Sex less marriage

[Who_took_my_name]

^^^ did you ask her why she didn't want to? Does she give any reasons? Have you voiced WHY it's important to you?

 

The answer to have I asked and have I explained why it's important is yes, many times.

 

Has she given any reasons? Yep, too hot, too cold, not brushed her teeth, it's to early / late, just had her hair done, she's not shaved her legs, I've got stubble on my face, kids will wake up, it's not the right time amongst many more. I have a personal favourite absurd reason that I want mention on the off chance she's this site too.

[Hobart_Carboys]

Hopeful714;6861514][/b]What kind of man are you and what do you offer emotionally and to the relationship in general to make your wife desire you and WANT to have sex with you?So many sex issues here where men just don't get it (womans needs) and expect a woman to [have sex] without offering anything in return. Don't mean to sound crass, but this DOES seem to be the crux of most of these problems. Women who aren't in satisfying relationships don't really want to dole out hooker style sex much to please their guy if there's nothing in it for them.

Be a man worthy of getting good sex, and you will get it. If you still don't, then it's time to go."Now let's hear what a great husband you are....[/quote from Hopeful714[/b]]

 

"Men don't get it?" Oh, a great many men do "get it." If I were to get married again, I'd discuss the many conditions, set them out clearly, right at the beginning when the relationship got serious before there was talk of marrying. Being experienced, I know what those conditions are, but it's too late for me. The trouble is, people, especially men, get married without delving into their partner's feelings and history. They think it's "intrusive" to do so. Women generally don't want to talk about their love history--they say "what jealous feelings make you want to know about it?" But not finding out everything is a silly idea if you are going to entwine your entire life, including your deepest feelings and all your finances, with someone. Had I known the details, I'd never have married my wife. And before you jump off the handle, you might consider all the other questions, financial, emotional, social and otherwise that should be asked. "Women just don't get." How does that sound?

[The Lives of Others]

Go through the previous similar threads here and you'll get bored: so many sexless marriages, same problems, no solutions. Do what you like doing, and don't think of your wife too much or what you should do for her, because she's not thinking of you. Trying to get your wife into sex will get you depressed and desperate over many years. I love spending time with my kids. Now I'm thinking how to be more happy in other ways, without my wife's sexual attention. I think I'll put on hold trying to solve the riddle of my sexually unresponsive wife.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Go through the previous similar threads here and you'll get bored: so many sexless marriages, same problems, no solutions. Do what you like doing, and don't think of your wife too much or what you should do for her, because she's not thinking of you. Trying to get your wife into sex will get you depressed and desperate over many years. I love spending time with my kids. Now I'm thinking how to be more happy in other ways, without my wife's sexual attention. I think I'll put on hold trying to solve the riddle of my sexually unresponsive wife.

 

Yep. This. Nothing works.

[oldshirt]

I dunno maybe some of you are young enough or hot enough...or your just a good looking woman who can make it happen. I am an average middle aged family guy with kids.

 

Long story short - I don't envision getting divorced -losing my home, half my money, time with my kids and moving into a small apartment AND getting wild sex three times a week with a rotating list of hot 40-50 something women... while maintain my job, workouts, volunteer activities, and visit my kids who miss me.

 

No I see me sitting in that small apparent, at night alone, in the dark tying to use match.com on my PC -and hoping in a week or two I might get lucky on a Saturday night.

 

Which is why I stick (with some sadness) with 1-2 times a month my wife offers and enjoy my kids and home.

 

For those who are getting absolutely no sex - its perhaps a different decision.

 

 

 

I've envisioned this scenario myself more than a few times.

 

 

When I really think about it, I really wouldn't even want to expend the energy and effort into trying to hook up multiple times a week with a rotating list of women. That just sounds like too much work.

 

 

However having some free time to twiddle around with some hobbies and activities while the kids are at their mom's, and maybe getting out for a date or two now and then and maybe even getting lucky and scoring once or twice a month if the stars line up, really doesn't sound too bad.

 

 

I think some times the difference between being single and being married in a dissatisfying marriage is that if you stay in a dissatisfying marriage, you KNOW it will always suck and will likely degrade and get worse over time.

 

 

Where as if you are single, you may not necessarily be having 'more' sex at any one given time, but the chances are that person would at least be putting in some effort and just the fact it is someone else will add a little bit of an excitement factor and there is always the chance that the new day might bring some new opportunity(s).

 

 

When you are stuck in an unsatisfying marriage, you are simply stuck.

[Liam1]

The answer to have I asked and have I explained why it's important is yes, many times.

 

Has she given any reasons? Yep, too hot, too cold, not brushed her teeth, it's to early / late, just had her hair done, she's not shaved her legs, I've got stubble on my face, kids will wake up, it's not the right time amongst many more. I have a personal favourite absurd reason that I want mention on the off chance she's this site too.

 

Hi:

 

I had a similar issue, it lasted ten years, I repeatedly asked for counseling. She refused. She said she had transcended sex. She never initiated an was never interested no matter what I did......romantic dinner out, gifts, vacations, etc.

 

for the first half of our marriage our sex life was good and she was interested and often initiated. We had sex at least 3x per week. So it was all very confusing.

 

I had an affair and she finally agreed to counseling. It turned out she had a non-existent sex drive. Medical test revealed no reason. Hormones okay, no health issue. She just had become asexual. She said she felt that sex was not as important as the companionship part of marriage.

 

Our counselor said this is a very common complaint from men and from women, too, although less often. Sometime the women are only in their early 20s, or sometimes as soon as the women or man is married they lose interest in sex.

 

Another issue, and my wife somewhat alluded to this in counseling but did not totally agree, is that having sex with someone you know very well can feel incestuous.

 

When our counselor brought this up, my wife denied this was an issue, but early on when I was asking why she was no longer interested in sex, she told me I was her family......not sure what that meant, but it could have been that sex felt incestuous to her.

 

We do have sex now, about once or twice a month because she still has a low sex drive compared to mine. But at least we do have sex.

 

The counselor explained that sex is a way for a man to feel close and stay bonded to his wife.

 

I think you need to insist on counseling to communicate about this issue in a safe environment.

[The Lives of Others]

We appreciate what we don't have. You appreciate sex more because you don't have it, and think of sex as of poetry -- all thanks to your wife. Emily Dickinson was appreciating nature, maybe because she was rarely leaving her house. Emily was a bit of a mental case.