Being Kicked Out of Boyfriend's Parent's House and Back to LDR

[Coolkc456]

Me and my boyfriend both recently turned 18 and he still lives with his parents. We've been dating long distance for 2 years and have met in the middle for summer vacation in his country. It took a lot of money and strength to do this since tickets are about $1,500 and long distance for an entire year already is devastating. My mom kicked me out after I turned proper age. She helped me get to Europe and luckily I made it into college in his country. I'm living with him in his parent's house and we're both pretty dirty when it comes to cleaning regularly.

His parents clean after him like a toddler. I clean my parts of the house as much as possible but his parents are cleaning freaks. He does absolutely nothing except sit around and his computer, eat, sleep, and go to school 3/4 of the time. He also comes upstairs and trashes my parts. His parents get on my case for having a messy room (which I admit I do) but they complain especially about his items and how I don't clean them in MY room.

When I tell them how he comes upstairs and takes showers up there (I have the nice shower in the guest room) he leaves his dirty underwear and clothes up there including school bags. My cat ended up peeing on some towels that he left on the floor after showering and his parents yelled at me for not cleaning up the clothes even though I tell him countless times to clean up after himself. All of a sudden I join his parents into being his maid and cleaning up after him. I cleaned a few times just to be nice but I won't do it every other day like a maid.

I already have trouble cleaning my own parts and I definitely didn't sign up to clean him because he's not a baby. I don't ask him to clean my areas. I'd be happier working together while cleaning than enslaving over his filth, except again, he doesn't ever do anything.

Now his parent's are threatening to kick me out because apparently I'm disturbing the peace. My boyfriend shows no emotion at first but he breaks down about these things after a while yet he never bothers to change. Being dirty doesn't phase me since I'm no better but when I need to clean up after a giant 18 year old baby, I think any woman who dates him will have a similar problem. I understand his mother, but she can't expect me or anyone else he dates to baby him like that!

When I explain this to her she simply redirects the entire situation to how I don't clean which isn't solving the problem, just started separate arguments until the next time. The problem is, he never cleans either. It's always about me, me, me. When I really urge an answer to why, they say "He's our son and we take care of him".

His parents also don't plan on ever kicking him out like my mom did because they said "He can stay until he's 30. We don't care, he's our baby". I understand that because I wouldn't kick my children out, it's based on the parent. But at that rate he won't get a woman because he never cleans or does anything including leaving the house for anything besides college, so I guess his parent's prophecy will most likely come true. Gee ma'am, have fun cleaning after a 30 year old man. You'll be 70.

Also, when I go back home this year in summer, my mom will stop paying for college and I'll pay for my degree based off of student financial aid which most likely will only pay for half of my degree, even when my mom is perfectly capable of paying. She is mad that I got kicked out of my boyfriend's parent's house so she is no longer supporting me. So my boyfriend's family is causing a lot of trouble for me despite how much I've worked 3 years to stay. She is also not accepting me back into her house and I'll be forced to live with my abusive father. I'm deathly scared of going back home where I'll be alone, struggling for college, and scared of the only person I'll be living with.

I want to stay with him but his 18 year old lifestyle is making this very difficult and his parent's ways of thinking aren't any help to me, themselves, or their son's life because it's not giving him a reason to get on with his life. It's putting me into a tight spot, making his parents continue to feed, house, and clean after a reckless 18 year old, and he has no intention of leaving any time soon. Even I probably wouldn't leave if my parents were like that. Homemade meals every day and you never have to clean or pay rent. Why does he even attend college? He won't need it. His country allows student citizens to get a degree for free but here I am losing my $9,000 degree because of him. What am I going to do?

[d0nnivain]

Find other living arrangements & get a job. Or wrap your head around the fact that your "free" room & board at his parents' house will cost you cleaning services & clean up after your lazy BF.

[clia]

Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend's parents are kind enough to allow you to stay at their house (with a cat, no less) and you can't even be bothered to clean up after yourself? They owe you nothing. They tried to help you, and rather than kissing the ground they walk on for being so kind, you are bickering with them about how they treat their own child? That's none of your business. And if he is messing up your room, stop letting him in your room. Or better yet, if you think he's that much of a lazy slob, end the relationship.

 

I suggest you get a job and find your own place. Then you can be as messy as you want.

 

Incidentally, why did your mother kick you out?

[TaraMaiden2]

Oh, boy, sounds like a real winner. You struck Gold there, didn't you?

 

 

1) Ditch BF

 

2) Start a new life, on your own, with someone compatible.

 

What - you think this will get better?

Really???

[Coolkc456]

Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend's parents are kind enough to allow you to stay at their house (with a cat, no less) and you can't even be bothered to clean up after yourself? They owe you nothing. They tried to help you, and rather than kissing the ground they walk on for being so kind, you are bickering with them about how they treat their own child? That's none of your business. And if he is messing up your room, stop letting him in your room. Or better yet, if you think he's that much of a lazy slob, end the relationship.

 

I suggest you get a job and find your own place. Then you can be as messy as you want.

 

Incidentally, why did your mother kick you out?

 

I don't really know why. She told me that she would send me to Europe because that's what I've been struggling for for 2 years at the time but she told me anyways that living with her was no longer an option while I was 18. She always made a fuss about my dad not paying child support on time when she barely needed it. I personally feel like that's why she didn't want to give up custody. She was rarely home anyway. My friends still live with their parents. I don't know anyone my age that lives on their own yet. On my mom's defense parents obviously don't need a reason to kick their children with no support or mercy out once their 18. Though it would be nice if she would still help me outside of her house. I've been trying to get a job and only got one for 6 months but they let me off because I was a waitress that couldn't server alcohol (you need to be 18) and have been trying to get another since until I left. I cannot work in Europe because I don't speak their primary language here. I don't have a car in that case with no money saved up and no buses run in the country. I don't even know how to get an apartment, pay bills or taxes, or anything like that. They never teach it in high school. I guess I'll have to Google everything.

[TaraMaiden2]

The primary (or understandable) language in Europe, is English. I have lived ina few european countries in Europe, and English is taught everywhere....

 

2: You have nothing keeping you there.

Consider these vital questions:

 

• Are you really willing to change what you’ve been doing?
  
• Can you think of a better strategy or idea than the status quo?
  
• Can you execute on your chosen solution?
  

[clia]

Look, in my opinion you are far too young to be living with your boyfriend. You are already finding faults with him. It's not going to get better. And you are seemingly sabotaging yourself by not following his parents' rules anyway. Do you see yourself staying with this guy?

 

In my view, you should move back to your home country where you can a least work and get an apartment with some roommates. You've got a tough road, but it is not insurmountable. Plenty of people move out on their own by age 18. And yes, you can Google how to get an apartment, pay bills, etc. It's not rocket science and in the days before Google people figured it out on their own.

[TMichaels]

I don't even know how to get an apartment, pay bills or taxes, or anything like that. They never teach it in high school.

 

LOL... There's A LOT of stuff that they don't teach you in high school. How do you think the rest of the world gets on?

 

You're 18. When were you planning on becoming an adult?

 

Since your mother kicked you out of her house and your bf's family is threatening to do the same, seems like getting the answers to all of the above would be at the top of your "To-do" list instead of your list of excuses.

 

Time to grow up, and take responsibility for your own life as opposed to being at the mercy of others and/or blaming them for your problems.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[ASG]

The primary (or understandable) language in Europe, is English. I have lived ina few european countries in Europe, and English is taught everywhere....

 

 

The fact that people speak english doesn't mean they'll give a job to someone who doesn't speak the language.

 

Try and get a job in Portugal (for instance) if you can only speak english and see how that goes... Particularly a job like waitressing. It's never gonna happen.

[TaraMaiden2]

The fact that people speak english doesn't mean they'll give a job to someone who doesn't speak the language.

 

Try and get a job in Portugal (for instance) if you can only speak english and see how that goes... Particularly a job like waitressing. It's never gonna happen.

 

Actually, I totally concede the point, you're right. After having lived in France for a number of years, I can confirm this anomaly is widespread, and not isolated to Portugal.

In spite of the fact that I speak FLUENT French, as well as Italian, finding a job was a total nightmare.

I ended up working for the Conseil General at the village Mairie, and running the village Campsite on a seasonal basis. I was totally in charge, and had great fun for a couple of seasons - until The Mairie sold the site to a Consortium wghich specialised in outdoor activities (trekking, rock-climbing, canoeing/kayaking and other outdoor summer activities). They preferred to put their own Manager in.

French, naturellement.....

My MiL, who also lives there permanently, even adopted French nationality and citizenship.

 

It made a world of difference.

 

Not.

Edited April 16, 2016 by TaraMaiden2

[Jenny18]

Wow, a lot of stuff going on in that post there... IMHO other posters that say he's not going to change are right, at least not until he breaks that umbilical cord and gets a bit of independance from his parents!

Sounds like a tough situation, it's not easy fitting into another families dynamic - if you can do it financially I think it would help you all if you had a bit of your own space and independance. I know that bills, taxes etc are confusing and scary when you're 18, but we all figure it out eventually. Keep asking for help if you need it, until you get it.

 

Good luck!