the wall things, she starts rambling how she's been low lately, and how she's having doubt, and I assure her that everything was going to be ok. I was scheduled to see her in 3 weeks. She says I am right and it's just the distance, she misses me, and I am amazing, and she loved me. I had every reason to believe it was all fine. The next day I try to call her again, no answer, I text her.. No Answer, Now its almost 5 days and I'm worked up and getting very upset. The next day was Valentines day. I text her and say happy V-day.. Finally she replies back and says she's going to call me in the morning. Ok. So here I am waiting around all day.. I'm 9 hours ahead. I sent her some thoughtful things and gifts which happen to arrive to her that day. I write her a message so that she sees it in the morning to check her mail. I just wanted to be a sweet Bf and surprise her. All day I waited for some reaction out of her. AND NOTHING Here now it's midnight which is 4pm her time. I call her out of frustration. She answered in a very shocked to hear from me kind of way. She sounds flustered, and talking faster than her mind can comprehend.. She starts pouring out all these excuses why she couldn't call me bc she was so busy (on her day off). I knew something wasn't right. I was very hurt that day. She gave me a half ass I love you and said she was going to check the mail later. This pattern of behavior continued for a couple weeks. I would text her and she wouldn't reply after seeing my messages. My calls were all of the sudden going to voicemail all of the time. So cleaver me, I would call her cabin phone on the ship thinking ok she has to be there. But When I called early morning or late I got nothing. We talked maybe once maybe twice per week the next month. I knew something wasn't right, the times we did talk she would continue to say she was busy and say she loved me. I was in denial I guess you could say. I asked a friend of mine the worst possible thing you would ever want to ask someone. A friend of mine worked with her. I asked if she had been ok and if she was cheating on me. This friend didn't reply with yes but didn't reply with no. They didn't want to get involved but they pretty much wanted me to know. Just one week before I'm set to sign off and me and my GF talk on the phone, all of the sudden she seems normal again. We are laughing, flirting, and talking about my visit to see her in just 10 days. I calmed down and told myself i'm just driving myself crazy for no reason. OBVIOUSLY, this girl loves me and would never cheat on me. Besides, we were going to be reunited soon..

 

D-Day arrives...

 

The day i'm scheduled to sign off, it's been almost a week since we last spoke. I'm irritated and upset bc she didn't call to wish me a safe 30 hr journey back to the states (I'm in Dubai) or nothing. I guess I expected thats would a good GF would do. That morning at 4 am I get a text out of the blue.. She says: I am very upset with you and you have a lot of explaining to do, I can't believe you would accuse me of cheating on you, I would never do that, You don't trust me, I think you need to focus on your career and not me anymore.. I'm very disappointed in you. I'm not what your family wants for you, and I don't want to be with you anymore, Bye" (Shortened version)

 

My whole world fell apart.. I was completely stunned and in utter shock. She sent that to me and than blocked me from the FB app so I couldn't even reply back.. How cowardly and cold is that?!? I was leaving that day to get on a plane and fly back to the states. Than I was supposed to fly to Florida to see her as soon as I got back to go visit her. I couldn't even function.. How could she do this to me? What did I do wrong. Than I thought to myself wait.. Wait.. Is my friend talking **** behind my back to her after I asked about the cheating thing. After my first layover flight I text my friend angry and confused why she would show my GF the text I sent her. My friend replied right back: She said, Listen I didn't want to get involved but I didn't have the heart to tell you.. Your GF has been cheating on you over a month with Ryan (the guy who apparently was apparently stalking her a couple months back) She explained she didn't have it in her to tell me but she told my GF that bc it was getting out of hand and she was playing me hard. I had to get on a 15 hour plane.. It was the worst plane ride of my life.

 

I got back home.. Now I never told my gf at the time what I knew, I just wanted to see what she said. I was able to call her when I got back to the states. She must have told me atlas 10 different excuses why we shouldn't be together anymore. Everything but the CHEATING LYING BITCH she was. Excuse my language. After a few days I got it out of her and she hardly confessed to it. But she still continued to manipulate it around on me and make me feel horrible about it. She even had the nerve to say she couldn't believe I talked behind her back after I suspected her cheating. HAHa. She used anything she could to damage my mind, my spirit, and my dignity.. This was totally not the person I thought she was. I just didn't get how she became so evil all of the sudden. When I confronted her about this guy she took down all of our pics from FB Blocked me and changed her relationship status from me to this new ****ing guy she was having in affair with. Litterally! How does that make you look to your friends?

 

What hurts most is that I got absolutely no closure, she had no remorse for what she did. She put me down and totally treated me like I was just disposable to her all of the sudden. We were so in-love when we were together or when we used to talk all of the time.. I don't ****ing get it. But I found out she's been dating this guy while she's been talking to me and saying she loves me. I'm so screwed up by this. This whole past month feels like a nightmare. I have a lot of friends that me and her both know and I will say they are all on my side.. Even the ones who were closer to her can't stand her anymore for what she did. All I want is answers, and in a ****ed up way apart of me still misses her. I know it will never be the same, but to see her all happy with this guy now makes me completely sick to my stomach.

 

Thank You for Reading...

[AlexDream]

Well, what is your goal here? Do you wanna return her or just revenge?

 

The reason of her behavior is that you are far away from her while your opponent is close to her and has access to her body. You cannot prevent her cheating on you at least while you are in another country.

 

But again, what do you want now?

Edited April 7, 2016 by AlexDream

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry this happened, OP.

 

But I have to say, it sounds like you were actually the other man without knowing it. This boyfriend she had previously told your coworkers about? I would bet that's the same guy who "stalked" her. Perhaps they'd taken a break or maybe they'd been together all along. She was able to dodge your attempts to contact her, so it's not unrealistic to say she could have been doing the same thing to him while she was spending time with you.

 

Keep in mind that she can restrict who sees her Facebook posts. She could easily have blocked a lot of people from seeing your pictures and her status that she was in a relationship with you. Facebook is just not a reliable indicator of people's relationship status. She's not an honest person, so anything is possible.

 

This isn't your fault. She misled you and toyed with your emotions. You unfortunately only knew one side of her; this other side makes her a toxic individual. You will need time to heal and grieve the person you thought you knew. But one day, you will be glad this didn't go any further.

[BatDude]

This guy who she cheated on me with was definitely not an ex or other boyfriend at first. He was the guy who was stalking her at her workplace that she told me about previously.

 

Her Ex was a guy that lived in the UK. When we first met a year ago she said she was with him. Than all of the sudden her story changed and we got together and everything took off from there. I am convinced now that she did the same to her ex that she did to me.

 

This guy showed her attention so she started having an affair with him while we were still going out. This went on for about a month. She tried to play it off like she couldn't stand this guy at first when in fact she was cheating on me with him. But when we talked on the phone that month we were planning our vacation together and she continually told me how she loved me and couldn't wait to see me, just days before she sent me that nasty disgraceful message.

 

I don't want revenge.. I just want her to come forward and be a decent human being about what she did and own up to it. We worked so hard to get where we were and just weeks before I was to come visit her this all unfolded. I forgot to mention that I did still take that trip to visit her just to talk but she left me High and Dry. I literally flew across the world to see her and got nothing.

 

I invested a long time into this relationship bc I was led to believe thats what she wanted as well. Well, I was Ghosted.. And I do have evidence from friends that showed me her FB how she is now in a relationship with him. Just days after we broke up. I never thought she would do this to me and either did her friends.

Edited April 7, 2016 by BatDude

[elaine567]

. I am convinced now that she did the same to her ex that she did to me.

 

 

I think you are probably correct.

YOU are not going to get closure here. Some people feel that this is a valid way of dating, line up the next person, before they leave the old one so they are never alone. Men and women both do this and it is very cruel to the person they betray and leave behind.

Best to forget her and carry on with the rest of your life, she is not worth your tears.

[AlexDream]

This guy who she cheated on me with was definitely not an ex or other boyfriend at first. He was the guy who was stalking her at her workplace that she told me about previously.

 

Her Ex was a guy that lived in the UK. When we first met a year ago she said she was with him. Than all of the sudden her story changed and we got together and everything took off from there. I am convinced now that she did the same to her ex that she did to me.

 

This guy showed her attention so she started having an affair with him while we were still going out. This went on for about a month. She tried to play it off like she couldn't stand this guy at first when in fact she was cheating on me with him. But when we talked on the phone that month we were planning our vacation together and she continually told me how she loved me and couldn't wait to see me, just days before she sent me that nasty disgraceful message.

 

I don't want revenge.. I just want her to come forward and be a decent human being about what she did and own up to it. We worked so hard to get where we were and just weeks before I was to come visit her this all unfolded. I forgot to mention that I did still take that trip to visit her just to talk but she left me High and Dry. I literally flew across the world to see her and got nothing.

 

I invested a long time into this relationship bc I was led to believe thats what she wanted as well. Well, I was Ghosted.. And I do have evidence from friends that showed me her FB how she is now in a relationship with him. Just days after we broke up. I never thought she would do this to me and either did her friends.

 

Well, I'm not gonna acquit her but you should understand - people need sex. You were very far from her and she felt kinda loneliness. He came to her and used her loneliness. She couldn't admit cheating on you due to shame or something like that, I guess.

 

Don't be so furious because of the situation. **** happens. But now you should decide what you really want. If you want her back - you must think of how to be in the same place with her constantly. If you are ready to leave the situation - just do it and find another GF.

[Satu]

Closure comes from inside.

 

She's not going to confess and ask for forgiveness.

 

In her mind she's done nothing wrong.

 

All you can do is recover from the experience.

 

 

Take care.

Edited April 7, 2016 by Satu

[BatDude]

Thank you all for the honest responses. Just hearing other peoples view helps tremendously bc my mind is not in the right place. I need to stop trying to come to the bottom of things bc I know that I will never get the full story.

 

I get that people need sex.. I'm not trying to play the sexist card here but I do believe that women are more likely to become emotionally attached to someone when they cheat. Where as a guy (not saying it's right) Is more likely to have a one night stand with NSA.

[emi]

Hey,

Sorry for your situation. It must be horrible what u went throught. But you know, it happens

You cant tell who is to trust and who is not. You did the best you can. But sometime things depend on luck. And this girl is your nightmare.

Dont contact her in any form. Keep your head straight. Take some time off work. Take care of yourself. And dont lose faith. Im sure with you there still good woman out there.

[lolablue17]

As you said, people need sex, but many of them don't cheat, but prefer to be honest and end things before they sleep with someone else. She also doesn't hesitate to abuse you, to hurt you, and to throw every blame she can find on earth on you, just to brush her conscience.

 

Your Ex belongs to the section of liars, abusive, cheaters, selfish. Some men can identify girls like her from miles away. You needed an ugly event to spot her character. Well, better a little later than after few years while you are deep in the relationship.

 

Get down on your knees, say thank you to god, and smile. You are very lucky. You dodged a bullet.

[BatDude]

As you said, people need sex, but many of them don't cheat, but prefer to be honest and end things before they sleep with someone else. She also doesn't hesitate to abuse you, to hurt you, and to throw every blame she can find on earth on you, just to brush her conscience.

 

Your Ex belongs to the section of liars, abusive, cheaters, selfish. Some men can identify girls like her from miles away. You needed an ugly event to spot her character. Well, better a little later than after few years while you are deep in the relationship.

 

Get down on your knees, say thank you to god, and smile. You are very lucky. You dodged a bullet.

 

 

You couldn't have said it much better.