chick friend

[joyous205]

Another Dilema, Is it ok for a man (my husband) to have a female friend. She was a former officemate. She no longer works at the office but sometimes drop by to check in with everybody. Way to old for my husband - I think she's middle 50'ish. My husband is 39. My husband said there's nothing wrong with him having lunch with her once in a while. I trust my husband and he has not given me any doubt not to trust him. It just feels weird to hear him say " I'm having lunch with -------". Is this jealousy I feel or mistrust.

[chaos70]

If that's all you have to base any mistrust on, then I'd say you have to let up on the reigns.

I had plenty of former females co-workers who I'm friends with. And I would go to lunch with them from time to time, nothing more than to catch up on what they were doing. Since I was one of the youngest at my firm, they were all older than me as well. Not one time had I even considered any sort of non-friend relationship, they were all peers and I also thought it would be a good way to network since they moved on to other companies.

 

But if there are other signs, then maybe mistrust could be vilified.

[jmargel]

You can't go with the notion that anything is going on. But next time say 'She sounds like an interesting person, maybe we can all go out to lunch together', and see what he says.

 

I would think him having lunch with her would be a very rare occurance, but at least he's being honest with you in all of this. That in itself should tell you alot that nothing is going on besides just lunch.

[whichwayisup]

Doesn't sound to me like anything is going on. If you are feeling insecure about it, maybe just come right out and tell him that you DO want him to continue going out to lunch with her once in a while, but if it would be okay if you were included so you could meet her. That way you could see if there are any stolen glances, any flirting etc.

 

Honestly I doubt you have anything to worry about. She sounds like a person who had a good repore with him while they worked together and it's just nice to catch up over lunch.

[jmargel]

My previous job I was a Director of Information Technology and I had an assistant. She was about 3 years younger and she was pretty. However I hired her because of her capabilities and her personality. During the two years we worked together we never flirted, we were just friends. While I was with my ex and even my wife says that if I was in that position and hired a female to work beside me all day, that they would have a problem with it.

 

Truth is, I still catch up to her now & then, and met her husband. He seems like a really cool guy. I would be very insulted if my SO were to say 'You can't hire her' just because she's a female. Not every office work relationship ends in romance.

 

So give him the benefit of the doubt. It's natural to be jealous, you need that in a relationship as long as it doesn't become controlling.

[New_Wife]

My assistant is male and he's younger than me. Anywhere from 3-10 years would be my guess. We've gone to lunch a couple of times and we go to coffee together every day. I look at him like a little brother (honestly) & I think he sees me like a big sister. He asked my thoughts on his different ideas on how to propose to his Long Term Girlfriend, and we had a blast brainstorming ideas for that. If she were to come in, I'd love to meet her - but that's not yet happened.

 

I wonder if you shouldn't just tell your husband something like "I feel silly even saying this, but..." and then tell him how you feel. Or, tell him to invite her over for a BBQ with a guest (or not) so you can meet this person. Maybe you'll like her too?