I am unsure of my best friends actions

[Zex]

We've been friends for 4 years, since I moved to his high school. We are now both 19, and a couple of months back he cheered me up when I was feeling really down. I think this is the point I realised I'd developed feelings for him, feelings which were new to me and which I hadn't felt before. (For the record, we are both male, and he is bi). I admitted my feelings for him a few months back, and his reply was that he had "curiosities" but didn't think he was boyfriend material. In spite of this we spent a night cuddling and talking.

 

What I am getting at is he has had FWB with a few girls before, and he has dated girls, however despite being bi he's never had sex or dated a guy, and I haven't dated anyone. I wasn't ready to give up, so I kept speaking to him as we would before this, as friends. Eventually I wasn't able to contact him for about 2 weeks because of technological problems, and came to grips with the idea that maybe we shouldn't date and just stay friends.

 

When we next met up with a group of friends after though, I find he is suddenly a lot more open. Where he may have been pushing me away slightly before, I find that while no one is around he is holding my hands, asking if I was "ok", and really trying to pull me in. I asked him what he was doing and why, and he said he just wanted "what we had back". I started crying, my emotions were really twisted and I was extremely confused about how I felt, and I asked him to stop. At the end of the day when we both parted ways after the day that followed (it was a fun day as friends, I thought) he gave me a hug and said he would miss me, then kissed me on the cheek.

 

I know this sounds really small, and childish, but I have never seen him kiss anyone, its not something he generally does, and my mind is fixated on that and him now. I REALLY like him a lot but I don't know what I want because I am extremely confused. I want to talk to him more again but I'm not sure what I should do. I'm not sure what he wants either because his actions confused me, and went against the whole situation I believed to be true (as he was the one who told me the situation). I am not sure if he just wants sex, or if he wants something more and I don't know what I should do.

 

Help!

[preraph]

To me, it just sounds like neither of you is quite ready to jump fully into a gay relationship, that you both have curiosity but also fear. I've been close friends with a few gay guys enough to know that it just took some of them a while to get comfortable with their desires, and usually they did date women making sure they'd exhausted that avenue of possibility, and some were bi but more ended up mostly preferring men.

 

Don't get in a big hurry here. You have a friendship that could get ruined if either of you pushes too much and then it doesn't work out. He is comfortable with cuddling and all that that you mentioned because he said he wanted to go back to what you had, which I guess was the closeness. He's probably seeing other people, as you already know, so this keeps him distracted. You should probably date other people too. He probably doesn't just want to have sex with you and then go flitting around back to the women or some other guy and at his age, that is what he knows he'll do. So he says he probably wouldn't make a good boyfriend because he's nowhere near ready to commit. You're really both too young to be very good at commitment. He doesn't just want to experiment on you. He likes you. And maybe one day, given a few years of experience on both your parts things will progress more.

[Zex]

Thanks very much, thats good helpful advice.