Fruitee Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 So I have some of questions. 1. How do you cope in LDR? 2. Do you travel? Or only travel to meet your partner? 3. Did you move because of your partner? *** I am not yet in relationship but we have been talking / chatting daily since February, so about 2 months. We met and spend awesome week together last month. He is calling me honey etc and sending kisses and so on. But haven't said we are exclusive. Because of the distance. We have plans. Like meeting next month and me moving to same country after I have finished my studies. I was planning on moving even before I met him. But I am thinking now travelling alone to Asia in summer instead of travelling to meet him. We are not a couple so should be okay right? Do I need to ask him? Just tell him? Or? And I wonder how do you guys cope in LDR? When you miss someone etc? I havent had any problems because I am not attached to him and have very full life. But if problems arise? Also what are the most common mistakes in LDR? And what about moving to another country because of partner?
Lobouspo Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 (edited) 1. Make sure you have an endgame. Visit each other as often as possible, with a clear plan to be together in the same city/area sooner rather than later 2. Keep in contact every day preferably video chat via viber or Skype. It adds to the "human element" 3. Nope, in my case the person I was with knew my situation from the get go, that being that I could not re-locate. I visited her in London, but she had reservations about moving to the U.S. after initially saying she had no problem relocating. OP, rest assured LDR's are tough. Insecurity, trust issues, jealousy can easily creep in, and its vital you always have a specific time when you will meet again, and an eventual plan to be together permanently. Right now, there is no commitment, so continue with your plans to Asia. Think long and hard OP if this is what you want before you get attached emotionally. These type of relationships are challenging even under the best of circumstances. International LDR's are especially tough, especially when getting into residency requirements, visas, etc. It can really get tedious and overwhelming. If you really like this person, go for it, but trust me dating locally is much less taxing on the heart and the wallet. Good luck! Edited April 8, 2016 by Lobouspo
fred123 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 So I have some of questions. 1. How do you cope in LDR? 2. Do you travel? Or only travel to meet your partner? 3. Did you move because of your partner? *** I am not yet in relationship but we have been talking / chatting daily since February, so about 2 months. We met and spend awesome week together last month. He is calling me honey etc and sending kisses and so on. But haven't said we are exclusive. Because of the distance. We have plans. Like meeting next month and me moving to same country after I have finished my studies. I was planning on moving even before I met him. But I am thinking now travelling alone to Asia in summer instead of travelling to meet him. We are not a couple so should be okay right? Do I need to ask him? Just tell him? Or? And I wonder how do you guys cope in LDR? When you miss someone etc? I havent had any problems because I am not attached to him and have very full life. But if problems arise? Also what are the most common mistakes in LDR? And what about moving to another country because of partner? just out of curiosity cos i have been in your situation and it didnt work out I'm wondering if it is normal when u meet for the first time to be by yourself and and stay together. My situation the girl came with her friend to my country { i did question it} and she stayed in a hotel with her friend and not me
basil67 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 The argument that you shouldn't be obliged to see him because you're not exclusive could well be cylindrical. As in, why would the two of you become exclusive if you haven't met? If you want this thing to have a chance, it means a lot of effort and inconvenience. Like visiting him instead of going touring.
basil67 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 ^ We have met. Ok - good. My last comment still stands though. LDRs need a lot of work and effort if they are to survive. If I was interested in someone and knew they had holidays but chose to go elsewhere, I'd assume they weren't into me and move on.
Author Fruitee Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 You are right. But the thing is also his work schedule and situation is not as stable as mine. We were supposed to meet this month or next month and now he kind of cancelled because of his work. He said we could meet end of May but I am not sure if I can travel then so I suggested June and he just said he will look into it. So now I am having doubts if he is really interested. And when I said that if I cancel my other plans and come to visit him then it has to mean something. And he was just like the more we progress our direction becomes clear. He did say in Skype this is not relationship yet but also that for him is okay to e.g break up with someone via text. So he is giving me kind of mixed messages.
TMichaels Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 (edited) A. You've only known this guy since February B. Most of that time has been online chatting, except for on week of seeing each other in person C. You two are not exclusive, in fact he's said he doesn't consider what you have to be a relationship yet TBH, what you have now is not much different than someone who had a great holiday fling. It takes two to tango, and from what you wrote even if his work schedule has less flexibility, he doesn't sound like he's making a lot of effort for the two of you to get together anytime soon and on top of that is making side comments that indicate you shouldn't be surprised if he vaporizes or does a slow fade. He wouldn't be acting that way or saying those things if he was truly into you. If it were me, I'd continue to lead my life, go ahead with any travel/holiday plans, attend school, etc. and not be turning myself inside out to make things work. If he figures out he made a mistake and is really serious about getting into a relationship with you, then let him figure that out and take the initiative. If you don't do all the work and he then comes around, you have your answer. If he doesn't step up to the plate, then you have your answer as well -- both of which are more reliable than if you were to try to force the relationship forward by dropping or postponing all your own life plans in hopes that something will come of this guy. HTH, TMichaels Edited April 13, 2016 by TMichaels
Author Fruitee Posted April 13, 2016 Author Posted April 13, 2016 Yeah you are right. It seems he is not very invested. So I will now continue with my stuff and if he notices me not texting me that much he will do something if he wants me. I think I got my answer. Thanks.
TMichaels Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Yeah you are right. It seems he is not very invested. So I will now continue with my stuff and if he notices me not texting me that much he will do something if he wants me. I think I got my answer. Thanks. You're welcome. Keep us posted, but in the meantime all the best to you. TMichaels
Author Fruitee Posted April 14, 2016 Author Posted April 14, 2016 ^ Yeah. Last night he texted me all kinds of cute stuff again. So just need to see how it all goes down now that I am putting less effort.
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